Answers Come

In my last post I talked about not really knowing how to prioritize all that there is to do. 

I still don’t know all the answers, but this quote from President Oaks showed up on my news feed the other day and I felt as if it was an answer to my prayers. 

I have been trying to pray for that inspiration to know what things MUST be done, according to eternal principle. I am finding this inspiration harder to receive than I thought, but I did feel like I could at least name a few:

1.) scripture study (both individual and with my family)

2.) prayer (both individual and with my family)

Beyond this I haven’t been able to come up with much else that is required by eternal principles. When I try to add to my list I end up going down a rabbit hole of “Well, if that is important, than so is this.” And I start getting in debates with myself, “What makes this more important than the other thing? Could I choose between doing these two things?” Because that thought process gets so mangled and complicated I feel that it is safe to assume that anything beyond those first two priorities falls in the “pray for wisdom to exercise our preferences” category. 

I am still working on actually following these priorities. Having a clean house is incredibly important to me. But I wonder if it would become less important if I was studying the scriptures and praying more regularly on my own and with my children...? Teaching my children to work is important to me, but should it be more important than teaching them to study the scriptures and pray? I don’t think so. 

And so I continue working on prioritizing my time and I spend a lot of time in prayer and counsel with Heavenly Father, beggin Him for the inspiration I so desperately need!

How do you decide what is most important in your life? How do you discern what is required by eternal principles? How do you use wisdom to exercise your preferences for all the other things?

My Cup Runneth Over

Remember the Lie of Perfection? I read an excellent post about the same principle written by Kathryn over at Daring Young Mom called Drops of Awesome. It was really beautiful. I especially loved her story about walking her son to the bus stop. You’ll have to head over to her blog to read that and more of her Drops of Awesome.

As an object lesson … I gave [each girl] each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.

With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?

At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.

Read the whole post here.

The Myth of Equality in the Church

I read a great article today from the 2012 FAIR Conference this past weekend (I did not attend, and this was the only article I read). This particular presentation was given by Neylan McBaine, the founder of The Mormon Women Project. I first came across the presentation on a forum I participate in where the presentation was linked to with the following quote:

I don’t think gender tensions in Mormonism are due to inequality in the religion, but due to invisibility of that equality. The equality is embedded, inherent in Mormon theology, history, texts, structures. Gender equality is built into the blueprints of Mormonism, but obscured in the elaborations.

This was actually a quote from Maxine Hanks, a member of the September Six who was excommunicated in the 80s and re-baptized just last year. Ironically, the main argument of the presentation by Neylan McBaine actually supports the idea that there is not gender equality in the Church structure, or even in the doctrine. She says,

[I]n the outside world, when you say men and women have equal leadership opportunities, you mean — at least ideally — that men and women have the same cleared path to advance to the same positions of influence and authority…

Is there gender discrimination in the Church? If discrimination means separation according to gender, yes. If it means delineation of opportunities based solely on gender, yes. Many argue that different opportunities based on gender is unfair, adverse, and/or abusive by definition. The Church does not satisfy secular gender-related egalitarian ideals, period; and our institutional behavior fits that definition of gender discrimination in several inescapable ways. We shrink away from accurately representing how we work, thinking it condemns us as a church. And in the eyes of the world it might. But the Church does not, and should not, operate according to secular concepts of power, status, etc.; and if we attempt to justify ourselves in this paradigm we will not only fail, but betray our own ideals.

McBaine’s argument here seems to be that there is inherently not gender equality in the Church – not in the way the world would like to define it, anyway – and that the Church should not try to pretend it fits into the world’s definition of “equality”. I tend to agree. A few months ago I shared with you a lot of my thoughts about gender and equality, and how the whole argument seems to be a little messed up and misdirected. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I felt – I had only just recently started thinking seriously about gender roles and equality – and the doctrine we are taught about it. When I read McBaine’s presentation it finally made sense – there is not gender equality in the Church, the way the world defines it, and there shouldn’t be.

In society, the world calls that “separate but equal” – and so far it seems that the Church has tried to go along with that – which gets us into problems, because the last time “separate but equal” was used it ended up before the Supreme Court and eventually in the Senate, where judges and lawmakers in the United States ruled that separate is inherently not equal. Which is true. Separate is not equal. We shouldn’t pretend it is.

Equality Where it Matters

There are fundamental doctrines of equality in the gospel of Jesus Christ. All are invited to come unto Christ, and he denies none.

he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile. (2 Nephi 26:33)

We are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father, and as such have infinite worth.

we are the offspring of God (Acts 17:29)

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; (D&C 18:10)

The atonement of the Savior was for all men.

For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; (D&C 19:16)

Men and women are to work together as equal partners

In these sacred responsibilities, [men and women] are obligated to help one another as equal partners. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

It’s clear to see that there are definitely facets of equality in the gospel of Jesus Christ – and in my opinion, they occur where the equality needs to be. Women are not more valuable than men, neither are men more valuable than women. This doctrine is clearly illustrated in the highest ordinance possible in the gospel of Jesus Christ – the sealing ordinance. This ordinance can only be obtained by a man and a woman together. No woman can obtain exaltation alone, and no man can obtain it alone. We are “all alike unto God”.

Embracing ‘Inequality’

But what about the inequality? It certainly exists. Men are ordained to offices in the priesthood, and preside over the Church, and women preside over organizations in the Church, but will never preside over the Church itself. One interesting note to make (that doesn’t make it less unequal, but is important to understand that the equality of gender importance extends to these types of inequality) is that a man who is not married will never be ordained to the highest priesthood offices. Any man who serves in an authority position in the Church is married to a woman.

McBaine discussed a Washington Post article in which Michael Otterson, the Public Affairs director for the Church, had a hard time getting across what equality really looks like in the Church (which is to say, equality in the Church really looks like inequality). She said,

The prompt suggests women do not hold leadership positions, therefore women are inferior. I suggest we argue it is true that Mormon women do not hold an equal number of global leadership positions as men, but that is not because they are of lesser value. It is because we believe we are working in an eternal paradigm in which roles and responsibilities are divided up cooperatively rather than hierarchically. Mormonism is a lay church so the members are the ministers, and this is a completely different organizational structure than traditional Christian priesthood or ministry, which is defined as an exclusive or trained clergy…

The prompt’s logic doesn’t adequately leave room for our organization’s cooperative structure of service, where no one person is paid for his or her ministry or deemed of greater value than another and where each brings unique resources to his or her responsibilities…

[I]n a cooperative structure where people are rotating positions every few years and no one is materialistically rewarded over another person, that hierarchy is a flimsy currency on which to base one’s value.

Nowhere does the Lord intimate that various callings and responsibilities are intended to give one person power over another. In fact, the words “lead” and “leader” appear nowhere in this section, and similarly, the word “leader” appears no where in the Book of Mormon. Even that book’s most admirable leaders, like Captain Moroni, are described as “servant[s]” and “righteous follower[s] of Christ.” This emphasis on organizational stability, on the specific roles and responsibilities of various parties to act as facilitators within the larger community, is, we believe, of divine origin and eternal value.

Lastly, the world calculates in terms of top-down power; God’s calculations are exactly opposite. In the divine kingdom the servant holds the highest status, and in the Church every position is a service position. Given the obvious parallels between the Church’s administrative channels and a business organization, it’s easy to mistakenly assess the Church as a ladder-climbing corporation with God in a corner office at the top; but in this line of thinking we only reveal our shoddy human understanding of power.

I loved this break down of what power and authority really mean in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I think that McBaine explained it better than I have ever heard it put – and she was very concise. I feel that her explanation of what she calls a “cooperative paradigm” perfectly illustrates what our prophets and leaders have stressed for centuries – that men and women work as equal partners, that the sisters “provoke the brethren to good works in looking to the wants of the poor” (Joseph Smith in Minutes of Relief Society Meetings), and that presiding officers should ask for and seek out the council of sisters in the ward (here).

What Women Really Do in the Church

In a post I wrote about women the priesthood, I mentioned a BYU Devotional by Sister Julie B. Beck in which she discussed how Relief Societies are basically priesthood quorums for women. The devotional is very good, and I encourage an in depth study of her words to help you understand what it means to be a woman in the Church, and what the Relief Society is really about.

McBaine mentioned this in her presentation. She said,

An appendage is “a thing that is added or attached to something larger or more important.” Are not the offices of elder or bishop or teacher or deacon appendages to the priesthood, and not the priesthood itself? Are these so different from the female organizations, which we routinely call “auxiliaries”?

According to Sister Beck, our Relief Societies, or “auxiliaries” are indeed not very different from the “appendages” that are priesthood quorums. And as women, we need to understand that – and when we do understand that position of the Relief Society we will be able to fully unleash the power that President Kimball promised was available to us when he said, “There is a power in this organization that has not yet been fully exercised… nor will it until both the sisters and [the brethren] catch the vision of Relief Society.”

Embracing the Inequality

McBaine concluded her presentation with suggestions ward leaders could implement (which are in keeping with current policies of the Church) to help women catch that vision. Some of my favorites were having Young Women assigned as companions to Visiting Teachers, as Young Men are assigned as home teaching companions. Or at least encourage adult women to bring Young Women along with them on visiting teaching assignments. Having more visibility of women in ward and stake leadership positions. My personal favorite – addressing Presidents of organizations as such “President Johns” rather than “Sister Johns” for the Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary presidents (and I would add the Quorum presidents in the ward priesthood organization).

And for heaven’s sake, let’s teach our children the real doctrine about the priesthood and prophets. I was shocked at how McBaine seemed surprised to hear that her great-great-grandmother was referred to in her patriarchal blessing as a “prophetess and revelator”.

Can you imagine using such language of empowerment to describe the female leaders in your wards? If we grew accustomed to hearing our women leaders speak as authorities, as prophetesses and revelators, and referred to them that way ourselves, perhaps there would be fewer among us who feel the need for a soda or bathroom break when the female speaker comes on the screen during General Conference.

Why, yes I can, Sister McBaine. I have thought of my mother (and myself, and my aunts and my cousins, and the Relief Society and Young Women’s presidencies) as prophetesses since I knew what a prophet really was. It’s probably the reason why I don’t have a problem with men being ordained to priesthood offices. I’m sure it has something to do with the reason why I have always enjoyed hearing the General Young Women’s, Primary, and Relief Society presidencies speak. And I know it’s the reason why I am so confident that there is nothing in this gospel that I can’t have and a man can. The only things I can’t get on my own are things that a man can’t get on his own either.

Have you ever tried to “explain away” the inequality in the Church? How do you feel about embracing it? Do you believe that, in the ways of the world, there truly is an inherent inequality between men and women in the gospel of Jesus Christ? Is it really inequality in God’s plan? Do we need to abolish all differences between men and women in order to truly be “equal”?

The Beginning of Better Days {Book Review}

The first thing I thought of when I slid this book out of its envelope was “But it’s so small!” I was a little disappointed – the book that was supposed to contain Joseph Smith’s divine instruction to women was barely over 100 pages. Imagine my further surprise when I flipped through and saw that the first 80 pages or so were actually essays about his sermons by Virginia H. Pearce and Sheri Dew. I guess I just didn’t know exactly what I was getting myself into.

However, my excitement at being able to read the minutes from the first Relief Society meetings overpowered my surprise at their brevity, and so I started reading. I was enjoying Sister Pearce’s essay when I thought to myself “I should go read the minutes first.” So I skipped to the back and read the minutes from Joseph Smith’s talks. In my haste to finish the book for this review, I didn’t take the chance to study the minutes in depth, but I plan on keeping this book close by over the next several months to study those minutes. Chances are it will find a permanent home next to my copy of Daughters in My Kingdom.

Our Stake Relief Society presidency has challenged the sisters in our stake to read the entire Daughters in My Kingdom book by the General Relief Society Broadcast in September. I think adding these minutes to my course of study in preparation for that meeting will yield some great spiritual results.

After I finished the minutes themselves I turned back to Sister Pearce’s essay to read what she had to say. I found myself really enjoying her essay. Sister Pearce had done a lot of study of the history of the Church to give some context to the instruction from the prophet Joseph Smith, and I appreciated the background. I always like to know the historical context in which divine instruction is given – I feel like it helps me understand how to apply it to my life. My favorite companions to my scripture study are often the Seminary and Institute manuals for that reason – they give a lot of historical context, but social history and Church history. Sister Pearce’s essay was pretty personal – she mostly talked about the things she learned from the minutes, and what effect they had on her personally. In fact, her essay reminded me a lot of this blog – just an LDS woman trying to figure out her place in this world, her place in the gospel, and her place in God’s eyes, and recording that journey for all the world to see.

Sister Pearce also included several great quotes from modern General Authorities – and a particularly good one from President Eyring.

Sister Sheri Dew’s essay was about twice as long as Sister Pearce’s essay, and a little preachy. I would read one sentence from Sister Dew’s essay that I was a little uncomfortable with, or disagreed with, and then the next sentence I would want to shout “Amen!” or underline. It was a little strange, finding so much I loved among so much that I didn’t quite agree with.

I did appreciate that Sister Dew addressed nearly every concern women in the Church could have – and she addressed them all head on. In response to possible criticism that it took 12 years for Joseph Smith to organize the women “after the pattern of the priesthood” she pointed out that “it took nearly fifty years from the organization of the Church for all the saving ordinances for the dead to be implemented”, referring specifically to the fact that the temple endowment was not performed vicariously until 1877 in the St. George Temple.

It was Sister Dew’s comments about the priesthood that made me a little uncomfortable. While I don’t think she was preaching any false doctrine I was a little taken aback with the finality of a lot of her statements about women not holding the priesthood of God. I liked Virginia Pearce’s observations on the priesthood better than Sister Dew’s, but like I said, she didn’t say anything wrong. She just seemed to be narrow in her interpretation. But I guess it is a fair juxtaposition to Sister Pearce’s essay. More perspectives are better than fewer.

My favorite part about Sister Dew’s essay was how she referenced several scripture passages that she had studied, without really telling us everything she learned from those passages – which I took as an invitation to study those passages myself, something I plan on doing in the near future. She lists several sections in the Doctrine and Covenants that she studied to learn more about the priesthood, and included other lists of sections which she studied to understand the temple. Both of these are areas where I have room to understand more (don’t we all?) and so I plan on following her example and studying the sections she listed in her essay.

After I finished reading The Beginning of Better Days, I went online to the Joseph Smith Papers project and looked up the Relief Society minute book. The book in its entirety online is 153 pages. Obviously not all of that is instruction from the Prophet Joseph Smith, but I imagine there is a lot of gold in the minute book, and I plan to find all of it.

I am glad to have the words of Joseph Smith extracted from the minutes in this book, The Beginning of Better Days and I plan on studying his words in depth, along with the essays from Sister Pearce and Sister Dew. I can’t believe that these instructions have been here all along (I’m pretty sure the minutes have been available since the 1980s) and I am just barely learning about them. And I always enjoy reading other people’s insights about the gospel – it’s why I read blogs, after all!

This book is something I have been looking for – people talking specifically about women in the Church, doctrines in the Church about women, and teachings of the prophets specifically about women. I have been devouring any book, talk, article, or other resource I can find that addresses women and the gospel – specifically women’s roles, and the priesthood as it relates to women. This book does a lot of what I was hoping for – including address (albeit it briefly) a lot of those “hard” topics. I thought Sheri Dew did a pretty good job of taking those topics head on, even if I didn’t always like how she said things. But more perspectives are always better than a few (or none). Reading this book felt like I was lapping up drops of water falling off a leaf in the rain forest.

In a recent trip to Deseret Book I scoured the shelves, looking for something, anything that could help me better understand what it means to be a woman. The closest thing I found was a small pamphlet about Eve by Camille Fronk. The pamphlet was nice, but what I was looking for was this book, The Beginning of Better Days.

I was just a few months early, but I am glad I found those drops of fresh water.

What I am really looking for is a fresh spring, but parched as I am, I’ll take the drops of water from the rain forest leaves any day.

The Beginning of Better Days was released on August 2, 2012 and is available for purchase through Deseret Book.

{Disclaimer: I was provided an advanced reader’s edition of the book The Beginning of Better Days by Deseret Book for review purposes. This review is my own honest opinions about the book and my opinions are in no way affected by the company providing the book.}

Some Time Each Day

Several months ago I was listening to one of Sister Julie B. Beck’s Q&As on the Mormon Channel and she said something I have heard her say before, but this time it really hit me.

As a busy mother of small children it’s easy to skip scripture study, or not do it because I feel like if I don’t have a whole hour to devote to some serious study of the gospel I might as well scrap it all. But Sister Beck’s counsel is wise. While it is nice to be able to spend hours on end in gospel study that kind of study isn’t always realistic – especially from mothers of small children who seem to need something at all hours of the day and night.

But “some” is a very loose term, and at different times in our lives “some” time might be simply reading our favorite verse, or a familiar chapter. There may be other seasons where “some” time means we get to read page or two before bed. Even other times in our lives we may have the opportunity for “some” time to mean we get to study a passage, experience, or story from the scriptures in some depth and detail, cross referencing with the footnotes, looking up other resources online or from other materials we may have.

For me, right now, spending “some” time in the scriptures each day is reading my Book of Mormon each night – whether it be one verse or two pages. I have been slacking lately because I have let myself be convinced by the lie that it isn’t worth it unless I can really study what I am reading.

But even one verse of the scriptures can work miracles with our souls. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.

What does “some time” each day look like in your life? How has the amount of time you’ve been able to spend in the scriptures changed as you have gone through the seasons of life? How do you make the most of the “some” time you spend in the scriptures each day?

Cognitive Dissonance and the Church

Image Credit: Mark Klotz

I became interested in this term, cognitive dissonance, when I read an article in Psychology Today that discussed the results of a study that showed parenting does not actually make people happier. Rather, parents simply convince themselves that they are happier/healthier/etc with children, when in fact they are not happier/healthier/etc.

Now, we could have a nice little debate about what criteria they used for “happiness” and the varying experiences that people will have, and that would be fine, but I want to delve a little deeper into what cognitive dissonance really means.

The Church, and its members, are often criticized by this theory of cognitive dissonance. Most recently I heard the term applied to Josh Weed, a gay Mormon man who is in a straight marriage (married to a woman). The comment was from a gay ex-Mormon who said he didn’t really want to read the piece because, “I'm worried that I won't be able to deal with reading about the cognitive dissonance required to be in this guy's head.”

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

It had been a while since I had heard the term used, and so I read a little more about cognitive dissonance. The Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance says that it is a “discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously.” First of all, this should mean that there wouldn’t have to be cognitive dissonance in Josh Weed’s life, because, to him, the cognitions are not “conflicting”. In fact, who is the judge of what cognitions are conflicting? Wouldn’t that be the person holding the cognitions? So I guess the only determiner of cognitive dissonance would be the person himself. If he is experiencing discomfort, and that discomfort is caused by what he believes to be conflicting cognitions, then that would be cognitive dissonance.

Later in the Wikipedia article we read, “Dissonance is aroused when people are confronted with information that is inconsistent with their beliefs. If the dissonance is not reduced by changing one’s belief, the dissonance can result in misperception or rejection or refutation of the information, seeking support from others who share the beliefs, and attempting to persuade others to restore consonance.”

This is the part that I want to talk about in an analysis of how cognitive dissonance plays a role in our lives as members of the Church.

Cognitive Dissonance for a More Perfect Understanding

Due to what I believe is an incomplete understanding of the gospel, members of the Church, when confronted with information that is inconsistent with our beliefs (i.e., Joseph Smith was sealed to women who were already married, blacks were denied the priesthood until 1978, etc) feel a discomfort, or a dissonance of sorts. I have at times felt that dissonance when confronted by something that I didn’t understand, or something that was inconsistent with my imperfect understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Wikipedia article suggests that in such a situation, when there is discomfort and dissonance, there are a few  things that may happen to reduce that dissonance:

1) change one’s beliefs
2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-15; emphasis added)

Ironically, the solution I have found to the problem of discomfort when something is inconsistent with my “beliefs” is to change my beliefs. That may sounds as if I am being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, but I was not born knowing everything. I was not born with (nor do I yet possess) a perfect knowledge of the gospel. My faith, my beliefs, have “not grown up to a perfect knowledge.” (see Alma 32:29) It is my goal to feed my faith, and to find the seeds that swell, sprout, and grow – the good seeds. And only after I have found out that it is a good seed will my knowledge be perfect “in that thing” and my faith will be dormant (in that thing). But will my knowledge of all things be perfect? No, I am still growing and learning, by the help of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers who are helping to perfect me until I come in the unity of the faith. It’s a process.

A more accurate description of this process, rather than describing it as changing my beliefs is, rather, changing my understanding of my beliefs. I claim the beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and more specifically, I claim the beliefs of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sometimes my understanding of those beliefs is not perfect, and so comes the cognitive dissonance as something is placed in my way that seems inconsistent with “my beliefs”. Rather than being inconsistent with my beliefs, that something is usually inconsistent with my understanding of my beliefs.

In the Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance it references the cognitive developmental theory of Jean Piaget: “the inevitable conflicts a child experiences between current beliefs and new information will lead to disequilibrium, which in turn motivates the child’s progress through the various stages of development.” As we are all children in the gospel of Jesus Christ, I believe that this dissonance between our understanding of our belief system and what is reality plays a similar role. The disequilibrium that is experienced by us in our journey in gospel learning motivates us through the various stages of development of our testimonies.

Cognitive Dissonance and a Retreat from the World or a Retreat into the World

I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. (John 17:15-16)

Going back to the options for resolving cognitive dissonance, I wanted to look at the last three options:

2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

Option #2 happens all the time in the Church. This is the one where people say “Oh, there’s no way Joseph Smith had all those wives.” “The Church would never do ___.” “Joseph Smith never married women who were already married, that’s just a story some anti-Mormon made up to discredit him.” These are examples of rejecting, misperceiving, or refuting information that sounds inconsistent with one’s beliefs.

Option #3 happens just as frequently. This is where members who don’t believe that unsavory things ever happened in the Church stick together and stay away from all the “heretics” who accept that there are unsavory aspects about every person and every organization. (Let me add here that unsavory aspects of our character make us human, not evil).

Option #4 is a little more subtle. I think this method of decreasing cognitive dissonance is found when members of the Church criticize those who are asking questions with the intent of gaining a better understanding of their beliefs (option #1). Members who are using option #4 will claim those using option #1 to gain a deeper understanding of their beliefs are headed down a “slippery slope”. There are those who will, in using option #1, rather than coming to a better understanding of their beliefs will abandon their misunderstood beliefs altogether, in effect becoming apostate, but not all members who ask questions in the face of cognitive dissonance are on slippery territory.

I frequently question my understanding of a belief, for example, the doctrine of gender identity is a doctrine I struggle with immensely – due to cognitive dissonance. However, I take the approach of “true until proven false” with gospel teachings, and what I usually find is that my understanding may be proven false, but the truth, or the doctrine, stands firm. It is a kind of refiners fire, where my imperfect, human perspective and understanding is burned off through these “hard” questions until only the pure doctrine remains.

Cognitive Dissonance – Hard Things and Joy

Going back to the article about parental love being merely cognitive dissonance takes me back to option #1 – changing our beliefs, or rather, having a more clear understanding of our beliefs.

The article may seem to contradict what the prophets have taught us – that families are important and that families bring us joy.

The truth of the matter is, things that bring us the greatest joy are often the hardest things to do. Ask anyone who has run a marathon, or climbed Mt. Everest, or walked again after a stroke. They won’t beat around the bush and say, “Oh yeah, those 26.2 miles, they were awesome!” or “My favorite part was the last mile to the peak. It was cake! I practically sailed up that mountain!” or “My legs felt light as feathers! I just stood up and I could walk!” More likely you will hear, “When I crossed that finish line felt like I had done something really amazing!” or “The view from the peak was breathtaking. Totally worth the climb!” or “Running in the yard with my grandkids again made me feel like a million bucks!”

When presented with the less pleasant, physically and emotionally draining, costly tasks associated with raising parents, this may seems to be inconsistent with our belief that children and families bring us joy.

The answer isn’t to refute the claims that parenting is hard (it is), or hang out more with other people who think parenting is all roses and candy (it isn’t), or attempt to convince other people that parenting really is fun all the time (it definitely isn’t) we can just deepen our understand of what joy really means.

Joy is s a feeling that we experience intermittently in parenting (when we see our children becoming kind, independent, functional human beings), and also in our gospel lives (when we have a glimpse of God in our lives). It’s that feeling you get at the finish line where you just know that you have done something really amazing.

How has cognitive dissonance played a role in the formation (or destruction) of your testimony? How do you respond to cognitive dissonance?

True to the Faith

The Church published a great little book around the time I was a senior in High School called “True to the Faith: a gospel reference”. It’s a hand little book, purse sized, that I carried around with me a lot as a teenager and young adult, for quick reference to gospel topics. I used it in talks, lessons, and gospel discussions with friends.

I have to admit, however, that I have not read through the entire book. It’s mostly basic information, but the basics really are what matters most. In an attempt to really go “back to the basics” in some parts of my study I am committing myself to reading through this book. I enjoyed the “Gospel Principles” lessons last year in Relief Society for exactly this reason – it took me back to the basics, which really are the most important parts of the gospel.

The First Presidency message in the front of the book says:

This book is designed as a companion to your study of the scriptures and the teachings of latter-day prophets. We encourage you to refer to it as you study and apply gospel principles. Use it as a resource when you prepare talks, teach classes, and answer questions about the Church.

As you learn gospel truths, you will increase in your understanding of Heavenly Father’s eternal plan. With this understanding as a foundation for your life, you will be able to make wise choices, live in harmony with God’s will, and find joy in living. Your testimony will grow stronger. You will remain true to the faith.

We are especially mindful of youth, young single adults, and new converts. We promise you that through regular personal prayer and study of the scriptures and the doctrines of the gospel you will be prepared to withstand evil influences that would deceive you and harm you.

May this book strengthen you in your efforts to draw near to the Savior and follow His example.

If you don’t have a copy of this book you can purchase one at the Church Distribution store, either in a physical store or online (free shipping) for $3.25. Or you can access it on the Church’s website here.

Have you read True to the Faith? Have you used it as a resource? What do you think about it? How do you feel about understanding gospel principles and the basics?

Joseph Smith and a Personal Relationship with Christ

Today the Relief Society lesson was Chapter 4 from The Teachings of George Albert Smith manual. The entire lesson was about Joseph Smith and the restoration, and it was a really good lesson for me. I have always believed that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, and when I was a teenager I think I started understanding the significance of the First Vision a little more, but I never really had a “missionary” testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith. You know – when the missionaries teach about the First Vision and the spirit is so strong it almost knocks you off your feet. I’ve always been able to feel the testimony of others, but never been really able to feel that testimony coming from within. You know the difference.

A few weeks ago I was looking at the lessons in the manual and checking out which lessons I would be “teaching” in Relief Society (I feel it’s more like leading a group discussion than actually “teaching” – especially because I am one of the youngest members of our ward’s Relief Society). I noticed that last week was a lesson on the Savior and then my lesson was going to be on Joseph Smith, and to be honest, I was a little disappointed. I wanted to lead discussion about the Savior! I love the Savior! I feel like I know Him! What a great topic!

But I had to teach about Joseph Smith. This somewhat mysterious man to me (even though I have read biographies about him, and I even took a History of the Church religion class at BYU – and I still didn’t really feel like I knew him very well) I would have to teach about and talk about for about 45 minutes. I didn’t think I could do it.

Then I started reading the manual. Wow. Talk about good stuff. And did you know that the Spirit will guide you as you prepare lessons? Just sayin’.

My favorite part of the lesson (after the part where I read Joseph Smith History 1:10-19 and had to choke back tears because the Spirit was so strong) was the part where President George Albert Smith said,

It was a very natural thing that Joseph Smith should seek the Lord. He came of a … people who believed in our Heavenly Father, in the divine mission of the Savior, in the efficacy of prayer, and that God would hear and answer his people if they went before him with a proper spirit. It was easy for this young man to believe, because he had been born and reared in a believing household; and when he went out into the woods in response to the injunction of the scripture (James 1:5): “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him,” he believed that his prayer would be answered, and our Heavenly Father has promised his children from the beginning, that, “by faith ye may know all things.”

This brought back a flood of memories of things that I had learned about Joseph Smith’s family. He came from a very faithful family – on both sides. His ancestors and his parents were men and women who believed in God and had great faith.

And then I thought, “Would it be (is it?) natural for my children to seek the Lord when they have a question? Do they have faith that Heavenly Father loves them and will answer their prayers?”

I realized that I am not doing nearly a good enough job raising my children in a “ believing household.” Sure, we have family prayer and read the scriptures together, but do I tell my children every time the Lord answers my prayers? Do I lead by example by going to the Lord when I need help or answers?

From Rob Gardner’s “Joseph Smith the Prophet”

I have a testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith. I know that he is a prophet of God. I know that he saw God the Father and Jesus Christ in the sacred grove, just as he said he did.

On a different note, if you checked out the Sunday Study link-up yesterday, you’ll know that I was going to study this (somewhat ancient) talk by President James E. Faust. Well. I did. And wow. Now you need to go read it.

If you struggle with your personal relationship with Christ, go read that talk. President (well, then Elder) Faust has some great instruction to help you figure it all out. I want to have a more personal relationship with the Savior, and this talk has helped me clearly see the way I can do that.

Also, Chocotania’s post today about becoming something better than you are, three weeks at a time, was really well written and very motivating. I am going to follow her example and change one habit for three weeks, every three weeks (hopefully for the rest of my life). Can you imagine the impact that could have on your life? There is always something we can change, and as I mentioned in the comments on that post, I have been on a “personal improvement plateau” for the past year or so. I mentioned that my “status quo” has been pretty good. I read my scriptures daily, study the gospel mostly daily (in addition to the scripture study), I prayed daily, I basically did all the “basics”. But that’s not enough. I need to be moving forward. If you’re not moving toward the Savior, you’re moving away from Him, right?

So my plan is to change a habit or start a new habit for three weeks, every three weeks. I am going to spend this week praying about what to do first, because it has to be small and simple – line upon line. But I want to make sure that it is a really significant thing, and because my goal this year is to find out what Heavenly Father wants for me, I am going to make sure that I get His input on my first task.

How do you change habits or make new ones? How do you develop your personal relationship with the Savior? What is your testimony of the prophet Joseph Smith?