Testimony

(find the talk here)

I had the privilege of attending Brigham Young University, and President Cecil O. Samuelson was the University President during my studies there. I received a lot of counsel from President Samuelson over the years at the University, and I have always been very appreciative of his wisdom and guidance. He gave a really pivotal talk to women in the fields of math, science, and engineering when I was just starting out in my educational path. That talk influenced my understanding of a lot of gospel principles. Perhaps I will post my notes here later.

On the topic of President Samuelson’s Conference talk, I have to admit that I only listened to this talk during Conference and maybe once since then. I usually focus on listening to the talks of the Apostles, since those are the words of those called as prophets. But I do find strength and wisdom in all the other talks from General Conference, and I try to make sure that I study all of them, because their words are still inspired and inspiring.

President Samuelson testified that “the fundamentals of gaining and retaining a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ are straightforward,clear, and within the capacity of every person.” “Within the capacity of every person” means that no matter who you are, no matter what your trials and struggles, no matter your situation in life, you are eligible to receive a testimony of the gospel. Heather over at Women in the Scriptures recently posted about this. She wrote, “Like the Nephites, modern Later-day Saints, often get conceited in thinking that we have the monopoly on faith and testimony.” We do not have to be baptized to receive a testimony – which makes complete sense if we remember that the first principle of the gospel is Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. What prerequisite is there to faith? Absolutely none at all. And faith is the only perquisite to testimony.

Growing up not in Utah, one of the most important lessons I learned was that we can find truth anywhere (and the Spirit will testify of the truth) and that when we were sharing the gospel, we needed to build on the existing faith and testimony of the person we were talking to. Most people already have, to some extent, some kind of faith and testimony. To tell them that they are faithless and testimony-less will only drive them away. A more effective method for conversion would be to build on their existing testimonies, like Ammon did with King Lamoni – when King Lamoni recognized something in Ammon that was like the “Great Spirit” Ammon didn’t say “You don’t know what you’re talking about, there is no ‘Great Spirit’ – only God.” Instead Ammon said, “I am not the Great Spirit, but tell me what you know about the Great Spirit!” Ammon then proceeded to build on King Lamoni’s faith and testimony of the Great Spirit, which Ammon helped him understand was really God the Father.

“Everyone who is willing to pay the price—meaning keeping the commandments—may have a testimony.” The Lord says that anyone who “will hear may hear.” (emphasis added) All we need to do is be willing, and the Lord will grant us a testimony.

So how do we gain a testimony? President Samuelson quoted the greatest scriptural quote on testimony-building.

“And when ye shall receive these things”—meaning you have listened, read, studied, and pondered on the question at hand—“ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true”—meaning you will pray thoughtfully, specifically, and reverently with a firm commitment to follow the answer to your prayer—“and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

“And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things”(Moroni 10:4–5).

President Samuelson then likened a testimony to a living organism – one that could live or die, depending on how we take care of it.

Of the observations and suggestions President Samuelson recorded from his young adult friends, he said, “Unfortunately and especially at times of our own struggle and distress, we may temporarily forget or discount their applicability to us personally.” This is all too true for me. Sometimes I forget principles, but more often than not I find myself discounting their applicability to me.

“We must understand [a might change of heart] often occurs gradually, rather than instantaneously or globally, and in response to specific questions, experiences, and concerns as well as by our study and prayer.” I frequently find myself lamenting the fact that I cannot change overnight. But when I look back to the person I was ten years ago, I realize that my heart has changed – mightily. My “mighty change of heart” has come through experiences, and through much study and prayer, and I am sure through the prayers of others, as Alma the Younger’s change of heart was brought about by his father’s prayers. When I remember that my heart has changed (for the better) I get overwhelmed at the ability of the Lord to touch my heart and allow it to change.

When I am in the midst of trials and adversity, I sometimes doubt what I know. “We must learn to trust the things that we believe in or know to sustain us in times of uncertainty or with issues where we struggle.” I have been giving many great blessings in my life that have at time sustained me during times of uncertainty, but sometimes it takes me a while wallowing in my uncertainty before I realize that I know things, and that I will never not know those things. “We must learn to grow from our challenges and be grateful for the lessons learned that we cannot gain in an easier way.”

Alma taught that “gaining a testimony is usually a progression along the continuum”. I had never thought of testimony this way, but I am very familiar with continuums. I believe most things in life are continuums, and that Heavenly Father meant for this world to be that way. The continuum President Samuelson is speaking of is “of hoping, believing, and finally knowing the truth of a specific principle, doctrine, or the gospel itself”. In some principles and doctrines, I may be still in the “hoping” area of the continuum, while in others, I have already moved to the “knowing” stage.

And of course, President Samuelson couldn’t leave out the “primary answers” to “How do we build our testimonies?” “Prayers, scripture and gospel study, attendance at Church meetings,temple worship, fulfilling visiting teaching, home teaching, and other assignments all strengthen our faith and invite the Spirit into our lives.When we neglect any of these privileges, we place our testimonies in jeopardy.” Remember when the answer to every question in Primary was “read your scriptures, say your prayers, and go to church”? Well, turns out the answers haven’t changed.

“It is good to remember that being too hard on yourself when you make a mistake can be as negative as being too casual when real repentance is needed.” This is a great piece of advice because I often err on both accounts – being too hard on myself in some instances, and in other instances denying my need to repent.

And perhaps President Samuelson’s most profound remark:

We must always be clear that the Atonement of Christ is fully and continuously operative for each of us when we allow it to be so. Then everything else fits into place even when we continue to struggle with certain details, habits, or seemingly missing parts in the mosaic of our faith.

Too often I see people (including myself) discounting the atonement because we are not perfect all at once. When we continuously struggle with a habit or sin that we are trying to repent of, we feel as if the atonement is not working for us. But as President Samuelson says, the atonement is “fully and continuously operative for each of us when we allow it to be so.” When we remember that fact, things will not seem as bleak when we continue to struggle.

President Samuelson closed his remarks with his personal testimony and then with the comment that “if you are struggling, you can rely on the truthfulness of the testimonies you hear from this pulpit at this conference.” What a great principle of the gospel! That we can strengthen our testimonies by listening to the Spirit testify of truth through the testimonies of others.

How do you take care of your testimony? Do you sometimes have to rely simply on the testimonies of others when your testimony may be weak? Do you believe that everyone is eligible to receive a testimony of the gospel?

Find more great comments on President Samuelson’s talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity:

LDS Women Are Incredible!

(find the talk here)

Being a woman, of course I enjoyed this talk by Elder Quentin L. Cook! While he did spend a lot of time extolling the wonderful qualities of women, I was also impressed with how strongly Elder Cook testified of the divine role of women, and their significance in God’s kingdom.

“God placed within women divine qualities of strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children.” Sometimes I don’t feel very strong, virtuous, or loving, but I do have a persistent desire to raise generations of God’s spirit children. Since I was young I have wanted to have many children of my own, as well as help to teach and love any child I come in contact with. I was talking with my husband on Sunday about my profound regard for children, and my sincere belief in their innocence, and our sacred duty to help them return to Heavenly Father. It seems like the desire in me to love, teach, and protect children comes from a place beyond my own desires. Elder Cook says that God placed it inside me, and I believe that He has.

Elder Cook went on to talk about equality between men and women. I attended a class from Brother Richard Miller at BYU Campus Education Week about the Patriarchal Order and Equality in Marriage. It was very enlightening and gave me a completely new perspective on equality between a husband and wife, and the patriarchal order. The two doctrines sound contradictory, but when you fully understand them, they make complete sense and give the marriage relationship a completely different meaning.

I thought it was interesting when Elder Cook mentioned that “Women by divine nature have the greater gift and responsibility for home and children and nurturing there and in other settings” but instead of going on to talk about how women should stay home with their kids rather than work outside the home, he mentioned how amazing it was that faithful latter day saint women in the pioneer era would take their children and leave their homes and travel across the continent. It gave me a new understanding of my responsibility to nurture my children “in other settings.”

Going back to the patriarchal order and the Priesthood, I loved Elder Cook’s comment about the Priesthood and women working together, “it is a beautiful thing to see the priesthood and the Relief Society work in perfect harmony. Such a relationship is like a well-tuned orchestra, and the resulting symphony inspires all of us.”

Elder Cook did a good job of reminding me that even though my work in the home is not paid monetarily, and may have no economic compensation, the eternal blessings I receive from being a righteous mother are more significant. I frequently find myself wondering if my husband and I made the right decision to have children as early as we did. What if we had waited and I had started a career and been a career woman for a while? Sure it would have put us in a better financial position. But would it have been worth it, spiritually? We knew that our ultimate calling in this life is to raise children up to the Lord. Could we have postponed fulfilling that calling simply to have a little more money when we did? We are learning to live frugally, within our means, and we are raising beautiful children to the Lord. Elder Cook said, “no woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children.” Sometimes I feel like I could make a greater contribution to society outside the home, but Elder Cook testifies that my contribution to society inside the home is much more significant, both in this life and in the next.

It is really easy to judge women who choose to work out of the home, just as it is easy to judge women who choose not to work out of the home. One of the chief principles of the gospel is that of agency and accountability. “Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions.” This principle is repeated several times in the Church Handbook of Instructions when talking about Church policies. We make our own decisions, and we are accountable for our actions. We can never blame anyone but ourselves, and we must make sure that we carefully make choices – and try to make the righteous choice.

Do you find yourself discounting your contribution as a wife and mother? Do you sometimes find yourself judging women who make choices differently than you do? Do you feel the divine qualities of “strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children”?

Find more great comments on Elder Cook’s talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity:

The Holy Temple – a Beacon to the World

(find the talk here)

“My brothers and sisters, temples are more than stone and mortar. They are filled with faith and fasting. They are built of trials and testimonies. They are sanctified by sacrifice and service.” President Thomas S. Monson

I love the temple. I love the peace that I feel in the temple. This song from the LDS Seminary videos sums up my thoughts about the temple.

Heaven’s light flows through the windows
Warming even walls of stone
In the refuge of the temple
I find strength beyond my own.

I can feel the power of heaven as I stand on holy ground
And the Spirit whispers what I long to learn
Eyes are touched with understanding I can see beyond this world
It’s the place I reach for heaven, and it reaches in return

Filled with purpose, filled with power
Granted gifts to life the world
In God’s house and in His presence
I am filled with strength to serve.

The stories of the Saints building temples are both sobering and inspiring. Sobering because I feel like I take for granted how easy it is for me to attend the temple, and the early Saints sacrificed all that they had to build temples. Inspiring because it teaches me just how significant the temple is – and that brings me strength, and helps me better understand the blessings obtained through worshipping the Lord and communing with Him in His holy temples.

“Those who understand the eternal blessings which come from the temple know that no sacrifice is too great, no price too heavy, no struggle too difficult in order to receive those blessings. There are never too many miles to travel, too many obstacles to overcome, or too much discomfort to endure. They understand that the saving ordinances received in the temple that permit us to someday return to our Heavenly Father in an eternal family relationship and to be endowed with blessings and power from on high are worth every sacrifice and every effort.” I wish that I sacrificed more and put forth more effort to worship in the temple. Recently I went to the temple when it didn’t seem like the thing that made sense – but spiritually, it was the only thing to do. And the blessings from that trip to the temple made a huge difference in my day, and will probably make a significant impact on the rest of my life.

I am learning to turn to the temple when I have trials or questions, or when my life simply seems to chaotic. I can and should find refuge in the temple, and recharge, ready to go back into the world. The temple is not part of the world. It is a part of heaven, and I want to bring that feeling of being in heaven with me every time I leave the temple, and I feel like a piece of heaven can and does come with me as I go back into the world.

President Monson presented a statistic that left me virtually speechless. “Eighty-five percent of the membership of the Church now live within 200 miles (320 km) of a temple, and for a great many of us, that distance is much shorter.” These days, 200 miles is a few hours drive, or a relatively inexpensive plane ticket. I fall into the “great many of us” where the distance is much shorter. I live less than 20 miles from not one, but four temples. And within 60 miles of seven, soon to be nine temples. I have absolutely no excuse to my relative lack of temple attendance. And yet, I make excuses.

“If you have been to the temple for yourselves and if you live within relatively close proximity to a temple, your sacrifice could be setting aside the time in your busy lives to visit the temple regularly.” This is definitely the sacrifice I could (and should) make. What “regularly” means to me may be different than what it means to you, but regular temple attendance will definitely bring greater blessings into my life than I ever imagined. I am sure of it.

President Monson counseled the youth of the church to “always have the temple in your sights.” I hope that we can teach our children to keep the temple in their sights as they grow. President Monson taught us one way to do this by quoting President Spencer W. Kimball who said, “It would be a fine thing if …parents would have in every bedroom in their house a picture of the temple so [their children] from the time [they are] infant[s] could look at the picture every day [until] it becomes a part of [their lives]. When [they reach] the age that [they need] to make [the] very important decision[concerning going to the temple], it will have already been made.”

This is one of my goals as I decorate our home. The children have a picture of the temple in their bedroom, and we have a picture of the temple in our bedroom, but there are so many more places where we could display a picture of the temple. And more pictures of the Savior. But all those pictures won’t make as big of a difference unless they also see us attending the temple.

“The world can be a challenging and difficult place in which to live. We are often surrounded by that which would drag us down. As you and I go to the holy houses of God, as we remember the covenants we make within,we will be more able to bear every trial and to overcome each temptation.In this sacred sanctuary we will find peace; we will be renewed and fortified.” Living in this world feels particularly trying some days, and when I went to the temple on that challenging day I felt so much peace and strength – I knew that the covenants I had made in the temple, and the spirit that is there would help me “bear every trial” and “overcome each temptation.” And it did.

“Each [temple] stands as a beacon to the world, an expression of our testimony that God,our Eternal Father, lives, that He desires to bless us and, indeed, to bless His sons and daughters of all generations. Each of our temples is an expression of our testimony that life beyond the grave is as real and ascertain as is our life here on earth.”

When I was in Denver, CO a few weeks ago visiting with a non-member friend who was there for job interviews, we drove to the temple in Littleton, CO. I wish that I had remembered this talk from President Monson as I talked to her about the temple. I am sure I bore testimony of many of these truths, but I would have liked to have said more.

What sacrifices have you had to make to attend the temple? Is your temple attendance regular? Do you display pictures of the temple throughout your home? What blessings have you experienced from temple attendance? Have you felt the peace and strength of the temple as you worship there?

Find more great comments on President Monson’s talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity:

The Ones I Missed

I’m posting this on the blog simply for the purpose of having a list somewhere (not written down on a little piece of paper that will get misplaced).
These are the talks from GCBC that I missed so far, so that when I have time and nothing I feel like studying, I can study one of those talks so I won’t be missing any by the time General Conference rolls around again in October.
Update 9/6 - I have been slacking again, and it's almost time for October General Conference! The first Presidency Message this month in the Ensign was about preparing for General Conference and President Uchtdorf recited the story of the member who couldn't tell his interested non-member neighbor what the Prophets had said in the past General Conference. While I have listened to/read the talks enough times that I could probably give you a one-liner about each person's talk, I will feel  horrible if I get all the way to October General Conference without really studying each talk. I feel like it's crunch time, now, so I will probably be studying at least one talk every day for the next few weeks.

GCBC week 23: “Become as a Little Child” by Sister Jean Stevens
GCBC Week 22: “Testimony” by Elder Cecil O. Samuelson Jr
GCBC Week 21: "The Lord’s Richest Blessings" by Elder Carl B. Pratt
GCBC Week 20: "Called to Be Saints" by Elder Benjamín De Hoyos
GCBC Week 19: "Hope" by Elder Steven E. Snow
GCBC Week 18: "Followers of Christ" and "The Essence of Discipleship"
GCBC Week 17: “Preparing the world for the Second Coming” By Elder Neil L. Andersen
GCBC Week 16: “As Many as I Love, I Rebuke and Chasten” by Elder D. Todd Christofferson
GCBC Week 15: "The Spirit of Revelation" by Elder David A. Bednar
GCBC Week 14: "The Eternal Blessings of Marriage" by Elder Richard G. Scott 

GCBC Week 11: "Desire" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks

GCBC Week 10: "Face the Future with Faith" by Elder Russell M. Nelson
GCBC Week 9: "The Sabbath and the Sacrament" by Elder L. Tom Perry
GCBC Week 8: "Guided by the Holy Spirit" by President Boyd K. Packer
GCBC Week 6: "LDS Women Are Incredible!" by Elder Quentin L. Cook

GCBC Week 5: "Opportunities to Do Good" by President Henry B. Eyring

GCBC Week 4: "The Miracle of the Atonement" by Elder C. Scott Grow
GCBC Week 3: "The Holy Temple—a Beacon to the World" by President Thomas S. Monson
GCBC Week 2: "An Ensign to the Nations" by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

An Ensign to the Nations

(find the talk here)

I love listening to and reading Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s talks. I had the opportunity to take a class at Brigham Young University from one of his sons, Matthew Holland. Like father, like son. Professor Holland has a teaching style very similar to his father’s style, and is just as well spoken and blunt as his father is. Perhaps that is the thing I like the most about Elder Holland – he is well spoken, and yet very, very blunt. My husband and I say that he doesn’t mince words.

Elder Holland testified of what I have always loved about General Conference (and the gospel teaching method in general) – the Spirit teaches us. “If we teach by the Spirit, and you listen by the Spirit, some one of us will touch on your circumstance, sending a personal prophetic epistle just to you.” I have always felt that this is true – especially when talking to other people about General Conference. We both listened to the exact same talks, but we each took away different messages – messages that were specifically relevant in our separate lives.

I have always loved the quote from President Harold B. Lee who said that the gospel is “to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the [comfortable].” I have felt both comforted and afflicted during each General Conference – and often within the same talk! Elder Holland gives us a little guidance on this, “So if you are trying to do the best you can – if, for example, you keep trying to hold family home evening in spite of the bedlam that sometimes reigns in a houseful of little bedlamites – then give yourself high marks and, when we come to that subject, listen for another which addresses a topic where you may be lacking.” Since there are more topics where I am lacking than where I can give myself high marks, I find myself more afflicted than comforted during General Conference – but I don’t mind the afflicting. I know that it is simply for me to grow and learn, and I welcome opportunities to learn and grow.

I feel as if I am ascending the path of discipleship that Elder Holland speaks of - “Obviously as the path of discipleship ascends, that trail gets ever more narrow until we come to that knee-buckling pinnacle … ‘Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.’ What was gentle in the lowlands of initial loyalty becomes deeply strenuous and very demanding at the summit of true discipleship.” I am deeply grateful for the guidance and counsel of latter-day prophets to help us as we climb the path of discipleship. The path is narrow, and steep – and as we listen to the prophets’ counsel we can receive strength to reach the pinnacle and indeed become perfect, as our Father in heaven is perfect.

Have you felt comforted and afflicted during General Conference? Have you felt that “personal epistle” Elder Holland talks about?

  Find more great comments on Elder Holland’s talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity:

“Opportunities to do Good”

(find the talk here)

I have listened to this talk several times and I always get a little teary-eyed when President Henry B. Eyring talks about the couple who lost their home when the Teton dam broke in Idaho. You’ll have to read the whole talk to find out what happened.

The thing that struck me this time when I read this talk was how timely this talk is (aren’t all the General Conference talks pretty timely?). I think that this talk directly and indirectly addressed some major issues in today’s disaster-ridden world. Natural disasters and financial disasters and political disasters abound in every country. Some of us are asking “Why does God let such bad things happen to His children?” My favorite question to ask is “Why is this happening?” – not in a despairing, or a “questioning” way – but as an  invitation to myself and to Heavenly Father to teach me His will, and to teach me what I need to learn from the situation.

As I attended BYU Campus Education Week recently, I observed that I believe that one of the beautiful effects of agency is that we have the capacity to hurt each other, which gives us the opportunity to learn how to use the atonement both to repent, and to forgive.

The question about natural disasters and other accidents and disasters has led me to believe that God allows bad things to happen so the we have opportunities to do good. If people never lost their homes to floods, earthquakes, fires, and other disasters, we would never have opportunities to shelter the homeless. If there was not drought and famine, we would not have opportunities to feed the hungry. If there were not fires and tornados and hurricanes, we would not have the opportunities we have to clothe the naked.

I believe the God is providing opportunities for us to grow through doing good deeds for each other and taking care of each other. Trials and tribulation are definitely a part of this earthly life – but I think the deeper purpose of those trials and tribulations is to give us opportunities to “bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light” and “mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:18-19) and “to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.” (Jacob 2:19).

President Eyring pointed out that those who take advantage of the opportunities to do good are “people who out of love have consecrated themselves and what they have to God and to His work.” Something that really stuck out to me in his talk was when he described the Lord’s way of providing these opportunities.

“Because the Lord hears their cries and feels your deep compassion for them, He has from the beginning of time provided ways for His disciples to help. He has invited His children to consecrate their time, their means, and themselves to join with Him in serving others.

“His way of helping has at times been called living the law of consecration.In another period His way was called the united order. In our time it is called the Church welfare program.”

I have always been interested in the law of consecration and the united order, and I often wondered why we do not live the law of consecration in our day. After attending the temple for the first time, I realized that we really do still live in the law of consecration. As President Eyring pointed out, today we call it the “Church welfare program.”

Those who help others have consecrated their lives to building up God’s kingdom on earth – and that means helping those in need. Whenever they need it.

My father used to tell us, “Never deny others the blessings they can receiving from giving (or serving).” His point was that we should let people give us things and serve us, because we would not be the only ones getting blessings – those who served and gave would also be blessed. This has really been significant for me, because I often feel that I am in a “better position” (financially, spiritually, temporally, etc) than those who so often offer to help me. But what I realize my father was trying to teach us was that no matter a person’s position in life, they can always benefit from the blessings the Lord will give them for serving and loving His children.

President Eyring echoed my father’s words when he said, “I have seen the blessings that come to the person in need who receives help and to the person who seizes the opportunity to give it.” Blessings always come to both the giver and the receiver. Later on President Eyring quoted President Marion G. Romney who said, “You cannot give yourself poor in this work.” and President Melvin J. Ballard who said, “A person cannot give a crust to the Lord without receiving a loaf in return.” Both the giver and the receiver area always blessed, and often it is the giver who is blessed more abundantly than the receiver – hence my father’s counsel to never deny those blessing to the person who would serve us.

President Eyring listed four principles that have guided him when he wanted to help in the Lord’s way, and I will simply list them. You can read more about them in his talk.

1. “[A]ll people are happier and feel more self-respect when they can provide for themselves and their family and then reach out to take care of others.”
2. “The power and blessing of unity. When we join hands to serve people in need, the Lord unites our hearts.”
3. “Draw your family into the work with you so that they can learn to care for each other as they care for others.”
4. “[T]he Lord sends the Holy Ghost to make it possible to ‘seek, and ye shall find’ in caring for the poor as He does in finding the truth.”

He then listed three suggestions as you plan to do service

1. “Prepare yourself and those you lead spiritually.”
2. “Choose as recipients of your service people within the kingdom or in the community whose needs will touch the hearts of those who will give the service.”
3. “Draw on the power of the bongs of families, quorums, of auxiliary organizations, and of people you know in your communities. The feelings of unity will multiply the good effects of the service you give.”

I hope that I can put President Eyring’s counsel to work in my life as I consecrate my life to the kingdom and look for those whose lives I can touch through meaningful service.

How do you find and take advantage of “opportunities to do good”? Have you found the principles President Eyring discussed to be true as you have served others? Do you deny others the blessings of giving service when they would serve you? Or do you welcome offers of service, knowing that the giver often receives more than the recipient of the service?

Find more great comments on President Eyring’s talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity:

“Desire”

(find the talk here)

I have really been slacking lately, and I have no excuses, really. Just that I have been lazy and inattentive to the things that matter most, and I am repenting and trying to start fresh (it seems like this is a cycle with me – but better a cycle of trying to be better than giving up).

Which brings me perfectly to Elder Dallin H. Oaks’ talk from April General Conference (and I better get studying the rest of these talks – October is just around the corner!).

When I was dating my husband, my prayers each night and morning were so fervent – my greatest desire was to return to live with Heavenly Father, and the subject of my prayers was pleading with Heavenly Father to help me have the right desires and the right actions to live with Him again. I was studying the scriptures a lot, and studying the gospel a lot, and then I got engaged and I prepared to go to the temple. When I went through the temple for the first time, and then again after I was sealed to my husband for time and all eternity I thought to myself, “This is it – this is what I needed to do. Now I have what I need to get back to Heavenly Father.”

Of course, those temple ordinances aren’t free-rides to the Celestial Kingdom. It’s been over five years since I made those covenants in the temple, and I am realizing all too well that it is really easy to forget that desire that burned in me before I received those ordinances. I want to keep that desire burning.

Elder Oaks quoted Elder Neal A. Maxwell in his talk, who said, “…what we insistently desire, over time, is what we will eventually become and what we will receive in eternity.” I want to make sure that I am desiring the right things.

One of my favorite scriptures is in Alma 32 when Alma promises the people listening to him that if they “can no more than desire to believe” they can receive a testimony as well. It reminds me of the father who brought his crippled son to the Savior, and upon the Savior’s questioning of his faith, the Father said, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” This part of the gospel is one of the most hopeful to me, because I want to believe and do so many things that are so hard. But I know that if I can but desire to believe them and desire to to do them, then the Lord will help my unbelief and will help faith and a testimony develop and grown in my heart.

How do you keep your desires on the right things? Do you sometimes desire to believe things? Do you feel that desire working within you to grow to faith and testimony?

“Eternal Marriage”

(find the lesson here)

My first thought when I read this heading was “Really? More marriage and family?” It seems as if the last several topics I have been studying have been about marriage and family. But that is only appropriate, since marriage and family should be the top priorities of every Latter Day Saint (Mormon). After I came to it with this new attitude, I really felt like I got a lot out of this seemingly basic Relief Society lesson.

“As Latter Day Saints, we are living with an eternal perspective, not just for the moment.” I have to remind myself of this every single day. Especially as a mother of young children. Young children can seem to make every day seem like your last. I don’t meant that in a bad way – it’s just the truth. Raising children is hard. It is the most demanding, stressful, thankless job I have ever done in my life. But at the end of the day (and sometimes smack in the middle) I am reminded that it also the most rewarding, most precious, and most meaningful job I could ever have. And the latter part comes from having that eternal perspective. Even if I do have to remind myself about it every now and then.

“We know that our marriage can last forever. Death can part us from one another only temporarily. Nothing can part us forever except our own disobedience. This knowledge helps us work harder to have a happy, successful marriage.” This is most definitely true. Knowing that I can be with my husband forever encourages me to work harder at getting to know him, understanding him, and working together with him. We need to learn how to have a great marriage, since it will be a forever one.

“We know that our family relationships can continue throughout eternity. This knowledge helps us be careful in teaching and training our children. It also helps us show them greater patience and love. As a result, we should have a happier home.”  I know that my understanding of our children’s nature and where they came from helps me love them better. But because they are mine for eternity, I feel a great desire to help them become the best followers of Christ they could possibly be. And when I am doing that, our home is a much happier place.

The manual gives a quote from Spencer W. Kimball that says, “In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong.” I like this quote, but I was immediately reminded of President Thomas S. Monson’s talk from April General Conference. He said, “Perhaps you are afraid of making the wrong choice. To this I say that you need to exercise faith. Find someone with whom you can be compatible. Realize that you will not be able to anticipate every challenge which may arise, but be assured that almost anything can be worked out if you are resourceful and if you are committed to making your marriage work.” This is my very favorite quote about finding an eternal companion. Marriage takes faith, and I think that is important to remember. But like President Kimball said, we still need to be careful, and we need to plan, think, fast, and pray – and then, move forward with faith.

“When you ask for a temple recommend, you should remember that entering the temple is a sacred privilege. It is a serious act, not something to be taken lightly.” I love attending the temple. I am so grateful for my temple marriage. I know that it is a sacred privilege to be able to attend the temple, and I am grateful that I am able to live worthy of that beautiful blessing.

How does your knowledge and testimony of Eternal Marriage change the way you act? Does it change the way you treat your spouse and your children? How did you come to the decision to marry your spouse? How do you feel when you ask for a temple recommend, receive one, and enter the House of the Lord?

“To This End Was I Born”

(find the lesson here)

And here I thought writing about Gethsemane was going to be hard. This week’s lesson is on the crucifixion, and I’m sure I will do it even less justice than I did the first part of the atonement. But I do have a testimony of Christ’s atonement, so I will share what I have learned and what stood out to me, and then just bear my simple testimony – since that is just about all I can do.

I pointed this out last week, but I think it is important enough to point out again. Jesus Christ’s life was not taken, and the sins of the world were not put upon him. He, of Himself, took upon himself the sins of the world, and He, of Himself, gave His life. At any time during the life of Christ He could have stopped what was happening. He could have ascended into Heaven. He had the power to stop the Jews from taking Him. He had the power to save Himself from the cross. And yet, He didn’t. He gave His life for us.

In the Garden, when Peter wanted to fight the men who came to take the Savior, Christ said to Peter, “Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?” (here) Christ knew what had to be done, and He was willing. “Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?” The Savior testified of His own power by reminding Peter that He could save Himself if He wanted to. Jesus didn’t need Peter to fight for His life – for He was willing to give it.

When the Savior asked the priests what they wanted of Him, He asked them why they never took Him when He had been teaching in the temples. He reminded them that “in secret have I said nothing.” Christ was not trying to be sneaky. He wanted the whole world, and all the Jews, to hear His message and accept Him as Christ. He had been very visible.

When the Savior was taken from the garden of Gethsemane, His disciples “forsook him, and fled” – all but Peter and John who stayed with Him as the priests took Him to trial. Later, Peter denied Christ three times, which Christ had prophesied would happen. Because I can’t say it any better the President Hinckley did, and because I completely agree with President Hinckley, I will just include this quote from him:

“My heart goes out to Peter. So many of us are so much like him. We pledge our loyalty; we affirm our determination to be of good courage; we declare, sometimes even publicly, that come what may we will do the right thing, that we will stand for the right cause, that we will be true to ourselves and to others.

“Then the pressures begin to build. Sometimes these are social pressures. Sometimes they are personal appetites. Sometimes they are false ambitions. There is a weakening of the will. There is a softening of discipline. There is capitulation. And then there is remorse, followed by self-accusation and bitter tears of regret. …

“… If there be those throughout the Church who by word or act have denied the faith, I pray that you may draw comfort and resolution from the example of Peter, who, though he had walked daily with Jesus, in an hour of extremity momentarily denied the Lord and also the testimony which he carried in his own heart. But he rose above this and became a mighty defender and a powerful advocate. So, too, there is a way for any person to turn about and add his or her strength and faith to the strength and faith of others in building the kingdom of God” (“And Peter Went Out and Wept Bitterly,” Ensign, Mar. 1995, 2–4, 6).

Peter didn’t deny Christ and then run away. Peter denied Christ in a moment of extreme emotional and spiritual turmoil – for all of the disciples. But later, Peter repented and continued to defend Christ until his death. The key here is that he repented and so can we, because life is hard, and we won’t be perfect, even though we want to be. Which is why Christ atoned for us and was crucified for us – so that we can be perfect, because we can’t do it alone.

I discovered something interesting in the scriptures about Pilate. When Jesus was brought to Pilate, Pilate knew that the Jews “for envy they had delivered him.” (here) So Pilate knew that the Jews were just being ridiculous and that they didn’t really have anything to charge Jesus with. That was why Pilate suggested that the Jews release Barabbas. Because Barabbas was such a vile murderer, Pilate was sure the Jews would rather have Jesus back than Barabbas. But the Jews chose Barabbas.

I know that the Savior lived for us, that He died for us, and that He was resurrected – all so that we can live with Him and with our Father forever. I know that as we study His life and His teachings and His words that we will grow closer to Him and that we will be able to understand the atonement so that we can apply it in our lives.

I am forever grateful that the Lord laid down His life for us. That He gave up His life to save us.

The Home and the Church

(find the handbook here)

The fundamental unit of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (and of society) is the family. If families don’t function, or don’t exist, or aren’t strong, then nothing else really happens. How do we all become well-adjusted, mature, educated adults? It’s not because we would just become that way on our own. It was because we had parents who nurtured us.

In our foster parent training, we learned that studies have found that children do better when they live and are raised by their biological parents, if that environment is physically and emotionally safe. No matter what – it doesn’t matter what kind of parenting style the parents have – being raised by biological parents who are at least semi-functional is a huge indicator of success in life. Of course that is not always possible, and children can do just fine in foster and adoptive families – but being raised in the biological family when it is a safe environment is always better for the child, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Not to mention that the natural way a human being is brought to this earth is through the most sacred intimate act that can occur between a man and a woman – and then comes a child. This would point to the truth that family is central to this whole world – and that a family is a husband and wife, and their children. The parent’s duty is to raise those children so that they will have families of their own some day and then the cycle continues in God’s eternal family.
“To be a strong and vital organization, the Church needs righteous families.” Just as society doesn’t function without families, neither would the Church, since the family is the basic unit of the Church. The Church exists to strengthen families, and strong families help create strong families. The church has many “ordinances, teaching, programs, and activities that are home centered and Church supported.” Think about that for a minute – the ordinances of the gospel (baptism, the sacrament, and temple ordinances) are home centered and Church supported. But that only makes sense – the ordinances of baptism and the sacrament and the temple endowment are all preparatory to receiving the crowing ordinance of celestial marriage, which is what is ultimately necessary for exaltation. And what is celestial marriage? It is the beginning of a family, which will never end as far as the partners in that marriage fulfill their temple covenants.

Sometimes as members of the Church, it is easy to think about “outsourcing” our children’s gospel education to Church leaders, primary teachers, and seminary. However, “Priesthood and auxiliary leaders and teachers seek to assist parents, not to supersede or replace them.” We send our children to Primary to reinforce the gospel instruction they receive at home, not the other way around. It is our duty as parents to instruct our children about the gospel in the home, at every moment of every day, and in every conversation with them so that when they go to Church, it is comfortable and familiar, because they learned it at home first.

Strengthening the Home

“[H]oly places include temples, homes, and chapels. The presence of the Spirit and the behavior of those within these physical structures are what make them ‘holy places.’” I have always loved the concept of “holy places” and was taught early in my youth that any place can be a holy place. I remember a story was told once of a young woman who wrote inside of her shoes “holy places” to remind herself that everywhere she went could be a “holy place” if she would strive to have the Spirit with her. Our homes can be holy places if we will strive to have the Spirit in our homes by loving each other, serving each other, talking often of Christ and His gospel, and filling our homes with things that are “virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy.”

In Doctrine & Covenants section 88, the Lord gives some instruction about how the temple should be – and since our home should be like a temple, these things apply to making our homes holy places. He said a temple (and thus, a home) should be a “house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God”. This is a pretty straightforward list of things we should do to make our homes holy places.

As I mentioned earlier, children do better with biological parents in a safe environment. Of course, any safe environment is better than biological parents who create an unsafe environment. So what is a safe environment? “A home with loving and loyal parents is the setting in which the spiritual and physical needs of children are most effectively met. A Christ-centered home offers adults and children a place of defense against sin, refuge from the world, healing from emotional and other pain, and committed, genuine love.” I don’t think I could have put it any more eloquently or straightforward.

“Strengthening families is the focus of inspired Church programs such as home teaching (see D&C 20:47, 51), visiting teaching, and family home evening.” All the Church programs support the family, but these programs are especially focused on supporting the families. And notice that it is families helping other families – home and visiting teaching take mothers and fathers from one home and bring them into another home, so that as families we can help each other. We do not have to feel like we are alone in strengthening our families. Good home and visiting teachers can help us to strengthen our families.

Family Home Evening

“Family home evening is sacred, private family time under the direction of the parents. Priesthood leaders should not give directions as to what families should do during this time.” We try to be consistent with our family home evenings, and while we are not always perfect, we do try. We cherish family home evening time as a time to specifically address the gospel – although gospel discussion can (and should) happen every day, in every setting.

“Family home evening may include family prayer, gospel instruction, testimony sharing, hymns and Primary songs, and wholesome recreational activities.” This is more or less how our Family Home Evening goes. Since we have small children, the gospel instruction is usually simple, and consists mostly of a few questions we ask the children to gauge their understanding of the principle, and then we give a little instruction, and then we try to participate in an activity together that will help us understand and apply the principle. For example, this week we talked about cleanliness – physical as well as spiritual cleanliness. And then for the activity we washed the van (it had been on a camping trip with the youth for Youth Conference, so it needed it badly). Washing the van became the object lesson for our gospel discussion as well as the activity for our family home evening, and working together is never a bad idea.

Strengthening Individuals

“Church leaders should give special attention to individuals who do not presently enjoy the support of a family of strong Church members. These members may include children and youth whose parents are not members of the Church, other individuals in part-member families, and single adults of all ages. They are covenant members of God’s eternal family, deeply loved by Him. These individuals should be given opportunities for service in the Church. The Church can provide wholesome sociality and fellowship that these members can find nowhere else.” This is an especially tender topic for me and my husband, as one of our goals is to be a family that is a family for anyone who needs one (hence our strong desire to foster and adopt). If a person needs a family, we will be that family. I feel that Heavenly Father is pleased with our desire to do this, and will assist us in reaching out to those in need of the support of a family. It is the job of the Church to reach out to those individuals, but aren’t we, as members of God’s kingdom, responsible to do the jobs of the Church, when really the job of the Church is to support families – that should be our job, too.

What things do you do to strengthen your own home and family? How do you strengthen other families? How do you strengthen those who do not have a strong family?

The Spirit of Revelation

(find the talk here)

I always love Elder David A. Bednar’s talks. He has a way of putting things that makes them easily digestable, and simple to understand. He speaks plainly and simply, so that even the tired and weary can hear his words and act on them. I never feel overwhelmed when I hear his talks – even though he very often takes on some very big topics.

In his talk about the Spirit of Revelation, Elder Bednar gave two experiences we have all had with light.

The first was the experience of entering a dark room and turning on the light. The second was of the gradually increasing light offered by the sun as it rises. Because I love his analogies so much I am going to organize my thoughts based on the two.

Turning on the Light

The first analogy Elder Bednar gave was turning on a light in a dark room. I made a little video to visually illustrate his example.

Elder Bednar said that these kinds of revelations are received “immediately and intensely” but also reminded us that “this pattern of revelation tends to be more rare than common.”

He gave several examples from Church history and from the scriptures that show that revelation is indeed given in this way. However, he also cautioned that “We as members of the Church tend to emphasize marvelous and dramatic spiritual manifestations so much that we may fail to appreciate and may even overlook the customary pattern by which the Holy Ghost accomplishes His work.” When we only focus on getting the “light switch” revelations, we often miss the fact that revelation doesn’t only come this way.

The Rising Sun

The second analogy Elder Bednar gave was of the light we receive when the sun rises – this light is received gradually, almost imperceptibly. I found this really neat video and thought I would share it with you. I think it does a great job of showing all the different circumstances in which the sun rises, which Elder Bednar talked a little bit about in his talk.

“The gradual increase of light radiating from the rising sun is like receiving a message from God ‘line upon line, precept upon precept’. Most frequently, revelation comes in small increments over time and is granted according to our desire, worthiness, and preparation. Such communications from Heavenly Father gradually and gently ‘distil upon [our souls] as the dews from heaven’”

I think that Elder Bednar is exceptionally qualified to speak about the patterns of revelation – especially this line upon line one. When I was in college I took a class called Teachings of the Living Prophets in which we read biographies of all of the Apostles and Prophets. In Elder Bednar’s biography, he talked about how he knew that he should marry his wife. He said that he did not receive some strong impression that she was the one he should marry, but rather over the time he spent with her he gradually came to the conclusion that she was the woman he should marry. I loved this because as Elder Bednar said, “This pattern of revelation tends to be more common than rare” and I think that many of us saints discredit the line upon line version of revelation. We think that it is somehow less important or less accurate or less valuable than the immediate, intense version.

In order to really hit this point home, Elder Bednar quoted President Joseph F. Smith who said, “Show me Latter-day Saints who have to feed upon miracles, signs and visions in order to keep them steadfast in the Church, and I will show you members … who are not in good standing before God, and who are walking in slippery paths. It is not by marvelous manifestations unto us that we shall be established in the truth, but it is by humility and faithful obedience to the commandments and laws of God.” Those are strong – but very true – words by a prophet of God. We should be comfortable with the line upon line version of revelation, as it the most common in our lives.

I have struggled with this principle throughout my life. I have never sought out signs, but I have discredited all of the line upon line revelation because I have never received a big huge visitation of throngs of angels.

But Elder Bednar even mentioned that Joseph Smith, who was visited by the Father and the Son, did not receive all light and knowledge all at once. Sure, he saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ – but the gospel was not all made known to that 14 year old boy all at once (and probably good thing, too – the missionaries sometimes overwhelm people with just one visit, or visitors to our three hour block can sometimes be put into a stupor from all the new information). Joseph received the gospel line upon line.

Since Elder Bednar’s talk I have been realizing more and more when I do receive the gradual inspiration. I know that I am being blessed daily as I study and pray and plead with the Lord for inspiration – I am being blessed with the inspiration that I need to be a good wife and a good mother. But Heavenly Father doesn’t usually say to me “Rebecca, do this.” “Rebecca, do that.” During and after my frequent prayers to the Father to help me know what to do in raising my children and developing an eternal relationship with my husband, I frequently feel quiet impressions in my heart and my mind – and most of the time is something I read in the scriptures, in another good book, or something I heard in General Conference or a talk or lesson in Church. But the Lord brings those thoughts to my mind by the power of the Holy Ghost.

I have been learning what Joseph and Oliver learned as they received inspiration and revelation gradually, piece by piece, “the spirit of revelation typically functions as thoughts and feelings that come into our minds and hearts by the power of the Holy Ghost.”

The spirit of revelation “belongs to and should be operative in the life of every man, woman, and child who reaches the age of accountability and enters into sacred covenants.” It is not limited only to the General Authorities of the Church. It is not even only limited to those who have leadership callings – Primary presidents, Bishops, Stake Presidents, etc. The spirit of revelation is available and waiting for each and every member of the Church to receive it. When we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost after baptism, we are commanded to “receive the Holy Ghost” – the blessing does not say that “Okay, now you have the Holy Ghost and it will always be with you.” We have to receive it. Even – no, especially – when it speaks in quiet whispers to our hearts and minds. Especially when it brings us knowledge as the sun rises over the horizon.

May we accept revelation as it comes to us – line upon line, precept upon precept – and may we receive the Holy Ghost so that we can gain a sure knowledge of the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.

How does the Spirit speak to you? Do you receive inspiration like a light switch, or do you find that it comes more like the sunrise? Do you sometimes find yourself discrediting the “smaller” pieces of revelation, and find yourself waiting for the more immediate and intense revelation?

Companion Study: Verbal Intimacy

(this is a joint post with my husband, Russ.
My comments are italicized, and his comments are in regular font)
 

Hi. My name’s Russ. I’m the hubby. Becca’s finally convinced me to write something in her blog. One disclaimer; I lack the eloquence Becca has. But anyway, today we started companionship study (or something like it). I think it’s one of the best things a couple can do, and perhaps, one of the most difficult things. Not because it isn’t interesting or rewarding, but because you’re addressing things about a person you’re closer to than anyone else you know. No other relationship you have with anyone is quite (or nearly) as complex, or important, for that matter.

Our first study session started out really well, had some bumpy parts in the middle, but ultimately ended with both of us feeling more understood, more heard, and more loved. It’s the best I’ve felt in a long time.

Becca and I both have very strong personalities

(what he means is that we are both very stubborn)

So, once we get to talking, it can get pretty heated, pretty quick. Don’t get me wrong. The thing goes both ways. I mean, when we’re excited about something, or happy about something, it goes that way too. So, anyway, like Becca said, we started off well, and then, like always, our “personality strengths” kind of took charge for a while.

Which is why our first subject for study was a perfect one for us – verbal intimacy. Yesterday I was at the local DI (Deseret Industries – an LDS-run thrift store) and picked up a book called “Sacred Intimacy" by Brenton and Margaret Yorgason.

I liked the second part of the title, so I agreed to read it with Becca.

Today we read the first chapter, “Verbal Intimacy.” Like I said, this was a perfect place for us to start. Russ and I have been married for 5 years, and communication has always been… a struggle for us. We love each other very much, and we’re usually really nice to each other – but we both struggle with both communicating our ideas, and understanding each other. We are a lot alike (both stubborn, like I said – which also means we’re both a little prideful) and we are also very different. Our upbringings couldn’t be more different – our parents’ parenting styles and personalities; the places we grew up; our educational backgrounds; our talents; just about every single thing about us is different.

So there we were, reading, then stopping for discussion every other page or so.

Which was appropriate, since in the introduction, the author suggested to “read these pages together with your spouse. As you do this, when one of you reads or hears something you’d like to discuss further, speak up and say so. Stop at that moment and share your feelings and perceptions until both of you are fully satisfied with the exchange. Be as honest yet as gentle as possible. Then proceed.” (p. xiii) I think this was great advice for couples who want to study together – especially the part about both parties being “fully satisfied with the exchange.” When Russ or I would speak up about something we were reading, we would talk until someone would say “Okay, I’m satisfied with that” and then we would move on (if the other person was satisfied as well).

Then we finally came to one part which we agreed was one of the biggest factors in the problems we’ve run into with our communication. (I myself believe this to be a key factor in communication issues with most people).

“When we listen with our minds and hearts, we might first determine if we have heard what our partner meant to communicate. This can be done by asking something as simple as, ‘Do I hear you saying that you…?’

“Once we receive a confirming signal that we are interpreting things correctly, it’s much easier to resolve the issue at hand.”

We talked about this principle for a long time. I’m trying not to get started on it right now. I’ll just say, people tend to open up to you much better once they know you understand why they think what they do. (Notice I didn’t say once they know you agree with them).

Remember how I said Russ and I had very different upbringings? One of the things we talk about a lot is how different our parents were in communicating with their children. This is one of the places where my parents did things a little better. When I was growing up, I always felt like my parents listened to me, and really wanted to hear what I had to say. Even if I was being a dumb teenager, they still wanted to know what was on my mind, and never made me feel dumb, and never put me down because of my opinions. They really made me feel like it was important to them to listen to me, and I think they really tried to understand me. Russ’ parents aren’t quite the same. They aren’t really the type to listen to children. Remember the movie Matilda and how all the adults in her life (except Miss Honey) don’t listen to her because they are bigger, smarter, or more “right” than her? Russ was kind of like Matilda in that way. So one of the things we work on in our communication is learning how to be considerate of each other’s sensitivities. Where I wouldn’t mind as much if Russ didn’t outright say “Did I hear you say…?” (I would just assume that’s what he meant), he needs me to actually say it.

So that was a big topic of discussion. Aside from that, there were some other big ones that we agreed are a must when communicating. One of them was the “I”, “I-You,” and “You” statements. The “must” here would be to avoid the latter two. Here’s one example – Instead of saying “I can’t believe you said that.” or “You’re so mean!” You might say, “I feel hurt.” Using the “I” statements instead of the other two demonstrates ownership of the feeling. “By using an ‘I’ statement you communicate that the feeling exists, and that it is inside of you. It is your feeling.”

I liked this part a lot because we have done a lot of “you” statements in our marriage, and they are never conducive to resolving negative emotions – most of the time, a “You” statement or an “I-You” statement just propagates the negative emotions.

There were also a few really good pointers regarding how to deal with negative emotions and how to navigate conversations involving them. Among other things, one pointer included being able to place certain discussions on the back burner until the environment is more conducive to resolving whatever type of conflict there is.

We agreed to try something new. If one of us has a negative emotion that needs to be shared or resolved and the environment isn’t the best (the dog just peed in the house, the kids just dumped a bowl of cereal on the floor, or it’s bedtime) we will say “Can we talk about this later?” That way we know we need to talk as soon as possible, but we can also do what needs to be done at the time.

Another thing we both liked a lot was the “Where are you now?” Question. Not like when she calls you wanting to know why you’re not home for dinner. Rather, it means more, “Can I share a feeling?”

This one is also important to me because sometimes Russ will have something on his mind and if I need to vent about the neighbor’s kids tagging our fence, or the kids being cranky all day he can’t focus on helping me resolve the problem until he’s in a better place emotionally.

Last but not least, there was the reminder not to overwhelm your partner.

“[D]on’t dump too much at once.” Try to not express every negative emotion you’ve ever had all at the same time. That can be too much for anyone to take. And if someone starts getting defensive or “shutting down” (what Russ says I do sometimes), you can just wait for things to cool down a little. We decided that at any point in a conversation, either one of us can call a “time out” where we back out of the conversation and take a few minutes to think (alone), maybe pray, and try to get the spirit back so we can have a productive conversation.

We wanted to conclude with this scripture Brother Yorgason quoted:

My brethren, all ye that have assembled yourselves together, you that can hear my words which I shall speak unto you this day; for I have not commanded you to come up hither to trifle with the words which I shall speak, but that you should hearken unto me, and open your ears that ye may hear, and your hearts that ye may understand, and your minds that the mysteries of God may be unfolded to your view. (Mosiah 2:9)

We know that if we communicate with open ears and open hearts, as King Benjamin counseled, we will have deeper intimacy in our marriage.

What are you doing to improve communication in your marriage? How is your verbal intimacy with your spouse? Do you find that deeper verbal intimacy in your marriage helps you have a fuller relationship with your spouse?

A Gift for Emma

Heather over at Women in the Scriptures has been doing a week-long celebration for Emma Hale Smith’s birthday, which happens to be today. As part of the celebration, she encouraged us to write our testimonies of the Book of Mormon as a birthday present for Emma. So here is my testimony.

I have read the Book of Mormon a few times, and I have studied it vigorously both in seminary, and later in college. When I was in high school, I read the Book of Mormon all the way through, took Moroni’s challenge (see Moroni 10:4-5), and I knew – I absolutely knew – that it was true. I have read the Book of Mormon all the way through twice since then, and although I don’t study the Book of Mormon the way I used to, I still know that it is true, and I love reading its words. As a mother now, I am grateful for the opportunity I have to teach my children about Jesus Christ and the principles of His everlasting gospel by reading to them from the Book of Mormon, and teaching them the stories from the Book of Mormon. 

To keep my testimony strong, I read the Book of Mormon every night. Sometimes it is a verse or two, and sometimes it is a page or two, and sometimes it might be a chapter or two. I use an “economy” version of the Book of Mormon so that I can mark it up as I read, and then when I start reading it again, I get a new book so that I can have a fresh slate as I read. It is interesting to read through my old books that I have marked up as I can see what things stood out to me at the time in my life.

I love to read the Book of Mormon. I am a happier person when I read the Book of Mormon. I am a better wife, and a more patient mother. When I am in need of inspiration, often that inspiration comes to me as verses or principles that I learned from the Book of Mormon.

I know that it is the most correct book on the face of the earth, and that you will get closer to God by reading it – and you will come to know, really know Jesus Christ our Savior. The book is a testimony of our Savior, and every page bears witness of Him and of His plan.

I am so grateful to Emma for supporting Joseph and doing what the Lord asked her to do so that this book could come forward. I know that she is truly an elect lady, and she inspires me to support my husband as a man of God.

Emma, thank you, thank you, thank you. The Book of Mormon has truly blessed my life. Thank you.

Family Responsibilities

(find the lesson here)

The other day I was thinking about one of my favorite Ensign articles about motherhood. The author writes lovingly about her mother and how wonderful her mother was, and the things her mother taught her (and her 11 siblings and one cousin) about the gospel. It got me thinking – what do I want my children to write about me when they are grown and I am gone?

I decided that I would write down a description of myself from my grown children’s point of view. Maybe when they are much older and have children of their own.

Maybe some day I will post it here.

In the mean time, I will share my thoughts from this lesson from the Gospel Principles book.

The first thing that stuck out to me was “Parents should treat their children with love and respect, being firm but kind to them.” That reminded me of an article I read that was written by my institute teacher and good family friend. I feel like Heavenly Father has been trying to remind me of this great truth, because over the past four years of motherhood, I seem so have grown farther and farther away from truth. First, the article by Dr. Wally, then yesterday’s lesson on the atonement – justice and mercy – and then today’s article on family responsibilities, including balancing justice and mercy with our children. It is a hard thing to raise children – especially teaching them about the gospel, and extending mercy to them while at the same time teaching them about the demands of justice.

The next quote that I loved was one that spoke of the father’s responsibilities. “The father should spend time with each child individually. He should teach his children correct principles, talk with them about their problems and concerns, and counsel them lovingly.” In our family, each Sunday my husband takes each child into his “office” (actually a corner of our bedroom) and has a little chat with them. It is his time to bond with our children, teach them of a gospel principle, find out what is on their mind, and in general just let them know that he is there for them and that he loves them. I think it has been really good for both our children, and their father.

And of course, the most profound part of this lesson for me were the principles of motherhood, “motherhood is the noblest calling… a partnership with God in bringing His spirit children into the world.” “Every mother who has a testimony can have a profound effect on her children.”

This part really stuck out to me: “A mother needs to spend time with her children and teach them the gospel. She should play and work with them so they can discover the world around them. She also needs to help her family know how to make the home a pleasant place to be. If she is warm and loving, she helps her children feel good about themselves.” Like I said, I have been moving farther and farther from the truth as a mother in the last several years, and I am ready to start moving in the right direction again. I want to be this mother – the one that spends time with her children to teach them the gospel, the one who plays with and works with her children, the one who makes home a pleasant place to be. I want to be warm and loving. These are all things that I was a long time ago, and the past several years have kind of taken their toll on my, and instead of being more like the way I was, I have become worse and worse – and it is a horrible feeling, and I hope I can move back in the right direction again.

“A loving and happy family does not happen by accident. Each person in the family must do his or her part.” Being a mother of small children is hard. I mean hard. Horribly hard. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done – emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. As I turn to the Lord for help, it becomes more bearable – but it is still hard.

And then I read this: “we must be thoughtful, cheerful, and considerate of others.” I thought, I can do that – I can be thoughtful, cheerful, and considerate of other, no matter what other do.

I can do this. I can be a good mother. I can take care of my family and teach them the gospel, and I can be cheerful as I do it.

Do you sometimes struggle to live the way you know you should? How do you apply the principles of family in your home?

“Not My Will, But Thine, Be Done”

(find the lesson here)

“We cannot of ourselves,
no matter how we may try,
rid ourselves of the stain which is upon us
as a result of our own transgressions.”
(Marion G. Romney)

This is kind of an intimidating post to write – and part II of this lesson (the Crucifixion) will be next week. The atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, is so sacred, so important, and so meaningful that I feel like I cannot do justice writing about it. I don’t even feel like I completely understand His atonement, but I am learning more about it each time I study the scriptures, study the account of His atonement, and listen to the words and testimonies of our living prophets – and of my friends and acquaintances in the gospel.

There are three important blessings that we receive because of the atonement of the savior. They are peace, forgiveness, and eternal life. Sometimes I forget that the atonement can give me all three things. I think most of us agree that the atonement can give us eternal life in the physical sense. We usually have no doubt in our minds that we will all be resurrected. It’s a pretty straightforward concept, and a blessing that we all receive unconditionally, due to the Savior’s atoning sacrifice. And I think that maybe most of us are pretty solid in our testimony that through the atonement we can be forgiven for our sins (although sometimes we have serious misconceptions about that, too – which I’ll get to later). The concept I struggle with the most is remembering that the atonement can give us peace – even, and especially, when we are suffering due to either this natural world, or the sins of others.

There were a few things that stuck out to me as I read the three accounts of the Savior’s atonement in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. In Matthew and Mark, the Savior is recorded as saying “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death.” In Luke’s gospel, he leaves that part out, but includes an account of an angel with Christ “strengthening him.” Another thing that Luke included in his account was the Christ was “wont” to visit the garden of Gethsemane. (wont = accustomed). It makes me wonder if the Savior was on the look out for the perfect place to atone for the sins of the world. Like Joseph, who prayed in the private grove of trees, I wonder if the Savior had noticed that this particular garden was relatively quiet and few people ever went there. Maybe a disciple owned the garden, and had told the Savior that if He ever needed a quiet place to go and pray, He was welcome to use His friend’s garden. The fact that the Savior was accustomed to being in Gethsemane makes the atonement seem very thoughtful. He didn’t just stop one day and take upon Himself the sins of the world. He had been thinking about it, probably since He was a child and was “about [His] father’s business.” I wonder how many times  He had prayed previously in Gethsemane, perhaps asking the Father to give Him strength, so that when the time came, He could do what was necessary to save the world. 

Image source.

The Savior Took Upon Himself The Sins of the World

I think that it is especially important to remember that the Savior voluntarily took upon himself “suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind;” (Alma 7:11). No one made Him do it. No one took the Savior’s life. And no one put the sins of the world on His shoulders. The scriptures usually say that He “took upon himself” the sins, afflictions, and infirmities of the world. He took all the suffering and put it on himself.

And it was painful. Very painful. “Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—” (Doctrine and Covenants 19:18) The pain and suffering the Savior endured in the garden was so painful that even He, the Son of God asked God the Father to remove the cup from Him. But even as He said it, He knew it had to be done, and so He said “Not my will, but thine, be done.”

Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men. (Doctrine and Covenants 19:19)

We Need the Atonement

As soon as Adam and Eve fell from the garden, we needed the atonement. Our bodies and this world are in a fallen state, and the only thing that can return them to their perfect state is the sacrifice of the Savior. When we sin, we move ourselves even farther from Heavenly Father, and nothing can return us except the Savior’s atonement.

My favorite talk ever is The Mediator, which was given in a Conference address many years ago by Elder Boyd K. Packer. I have included the video on this post so you can watch it. I can never get through it without bawling my eyes out – especially when Elder Packer starts talking about mercy and justice.

Mercy and justice are the two main reason we need the Savior’s atonement. Because I think that Alma says it best, I will include mostly what he says in Alma chapter 42. When Adam and Even fell from the garden, they became mortal so that “there was a time granted unto man to repent, yea, a probationary time, a time to repent and serve God.” If Adam and Eve and been allowed to stay in the Garden of Eden after they had transgressed and partaken of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, they would not have been able to repent for their transgression and they would have lived forever in their sin, which means that they would not have been able to live in the presence of God. “But behold, it was appointed unto man to die—therefore, as they were cut off from the tree of life they should be cut off from the face of the earth—and man became lost forever, yea, they became fallen man. And now, ye see by this that our first parents were cut off both temporally and spiritually from the presence of the Lord; and thus we see they became subjects to follow after their own will.” Because our souls do not die (not in the same sense as our bodies die – our souls never end), the fall of Adam and Eve brought a kind of death to our souls – the inability to be in the presence of our Father. When we talk about spiritual death, that is what we mean – not being in the presence of the Father – because our spirit don’t actually die.

So now we have mortal men, who are in a state of spiritual death, and who will eventually experience a physical death. If the world had been left that way, God would have lost everything – His children and His world. And there would have been no way for His children to come back to Him again.

“Therefore, according to justice, the plan of redemption could not be brought about, only on conditions of repentance of men in this probationary state, yea, this preparatory state; for except it were for these conditions, mercy could not take effect except it should destroy the work of justice. Now the work of justice could not be destroyed; if so, God would cease to be God. And thus we see that all mankind were fallen, and they were in the grasp of justice; yea, the justice of God, which consigned them forever to be cut off from his presence.” It is important to note that it was the justice of God which cut us off from His presence. God follows laws – He has to adhere to justice. He cannot make His own arbitrary rules about justice. And so, in order to adhere to justice and save His children, “God himself atoneth for the sins of the world, to bring about the plan of mercy, to appease the demands of justice, that God might be a perfect, just God, and a merciful God also.”

And now, for my favorite verses of scripture of almost all time (this combined with Mosiah 4 would probably do it for me):

“But there is a law given, and a punishment affixed, and a repentance granted; which repentance, mercy claimeth; otherwise, justice claimeth the creature and executeth the law, and the law inflicteth the punishment; if not so, the works of justice would be destroyed, and God would cease to be God.

“But God ceaseth not to be God, and mercy claimeth the penitent, and mercy cometh because of the atonement; and the atonement bringeth to pass the resurrection of the dead; and the resurrection of the dead bringeth back men into the presence of God; and thus they are restored into his presence, to be judged according to their works, according to the law and justice.

“For behold, justice exerciseth all his demands, and also mercy claimeth all which is her own; and thus, none but the truly penitent are saved.

“What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit.” (Alma 42:22-25)

Before you watch this video, I want you to read what Elder Packer said before he began his talk (from which this video was made). Read the words carefully, and take this video seriously.

“What I shall say I could say much better if we were alone, just the two of us. It would be easier also if we had come to know one another, and had that kind of trust which makes it possible to talk of serious, even sacred things.

“If we were that close, because of the nature of what I shall say, I would study you carefully as I spoke. If there should be the slightest disinterest or distraction, the subject would quickly be changed to more ordinary things.”

I have a testimony of the Savior’s atonement. I am amazed at how intricate and thought out and thorough the whole plan of salvation is. I am grateful for a perfect, just God who also found a way to be a merciful God. I know that the Savior took upon himself the sins and suffering of the world, and I know that through the atonement we can find peace, forgiveness, and eternal life.

Please share your thoughts and testimony about the Savior’s atonement with me.