The Most Important Thing

Note: It is so easy to get wrapped up in criticism and philosophizing about lifestyles and choices and culture and doctrine and ... well, you get the point. 

While I would consider myself a covenant keeper, and I believe there is power in keeping covenants, I find myself occasionally miffed by the cacaphony of discourse that exists in the world. Recently my mantra has become “Why can’t we be friends” (complete with background music and a little side to side swaying with a snap). I truly believe the Beatles’ proclamation that “All you need is love.” Now, of course, we need to define what we mean by “love”, but in general I am using the “agape” version of love, which I interpret to mean “A profound regard for the welfare of another without any desire to control the other, to be thanked by the other, or to enjoy the process.” (Edward Nason West)

About a year ago I gave this talk about loving your neighbor, and in that talk I made the assertion that there is no commandment greater than the commandment to love your neighbor. Now, that isn’t actually my assertion - it comes from the Bible.

In the New Testament, Mark recorded an exchange between the Savior and the scribes. The scribes asked the Savior “What is the first commandment of them all?”

Jesus responded, of course, that the first great commandment is to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength”. What he said next, though, is very interesting. He went on to say, “And the second is like” - this means that the second commandment is like the first one - “thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself”. It is significant hat the Savior would teach us that loving our neighbor is similar to loving God. Later the Savior would teach, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of these least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” and in the Book of Mormon, King Benjamin taught that “When ye are in the service of your fellow being ye are only in the service of your God.” Loving our neighbor is like loving God because anything that we do to our brethren is like we have done it to the Savior, who is one with God.

But the Savior’s next statement recorded in Mark is what really stands out to me: There is none other commandment greater than these.

Let me repeat that:  There is none other commandment greater than these.

The commandments we are talking about here are, first, “Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength”. The second one is “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”

There is none other commandment greater than these.

But what about the law of chastity? You might ask. No other commandment is greater than the one that says to love God and love your neighbor.

How about the law of tithing? Nope. Not more important.

Surely commandments the prophets give us to share the gospel are important. But not greater than the commandment to love your neighbor.

What about the word of wisdom? Nope.

The law of sacrifice?

There is no other commandment greater than to love your neighbor.

In Matthew another statement is recorded, “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” and in his epistle to the Romans, Paul explained, “and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself… therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” All of the other commandments are contained in this commandment to love thy neighbor. The words of the prophets can be held up against this standard. There is no other greater commandment than to love God, and to love thy neighbor.

Paul emphasized the importance of this great commandment when he wrote to the Corinthians, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.” If people cannot feel Christlike love emanating from us, then all our good works are for nothing. We must truly posses charity, the pure love of Christ. We cannot simply say that we love our neighbors, we must actually love them purely, without guile.

The importance of loving your neighbor is illustrated by this quote from Elder S. Mark Palmer of the Seventy. He said, “As we learn to see others as the Lord sees them rather than with our own eyes, our love for them will grow and so will our desire to help them. We will see potential within others they likely do not see in themselves… And we will never give up, remembering that those who are hardest to love need love the most.” Charity, or the pure love of Christ, changes the way we see people. When you truly love your neighbor you spend less time judging and more time on your knees asking for inspiration to serve. You spend less time wondering what people think about you and more time getting to know your neighbors and learning their needs.

What does it mean to love your neighbor? When Jesus was asked this question, he responded with the parable of the Good Samaritan. A man was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. The Savior doesn’t explicitly tell us that the traveling man was Jewish, but since he was traveling from Jerusalem it is pretty certain. A bit of historical context that can help us better understand this parable is that the Jews and the Samaritans were something of political and religious enemies. The most illustrative modern example would be the relationship between Palestinians and Israeli nation in the middle east. In the parable, as this Jewish man was traveling to Jericho he was attacked, beaten, and left for dead on the road.

Two Jewish men traveling along the same road passed by the wounded traveler. Both the priest and the Levite were not just ordinary people traveling, they were men ordained to priesthood offices. The person who finally stopped to help was actually the man’s enemy, a Samaritan, and not someone of his own faith. Not a fellow Jew, not a friend, but a Samaritan.

After describing the parable to his listeners, the Savior asked the question back to them, “Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?” The answer came, “He that shewed mercy on him.”

Loving our neighbor means having mercy on those around us - whether they be our friends or our enemies, whether they be part of our circle of friends who are similar to us or people who are living contrary to our own beliefs and practices. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf recently taught, “let us serve and love our fellowmen. Let us do this with a natural confidence, with humility, never looking down on any other religion or group of people.”

It can be easy to look down on those who live or believe differently than we do. We must resist the temptation to treat others with less compassion or less affection because we disagree with them. President Uchtdorf also taught, “In God’s kingdom, greatness and leadership means seeing others as they truly are - as God sees them - and then reaching out and ministering to them… The Savior loves all of God’s children regardless of their socioeconomic circumstance, race, religion, language, political orientation, nationality, or any other grouping. And so should we!” When we put people into groups or categories we create distinctions that make it hard to practice the second great commandment of loving our neighbor. Political parties, sexual orientations, gender identity, working vs stay at home, socioeconomic status, all of these groupings can cause use to pull away from our neighbors, rather than leaning in and loving our neighbors. If we are to follow the Lord’s great commandment there can be nothing that stands in our way of loving our neighbor - not political leanings, not gender, not race, not lifestyle choices - nothing. It can be incredibly difficult to look past these differences, but oh how we must learn to do this! We cannot keep the commandment to love our neighbor when we allow our differences to divide us.

There is a primary song that always seems to burn in my heart when I hear the words, “I know you, and you know me. We are as different as the sun and the sea. I know you you, and you know me, and that’s the way it is supposed to me. I help you, and you help me, we learn from problems and we’re starting to see. I help you, and you help me, and that’s the way it is supposed to be. I love you, and you love me. We reach together for the best we can be. I love you, and you love me, and that’s the way it is supposed to be.” Our differences should be a reason to love each other, rather than a reason to divide us.

In General Conference, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave us a list of people who should be included as our neighbors, reminding us that in the gospel family “there is room for those who speak different languages, celebrate diverse cultures, and live in a host of locations. There is room for the single, for the married, for large families, and for the childless. There is room for those who once had questions regarding their faith and room for those who still do. There is room for those with differing sexual attractions.”

Sometimes it can be tempting to want to show other people why we are right and correct them in their behaviors and lifestyle. We have experienced the joys of living the gospel and we know that if only they would change the way they believe or live or if only they would make different choices they would be happy. Unfortunately, we often let these types of attitudes change our relationships with those around us, and we look down on them, condemn them, treat them in condescending ways, block them, ignore them, or continually criticize them. We have to remember that, as Paul taught, “Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” Your spiritual gifts, your inspiration and revelation are of no use without charity. All the gospel knowledge in the world won’t help those you wish to help unless you first have charity.

Elder S. Mark Palmer of the seventy told a story in April General Conference about some missionaries he presided over who were struggling with living the mission rules. Elder Palmer knew the happiness these Elders would experience if they would learn to live the mission rules, but as Elder Palmer sought inspiration about changing the hearts of these young men he realized that what he really needed to do was love these young missionaries. He said,

“In that moment, I knew it was not just the hearts of some of our missionaries that needed changing. It was my heart as well. The question no longer was ‘How does a frustrated mission president get a struggling missionary to behave better?’ Instead, the question was ‘How can I be filled with Christlike love so a missionary can feel the love of God through me and desire to change?’”

I have experienced for myself the contrast between these two approaches. As a parent I have observed that my children are much quicker to change their hearts and their actions when I focus on loving them rather than correcting them. When I criticize and point out their mistakes and actions we are left with hurt feelings and resentment. When I instead make a concerted effort to more effectively show my love - whether through a hug, a smile, a compliment, a thank you, a special trip, or kind words - I noticed that we all behave a little more charitably toward each other. Unfortunately I have done more of the criticizing and less of the loving, but I am renewing my commitment to show more love toward the people who matter the most to me. This principle applies to spouses as well.

The Doctrine and Covenants contains my favorite explanation of when correcting is in line with God’s commandments. Section 121 reads, “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;” Love unfeigned means love that is genuine and sincere. You can’t fake charity. Charity is so deep in your heart, so pure, that you feel as if your heart will explode. The section continues, “By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile - reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost;” This last part is important - “when moved upon by the Holy Ghost”. As a mother I cannot remember a time when my reproving with sharpness was “moved upon by the Holy Ghost”. More often than not my reproving comes when I am moved upon by frustration, and the Holy Ghost doesn’t work through frustration. Remember, that it was not in the earthquake or the tempest, but in a still small voice. The majority of the time, our power and influence is more potent when we use persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned. We are more effective examples of the Savior when we follow his second greatest commandment - to love our neighbor. But wait, there’s more! The instruction in Doctrine and Covenants continues, “and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved”. If we do reprove because we were moved upon by the Holy Ghost (which let’s be honest, rarely happens, right? Because persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness and love unfeigned usually do the trick) we must increase our love toward the person we have reproved.  Increase (that means there was some love there to begin with). But remember - first we try persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness and love unfeigned.

Within the church there are ample opportunities to love our neighbors. I encourage you to jump at the chance to serve as often as you can. Remember that the Savior can empower you and give you strength to serve in ways you may think are not possible for you right now.

Visiting and home teaching is a built in way for us to learn love our neighbors - both for those visiting, and those being visited. Some people are excited for this opportunity to love and serve, while others may feel uncomfortable with the thought of, as I once heard it described, “forcing [your] way into people’s lives.” I think this is a valid concern that many of us might feel when first assigned to visiting teaching. As a recipient of the service of visiting teachers I can tell you that I have loved my visiting teachers “forcing” their way into my life. Even if I have not become lifelong friends with these sisters, I have loved their compassion, example, and experiences. Visiting teaching can help us engage with people we may not have ever been interested in getting to know, and we can learn so much from someone who is different from us. In our April General Conference, Elder Robert D. Hales taught, “Like the Good Samaritan, we cross the road to minister to whoever is in need, even if they are not within the circle of our friends.” Often, visiting and home teaching help us to reach out to those who are not “within the circle of our friends”, and we both profit from the relationship.

I had the opportunity to visit teach a sister in my previous ward who was unlike me in a many ways. Our personalities were different, our backgrounds were different, and she was much older than me. One month in the fall last year she and I were incredibly busy and we couldn’t seem to find a time to visit that matched up with both of our schedules. Eventually in our discussion about why we were so busy she mentioned that a charity she had organized was hosting a 5K and silent auction that month. I enjoy running races and so I signed up for the race and ran with a few of my kids and my husband and I was able to visit with her at the race. Although she and I were very different, this was a way that we could connect, and a way I could show her my love for her. We weren’t sitting on her couch, and it seemed unconventional for a visiting teaching appointment, but this experience helped me to understand that visiting teaching isn’t just about a monthly visit where we sit on the couch and chat. It was about getting to know a sister and finding common ground and connecting - truly loving my neighbor.

Perhaps, though, the greatest opportunities come by loving our neighbors outside of the church. After all, the Jewish man and the Good Samaritan had differences that were both religious and political.

Most of us might say to ourselves, “Well, certainly if I see someone beat up and bleeding on the side of the road I would stop and help!” But what if it was someone being verbally beat up on social media because of their lifestyle choices, which may be different than yours? What if it is someone being excluded from a game or gathering because of their political differences?

How do you treat people who are different from you in your day-to-day interactions, not just in the emergency situations? Do you speak with kindness or do you spread hateful speech on social media? How do you respond when people post points of view that are different from your own? How would you treat your child if they told you that they didn’t believe in the church anymore? What if your child told you they had a different sexual orientation or gender identity? What would you say to them to show them that you love them? In these situations are you focused on keeping the greatest commandments, or are you focused on presenting a sermon full of all the other commandments? There is a place for all of the other commandments - and as faithful covenant keepers we should definitely be obeying them. However, if we are being faithful to the second greatest commandment, to love our neighbor, then perhaps our actions and attitudes toward our fellow man would be different.

A hymn typically sung to prepare for the sacrament describes a humble plea, “Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving; Teach us tolerance and love.” Whenever I sing this hymn these words are heartfelt. I need my heart filled with forgiveness, which is so so sweet to me. I am still learning tolerance and love and I beg for them to be granted to me. Forgiveness, tolerance, and love are not part of the natural man. We must learn them and be granted them through the Savior’s atoning sacrifice. These are attributes that we obtain as we put off the natural man and become as children.

Children are naturally kind and compassionate. They don’t see differences as something to divide us, but rather as simply something that makes people interesting to them. When my parents moved to the south from Canada as a young family, my oldest brother who was about four years old met his first African American. His first reaction was to ask if the little boy’s skin was made of chocolate. One little girl saw an older gentleman in a grocery store and loudly told her mother than she liked old people because their skin was soft like hers. Children certainly notice similarities and differences between people around them, but they are more curious about those differences than judgemental. They do not look down on people who are different than them, and they don’t treat people poorly because of the differences. They are simply interested in the differences because they love so purely and want to know about the people they see around them.

Elder Dale G. Renlund spoke of the kind of behavior that can come when forget the great commandment to love our neighbor, “Persecution comes in many forms: ridicule, harassment, bullying, exclusion and isolation, or hatred toward another. We must guard against bigotry that raises its ugly voice toward those who hold different opinion. Bigotry manifests itself, in part, in unwillingness to grant equal freedom of expression. Everyone… has the right to express his or her opinions in the public square. But no one has a license to be hateful toward others as those opinions are expressed.” Persecution and bigotry are the antithesis to loving your neighbor. Where there is ridicule, harassment, bullying, exclusion and isolation, there cannot be love. When we truly love our neighbor there will be no room for these degrading behaviors. President Uchtdorf likewise testified, “Christ’s perfect love overcomes temptation to harm, coerce, bully, or oppress… Christ’s love will help us become a little kinder, more forgiving, more caring, and more dedicated to His work.” Loving our neighbor and developing charity prevents more than just unkind words and actions. Peter explained, “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity preventeth a multitude of sins”. No only will we be kinder and more forgiving, but we can also stay pure from a multitude of other sins by practicing charity and focusing on the greatest commandments to love God and our neighbors. Paul expressed it this way, “Love worketh no ill to his neighbor”

Let us remember that, while there are many laws in the restored gospel - and making a personal commitment to obey them is wise - there is none other commandment greater than the commandments to love God, and love our neighbor. We must not let our commitment to the other laws and ordinances of the gospel cause us to neglect the highest commandments of them all - to love God, and love our neighbor. I encourage you to find ways to increase your love for your neighbors - the neighbors in your home, the neighbors in your ward, and the neighbors all around you. I know that as you develop pure Christlike love for your neighbors you will have an increased power to resist temptation, and those around you will be able to feel Heavenly Father’s love for them through you.

Of Action Groups and Sunday Pants

When I first read through the Facebook event description of the Wear Pants to Church Day event sponsored by the action group All Enlisted, I wasn’t particularly alarmed. Really, I agreed with most of their intentions. In fact, just last night I was talking with my husband about how most members of the Church frequently mistake Church culture for Church doctrine.

I have said before (simply echoing Church leaders) that the doctrine of the Church is actually very limited. Anything beyond the true doctrine is policy, policy we believe is based on an understanding of doctrine and revelation. Policy we sustain in General Conference twice a year as we sustain the leaders who we trust to make the policies Heavenly Father feels are best for our time (which means they – the policies – do change).

The Fight Against Cultural Myths: A War Worth Fighting

Back to my first impressions of the Wear Pants to Church Day event. I loved much of what the sisters said on the Facebook page. I think what tempered the whole description for me was their first paragraph, the reading of which almost caused me to shout “Amen! Hallelujah!”

Did you know that church leaders have not discouraged women from wearing pants since 1971? … After many reports of overt or silent judgment, a group of LDS women decided it was time to stop the perpetuation of the cultural myth that there is something wrong with women wearing pants. (emphasis added)

I felt that they were actually acknowledging that the problem in the Church (judgment over women wearing pants/people wearing jeans/tennis shoes/colored shirts/etc to Church) is a cultural myth, rather than some Church policy. And before you start tossing out quotes from General Authorities counseling us to wear this or wear that, let me remind you of Elder Christofferson’s most excellent and timely talk in April 2012 General Conference during which he appropriately reminded us,

…it should be remembered that not every statement made by a Church leader, past or present, necessarily constitutes doctrine. It is commonly understood in the Church that a statement made by one leader on a single occasion often represents a personal, though well-considered, opinion, not meant to be official or binding for the whole Church.

So you can erase your comment with a quote from some apostle or prophet that said you should wear a white shirt while passing the sacrament. That’s great, if you have a white shirt. If you want to wear a white shirt. Owning a white shirt or having a desire to wear a white shirt is not a prerequisite to being ordained to any priesthood office, or performing any priesthood duty. If you feel like you should wear a white shirt to perform your priesthood duties, great for you. If you don’t think it matters, good for you. What matters is that you are worthy to perform those duties – which has more to do with the heart than the outward appearance.

The sisters describing their demonstration kept getting more and more points with me as the description went on –

“The Church has not attempted to indicate just how long women’s or girls’ dresses should be nor whether they should wear pant suits or other types of clothing.”--LDS Church Presidency (1971)

“Attending church is about worship and learning to be followers of Jesus Christ. Generally, church members are encouraged to wear their best clothing as a sign of respect for the savior, but we don't counsel people beyond that.” –official church statement December 12, 2012

Why, this is most excellent! Someone is helping educate the masses about how dumb we all are for thinking that cultural norms (even Church culture ones) are somehow what the doctrine of the Church mandates. Or even Church policy. Obviously, women wearing skirts is not Church policy, and I thought these great women did an excellent job explaining that.

The Bait-and-Switch

I must have skimmed through the rest of the description because no red flags went off until I read the post a second time.

This event is the first act of All Enlisted, a direct action group for Mormon women to advocate for equality within our faith. … we do want the LDS Church and its members to acknowledge the similarities [between men and women]. We believe that much of the cultural, structural, and even doctrinal inequality that persists in the LDS church today stems from the church's reliance on – and enforcement of – rigid gender roles that bear no relationship to reality.

Wait a minute! You just told me that your goal was to correct a cultural myth, but you’ve just pulled a bait-and-switch on me! Now you’re telling me that you want “equality within our faith” and you see “doctrinal inequalit[ies]” in the Church, perpetuated by “the church’s … enforcement of … rigid gender roles.”

I had so much hope – this was almost a group I could stand behind. I was excited that someone was trying to address the cultural myths that seems to be endlessly perpetuated in the Church. These cultural myths are not perpetuated by the General Authorities, or by Church policy. On the contrary, I have heard the prophets and apostles constantly hounding us in General Conference, urging us to give up the culture and live the doctrine. It’s the members of the Church falling short of the counsel of the prophets that perpetuates cultural myths.

Stoning People for Their Sins

My thoughts went immediately to the new Church website, Love One Another. Nothing found on that website is news. There are some great personal stories, which I think are very effective in breaking down culture – when people can see what happens in cultures outside their little bubbles, they are more appropriately armed to take down the culture in their own bubbles. None of the doctrine on the Church’s new website is different from anything that has been preached previously. Since Christ walked the earth we have been counseled to love one another regardless of our differences, regardless of the sins of others. It was Christ himself who said, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”, the adulterer.

It is not our place to stone people to death, literally or figuratively, for their sins.

A Misguided Discussion

The purpose of the Wear Pants to Church Day demonstration was not the only thing that bothered me about the entire situation. The comments that have been elicited have been equally as disturbing. Comments such as,

“What if these women have received revelation that this change needed to be enacted?”

“I'm offended you would ask me to wear a colored shirt, one that I shouldn't be wearing while performing priesthood ordinances.”

“maybe … the ones that have left will come back knowing that the church is finally putting action towards attitudes”

“the Lord has told us that dresses are a sign of reverence and he has asked us to wear them..its not a commandment … but we are to listen to the Lord and to our prophets”

“I feel sadness for the sisters that feel hurt and confused enough to feel they need to participate in this, because it means that they have not yet gained a true testimony of the divinity of womanhood in the Lord's plan of happiness, and how ESSENTIAL we are to that plan”

“To me, their reasons are that they don't understand the basics of the gospel. They don't understand the priesthood and womanhood. And that this is the Lord's church. They don't understand the symbolism of the temple.”

I have problems with all of these comments. People are either continuing to perpetuate the cultural myths by spouting their misguided understandings of Church policy (the colored shirt comment) or they are confusing culture with doctrine.

People who are helping to perpetuate cultural myths need to stop it, and people who are confusing culture with doctrine need to stop it.

And all of us need to stop judging each other. I said to my husband that it seems like the people who think you should only wear dresses are judging the women who would like to wear pants, and the women who would like to wear pants without being judged are judging the very women they accuse of judging them.

Let us please apply Uchdorf’s Hammer: STOP IT!

An Action Group For Cultural Change

Where does this leave me?

Wanting to form an action group for women who want to promote charity and the doctrine of the Church. Women who want to break down the cultural myths and replace them with kindness, love unfeigned, boundless compassion, and non-judgmental attitudes.

So I thought to myself “Why not form one?” An action group – dedicated to these very things.

Our motto would be “Charity never faileth.”

And then I remembered – there is already an action group for that.

It’s called Relief Society.

The Savior Himself has organized the women of the Church into an action group. One that should be at the forefront of breaking down cultural myths. A group that should be at the forefront of compassionate outreach to women who feel marginalized and pushed aside.

It is a worldwide sisterhood, but at the same time, it is a grassroots movement. Each ward has a Relief Society specifically and specially equipped to deal with the issues in that particular ward. Why? In my ward, the women in my Relief Society, the women who need my help, are my neighbors. I live, work, and play in the same places as them. I see them on a regular basis. If I am doing my job as a disciple of Christ, I am listening to the pain in their hearts. I can see if they are being ostracized by judgmental skirt-wearers. I should be observant and recognize when they feel left out because their husband is blessing their baby and no one gives them the accolades they deserve for gestating, laboring, and delivering that beautiful baby. If I am doing my duty as a real Christian, I will be reaching out to include the broken hearted, those who are different in whatever way – whether it be homosexuality, divorce, single motherhood, whatever makes them different, I can be the one who reaches out and helps them feel unity and love under the umbrella of compassion and charity.

So I have no need to start an action group. The Savior did that already. But I am renewing my membership. I am gearing up to be the best member of this action group I can be.

Who’s with me?

Pay it Forward

Every man according as he purposeth in his heart,
so let him give;
not grudgingly, or of necessity:
for God loveth a cheerful giver.

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you;
that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things,
may abound to every good work:

2 Corinthians 9:7-8

I’ve been thinking a lot about the seasons of womanhood and motherhood, and it got me thinking about a certain friend of mine who always seems to be helping me out, but who never seems to need my help.

I thought back to when my second child was born, and I was suddenly the mother of a barely 2-year-old and a brand new baby. I didn't do much of anything. I barely cleaned the house, and I mostly just sat around reading books, nursing, and sitting with my kids on the trampoline while V jumped around merrily, and J nursed merrily. There were a lot of days when my friend would have V over for a play date so I could stay home and rest with J (one particular time was when I had a nasty infection, and I just needed to sleep and nurse).

I remember thinking about how badly I wanted to repay my friend, but it never seemed like she needed anything from me (she still seems that way to me - we are still very good friends, and it always seems like she takes care of me more than I take care of her).

Image Credit: WPW

After several months of this friend helping me with absolutely no way to "pay her back" I realized that this life is not about "getting even" with people who help us. It's about using our resources to help those we can help, and accepting help from those with resources to help us. As the scripture I quoted above says, God will make “all grace abound toward” us (send us people to help us out) so that we will have sufficient for our needs, and we will be able to help others and do good things. He doesn’t say “that ye will be able to serve them that have served you in the same capacity in which they have served you.”

And so I decided that I was going to "pay it forward" and help anyone I had resources to help.

I have since had many experiences where a friend has said the same thing to me. "I feel like you help me so much, but I have nothing to give in return!" And I gently explain to them, "You don't need to feel like you need to repay me for the things I do to help you. Some day you will be in a position to help someone, so just help them.”

I am at a period in my life when I am able to help a lot of people while not needing much help myself. I am in a relatively emotionally stable state, my children are a little older, and my husband has a really good, stable job. I have lots that I can give, emotionally, spiritually, and temporally. But I know that my life won’t always be that way, and there will be times when I will have to accept help, emotionally, spiritually, and temporally.

Have you ever felt like you needed to “pay back” someone who had helped you, but realized that they didn’t have any needs you could fill? How do you “pay it forward” when you are shown grace and kindness by others?

Charity Never Faileth

You know when you hear about some gospel topic over and over again and it seems like Heavenly Father is really trying to get something through to you – and maybe He feels like you’re not going to get it the first time?

Well, on Saturday morning I woke up feeling… well, a little less than charitable. I was extremely ornery. I hopped on my computer to check the blogs I usually read, and the first thing on my blog reader was this post by Corine over at Joy in the Journey. I read this quote, and immediately knew it had to be printed and taped up on the wall in my bathroom.

I have read Moroni 7:44-45 (men is nothing with out charity, etc) and 1 Corinthians 13 (charity suffereth long, is not puffed up, not easily provoked, etc) countless times. I have listened to and studied talk after talk after talk after talk after talk at General Conference on charity, but for some reason (natural man, anyone?) it is so hard for me to remember, in all my actions, to have charity.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul says, “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” But the greatest is charity. So if you have faith and hope, fine, but if you don’t have charity, you are “nothing” as Paul so eloquently puts it.

Since Saturday I have been working really hard at being charitable. You’ll be happy to know that I haven’t woken up ornery at all since then, and I don’t plan to start being ornery again any time soon. I am being more patient with my children and my husband, and I am learning to endure difficult circumstances without feeling like a martyr. Not feeling like a martyr when I am suffering because of the actions of others is probably the very hardest thing for me – charity doesn’t come easy for me, especially when I feel like someone who shouldn’t be hurting me is hurting me. But thanks to Corine’s post, I am putting that away (that feeling like a martyr). It’s not fun, feeling like a martyr. It makes me cranky and ornery and stressed (and it makes me break out – and that is never a good thing). It makes me short tempered with my kids. Basically, when I lack charity in one area of my life, it causes my charity to vanish in all the other aspects.

So if I want to have charity with my children, I’ll have to have charity with everyone in my life – even those I don’t think deserve my charity. What?! Did I really just say that? Yes – that attitude is the very thing that has been keeping me from having charity. I was honestly believing that this person didn’t deserve my charity. Fortunately, the Savior commanded us to love everyone – not just people we think deserve our love.

Basically if I can just remember to do everything Elder Ashton describes in the quote above, I should be fine. I’ve been working on it, and I am getting better – I have been able to have so much more charity the past few days. And it feels better.

A lot better.

Do you ever notice yourself lacking charity? How do you remind yourself to have charity throughout the day? Do you post quotes up by your mirrors like I do? Do you carry around a token in your pocket? What do you do to remember to be charitable to everyone?

Wheat and Tares

For in that day, before the Son of man shall come, he shall send forth his angels and messengers of heaven, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them out among the wicked; and there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. For the world shall be burned with fire. JST Matthew 13:42-44

What does it mean to be wicked or righteous? When the Savior taught the parable of the wheat and the tares and other parables about the kingdom of heaven, he said that at His coming, he would send angels and messengers to separate “all things that offend, and them which do iniquity” and “cast them out among the wicked.”

The Spirit World – levels of righteousness

In the Gospel Principles manual, we can read a little more about where those that “offend” and those “which do iniquity” will be sent. We know that during this life, those who have not accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ (whether or not they even had the opportunity) will be sent to Spirit Prison. “In the spirit prison are the spirits of those who have not yet received the gospel of Jesus Christ… also in the spirit prison are those who rejected the gospel after it was preached to them either on earth or in the spirit prison. These spirits suffer in a condition known as hell.” (p.244) In Alma we read, “ the spirits of the wicked, yea, who are evil – for behold they have no part nor portion of the Spirit of the Lord… these shall be cast out into outer darkness; there shall be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth, and this because of their own iniquity.” So does this mean that everyone who has not received the gospel in this life is “wicked”? We could assume that, since they are in “spirit prison” with those who suffer because they will not accept the gospel. But there is more to spirit prison than just suffering. “The spirits in paradise can teach the spirits in prison” (p.243) and “if [the spirits in prison] accept the gospel and the ordinances performed for them in the temples, they may leave the spirit prison and dwell in paradise.” (p.244) So being in spirit prison doesn’t automatically pass a judgment of “wicked” on a person. The wicked go to spirit prison and suffer in condition known as hell, while those who were righteous go to spirit prison to wait for an opportunity to accept the gospel, and to wait for their temple work to be done.

The spirit world, then, is just like the mortal world we live in right now. There are levels of righteousness and spirituality, and there are levels of suffering. In this life, when we are righteous and live the gospel, we have peace – we also experience suffering, because that is the nature of this world; however, we can experience peace as well. Those who do not have the gospel, yet live righteously, are also living in a measure of peace and happiness. Just because they don’t have the gospel does not mean they need to be tormented. There are those who have an even greater measure of the spirit and peace, those who believe in Christ, but do not have the fullness of the gospel. I think that when we realize how the spirit world is set up – that there are righteous people even in spirit prison, we can understand that there are righteous people on this earth who do not have the fullness of the gospel. This understanding of wicked and righteous helps me to be less judgmental of those I associate with.

Many of us have heard Christians who say anyone who has not accepted Christ is going to “hell” – and that they will be burned and all that. Thankfully we have a more understanding view of how the spirit world works, and those who are righteous, even if they have not had an opportunity to accept the gospel, will not suffer in “hell”, although they will dwell in spirit prison. But sometimes I think we are misguided in our understanding of what is wicked and what is righteous, and there are members of the Church who will tell you that those not of our faith will be going to hell.

The Second Coming of the Savior Jesus Christ gives us another opportunity to study the “wicked”and the “righteous”. “When Jesus comes again… the wicked will be destroyed.” (p.257) Again, who will the wicked be at the time of the Savior’s coming? Probably more those who are in the second category of the spirits who will be in spirit prison – those who reject the gospel after it has been preached to them, whether in this life or in the next. The Gospel Principles book gives us a little more insight into who will be left during the Millennium (after the Second Coming – remember, at the second coming the wicked will be destroyed, and the righteous will live on the earth during the Millennium). Who will be “the righteous”? “They will be those who have lived virtuous and honest lives. These people will inherit either the terrestrial or celestial kingdom.” (p. 263)

Will only members of the Church be living during the Millennium? No – all people who have lived virtuous and honest lives will be on the earth during the Millennium. I know many people not of our faith who are virtuous and honest people. They will all live with Christ as well. “Eventually everyone will confess that Jesus Christ is the Savior.” But until then, it will be just like living with our kind Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, atheist, black, Asian, Republican, and Democrat neighbors as we do today.

Puts it into perspective now, doesn’t it? If we cannot live in happiness and in harmony with people who are different than us now, what makes you think you will be able to live that way in the Millennium? It makes me want to be more kind and charitable to people I don’t agree with, especially if they are kind and charitable people. I want to be able to live during the Millennium, but I know that I won’t be able to if I don’t learn how to get along with people right now, in this life.

I hope it is easier for you now to understand the difference between “wicked” and “righteous” – and that not all those in spirit prison are horrible people – some of those people may even be resurrected during the Second Coming with the other righteous during the First Resurrection. (see Gospel Principles p. 260)

A sister in our Relief Society made this very profound statement, “Each person will be taught the gospel in a way that they perfectly understand what they are accepting or rejecting.” When someone rejects the gospel, we have a tendency to judge them as “wicked” – but as this wise sister said, they will have the opportunity to understand perfectly what it is they are rejecting or accepting, and maybe they don’t understand it perfectly.

How do you understand wickedness and righteousness as it pertains to the Spirit World and to the Savior’s Second Coming? Can you look around you now in your life and see people who you think might actually live during the Millennium that before you maybe thought wouldn’t? Does having a better understanding of who the righteous are help you desire to get along and associate with people you may not have before because of their beliefs?

Friday Fragments Vol 6

 I added Facebook and Twitter buttons to the blog in the sidebar. Check ‘em out! I think they are pretty nifty. I designed them myself! Right now I don’t do a whole lot of posting on either, but the RSS feeds of the blog do show up there, so if you don’t use a blog reader and you want to get some update when I post on this blog, go ahead and follow there. I’ll often share Ensign articles, good talks, books, music, and scriptures that I like on the Facebook page. I decided next Conference that I will be “tweeting” during Conference! That’s right – My Soul Delighteth is movin’ on up in the internet age! It’s going to be exciting. And maybe I’ll even have another giveaway soon (even though I still haven’t shipped your temple prints, folks! I will do it soon, I promise! Fall caught me off guard. We started a co-op preschool, and that threw me for a loop, I guess).

Here is a shameless plug for my Math Savers website. I am working really hard at increasing content, but that’s easier to do when you know people have questions. So if your kids have questions on their homework that you can’t answer, send them to me over there and I’ll try to write a post just for you! Math is my other love. I love math, and I absolutely love teaching math. If I wasn’t so addicted to being a mom, I’d be a high school math teacher. In a heart beat.

If you missed my post about BYU’s parenting program You Can Do This – go check it out. If you are interested in participating, let me know. I think it is going to be really great. I already set up a blog for participants. There will be several ways to participate – we will have an in-person meeting, and if you want to participate in that via the internet, we’ll have a Google+ hangout set up for that. If you want to participate strictly off-line, you can participate through the blog found here. I am really excited to go through these principles that the folks over at BYU’s school of education have put together. I think it will be a great learning tool for us, and I hope you find it to be useful in your family as well.

How do you deal with someone assuming you always have a bad attitude? I have tried to see where I have a bad attitude, and while I know that sometimes I do have a bad attitude, usually when this person thinks I am having a bad attitude I’m honestly not. This person gets really upset, and then there is no talking to them because they are completely convinced that I was in the wrong, and all I was doing was trying to understand. They won’t rest until I admit that I had a bad attitude (even though I didn’t have a bad attitude, I was simply trying to understand them!) and they just keep getting more and more angry – but I don’t know what to say! Should I just agree with them? It doesn’t work, they know that I don’t believe it, and then they get even more upset. If I disagree, they also get upset…

I know it may look like I am trying to make myself look good in this picture, and I am sure there are things that I could have done better, but sometimes no matter how cordial, loving, respectful, or understanding I try to be, this person still thinks that I am being disrespectful, mocking, hateful, hurtful, etc. I understand where this person is coming from because of their upbringing (this person’s parents were/are very degrading to their children, and said person was belittled almost every day of their growing up years and to some extent still is when they visit family). I know that the misperceptions are caused because of this person’s past – and so I do not judge this person for getting angry every time I open my mouth to speak. In their mind, I am being disrespectful,  because that’s how said person’s parents were. But I am not this person’s parents nor will I ever be nor do I want to be like them. So my dilemma is that this person thinks that if I didn’t do something wrong, then they did something wrong, and then this person gets upset because they are always “wrong” and I am always “right.” Something a wise marriage counselor once told me is that it is less about who is right and more about what is right.

But most of the time, this person is so concerned with who is right that they can’t see that I don’t care who is right, I care about what is right (and unfortunately, because of this person’s messed up childhood/adolescence, they have a pretty messed up perception of what is right, because they had all the trust in the world that their parents were doing it right, when in reality their parents were doing it very very wrong.) But that doesn’t make this person wrong. And I don’t know how to get us over that hump.

So how do I get this person to understand that I don’t care about which of us is right? It seems like no matter what I do, this person won’t believe that I am not trying to be right – I just want what is right. 

I just want to be a good person. That’s all.

Find more fabulous Friday 5’s over at
Heather’s Women in the Scriptures
Friday Five linkup.

Forget Not – You Matter to Him

(find the talk here – Forget Me Not)
(find the talk here – You Matter to Him)

In President Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s talk, You Matter to Him, he spoke of a great paradox of man: “compared to God, we are nothing; yet we are everything to God.” To me these have always been some of the most beautiful principles of His gospel – that He knows and loves even me – one little person in a sea of faces and people and lives. And He doesn’t just know who I am, He loves me and cares for me deeply. Deeply enough that He gave His only begotten Son for me!

(image credit: wonderferret)

When I went to EFY (Especially for Youth) as a teenager just finishing high school, during one class with our session director (who just happened to be Matthew Richardson – now a member of the General Sunday School Presidency who gave a talk in October General Conference), he put a rubber glove over his head, covering everything except his mouth and blew it up. He said, “This is one kind of pride – the puffed up kind.” President Uchtdorf talked about this as one of the ways that Satan “appeal[s] to the extremes of the paradox of man.”

Then, Bro Richardson deflated the rubber glove and said, “This is the other kind of pride – the ‘I’m not worth anything’ kind of pride.” President Uchtdorf described this by saying, “[The adversary] attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God.”

Bro Richardson concluded by saying that neither having the rubber glove puffed up, nor having it deflated was going to be good for us. The solution was to completely remove the rubber glove from our head.

“How much larger your life would be
if your self were smaller in it.”
                                 ~G. K. Chesterton

I think that quote by G. K. Chesterton sums it up quite perfectly. President Uchtdorf said, “What matter[s]to [Heavenly Father is] that [we are] doing the best [we can], that [our] heart [is] inclined toward Him, and that [we are] willing to help those around [us].”

In President Uchtdorf’s talk from the General Relief Society Broadcast gave us a few things that if we will remember, will help us avoid having a rubber glove on our head.

When I heard the things that President Uchtdorf spoke about in his Relief Society talk, I couldn’t help but think what a timely message it was. I have been noticing a general despair among women in the Church these days (and I have by no means been exempt) and it touched me deeply that a prophet of God would know exactly what we needed to hear, and say it so perfectly.

You can read the whole talk on your own, and I highly recommend you do, so I won’t worry about quoting everything – but I will share the parts that meant the most to me.

I loved that he started by saying, “God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.” Which I took to mean that we can stop beating ourselves up for not being perfect – because God already knows it. And then President Uchtdorf followed up with, “God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.” How often have I looked at a family and thought they were “perfect”! The irony of comparing ourselves to others is that we almost always end up playing to one or the other of the extremes President Uchtdorf spoke about in his talk about the paradox of man – we are either comparing our weaknesses to the strengths of others (thus downplaying our own worth), or we are comparing our strengths to the weaknesses of others (thus convincing ourselves that we are somehow worth more). This reminds me again of that quote from the article on refinement I posted a while ago. Talking about ourselves and talking about others are both ways to be prideful. But talking about ideas, doctrine, books, etc are the things that will inspire us to be more like the Savior.

I feel this way a lot, “Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.”

I wrote about good and foolish sacrifices a few weeks ago when I got back from a Ragnar Relay. If you haven’t read that post, I would ask that you do. It was a really significant learning experience for me. But as a disclaimer, I want to add this bit from President Uchtdorf’s talk: “Every person and situation is different, and a good sacrifice in one instance might be a foolish sacrifice in another.” Although I can’t for the life of me figure out when running a race like that would be a good sacrifice, maybe someone can help me see.

I am usually pretty good at being happy now – I am rarely waiting for my “golden ticket” – in fact, I wouldn’t even know what my “golden ticket” is! I enjoy my life in the moment so much that I have to continuously remind myself not to “temper [my] goals.” I am usually striving for the righteous desires of my heart, but I think that in my complacency and happiness with my life how it is, I sometimes slow down when I could be stepping up the pace a little. I am working hard to find that balance between enjoying what I have now, and working toward something better. My husband is usually the one waiting for his golden ticket, but I am the one who is sometimes too content with one bar of chocolate that I don’t even worry about buying more chocolate in an attempt to get a golden ticket.

“My dear sisters, the gospel of Jesus Christ is not an obligation.” When President Uchtdorf mentioned this principle, I immediately thought of people who say things like “I can’t do that, I’m Mormon.” or “I have to serve a mission, because I’m a Mormon guy.” I am working on writing down a statement that describes “why [I] committed to making [the gospel] a foundational part of [my life]” I think that if I can come up with a good “why” statement, the gospel will “[cease] to become a burden and, instead, [become] a joy and a delight.” I would love to say that it is a joy and a delight, and that it is precious and sweet – but I know that it can become more precious to me, if I will really focus on the why.

In the Mormon Messages above, go straight to 1:24 and listen to what he says about serving a mission. That is what President Uchtdorf is talking about.

“No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.”

I wish everyone could really understand that quote – God loves you with an infinite love. He knows you! He made you! Of course He would love you. But it’s harder to really internalize than it sounds. I have had a strong testimony that the Lord loves me from the time I was very young. It has been a great blessing in my life, and it is something that my heart yearns to share with every person on this earth.

Do you know that the Lord loves you? Do you sometimes fall into one of the traps of the adversary in drawing us to the extremes of the paradox of man? How are you able to find a peaceful place where you understand both doctrines? In what ways do you try to be patient with yourself? How do you recognize foolish and good sacrifices? Are you happy with your life now? Why have you made the gospel such a fundamental part of your life? Do you know that Heavenly Father loves you?

Find more insight on this talk over at
Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club

My Yoke Is Easy

This morning I read Matthew chapters 11 and 12 and while I was reading them I was trying to answer this question, “What do I learn about the character of Christ from these chapters?”

To be honest, it was kind of a hard task this morning. The Savior did a lot of teaching in these two chapters, but a lot of it was hard words to the Pharisees and others who were hard of heart. But then when I read Matthew 11:8-30 I thought about our baptismal covenants, and the Savior’s promise to us, and how we can use His promise as an example of how to keep our baptismal covenants.

In Matthew the Lord promises us:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

In Mosiah in the Book of Mormon, we learn about our baptismal covenants:

and now as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort…

Because we take Christ’s name upon us in baptism, we must learn to become like Him and do the things that He does.

Christ is “meek and lowly in heart” and bears our burdens. When we are baptized, we covenant to do the same for others – bear their burdens to make them feel light.

What does it mean to be meek and lowly in heart? A definition for “meek”  in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is “easily imposed on.” The Savior is easily imposed on – we don’t have to plead and argue with Him for Him to agree to take our burdens. He just does it when we come to Him and ask. And we barely even have to ask, because He already knows that we have a burden.

In our lives, there are always people around us with burdens to be born. There are those who mourn, and those who need comfort. We do not need to wait for them to plead with us to take their burdens – the Savior is easily imposed on for comfort, and we should be the same way.

Sometimes we may feel that we can only bear our own burdens, but I know that we can bring both our burdens, and the burdens of others which we bear for them, to the Lord, and He will lighten our load. In Elder Alonso’s talk from General Conference, he said, “When we serve our neighbor, we help those who are in need. In the process we may find solutions to our own difficulties.” So as we bear the burdens of others, often we can find that our burdens are lightened as well.

What things have you learned about the character of Christ from the scriptures? How do you keep your baptismal covenant to bear one another’s burdens? How do you feel your burdens being lightened by the Savior?

Being With God

We had the privilege of listening to Elder David A. Bednar at our Regional Conference on Sunday at the Conference Center in Salt Lake City. He spoke about a lot of things, but one of the things that stuck with me the most was his admonition to study the life and character of the Savior, because we need to receive His image in our countenance – and in order to become like the Savior, we need to know the Savior.

I thought it was interesting that Elder Bednar specifically mentioned studying the gospels and 3 Nephi, because during the Relief Society Broadcast I felt a distinct prompting to study those exact scriptures – to really study the life of the Savior so that I could become more like Him.

As I have been reading in Matthew (I have a goal to finish the book of Matthew by the end of October, but I’m only on chapter 5… I guess I have a lot of reading to do in the next few days!) I have been trying to be mindful of the footnotes, including the Joseph Smith Translation. Last week I got to Chapter 4 where Jesus fasts for forty days and Satan tempts him. The Joseph Smith Translation makes some really significant changes in our understanding of what happened.

“Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be with God.” The King James Version says that the spirit led the Savior up into the wilderness “to be tempted of the devil” which sounds really strange – because we know that it is foolish to put ourselves in the position of being tempted by Satan. He gets enough chances to tempt us as it is, so why would we give him more opportunity? And surely the Savior would want to stay as far away from Satan as possible. I don’t think He said “Let me go find Satan and let him tempt me so that I can show him how tough I am.” That the Savior went into the wilderness to be “with God” makes a lot more sense. It also teaches us about the character of Christ – He valued being away from the world for at least a time, so that He could commune with God.

As mothers, could our “wilderness” be escaping from our responsibilities as wives and mothers for a few moments? How often to we go “into the wilderness” (away from home) to be tempted of the devil? I can’t think of times when I have wanted to get away from home and my kids so that I can pursue worldly interests – maybe a career, maybe simply shopping. An example that comes to mind is the race I ran this weekend (more about that tomorrow). How often do we go “into the wilderness to be with God”? I can think of once when I left the kids at home with my husband so I could go to the temple. That one-on-one time with God was so healing for me, and so peaceful. When I came back home I was a much better mother. I need to spend more time in the “wilderness” with God rather than with other things. My wilderness comes in the mornings, usually, and sometimes it is hard to use those early morning hours for communing with God rather than reading news articles, “liking” Facebook posts, or  commenting on blogs, and before I know it, the children are awake and the opportunity is lost.

“And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, and had communed with God, he was afterward an hungered, and was left to be tempted of the devil.” It is significant to me that the Savior communed with the Lord before he was left to be tempted. He had been with God first, which I am sure gave Him strength for when Satan came around. Do we commune with God often enough that we have strength for when Satan comes around to tempt us?

When the King James Version says “then the devil taketh him up” to the different places, the Joseph Smith Translation clarifies that it was actually the Spirit taking the Savior to the different places. This makes sense, of course, because the devil has not power over Christ. It is almost as if the Spirit was taking Christ away from Satan, and Satan just kept tagging along like a lost puppy.

Elder Bednar pointed out the translation of verse 11: “Then the devil leaveth him, and now Jesus knew that John was cast into prison, and he sent angels, and behold they came and ministered unto him (John).” This translation is significantly different than the Savior having angels minister to Him. The Lord knew that John was in prison, and he had just been fasting for forty days and forty nights and had been dealing with the father of lies, and instead of worrying about himself, the Savior sent angels to minister to John.

I am so grateful for the scriptures and the opportunity I have to seek the Lord and find Him and learn about Him. President Uchtdorf has said, “The truth is, those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him.” I hope that as I seek the Lord I can diligently seek Him and eventually, come to know Him.

How do you diligently seek the Lord? Have you studied the life of Christ? Do you study His life frequently? Have you found that you are coming to know Him? What gems from the Joseph Smith Translation have you found that have helped clarify the character of Christ for you?

The Sanctifying Work of Welfare

(find the talk here)

I have been gaining a stronger testimony recently that many Church programs are not simply organizations made up by man to help the members of the Church. They are revealed programs by the Lord, and existed in the ancient Church, whether they were called by the same name. Recently the leaders of the Church have been testifying of the organization of the Relief Society and the Welfare program, reminding us that these programs existed in Christ’s day, even if they were called something else.

Bishop H. David Burton said, “It is in the benevolent practice of sacrifice and giving of ourselves to others that we learn the celestial principles of sacrifice and consecration.” Since celestial glory is the goal of members of the Church, learning to live celestial principles is definitely our goal here on earth. The principles of welfare are really principles of sacrifice and consecration, two covenants that we make with our Father.

The welfare work is led by bishops all over the world to help the members of the ward – not just those who attend their congregation, but those within their ward boundaries who are in need of assistance. That seems like a huge responsibility, but the bishops are assisted by ward councils including Relief Society presidents, who, President Eyring said, may receive revelation for how to help before the bishop does.

I was really impressed by the story Bishop Burton told of the priesthood leader in South America who was distressed by the hunger and poverty of the members of his ward. Instead of writing to Church headquarters for food or clothing, the priesthood leader found a little plot of land, and with help from the brethren and sisters in the ward cultivated the land and grew crops to feed the ward member – despite trials and setbacks.

I think this is the key to the welfare program of the Church – it is not simply to help people, but to “help people help themselves.” The whole gospel message is that – the leaders of the Church can teach us the principles of the gospel, and can provide a place to meet, and manuals and scriptures to study, but we have to do the actual work. We have to want to become spiritually self-sufficient, just as we have to want to become temporally self-provident. Of course, we cannot become self-proficient at anything without the necessary tools, so it is our job as members of Christ’s kingdom to help give our neighbors the things they need to learn how to help themselves.

Bishop Burton gave a great illustration of how we have to take care of the temporal needs of those who also have spiritual needs.

In 1897 a young David O. McKay stood at a door with a tract in his hand. As a missionary in Stirling, Scotland, he had done this many times before. But on that day a very haggard woman opened the door and stood before him. She was poorly dressed and had sunken cheeks and unkempt hair.

She took the tract Elder McKay offered to her and spoke six words that he subsequently would never forget: “Will this buy me any bread?”

This encounter left a lasting impression on the young missionary. He later wrote: “From that moment I had a deeper realization that the Church of Christ should be and is interested in the temporal salvation of man. I walked away from the door feeling that that [woman], with … bitterness in[her heart] toward man and God, [was] in no position to receive the message of the gospel. [She was] in need of temporal help, and there was no organization, so far as I could learn, in Stirling that could give it to[her].”¹

The Savior himself often healed physical infirmities before healing spirits. He knew that when people feel taken care of they are more likely to accept the gospel. I would not believe in a gospel or a Church that preached anything but left its members out in the cold. President Gordon B. Hinckley told members in distress that, “As long as the Church has resources, we will not let you go hungry or without clothing or without shelter. We shall do all that we can to assist in the way that the Lord has designated that it should be done.” Bishop Burton quoted President Heber J. Grant who said he would “close the seminaries, shut down missionary work for a period of time, or even close the temples, but they would not let the people go hungry.” What a beautiful statement – the welfare program of the Church is truly inspired.

It seems to me that the success of the Church’s welfare program is based on the self-sufficiency of the members, and the education and eventual self-sufficiency of those who may receive assistance at one time or another. Bishop Burton listed the foundational principles of self-reliance, “avoid debt, implement principles of thrift, prepare for times of distress, listen to and follow the words of the living oracles, develop the discipline to distinguish between needs and wants and then live accordingly.” I thought it was interesting that a principle of self-reliance would be to listen to and follow the words of the prophets. But, indeed, following the prophets leads not only to spiritual prosperity, but temporal prosperity as well.

Bishop Burton’s talk is inspiring me to be more self-sufficient so that I can contribute to the welfare work of God’s kingdom. It also gives me the courage to ask for help when I need it. When we help each other and consecrate our time and means for each other and for the Church, we are truly learning the meaning of sacrifice and consecration.

In what ways do you participate in the Church’s welfare program? Have you had to accept help from the welfare program? Did you feel more able to provide for your family because of the assistance of the Church? How have you been able to help others as you have become self reliant?

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