An Eventful Year - Revelation and the Lord's Timing

I don't usually post "Year in Review" type blog posts. However, I was reading my New Years' post from 2012 in which I wrote that 2011 and been "the best of times and the worst of times". Perhaps that statement could sum up life in general, because 2013 definitely fits that same description.

I'm sure you have all been missing me, dear readers. And I just want to warn you that this is not me "coming back" really. I hope to be back eventually, and I imagine the summers will be better, but life has thrown me a few curve balls.

In 2013, I had five major life events: birth of a child, starting school, divorce, new job, and remarriage.

Birth of a Child

There are so many thoughts and feeling that are rushing around inside of me about the birth of my second son. His birth was amazing and spiritual and perfect and wonderful and everything I wanted it to be.Heather, from Women in the Scriptures, was my doula - and she was an amazing doula. She will deny it up and down, but I regard Heather as a spiritual giant. I feel like the labor and delivery went so well because she was there, with her faith and her knowledge and her testimony, I could just feel the power of God around me and with me. And if not from Heather, then from what she has taught me about the priesthood and womanhood and motherhood through the past several years, both on her blog and in personal conversations. She is an amazing woman.

Starting School

I felt inspired this year that I should go back to school to finish the few courses I need to qualify for a teaching license. Although I have a bachelor's degree in Math, I don't have a teaching license, and I had been feeling something nagging at me to get my license and teach. Because I was married to a soldier I didn't know how much time I would have in any one place, so I figured that I needed my education to be as portable as possible. So in May I applied to an online university to finish my teacher prep courses. Because of the next major life event, I am so grateful that I listened to the prompting to go back to school and prepare to be a teacher.

Getting a Divorce

This is probably the longest story, and I am not going to tell it all right here, right now (but you can read my emotions about a lot of it in my previous posts about my faith crumbling through adversity and trials). Suffice it to say that when I was scared to death (literally) of leaving my marriage, when I thought it would be better to be dead that divorced, when I argued with Heavenly Father, wondering why He would ask me to do something I knew was against His plan, when my faith seemed to be threadbare, something happened. I got strength from a place I had forgotten about, and somehow, I got out.

And there I was, hurting, broken, but feeling like I had burst out of a dark prison.

I felt like my life had crumbled around me, but God gave me a vision of what my new life could be if I would just cling to Him. And that is what I have been doing.

Starting a New Job

Due to the previous major life event, I needed to get a job so I could provide for my family. I submitted applications for a job on Monday in between filling out divorce papers. I filed for divorce on Tuesday, interviewed for a job on Friday, and was offered the job on Tuesday of the next week. A full time job teaching math at a middle school in a nice neighborhood about 10 minutes from my house. My good friend was looking for a job and is a fantastic mother and I asked and she offered to be our day care practically at the same moment. It was meant to be.

However, my first paycheck wasn't going to come until late September. Because I had started school I had just received some student loan funds. Between the student loans and my amazing ward I was able to make it to September with money to spare. Heavenly Father is watching out for me.

Getting Remarried
This story is probably longer than the divorce story, but I am pretty sure it can be summed up in two principles: receiving and understanding personal revelation (which I wrote about here) and the Lord's timing is not always our timing - which the Stake President mentioned in that blessing.

Did you know that "in due time" doesn't necessarily mean "in a loooong time"? That's what I thought when the Stake President promised me that I would experience the joy of marriage again and followed that promise up with "in due time" which he repeated! I was thinking "so, I'll get married again in a really really really long time. Imagine my surprise when I met my new husband and three days later Heavenly Father informed me that he would be my new husband. Come to find out "in due time" means "at the appropriate time" - which apparently is 3 months after a divorce (for me). Who knew? It didn't take my husband long to receive the same revelation, so then the only question was "when"? We prayed about it and I felt inspired that we should pick a date and take it to Heavenly Father for approval. We looked at my calendar (being a teacher I don't get a lot of time off work) and picked a date mid-January. After a few days I had a nagging feeling that it wasn't soon enough. So we thought "After Christmas would be great". Nope, wrong again. Finally we picked the day before Thanksgiving (which at this point was about a month away). Yep. It felt right. We talked to my bishop, we talked to my parents, we talked to his parents, we told our kids (six of them altogether!), and it happened! So yeah, it all boils down to receiving and understanding revelation and the Lord's timing is not always our timing.

So now you know where I have been for the last 6-12 months. Going through a painful divorce, starting school and a job, and getting remarried to a wonderful man who loves God with all of his heart, might, mind and strength, with me as a close second.

I hope to be able to write more often, but don't hold your breath. Of course, now that I have "come out" and you all know my little secrets, it will be easier for me to write. I always like being open and "real" on my blog, and I feel like I have been lying the past year or so because my marriage was so awful. So, comment on here and tell me you're still reading and I will try to post more often. If no one cares that I was gone I will probably just post whenever it happens (which might not be very often!).

What lessons did you learn last year?

Can Ye Feel So Now?

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of personal inspiration for me. After going through a time in my life when I felt cut off from God, when I wondered where He was hiding from me (and why) this has felt a little like the spring snow melt rushing down the rivers from the mountains, cleansing the rivers from the stagnant waters of the summer and winter months.

It started a few weeks ago when I started attending an institute class. The title of the class is "Receiving and Understanding Personal Revelation. I am going to admit that I didn't get much out of the first class. I felt like a zombie during the class - I hadn't slept at all the two nights before that, and had just started teaching school two days before. But the second week I was more rested, and ready to learn - and what I learned changed my life. Very quickly.

Brother Casaday, our instructor, led a fantastic discussion about the different parts of testimony. We read Doctrine and Covenants section 8 verse 2 which talks about how the Holy Ghost affects us in our minds and in our hearts and came up with three aspects of testimony - KNOW, FEEL, DO.

As I sat in class, pondering this concept, I thought about my own status in each of the aspects.

Do I know the Church is true? Absolutely. Always have, probably always will. I just know. I think it is one of my spiritual gifts. ("To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world." D&C 46:13) I definitely claim it as a gift, because I don't think that I did anything to deserve this knowledge, and I don't think I have been more pious than others who perhaps don't have this knowledge. I simply know. Like I know I exist. It's that clear to me, and no one could ever convince me that it isn't true.

Do I DO? Do I live the gospel? Yes! Not perfectly, but I consider myself someone who actively lives the gospel - I serve others, I keep my covenants, I rely on the atonement for repentance when I mess up, and to heal me when I am wounded. And when I fall short (because I do) I understand that tomorrow is a new day and I can try again. I consider that living the gospel.

Do I feel the Holy Ghost? Rather than being discouraged that the answer was "No" I actually almost jumped out of my chair. I figured it out! The reason I have been feeling so separated from God is because I don't feel it anymore! I know the gospel is true and I live it, but for some reason I couldn't feel it anymore.

But then came the hard part. How do I feel again? I shared my dilemma with a few friends who know what my personal situation has been for the past several years. Sometimes you just need outside eyes to tell you something that might be hard to see from the inside. One friend said:

When you've experienced a lot of spiritual trauma, there is a period of time needed for your spirit to heal. I liken it to the period of recovery time needed after every long run you take in preparation for a marathon.

My sense from what I know of you and what you've shown of your testimony is that what you've been dealing with the past few years has stretched and broken you down and that you're now in that "recovery" period where you are rebuilding your spiritual and emotional muscles again, stronger than they were before.

As I read this friend's words I realized what she was saying was absolutely true. In the past few years of spiritual trauma I have been working so hard to shut down my emotions and feelings to protect myself form a lot of hurt I experienced. I unintentionally made myself numb not only to the pain, but also to the joy of the gospel.

And so I figured I should start on a journey to feel again.

I started praying more fervently, studying the Book of Mormon more purposefully, and trying to figure out how to un-numb myself. I figured it was going to be a long process, and I didn't expect to be fully back to feeling for months, maybe even years.

Then last week a call came from my bishop, saying the Stake President would like to meet with me. I was a little surprised, I wasn't aware he knew my situation, although thinking about it now it's obvious that the bishop would have informed him. But mostly I was excited and a little nervous. But when President Edwards and one of the counselors in our bishopric walked into my home that Wednesday evening (four days ago now) I just felt peace. After a brief visit, President Edwards said he felt prompted to ask me when the last time was that I had a priesthood blessing. I couldn't even tell him when the last time had been. I told him I would love for him to give me a blessing, and he did. There was a lot in that blessing, but the part that is relevant to this post was the feeling of warmth that washed over me and seemed to melt the block of ice I had placed around my heart. The sensation of emotion coming back to me was immediate and overwhelming, and I couldn't stop the sobs that came from my body. For the first time in years, the sobbing was not from pain or hurt or anguish, but rather from joy and peace and comfort.

Since that night my life has been different. My spirit is rejuvenated, my testimony is strong, I feel peace and joy and hope every day - feel it, not just know it!

I know not everyone who perhaps struggles with a loss of feeling will have the same experience I had - perhaps for you it will be more gradual. But it is possible to have that feeling back - I believe it. I know it. The atonement of Jesus Christ covers all pain.

If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now? (Alma 5:26)

I Never Would Have Known

I have written before about feminist topics, and it's no secret that while I feel compassion for the women who have suffered because of the ignorance of men (and women) in the Church, I have been completely unimpressed and sometimes annoyed by the Mormon feminist movement.

Today, my feelings changed.

I have never been particularly concerned about what it meant to be a woman. I loved the Young Women's organization but was excited to be a member of the Relief Society where I could mingle with woman of all ages and learn from their wisdom. I knew that I had a lot to learn from such amazing women, women I wanted to be like - but if you had asked me what it meant to be a woman I wouldn't have been able to tell you. I may have said something involving service and motherhood and Relief Society, but I doubt I would have said anything about the priesthood, and I probably wouldn't have said anything about Heavenly Mother (although I was firmly convinced of her existence and love for me - as a lover of the hymns, my favorite lines of "O, My Father" are the ones that mention her - "Truth is reason, truth, eternal, tells me I've a mother there" and "Father, Mother, may I meet you in your royal courts on high?").

Then the Relief Society published the book Daughters in My Kingdom. At first I didn't read it. In fact, I  only briefly leafed through the pages. I was a busy mother of small children, and reading a book about the Relief Society didn't really interest me at the time.

But then something stirred in me.

Image Credit: epSos.de

I think it was around the time of the General Relief Society broadcast in September 2011, although my heart was being prepared during perhaps the year before that as I talked to my sister about starting a blog for LDS women, with authors in all walks of life - young women, young wives with children, young wives without children, those who had adopted, those who were infertile, older women, working moms, stay at home moms, retired mom, older women who had never married or had children. I envisioned a Zion for women.

Then I started searching for blogs for LDS Women. I eventually found and fell in love with Heather's blog, Women in the Scriptures, among others, but in my searching I also stumbled across some not-quite-what-I-was-looking for blogs. Like Feminist Mormon Housewives, and Mormon Mommy Wars, to name a few. As I read what other women were writing I realized that there were women who didn't understand what it meant to be a woman in the Church, and I found myself wondering if I really knew what it meant.

That was when something stirred in me.

I wanted to know, really know, what it meant to be a woman, a daughter of God. I knew what it meant to be a mother - I had been preparing for that my entire life. But I wasn't sure I knew what it meant to be a woman.

About the same time I was going through this quest for an understanding of womanhood, the Mormon feminist movement gained momentum. I am pretty sure a large part of that was fueled by questions about Mormonism surrounding the United States presidential primaries, since one of the most likely candidates was a Mormon. But every time I turned around, people were talking to women like Joanna Brooks - disillusioned, non-practicing Mormon women who had been hurt and oppressed by unrighteous men in their lives, and were taking out their frustration and anger on the Church. I became increasingly frustrated and annoyed with their presence in the media and their criticism of Church leaders. Where were the women like me?

Over the past few years I have learned a lot about what it means to be a woman. Most of my new understand has come, ironically, through discussion and articles prompted by the Mormon feminist movement. Today I realized that most of the things that I have learned and the perspectives I have gained I can attribute directly to the Mormon feminist movement - either because something they said prompted my own fierce studying of a topic, or because of the responses of other women who understand what it means to be a woman.

So, in hindsight, I am grateful for all the feminist commotion because of the things I never would have known.

Have you learned things because of something that originally annoyed or frustrated you? Has someone else's questions or concerns about the gospel prompted you to study the gospel more fervently, and resulted in a greater understanding?

GCBC Week 3: "A Sure Foundation"

I have never been in an earthquake - minor or major - and don't wish to ever have that experience. But I have seen my fair share of spiritual and emotional earthquakes, and I can testify that I have endured them much better when my foundation has been strong.

An earthquake can definitely help you realize when you are missing something.

What were your thoughts about Bishop Davies' talk?

A Sure Foundation - Bishop Dean M. Davies

If you are new to General Conference Book Club, click here to find out more. The basic idea is to study one General Conference talk each week between April conference and October conference, and to chat about the talk here in the comment section. You can also link up (using the linky tool below) to your own blog post about this talk. The link up will be open until I post the next week's talk, but if you study this talk later and missed the link up, feel free to post your link in the comment section.

Mine Angels Will Encircle Thee

Some days are First Vision days, and some days are Liberty Jail days.

Today was more like a Liberty Jail day. You know, where you wonder where God is hiding, and you just want Him to come and save you.

Thankfully I live in an awesome ward, and several wonderful ladies came to my aid - came to save me.

And the awesome truth is that God will never hide from us.

"So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest,
Fear not man,
for he Cannot hurt thee."

If you need a reminder (like I did) this song is a great one:

What are your favorite reminders that God is never hiding?

All Work and No Progress

Have you ever ridden a stationary bike? You can pedal as hard and fast as you can, but you will never get anywhere at all.

Lately I have been feeling like that in a particular relationship. I feel as if I have been putting everything I can into this relationship, but I have nothing to show for it. I feel like I am riding a stationary bike in this relationship, working hard but not getting anywhere.

A particular talk this weekend at General Conference helped me feel better and worse about this relationship. Worse because it pointed out all the things my relationship doesn't have, and that was frustrating. But at the same time, I was comforted and reminded that if I do my part I will receive every blessing Heavenly Father has promised me, even if it isn't in this life. 

What do you do when you feel like you are riding a stationary bike in regards to some aspect of the gospel? How do you keep pedaling when it feels as if you are going nowhere? Don't you get tired? Don't you just want to get off the bike and give up?

A Heavy Load

I met with the bishop last night. I will be back in a few weeks, and we set up a regular visit every few weeks to help me figure out how to be happy. I’m really grateful for such an amazing bishop. He’s a really good friend of ours as well, and I am confident that between his help and my efforts, if I can muster some motivation, I will be able to heal and work through all that is going on. Bishop said I am suffering from battle fatigue. I think that is a great way to put it.

This week I am going to work at being more motivated. More motivated to pray, study the gospel, take care of myself and the house and the kids.

I’m taking it a step at a time, and if all I can manage one day is feeling motivated enough to do the laundry and play with the kids, well, that’s better than vegging in front of the TV, right?

I prayed earnestly for the first time in a while last night.

It felt good.

I think I’m going to be okay.

Tiffany at an ensign, waving posted this video on her blog today for her 5 things for Friday post. She’s a wise woman. After listening to the acoustic version a few times on my phone I realized that I needed to own this song. This might be my theme song for the next several months. Or maybe just for the rest of my life.

If you had some heartache that made you cry a thousand tears
Then let me tell you now I know just how you feel
And that heavy weight of sorrow that you've carried for so long
Will soon be gone

'Cause I believe that there is something more than I can see
I believe that there is someone holding onto me
Sometimes I won't feel it, but that don't change a thing
'Cause it's by faith that I believe

Thanks, Tiffany – I needed that today.

Surrender

Letting myself be happy has turned out to be harder than I thought.

I’ve been thinking about the atonement for the past few days, after we had our Teachings for Our Times lesson on Sunday about President Uchtdorf’s message (which ironically was the General Conference Book Club talk for last week).

For some reason my testimony of the atonement and my understanding and conviction that it is the key to happiness and can help me bear pain and disappointment doesn’t seem to translate into something doable. I can’t figure out how to use the atonement to help assuage the pain.

Something I thought about on Sunday was how I healed (am healing) from the loss of my brother. For a while I didn’t heal – I was too busy to deal with the grief – but once I faced the grief head on, and allowed the atonement to work in me, I felt the healing. I still feel it every day (for that trial). The loss of my brother will always be a hole in my heart, but it is much less painful now than it was two years ago.  I feel like I was able to heal because nothing was ongoing. Once the initial shock was gone, there was not much left to do other than heal. There are always little moments when it’s harder – like when we’re taking family pictures, or on his birthday, or on the anniversary of his death, or when I watch someone else deal with the loss of a loved one. But in general, the pain is past. The trial is, for the most part, over.

This trial is different.

It may never be over. It may never end. Things may never, in this life, get better – at least not the way I want them to.

And I think accepting that is hard for me. Learning how to live with the situation how it is feels like giving up. It feels like being okay with things the way they are is failure. Accepting that I don’t have any power over this situation is like accepting defeat.

I guess I just don’t want to endure pain for the rest of my life. This is a spiritual and emotional pain, rather than a physical one – but I think the concept is the same. I can’t imagine living in chronic pain. I know there are people who do it. A good sister in my ward is in constant pain and confined to a wheelchair. There are actually two sisters in our ward in that condition. How do they stand it? How do they find happiness? It wasn’t their choice to be in that situation.

I think deep down I feel a little bit like this trial is my fault. I feel as if there is something I could have done. If only I had made this decision, or that decision, I wouldn’t be in this position.

Sometime in the past year I remember thinking to myself that Heavenly Father wanted me to be in this position. He knew before I did the pain I would be in. He knew it a long time ago, before I even saw it coming. He knew when He told me to make the decision I made that would lead me to this place. He knew this was the only way I would learn the things I needed to learn.

I read this quote from Orson F. Whitney earlier today in a General Conference talk by Elder Robert D. Hales,

No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God, … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.

I loved what Bonnie said about tanning leather on my most recent post at Real Intent:

You would think that the strongest leather comes from hides with lots of flesh left on them, nice and thick, that haven't been treated too badly. In fact, the strongest leather comes from well-scraped hides that have been acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun, then acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun, and acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun. Unworked leather cracks under pressure. Well-worked leather is soft and supple, water-proof and flexible. We don't grow strong by being left alone.

Tender. How do you tenderize something? Usually by beating it repeatedly. Ever seen a meat tenderizer? They come in different varieties, but almost always they have some kind of prongs or texturized surface. Ours is a very scary looking hammer. If you want to cook some really tender meat, you beat the meat repeatedly with the scary hammer. How do we become tender? By being beating, spiritually, emotionally, sometimes physically. By undergoing trials and adversity.

I once wrote about the three sources of trials and adversity in this life. Suffering is usually caused either by our own sins, the sins of others, or just by the natural conditions of this world. The suffering I experienced when my brother passed away was part of the natural conditions of this world. No one made him get cancer. His cancer wasn’t a result of some sin he committed. It just happened. It was tragic and painful, but it just happened. This trial is hard for me because I can’t help feeling like I am suffering it because of a sin I committed. I keep wanting to simply repent and make it better – but I can’t because it isn’t my sin to repent of.

Elder Hales said, “In this mortal life, each of us is going to experience pain in one form or another… It often comes as a result of our disobedience to the commandments of God, but it also comes to those who are doing all they can to keep their lives in line with the example of the Savior.” I have been spending all this time thinking that this kind of pain shouldn’t come to me because of the way I was living my life. I made good choices, so I shouldn’t have to experience this trial. But life doesn’t work that way. All the good choices I could ever make can’t stop others from making bad choices.

I really liked the last part of Elder Hales’ talk where he talked about how important caregivers are as we are experiencing pain. “There are times when, no matter how independent we may be, we must entrust others with our care. We must surrender ourselves to them. Our caregivers are those who assist in the healing process.”

If you know anything about me, you know that I am fiercely independent, strong willed, and incredibly head strong. In fact, earlier this year when my husband was gone on frequent business trips a member of our Relief Society presidency called me and asked if I needed anything. She commented that she wasn’t too worried about me because she could tell how independent I am, but she wanted me to know that they were there if I needed anything. I told her that she’s right, I can take care of everything, but it was nice to know they were thinking about me (and it was – it always helps me take care of myself when I know people are thinking of me).

So “surrendering” to outside help is something I would not consider doing. Last fall when I was having some emotional issues my husband made me see a therapist a few times. I would never have made the appointments on my own. A few months ago I finally broke down and talked to the bishop. It felt good to talk to him and get counsel, but I didn’t go back, thinking I could take care of it from there.

This week I am going to work on finding some caregivers. A person in chronic pain probably sees a doctor regularly. I think I should probably learn to surrender to some caregivers.

Surrendering to the ultimate Caregiver is probably going to be the hardest thing for me. Elder Hales said,

The Lord is our ultimate caregiver. We must surrender ourselves to the Lord. In doing so, we give up whatever is causing our pain and turn everything over to Him. “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee”. “And then may God grand unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son”. Through faith and trust in the Lord and obedience to His counsel, we make ourselves eligible to be partakers of the Atonement of Jesus Christ so that one day we may return to live with Him.

Giving up the thing that is causing me pain is going to feel like defeat. I don’t know how not to feel like it is. I don’t know how not to feel like I have somehow failed. I don’t know how to do it, and I am pretty sure that is the thing causing me the most pain.

Letting Myself Be Happy

(Of Regrets and Resolutions – by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

I haven’t been participating in General Conference Book Club so far, although before conference I had every intention of doing so. Then disaster (or Satan) struck and I was left with not much desire for spiritual things. But I am learning a little more about patience and endurance, and although I don’t feel completely back to “normal”, or fully engaged spiritually, I do feel as if some healing as been going on, and I’m ready to jump back in – especially when there is a conference talk that speaks so much to my predicament.

As I wrote a few weeks ago, “I thought that living the gospel was supposed to make me happy. But for the past several years a sustained happiness has been elusive.”

I walked on the treadmill this morning to President Uchtdorf’s words of wisdom speaking to me from my desktop computer. He so wisely said,

So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

Ask my husband and he will tell you that I am constantly getting onto him for saying things like, “Well, when I’m done with my undergraduate degree I will be happier.” Or “When I’m only going to school and not working and going to school, I will be happier.” Or “When I get promoted I will be happier.” Or “When we are living in another country I will be happier.” I tell him all the time, “If you’re not happy now, you won’t be then!”

So this wasn’t completely new advice to me – I’ve been spouting it at my husband for years. But when President Uchtdorf added “the end of a challenging trial” my jaw dropped just a little bit.

Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it.

…

So isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for,rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition?

This can be a very hard thing to do, especially when the negative is literally a huge rain cloud covering us. I have tried to find the good things in each day, but the challenges and trials have seemed to outweigh even all the good I could find in the world.

But I am learning that the good doesn’t make the bad go away.

Just because there are beautiful things in life – new babies, rainbows, kind people, the gospel – it doesn’t mean that there aren’t bad things. People are still murdering and robbing and there are still tornadoes and floods and earthquakes.

So being happy isn’t so much about life being all sunshine and roses. It’s not about not feeling pain. It’s about deciding to be happy regardless of the pain. I guess I am still learning exactly how to do that.

I think a lot of my recent emotional roller coaster is due to pregnancy hormones. I am definitely aware that chemical imbalances can keep a person from choosing to be happy, and I think that in the past few months that has definitely been a contributing factor. But I am still not quite sure that is all. I am certain that there are things that I am supposed to be learning from this trial. Maybe focusing on those lessons and learning to be grateful for them will help me find happiness.

How do you let yourself be happy? Have you ever had times in your life when you didn’t feel able to make that choice? What was helpful for you?

The Lie of Perfection

Earlier this summer I wrote about spending “some” time in the scriptures every day. Today I was thinking about that again.

I know you all have been missing me on the blog (don’t tell me if you haven’t – I like to pretend I am important), and if you read my most recent post on Real Intent you might understand why I have been out of commission for a while. It’s hard to write about spiritual things when you feel utterly non-spiritual.

In short, my soul has not been doing a lot of delighting lately.

Part of that is pregnancy hormones (antepartum depression, anyone?), and part of it is a lack of patience and accepting God’s will. Cheryl wrote recently about how she always thought curve balls would come in a certain way, and the curve balls actually came in different forms than she had anticipated. I think part of my failure to endure is because the trials and adversity that I am experiencing are exactly the last thing I thought I would ever have to endure. I thought that because of choices I had made that I would be protected somehow from these trials.

Ha.

God can’t/won’t/doesn’t (not sure which one) usually protect us from any trials. He gives them to us maybe a little too willingly for our tastes, but He knows that we can handle it. And He provides a way for us to overcome or bear them. Every time.

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

You’d think I had failed seminary with all the scripture mastery verses I seem to be forgetting these days.

You’re probably wondering at this point what on earth the title of this post has to do with the actual post. Well, nothing, yet. I got distracted.

This post has to do with me learning (again … funny how Heavenly Father has to teach us the same lessons over and over and over again … if only I would learn it the first time!) that I do not have to do everything all the time every day.

What does that mean?

It means that I do not have to study the scriptures for four hours a day. One verse, even reading my favorite verse is sufficient, and if I have time one day to study for an hour or so, then great. But forgoing scripture study because I can’t study the way I want to or think I should is a dumb reason not to study the scriptures.

“Spend some time in the scriptures each day.” – Sister Beck

It means that I do not have to clean all three bathrooms in my house all the way in one day. There is no way I can feed my children, dress my children, eat healthy food myself, and keep the house reasonably clean, plus have a little time to read or do something relaxing/recreational and clean all the bathrooms all the way in one day. It’s just not possible. Even if I think to myself “I have no plans today, I can do the bathrooms today.” Ha. Not likely, and I am probably just setting myself up for failure. However, not being able to clean every corner of the bathrooms every day does not mean I should never clean the bathrooms at all.

The other day I wiped down the counters and called it good. And guess what? I felt like I had done something! I didn’t need to be perfect. Today I cleaned all of one bathroom, (the counter was already wiped – ha!) and mopped the kitchen floor. There are still dishes to be done, but the floor is clean.

I don’t have to do it all, all at once.

“Oh, please. Just let the Savior cover this day.
Let Him cover my inability to do and be everything I need to be and can’t be today.
Please let the atonement cover it.”
– Becca Riding, Cover Me, I’m Going In

The lie of perfection is that it is required of us to be 100% perfect 100% of the time, or we are complete and utter failures.

Hello – we are, by virtue of our mortal state, imperfect, and thereby “failures” (through this lens of this lie of perfection).

The hope comes in the atonement, and in doing the best we can.

Yes, I am applying the atonement to cleaning bathrooms.

Because of the atonement, I can wash the toilet in one of my bathrooms and feel like I have done enough. Some days it might be an entire bathroom, and some days it might be all three bathrooms but not the kitchen floor. Some days it might be one load of laundry and we eat frozen corn dogs for dinner.

The atonement covers all that. (if you haven’t read Becca Riding’s post about that over at Diapers and Divinity, you should. It is excellent).

One of the commenters on that post said, “As a mother I tend to put things off til the moment when all is well and no one needs me” But someone or something will always need us, and we cannot do it all, all at the same time, perfectly.

Thank heavens for the atonement.

Have you ever fallen into the trap of “perfection”? Or do you rely on the Savior’s atonement to perfect you, rather than your own works? Do you do nothing, for fear of coming up short? Or do you realize that no matter how much you do, you will always come up short, and then do as much as you can and let the atonement cover everything else?

Image Credit: Heath Robbins

We Are All BORN BRAVE {CD Giveaway!!}

The last time I did a giveaway on this blog was almost a year ago(!) in celebration of me writing the 100th blog post for this blog. Since then I have written nearly 200 more posts and the readership of the blog has grown at about the same rate! I’d say it’s definitely time for a giveaway, and thanks to YourLDSRadio.com, I’ve got a couple of great CDs to give away this month.
YourLDSRadio is an online streaming radio station that provides constant uplifting music, mostly from LDS composers and artists, although I was just listening and they played I Hope You Dance by LeAnn Womack, so it looks like they throw in some other stuff every now and then. If you’re looking for some nice background music you know is safe to listen to with the kids around, this would probably be it.

If there’s one thing you should know about me it is that I love music. Now, I am not your average music lover. I love music. I get emotional when I am listening to music – just about any music. Seriously, The Itsy Bitsy Spider can get me choked up. I don’t know what it is, but music speaks to me in a way that nothing else ever has or probably ever will. It may be the reason why I end up being the choir director in every ward I attend. I am passionate about music. I believe that music is a very spiritual thing – and can be used to uplift, or to tear down.

When YourLDSRadio contacted me and asked if I would like to review a few CDs for them, and give a few away on the blog, I jumped at the chance.



The first CD I listened to was Katherine Nelson’s new CD, Born Brave. I popped it into my CD player and pressed play. At first I almost cringed. Country? I’m not a huge country fan. A few of my favorite songs these days are a little more country, but I’m still not all about the country music. But it didn’t take long for the catchy tunes, pick-me-up beat, and uplifting words of Katherine’s songs to get me moving. Her album is officially my first country album, and it’s probably my favorite album (of all of them).
The feel of Katherine’s music reminds me a little bit of Kelly Clarkson’s the “girl power” songs. But much less angry. Each song I listen to on this album makes me feel more empowered. I feel like she really gets what it means to be a woman – and that there are so many different faces of women who need to feel empowered.


You know how you listen to an album and you usually have one or two favorites from the album? Not so with Katherine. I love every single one of her songs. The ones that move me the most (remember, I cry when I hear music) are “Good for Me” and “What’s Mine is Yours”.

The lyrics for the chorus of “Good for Me” are especially poignant for me. I studied math and physics in college. I always thought I would be an engineer. Or maybe an accountant or businesswoman. Some days I thought about going to law school after my undergraduate studies. I would have been a “courageous woman out there in shiny shoes and business suits.” But there was something else I needed to do – which doesn’t mean that there aren’t women out there who should be out there in the world. Good for them. But there is a significant work to be done in homes, and if people think that a woman who “gives up” a career in order to raise a family is “doing it all wrong”, my house isn’t a place to do it – I’m doing it all right. And good for me.

“Here’s to courageous women out there in shiny shoes and business suits
Good for you
But hats off to the women in the kitchen who run the world
Raising boys and girls.”

The story behind, and in, “What’s Mine is Yours” is about infertility, pregnancy and infant loss, and giving up children for adoption. I’ve never personally been in that situation, and I honestly don’t know if I would be able to survive such a trial. My heart feels like breaking when I hear of the heartache of others who lose children, and I just can’t imagine going through it myself. I am positive I would die of a broken heart.
However, the chorus of this song seems to go beyond that for me. It is about giving up what we think we want for what God really wants for us.

“What’s mine is yours
It’s always been
What slips through my hands has your fingerprints on it
I’m letting go
Remembering
Though Heaven’s doors feel shut they’re wide open
What’s mine is yours”

I think about Emma Smith and how everything she had she gave to the Lord – what’s hers was his, and she understood that. I want to have faith to be able to truly say to God “What’s mine is yours”. That is definitely a brave thing to do.

Speaking of Emma Smith, one of the songs on this album is about Emma, who was probably the bravest woman who ever lived, except maybe Mary, the mother of Christ. I had actually heard this song on The Nashville Tribute Band’s CD “Joseph: A Nashville Tribute to the Prophet” that I won in a giveaway last summer, and it quickly became my favorite song – especially because I was going through a particularly hard time in my life when I felt like I “couldn’t let the world see [me] cry”, and “Every time your life turned a page, It seemed like your heart might break.” Now I don’t want to compare my trials to those of Emma, but we all have times in our lives when that is true – when each turn of life’s pages seems like it brings more heartache and sorrow, and we wonder, when will be our joy?
The line of Emma’s song that really does a number on me says, “And I’m sure your heart breaks When some people still say Somewhere down the line you lost your faith.”

It’s a really powerful song, and is one I’ll listen to on repeat for hours (okay, maybe not that long, but you get the idea). I actually like the Nashville Tribute version better, sung by Mindy Gledhill, but perhaps that’s just because it was the first one I heard. I think it has more to do with the instrumentals than with the vocals (the Nashville Tribute’s instrumentals are more robust than Katherine’s). But the song is just as powerful – and almost more powerful because it’s coupled with all the other songs on this amazing CD.

(random interesting tidbit – I wanted to listen to Katherine’s CD while I wrote this review, so I typed in “Katherine Nelson” on iTunes so it would bring up her album. Who would’ve known, she also sang two of my very favorite EFY songs from my EFY days! I love it when I find out amazing people wrote or sang my favorite songs.)

Want a chance to win this amazing CD? Well, here’s your chance, thanks to Your LDS Radio. I’ve got one copy of Katherine’s new CD to give away – so you can rock out to some uplifting “girl power” music!

To enter the giveaway, leave a comment on this post telling me about a time when you or another woman you know showed that they were BORN BRAVE.

The giveaway will end on Monday August 13, 2012 at 11:59pm. The winner will be chosen by a random number generator at random.org. I will post the winner on Tuesday, August 14 so check back then to see if you have won!

This giveaway is closed.

GCBC Week 18: “Special Lessons” & “Having the Vision to Do”

I have been sick lately – the “good” kind of sick, thankfully – but hard nonetheless. I try not to complain too much because I know countless women who would gladly take my place for the opportunity to bear a child – and I am grateful for the opportunity that I have. But that doesn’t make the discomfort go away.

So GCBC is late (again!) but at least it’s here. And these are some great talks!

Special Lessons – by Elder Ronald A. Rasband

I really enjoyed reading Elder Rasband's talk. We have had a few discussions with a close friend about why God allows suffering – and why He intervenes in some cases and not others. Why are some people healed while others are required to suffer throughout their mortal lives? Why are some people spared from the earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes, while others’ lives are spared? Our friend sees this as either an indicator that God is either not omnipotent, or not compassionate. I see it as an indicator that God knows us intimately, individually, and He knows exactly what we need in this life to thrive spiritually, and He does His best to give those things to us.

This reminds me of a song by Laura Story called “Blessings” in which she sings,

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life are Your blessings in disguise?

Elder Rasband seems to think so. He said, “Trusting in God’s will is central to our mortality. With faith in Him, we draw upon the power of Christ’s Atonement at those times when questions abound and answers are few.”

Suffering and trials in this life allow us to keep our baptismal covenants. If you don’t remember them, let me refresh your memory:

as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort (Mosiah 18:8-9)

Our sufferings and trials allow us to keep those covenants. If no one had any burdens, if no one mourned, if no one needed comforting, how could we keep those covenants?

Having the Vision to Do – By Elder O. Vincente Haleck

This quote in particular stuck out to be from Elder Haleck’s talk

We experience hard things in our lives that can sometimes diminish our vision and faith to do the things we should. We become so busy that we often feel overwhelmed and unable to do any more. While each of us is different, I humbly submit that we must focus our vision on the Savior and His teachings. What did He see in Peter, James, and John and the other Apostles that prompted Him to act to invite them to follow Him? Like His vision of them, the Savior has a great vision of who we can become. It will take the same faith and courage the first Apostles had in order for us to refocus on the things that matter most in bringing lasting happiness and great joy.

How did these talks inspire you?

Cognitive Dissonance and the Church

Image Credit: Mark Klotz

I became interested in this term, cognitive dissonance, when I read an article in Psychology Today that discussed the results of a study that showed parenting does not actually make people happier. Rather, parents simply convince themselves that they are happier/healthier/etc with children, when in fact they are not happier/healthier/etc.

Now, we could have a nice little debate about what criteria they used for “happiness” and the varying experiences that people will have, and that would be fine, but I want to delve a little deeper into what cognitive dissonance really means.

The Church, and its members, are often criticized by this theory of cognitive dissonance. Most recently I heard the term applied to Josh Weed, a gay Mormon man who is in a straight marriage (married to a woman). The comment was from a gay ex-Mormon who said he didn’t really want to read the piece because, “I'm worried that I won't be able to deal with reading about the cognitive dissonance required to be in this guy's head.”

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

It had been a while since I had heard the term used, and so I read a little more about cognitive dissonance. The Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance says that it is a “discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously.” First of all, this should mean that there wouldn’t have to be cognitive dissonance in Josh Weed’s life, because, to him, the cognitions are not “conflicting”. In fact, who is the judge of what cognitions are conflicting? Wouldn’t that be the person holding the cognitions? So I guess the only determiner of cognitive dissonance would be the person himself. If he is experiencing discomfort, and that discomfort is caused by what he believes to be conflicting cognitions, then that would be cognitive dissonance.

Later in the Wikipedia article we read, “Dissonance is aroused when people are confronted with information that is inconsistent with their beliefs. If the dissonance is not reduced by changing one’s belief, the dissonance can result in misperception or rejection or refutation of the information, seeking support from others who share the beliefs, and attempting to persuade others to restore consonance.”

This is the part that I want to talk about in an analysis of how cognitive dissonance plays a role in our lives as members of the Church.

Cognitive Dissonance for a More Perfect Understanding

Due to what I believe is an incomplete understanding of the gospel, members of the Church, when confronted with information that is inconsistent with our beliefs (i.e., Joseph Smith was sealed to women who were already married, blacks were denied the priesthood until 1978, etc) feel a discomfort, or a dissonance of sorts. I have at times felt that dissonance when confronted by something that I didn’t understand, or something that was inconsistent with my imperfect understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Wikipedia article suggests that in such a situation, when there is discomfort and dissonance, there are a few  things that may happen to reduce that dissonance:

1) change one’s beliefs
2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-15; emphasis added)

Ironically, the solution I have found to the problem of discomfort when something is inconsistent with my “beliefs” is to change my beliefs. That may sounds as if I am being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, but I was not born knowing everything. I was not born with (nor do I yet possess) a perfect knowledge of the gospel. My faith, my beliefs, have “not grown up to a perfect knowledge.” (see Alma 32:29) It is my goal to feed my faith, and to find the seeds that swell, sprout, and grow – the good seeds. And only after I have found out that it is a good seed will my knowledge be perfect “in that thing” and my faith will be dormant (in that thing). But will my knowledge of all things be perfect? No, I am still growing and learning, by the help of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers who are helping to perfect me until I come in the unity of the faith. It’s a process.

A more accurate description of this process, rather than describing it as changing my beliefs is, rather, changing my understanding of my beliefs. I claim the beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and more specifically, I claim the beliefs of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sometimes my understanding of those beliefs is not perfect, and so comes the cognitive dissonance as something is placed in my way that seems inconsistent with “my beliefs”. Rather than being inconsistent with my beliefs, that something is usually inconsistent with my understanding of my beliefs.

In the Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance it references the cognitive developmental theory of Jean Piaget: “the inevitable conflicts a child experiences between current beliefs and new information will lead to disequilibrium, which in turn motivates the child’s progress through the various stages of development.” As we are all children in the gospel of Jesus Christ, I believe that this dissonance between our understanding of our belief system and what is reality plays a similar role. The disequilibrium that is experienced by us in our journey in gospel learning motivates us through the various stages of development of our testimonies.

Cognitive Dissonance and a Retreat from the World or a Retreat into the World

I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. (John 17:15-16)

Going back to the options for resolving cognitive dissonance, I wanted to look at the last three options:

2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

Option #2 happens all the time in the Church. This is the one where people say “Oh, there’s no way Joseph Smith had all those wives.” “The Church would never do ___.” “Joseph Smith never married women who were already married, that’s just a story some anti-Mormon made up to discredit him.” These are examples of rejecting, misperceiving, or refuting information that sounds inconsistent with one’s beliefs.

Option #3 happens just as frequently. This is where members who don’t believe that unsavory things ever happened in the Church stick together and stay away from all the “heretics” who accept that there are unsavory aspects about every person and every organization. (Let me add here that unsavory aspects of our character make us human, not evil).

Option #4 is a little more subtle. I think this method of decreasing cognitive dissonance is found when members of the Church criticize those who are asking questions with the intent of gaining a better understanding of their beliefs (option #1). Members who are using option #4 will claim those using option #1 to gain a deeper understanding of their beliefs are headed down a “slippery slope”. There are those who will, in using option #1, rather than coming to a better understanding of their beliefs will abandon their misunderstood beliefs altogether, in effect becoming apostate, but not all members who ask questions in the face of cognitive dissonance are on slippery territory.

I frequently question my understanding of a belief, for example, the doctrine of gender identity is a doctrine I struggle with immensely – due to cognitive dissonance. However, I take the approach of “true until proven false” with gospel teachings, and what I usually find is that my understanding may be proven false, but the truth, or the doctrine, stands firm. It is a kind of refiners fire, where my imperfect, human perspective and understanding is burned off through these “hard” questions until only the pure doctrine remains.

Cognitive Dissonance – Hard Things and Joy

Going back to the article about parental love being merely cognitive dissonance takes me back to option #1 – changing our beliefs, or rather, having a more clear understanding of our beliefs.

The article may seem to contradict what the prophets have taught us – that families are important and that families bring us joy.

The truth of the matter is, things that bring us the greatest joy are often the hardest things to do. Ask anyone who has run a marathon, or climbed Mt. Everest, or walked again after a stroke. They won’t beat around the bush and say, “Oh yeah, those 26.2 miles, they were awesome!” or “My favorite part was the last mile to the peak. It was cake! I practically sailed up that mountain!” or “My legs felt light as feathers! I just stood up and I could walk!” More likely you will hear, “When I crossed that finish line felt like I had done something really amazing!” or “The view from the peak was breathtaking. Totally worth the climb!” or “Running in the yard with my grandkids again made me feel like a million bucks!”

When presented with the less pleasant, physically and emotionally draining, costly tasks associated with raising parents, this may seems to be inconsistent with our belief that children and families bring us joy.

The answer isn’t to refute the claims that parenting is hard (it is), or hang out more with other people who think parenting is all roses and candy (it isn’t), or attempt to convince other people that parenting really is fun all the time (it definitely isn’t) we can just deepen our understand of what joy really means.

Joy is s a feeling that we experience intermittently in parenting (when we see our children becoming kind, independent, functional human beings), and also in our gospel lives (when we have a glimpse of God in our lives). It’s that feeling you get at the finish line where you just know that you have done something really amazing.

How has cognitive dissonance played a role in the formation (or destruction) of your testimony? How do you respond to cognitive dissonance?

Relief Society - catch the vision

One of my favorite quotes about Relief Society is from President Spencer W Kimball. He said,

"There is a power in this organization that has not yet been fully exercised to strengthen the homes of Zion and build the Kingdom of God - nor will it until both the sisters and the priesthood catch the vision of Relief Society."

I don't know about you, but most days I feel like I could use a little extra of God's power. I believe Satan is trying to keep us from fully experiencing all the power God has for us to use. He attacks women from every side. We think men have all the temptations - but women are not exempt from the attacks of Satan and his followers.

One of the ways that I believe we are attacked is by the voices who claim that lack of ordination to a priesthood office in some way diminishes a woman's significance and ability in God's plan. I frequently hear people talk about how blacks did not have the priesthood, and then came the revelation - and many are "waiting" (some more... actively... than others) for a similar revelation extending ordination to priesthood offices to women.

What those women (and men) fail to realize is that while black women and men were actually kept from obtaining all of the saving priesthood ordinances - for example, black men could not be endowed or sealed in the temple - women can receive every priesthood ordinance. In my mind there is no comparison between the two circumstances. Moreover, women are already eligible for every priesthood ordinance and power.

But I have written that post. I just feel like it needs to be said again. Satan keeps us from the power God would bestow upon us by distracting us with feelings of inferiority or indignation due to a perceived "lack". (I will add a disclaimer here to say that I believe men - and women - in the Church cause a lot of the misconceptions and bitter feelings about the priesthood - from women who are oppressed and don't care to men who exercise unrighteous dominion, there are those in the Church who misuse and misunderstand priesthood authority (which is different from priesthood power).)

If we can allow ourselves to get past the feelings of maltreatment and really focus on what the priesthood really is then I think we will see the power of the sisters in Relief Society grow in ways that will be surprising to all of us.

Another way Satan attacks is women is by attacking and diminishing motherhood.

If we thought of our Heavenly Mother as a co-creator with God and if we understood her divine role as nurturer of our eternal souls, would we not crave to be like her?

Society and the world would reduce motherhood down to the drudgery of changing diapers and doing laundry. But God's mothers have a divine, dignified role. We are not simply nannies or child care professionals. Our purpose is much higher. It is God's purpose - "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

We are preparing covenant keeping Saints who are ready and willing to enter the waters of baptism and the doors of the temple. This is no small task, nor is it menial or dreary (although some of the mortal aspects can seem that way). I have been getting a lot more enjoyment out of the drudgery as I have come to more fully understand the sanctity of motherhood and what it really means to be a woman.

I have felt overwhelmed and inadequate as I have come to better understand my responsibility and role as a mother. To be honest, I have been scared quite out of my mind.

And then I fall to my knees and beg for help with these precious spirits. The atonement covers all pain. Including the pain of motherhood, and it covers the gaps between the mother we should be and the mother we are.

These are the two major ways I see Satan attacking women and distracting us from "catch[ing] the vision of Relief Society". Men have p*rnography and work, women have priesthood-confusion and mother-demeaning. Satan will do whatever he can to destroy God's plan.

This talk I have been studying by President Julie B Beck about quorums and Relief Societies has been really great. I especially loved this quote about quorums and Relief Societies:

We are not in the entertainment business; we are in the salvation business.

I hope that we can all remember that we do have all the blessings and powers available through the priesthood, and that we can remember how sacred motherhood is and view it with the significance and importance it deserves, and not be caught up in the drudgery.

Have you caught the vision of Relief Society? What is the vision of Relief Society to you? In what ways do you see Satan distracting women from the vision of Relief Society?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

GCBC Week 9: “Abide in the Lord’s Territory” & “To Hold Sacred”

Elder Ulisses Soares was my husband’s mission president in the Portugal Porto Mission (which has since been combined with the Portugal Lisbon Mission), so hearing him speak in General Conference is always a treat. My husband speaks very highly of him, and loves him like a father (as I imagine many missionaries view their mission presidents). I met him once at a mission reunion several years ago when we were newlyweds, and the talk he gave at the fireside has stuck with me ever since. Maybe I’ll write a blog post about it some day.

I was bummed that my husband didn’t get to hear President Soares speak (he was on a flight back from Paris), but I am grateful for the Ensign and the videos made available online so my husband can sort of have the chance to hear his president speak again.

Abide in the Lord’s Territory – By Elder Ulisses Soares

Jesus Christ established the perfect behavior pattern by which we can build upon our attitudes to be able to fulfill these sacred covenants. The Savior banished from His life any influence that might take His focus away from His divine mission, especially when He was tempted by the enemy or by his followers while He ministered here on earth. Although He never sinned, He had a broken heart and a contrite spirit, full of love for our Heavenly Father and for all men. He humbled Himself before our Father in Heaven, denying His own will to fulfill what the Father had asked of Him in all things until the end. Even at that moment of extreme physical and spiritual pain, carrying the burden of the sins of all mankind on His shoulders and shedding blood through His pores, He told the Father, “Nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt”

“You can’t be right by doing wrong; you can’t be wrong by doing right.”

I love this little saying Elder Soares quoted from President Monson. I am sure it has been made into many printables out there, and I’d even bet that several Relief Society sisters already have it in vinyl lettering on a tile or wood block. And they should. It is absolutely true.

To Hold Sacred – By Elder Paul B. Pieper

Today the struggle continues. Secular voices are growing in volume and intensity. They increasingly urge believers to abandon beliefs the world considers irrational and unreasonable.

…

The sacred cannot be selectively surrendered. Those who choose to abandon even one sacred thing will have their minds darkened, and unless they repent, the light they have shall be taken from them. Unanchored by the sacred, they will find themselves morally adrift on a secular sea.

Elder Paul B. Pieper’s talk really hit me, especially the last several paragraphs. I reread his talk one day after worrying about all the pulls of the secular world, and the discussion about “Mormonism Lite” (or “unorthodox” Mormonism) and all the people who are pulled apart by the secular voices all around us. His talk was very timely for me, and I am trying to hold sacred the truths that I have received, so that my mind won’t be darkened. What a scary thought!

What struck you in these talks?

Voices All Around

Yesterday I was talking with my friend about the increasingly secular views of the world. In particular, we were talking about homosexuality and how the response to people “coming out” is often “Cool!” or “Good for you!” Not only is homosexuality accepted in today’s world as normal – it is becoming increasingly viewed as “cool” or “good”.

A few nights ago I was reading my conference issue of the Ensign and I read this quote from a talk by Elder Paul B. Piper of the Seventy.

Today the struggle continues. Secular voices are growing in volume and intensity. They increasingly urge believers to abandon beliefs the world considers irrational and unreasonable. Because “we see through a glass, darkly” and “do not know the meaning of all things”, at times we may feel vulnerable and in need of greater spiritual assurances. The Lord told Oliver Cowdery:

“If you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

“Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?”.

The Lord reminded Oliver and us to rely on sacred personal witnesses already received when our faith is challenged. Like Moses’s, Alma’s and Joseph’s before, these divine encounters serve as spiritual anchors to keep us safe and on course in times of trial.

The sacred cannot be selectively surrendered. Those who choose to abandon even one sacred thing will have their minds darkened, and unless they repent, the light they have shall be taken from them. Unanchored by the sacred, they will find themselves morally adrift on a secular sea. In contrast, those who hold sacred things sacred receive promises: “That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day”.

I was struck by his statement that “Secular voices are growing in volume and intensity.” I definitely see this happening. I believe that it is our responsibility as disciples of Christ to make sure that our voices are growing in volume and intensity. Those of the world would stamp out, mute, and deny the voices of those who proclaim to follow Christ.

As if the one witness wasn’t enough, the very next talk was Elder Neil L. Andersen’s talk where he said

President Thomas S. Monson has described our day as moving away “from that which is spiritual … [with] the winds of change [swirling] around us and the moral fiber of society [continuing] to disintegrate before our very eyes.” It is a time of growing disbelief in and disregard for Christ and His teachings.

In this turbulent environment, we rejoice in being disciples of Jesus Christ. We see the Lord’s hand all around us. Our destination is beautifully set before us. “This is life eternal,” Jesus prayed, “that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” Being a disciple in these days of destiny will be a badge of honor throughout the eternities.

I am so grateful for the words of the prophets in General Conference, which Elder Andersen referred to as “guideposts from the Lord on our journey of discipleship.” If we will listen to these messengers of Christ and try our best to follow their counsel, we will be able to stand strong in the face of the “winds of change” as the secular voices grow louder in every direction.

My only fear is for my children. I have faith that my testimony will carry me, but I am sometimes so afraid that my children will not have the testimony that I have and they will not be able to stand strong. I worry that my children will grow up in this secular world and will be distracted from the sacred and focus instead on the secular.

As I have been struggling with his fear in the past several days, I have been trying to have faith and take my fears to the Lord in prayer. I have poured out my heart to Him, and I am learning to trust Him to teach me and help me teach my children.

And some days all I can do is cry out to the Savior in tears and say,
“Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”

Do you ever doubt your abilities as a mother to raise children who will have unwavering testimonies? How do you increase your faith? How do you feel better about the increasing secular world? How do you make it? How do you keep your children safe?