The Lie of Perfection

Earlier this summer I wrote about spending “some” time in the scriptures every day. Today I was thinking about that again.

I know you all have been missing me on the blog (don’t tell me if you haven’t – I like to pretend I am important), and if you read my most recent post on Real Intent you might understand why I have been out of commission for a while. It’s hard to write about spiritual things when you feel utterly non-spiritual.

In short, my soul has not been doing a lot of delighting lately.

Part of that is pregnancy hormones (antepartum depression, anyone?), and part of it is a lack of patience and accepting God’s will. Cheryl wrote recently about how she always thought curve balls would come in a certain way, and the curve balls actually came in different forms than she had anticipated. I think part of my failure to endure is because the trials and adversity that I am experiencing are exactly the last thing I thought I would ever have to endure. I thought that because of choices I had made that I would be protected somehow from these trials.

Ha.

God can’t/won’t/doesn’t (not sure which one) usually protect us from any trials. He gives them to us maybe a little too willingly for our tastes, but He knows that we can handle it. And He provides a way for us to overcome or bear them. Every time.

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

You’d think I had failed seminary with all the scripture mastery verses I seem to be forgetting these days.

You’re probably wondering at this point what on earth the title of this post has to do with the actual post. Well, nothing, yet. I got distracted.

This post has to do with me learning (again … funny how Heavenly Father has to teach us the same lessons over and over and over again … if only I would learn it the first time!) that I do not have to do everything all the time every day.

What does that mean?

It means that I do not have to study the scriptures for four hours a day. One verse, even reading my favorite verse is sufficient, and if I have time one day to study for an hour or so, then great. But forgoing scripture study because I can’t study the way I want to or think I should is a dumb reason not to study the scriptures.

“Spend some time in the scriptures each day.” – Sister Beck

It means that I do not have to clean all three bathrooms in my house all the way in one day. There is no way I can feed my children, dress my children, eat healthy food myself, and keep the house reasonably clean, plus have a little time to read or do something relaxing/recreational and clean all the bathrooms all the way in one day. It’s just not possible. Even if I think to myself “I have no plans today, I can do the bathrooms today.” Ha. Not likely, and I am probably just setting myself up for failure. However, not being able to clean every corner of the bathrooms every day does not mean I should never clean the bathrooms at all.

The other day I wiped down the counters and called it good. And guess what? I felt like I had done something! I didn’t need to be perfect. Today I cleaned all of one bathroom, (the counter was already wiped – ha!) and mopped the kitchen floor. There are still dishes to be done, but the floor is clean.

I don’t have to do it all, all at once.

“Oh, please. Just let the Savior cover this day.
Let Him cover my inability to do and be everything I need to be and can’t be today.
Please let the atonement cover it.”
– Becca Riding, Cover Me, I’m Going In

The lie of perfection is that it is required of us to be 100% perfect 100% of the time, or we are complete and utter failures.

Hello – we are, by virtue of our mortal state, imperfect, and thereby “failures” (through this lens of this lie of perfection).

The hope comes in the atonement, and in doing the best we can.

Yes, I am applying the atonement to cleaning bathrooms.

Because of the atonement, I can wash the toilet in one of my bathrooms and feel like I have done enough. Some days it might be an entire bathroom, and some days it might be all three bathrooms but not the kitchen floor. Some days it might be one load of laundry and we eat frozen corn dogs for dinner.

The atonement covers all that. (if you haven’t read Becca Riding’s post about that over at Diapers and Divinity, you should. It is excellent).

One of the commenters on that post said, “As a mother I tend to put things off til the moment when all is well and no one needs me” But someone or something will always need us, and we cannot do it all, all at the same time, perfectly.

Thank heavens for the atonement.

Have you ever fallen into the trap of “perfection”? Or do you rely on the Savior’s atonement to perfect you, rather than your own works? Do you do nothing, for fear of coming up short? Or do you realize that no matter how much you do, you will always come up short, and then do as much as you can and let the atonement cover everything else?

Image Credit: Heath Robbins

Anxious

Note: This post was originally published on August 29, 2010, about 15 days after my brother passed away. It was a really hard time for me. I am feeling more "anxiously engaged" in good causes these days, and I'm grateful for the insight I gained from writing this post.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary lists these three definitions:

1 : characterized by extreme uneasiness of mind or brooding fear about some contingency

2 : characterized by, resulting from, or causing anxiety

3 : ardently or earnestly wishing

Doctrine & Covenants 58:27 reads, “Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;”

This summer for me has been fraught with a lot of anxiety. Mostly the first two definitions. I think that the meaning used in the Doctrine and Covenants is the third – the ardently or earnestly wishing part.

I have been apart from my husband this summer  - it’s been nearly 4.5 months so far. I have been anxious about his military training and the possibility of it being extended, and the possibility of us being apart for a longer period of time, postponing our future indefinitely.

My brother passed away a few weeks ago, which has thrown kinks in just about all my other summer plans.

I have most definitely forgotten all about being anxiously engaged in a good cause. Which is probably what has been causing all the anxiety I have been feeling this summer.

It’s interesting – my lack of anxiety for good causes has increased my anxiety about all the contingencies of this summer. Who would have thought not being anxious would make me anxious.

In an attempt to rectify the situation and overcome some of my anxiety caused by my lack of anxiety (how’s that for logic...) I need to find a way to begin being anxiously engaged in a good cause.

Now, it’s hard to think about good causes that aren’t big projects, taking lots of time and energy (two things I’m running short on this summer – time, and energy). But instead of focusing on the long-term, or the broad picture, I am going to start concentrating on a “good cause” each day in which I can be “anxiously engaged.” Hopefully this will help me ease the anxiety I am feeling about this summer, as well as help me draw nearer to the Savior and to Heavenly Father as I follow the commandment to do many good things of my own free will.

I need to be anxiously engaged in a good cause, but it doesn’t need to be some big project. I don’t need to start a soup kitchen or volunteer at the hospital or cook meals for every person under the sun.

They can be small things, like reading to my children. Now that is a good cause, and one I can certainly be anxiously engaged in. And if I take it one day at a time, I won’t be judging myself or expecting things of myself. All I will expect is that I find a good cause each day to be anxiously engaged in  - and then I have to actually be anxiously engaged in that cause.

Have you ever had a time when your “anxious waiting” for something made it hard to remember to be “anxiously engaged” in something good? How did you overcome the bad anxiety and replace it with the “good” anxiety? What kinds of  “good causes” are you able to find each day in which to be anxiously engaged?

Cognitive Dissonance and the Church

Image Credit: Mark Klotz

I became interested in this term, cognitive dissonance, when I read an article in Psychology Today that discussed the results of a study that showed parenting does not actually make people happier. Rather, parents simply convince themselves that they are happier/healthier/etc with children, when in fact they are not happier/healthier/etc.

Now, we could have a nice little debate about what criteria they used for “happiness” and the varying experiences that people will have, and that would be fine, but I want to delve a little deeper into what cognitive dissonance really means.

The Church, and its members, are often criticized by this theory of cognitive dissonance. Most recently I heard the term applied to Josh Weed, a gay Mormon man who is in a straight marriage (married to a woman). The comment was from a gay ex-Mormon who said he didn’t really want to read the piece because, “I'm worried that I won't be able to deal with reading about the cognitive dissonance required to be in this guy's head.”

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

It had been a while since I had heard the term used, and so I read a little more about cognitive dissonance. The Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance says that it is a “discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously.” First of all, this should mean that there wouldn’t have to be cognitive dissonance in Josh Weed’s life, because, to him, the cognitions are not “conflicting”. In fact, who is the judge of what cognitions are conflicting? Wouldn’t that be the person holding the cognitions? So I guess the only determiner of cognitive dissonance would be the person himself. If he is experiencing discomfort, and that discomfort is caused by what he believes to be conflicting cognitions, then that would be cognitive dissonance.

Later in the Wikipedia article we read, “Dissonance is aroused when people are confronted with information that is inconsistent with their beliefs. If the dissonance is not reduced by changing one’s belief, the dissonance can result in misperception or rejection or refutation of the information, seeking support from others who share the beliefs, and attempting to persuade others to restore consonance.”

This is the part that I want to talk about in an analysis of how cognitive dissonance plays a role in our lives as members of the Church.

Cognitive Dissonance for a More Perfect Understanding

Due to what I believe is an incomplete understanding of the gospel, members of the Church, when confronted with information that is inconsistent with our beliefs (i.e., Joseph Smith was sealed to women who were already married, blacks were denied the priesthood until 1978, etc) feel a discomfort, or a dissonance of sorts. I have at times felt that dissonance when confronted by something that I didn’t understand, or something that was inconsistent with my imperfect understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Wikipedia article suggests that in such a situation, when there is discomfort and dissonance, there are a few  things that may happen to reduce that dissonance:

1) change one’s beliefs
2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-15; emphasis added)

Ironically, the solution I have found to the problem of discomfort when something is inconsistent with my “beliefs” is to change my beliefs. That may sounds as if I am being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, but I was not born knowing everything. I was not born with (nor do I yet possess) a perfect knowledge of the gospel. My faith, my beliefs, have “not grown up to a perfect knowledge.” (see Alma 32:29) It is my goal to feed my faith, and to find the seeds that swell, sprout, and grow – the good seeds. And only after I have found out that it is a good seed will my knowledge be perfect “in that thing” and my faith will be dormant (in that thing). But will my knowledge of all things be perfect? No, I am still growing and learning, by the help of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers who are helping to perfect me until I come in the unity of the faith. It’s a process.

A more accurate description of this process, rather than describing it as changing my beliefs is, rather, changing my understanding of my beliefs. I claim the beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and more specifically, I claim the beliefs of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sometimes my understanding of those beliefs is not perfect, and so comes the cognitive dissonance as something is placed in my way that seems inconsistent with “my beliefs”. Rather than being inconsistent with my beliefs, that something is usually inconsistent with my understanding of my beliefs.

In the Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance it references the cognitive developmental theory of Jean Piaget: “the inevitable conflicts a child experiences between current beliefs and new information will lead to disequilibrium, which in turn motivates the child’s progress through the various stages of development.” As we are all children in the gospel of Jesus Christ, I believe that this dissonance between our understanding of our belief system and what is reality plays a similar role. The disequilibrium that is experienced by us in our journey in gospel learning motivates us through the various stages of development of our testimonies.

Cognitive Dissonance and a Retreat from the World or a Retreat into the World

I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. (John 17:15-16)

Going back to the options for resolving cognitive dissonance, I wanted to look at the last three options:

2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

Option #2 happens all the time in the Church. This is the one where people say “Oh, there’s no way Joseph Smith had all those wives.” “The Church would never do ___.” “Joseph Smith never married women who were already married, that’s just a story some anti-Mormon made up to discredit him.” These are examples of rejecting, misperceiving, or refuting information that sounds inconsistent with one’s beliefs.

Option #3 happens just as frequently. This is where members who don’t believe that unsavory things ever happened in the Church stick together and stay away from all the “heretics” who accept that there are unsavory aspects about every person and every organization. (Let me add here that unsavory aspects of our character make us human, not evil).

Option #4 is a little more subtle. I think this method of decreasing cognitive dissonance is found when members of the Church criticize those who are asking questions with the intent of gaining a better understanding of their beliefs (option #1). Members who are using option #4 will claim those using option #1 to gain a deeper understanding of their beliefs are headed down a “slippery slope”. There are those who will, in using option #1, rather than coming to a better understanding of their beliefs will abandon their misunderstood beliefs altogether, in effect becoming apostate, but not all members who ask questions in the face of cognitive dissonance are on slippery territory.

I frequently question my understanding of a belief, for example, the doctrine of gender identity is a doctrine I struggle with immensely – due to cognitive dissonance. However, I take the approach of “true until proven false” with gospel teachings, and what I usually find is that my understanding may be proven false, but the truth, or the doctrine, stands firm. It is a kind of refiners fire, where my imperfect, human perspective and understanding is burned off through these “hard” questions until only the pure doctrine remains.

Cognitive Dissonance – Hard Things and Joy

Going back to the article about parental love being merely cognitive dissonance takes me back to option #1 – changing our beliefs, or rather, having a more clear understanding of our beliefs.

The article may seem to contradict what the prophets have taught us – that families are important and that families bring us joy.

The truth of the matter is, things that bring us the greatest joy are often the hardest things to do. Ask anyone who has run a marathon, or climbed Mt. Everest, or walked again after a stroke. They won’t beat around the bush and say, “Oh yeah, those 26.2 miles, they were awesome!” or “My favorite part was the last mile to the peak. It was cake! I practically sailed up that mountain!” or “My legs felt light as feathers! I just stood up and I could walk!” More likely you will hear, “When I crossed that finish line felt like I had done something really amazing!” or “The view from the peak was breathtaking. Totally worth the climb!” or “Running in the yard with my grandkids again made me feel like a million bucks!”

When presented with the less pleasant, physically and emotionally draining, costly tasks associated with raising parents, this may seems to be inconsistent with our belief that children and families bring us joy.

The answer isn’t to refute the claims that parenting is hard (it is), or hang out more with other people who think parenting is all roses and candy (it isn’t), or attempt to convince other people that parenting really is fun all the time (it definitely isn’t) we can just deepen our understand of what joy really means.

Joy is s a feeling that we experience intermittently in parenting (when we see our children becoming kind, independent, functional human beings), and also in our gospel lives (when we have a glimpse of God in our lives). It’s that feeling you get at the finish line where you just know that you have done something really amazing.

How has cognitive dissonance played a role in the formation (or destruction) of your testimony? How do you respond to cognitive dissonance?

Look Up When You Can’t Sing

(find the talks here – It Is Better to Look Up - and here – The Songs They Could Not Sing)

Elder Quentin L. Cook pointed out that one of the questions General Authorities hear the most is “Why does Heavenly Father allow bad things to happen to good people?”

My husband and I have talked about this principle a lot. It is also spoken about in General Conference pretty frequently. There are three sources of suffering that we may experience in this mortal life.

1.) suffering caused by our own sins/disobedience to God’s commandments
2.) suffering caused by the sins of others/their disobedience to God’s commandments
3.) suffering caused by the mortality and imperfection of this world and our bodies – disease, natural disasters, etc

Elder Quentin L. Cook made a really good point when he said, “Adverse results in this mortal life are not evidence of lack of faith or of an imperfection in our Father in Heaven’s overall plan.” First of all – of course it is not evidence of an imperfection in Heavenly Father’s plan! His plan is perfect, and His plan and purpose for each of us is beautiful and perfect and will ultimately bless our lives in ways we never thought possible if we will have faith and turn to Him. I think that we are quick to judge both ourselves and others when we encounter adversity. It is easy to think that someone “brought upon themselves” their trials. But remember those three sources of suffering? Only one of them has anything to do with our own choices.

“The refiner’s fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God.” Lately I have been enduring some trials that have been caused by source #2. I have found myself staring at the floor, wondering what is wrong with me and why this his happening to me, and trying to figure out what I did to deserve this (that is, I was thinking that I was enduring these trials because of source #1). Elder Carl B. Cook asked, “Why is it a challenge to consistently look up in our lives? Perhaps we lack the faith that such a simple act can solve our problems.” I did not have the faith that looking up would solve my problems. My problems were being caused by the agency of another person. How could anything I could do change anything? I wasn’t the one making poor choices – I can’t make choices for other people. That was when I read Corine’s post on charity and I realized that even though the suffering was caused by another’s choices, I could choose how to deal with the trial.

Elder Carl B. Cook said, “As I thought of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ’s power, my heart found the comfort I had sought in vain from the floor of that descending elevator.” Notice that Elder Cook’s problems didn’t go away – but he did find comfort. He went on to say that if we “exercise our faith and look to God for help, we will not be overwhelmed with the burdens of life. We will not feel incapable of doing what we are called to do or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy.” I have really been experiencing a refiner’s fire lately, and as I have been turning to the Lord for strength, and practicing charity, I have been learning that these trials are the Lord’s way of perfecting me and purifying me. For what? Maybe nothing other than to live with Him again someday. But as I look to the Lord for strength in my trials, and as I learn to forgive and love, I am feeling myself grow and develop in ways I didn’t even know I needed to grow.

When Elder Quentin L. Cook spoke about songs that will not be sung, it reminded me of my older brother. My oldest brother passed away a little over a year ago. There were so many songs he didn’t get to sing – and yet, there were so many things he was able to do in his life. Elder Cook pointed out “A unique challenge for those who have lost loved ones is to avoid dwelling on the lost opportunities in this life.” For me, this lost opportunity would be the opportunity to encourage my brother to come back to the Church.

The prophet Joseph Smith said “The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.” The glorious part about loosing my brother is that he is not gone forever. He is in the Spirit world (which is all around us) and he can still learn and progress, and I feel like he may come back to the Church. I know at least that he is with our family – our grandparents and aunts and uncles, and they are looking after him and teaching him and testifying to him.

What did you learn about adversity and trial from these talks? Do you look up when you are feeling discouraged or when trials are in your way? Have you felt like you were in a refiner’s fire? Did you feel yourself growing? Did you see a more perfect version of yourself come out of the fire?

Find more insight on this talk over at
Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club

with all the feeling of a tender parent

(1 Nephi 8:37)

Parenting is a sensitive topic, and because of the individuality of each child, there are different ways parenting has to be applied in different situations. A friend of mine often said that she didn’t really like parenting books, because she didn’t think anyone could really tell her how to raise her kids, because they were her kids, and they were unique. While I agree (somewhat) with this attitude – children are unique and indeed have unique needs – I believe that there are some universal principles that govern good parenting, and they happen to be gospel principles.

My very favorite institute teacher (someone you’ll hear me talk about a lot on this blog), Uncle Wally, talks about following Heavenly Father’s example for parenting in an article in the book, My Soul Delighteth in the Scriptures. He expounds on more gospel-related parenting skills in his book The Soft-Spoken Parent. The parenting skills and principles I have learned by listening to Brother Goddard’s advice and knowledge (and experiences) have really enriched my life as a parent.

Last night my husband and I watched the overview of a parenting program developed by Brigham Young University’s school of education. It is a program they have developed after years and years of research and study of families, children, and parenting. It’s called You Can Do This: an Approach to Raising Wonderful Children. I love that they don’t call it the approach to raising wonderful children. Obviously that leaves room for other approaches. However – I believe that this program is founded on gospel principles.

After watching the overview video, my husband and I decided that it would be a good idea for us to go through the program together. Then we had an idea. What if we could get some of our friends to participate with us, in a type of book-club? Then I had an idea – what if I could get some online friends to participate with us in a type of online book club?

I think that maybe we will wait to start until the beginning of the year, due to the holidays and the busy schedules that people will have, but I hope that this can be an enlightening experience for all of those who choose to participate, and that we can learn a lot from this program and from the parents who will participate with us.

Each week the assignment will be to read one of the “lessons” in the program, and then during the week try to implement those strategies in our families. When we get back together at the end of the week, we will discuss what went well for us, where we have room for improvement, how the principle worked in our family, and then move on to the next principle.

There are more than 50 lessons, but we will try to pare it down and maybe combine a few lessons to shorten the course. Or maybe we will do it in 3 month intervals, and repeat? If you have any ideas how to go through this program in a group setting, let me know. As I said, this will be a kind of “book club” feel – not us teaching you (we have so much to learn ourselves!)

If you would like to participate (either online or in person – in person would be in the Salt Lake Valley, since that is where we live) let me know. We will probably do the online participants in a Google+ hangout video conference.

You Can Do This - English from McKay School of Education on Vimeo.

I will post more information on the blog as we get this thing organized. In the meantime, I invite you to go check out the website, You Can Do This and watch the overview video, or I have embedded the video here on the blog. We will probably ask each couple to watch the overview video prior to the first meeting. It is about 26 minutes long, but well worth it. My husband and I really enjoyed watching it, and we are looking forward to working through this program with a group.

What parenting programs have you participated in that have been meaningful to you and have created a difference in your parenting skills? Would you be interested in participating in this program with us – whether in person or online?

Forget Not – You Matter to Him

(find the talk here – Forget Me Not)
(find the talk here – You Matter to Him)

In President Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s talk, You Matter to Him, he spoke of a great paradox of man: “compared to God, we are nothing; yet we are everything to God.” To me these have always been some of the most beautiful principles of His gospel – that He knows and loves even me – one little person in a sea of faces and people and lives. And He doesn’t just know who I am, He loves me and cares for me deeply. Deeply enough that He gave His only begotten Son for me!

(image credit: wonderferret)

When I went to EFY (Especially for Youth) as a teenager just finishing high school, during one class with our session director (who just happened to be Matthew Richardson – now a member of the General Sunday School Presidency who gave a talk in October General Conference), he put a rubber glove over his head, covering everything except his mouth and blew it up. He said, “This is one kind of pride – the puffed up kind.” President Uchtdorf talked about this as one of the ways that Satan “appeal[s] to the extremes of the paradox of man.”

Then, Bro Richardson deflated the rubber glove and said, “This is the other kind of pride – the ‘I’m not worth anything’ kind of pride.” President Uchtdorf described this by saying, “[The adversary] attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God.”

Bro Richardson concluded by saying that neither having the rubber glove puffed up, nor having it deflated was going to be good for us. The solution was to completely remove the rubber glove from our head.

“How much larger your life would be
if your self were smaller in it.”
                                 ~G. K. Chesterton

I think that quote by G. K. Chesterton sums it up quite perfectly. President Uchtdorf said, “What matter[s]to [Heavenly Father is] that [we are] doing the best [we can], that [our] heart [is] inclined toward Him, and that [we are] willing to help those around [us].”

In President Uchtdorf’s talk from the General Relief Society Broadcast gave us a few things that if we will remember, will help us avoid having a rubber glove on our head.

When I heard the things that President Uchtdorf spoke about in his Relief Society talk, I couldn’t help but think what a timely message it was. I have been noticing a general despair among women in the Church these days (and I have by no means been exempt) and it touched me deeply that a prophet of God would know exactly what we needed to hear, and say it so perfectly.

You can read the whole talk on your own, and I highly recommend you do, so I won’t worry about quoting everything – but I will share the parts that meant the most to me.

I loved that he started by saying, “God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.” Which I took to mean that we can stop beating ourselves up for not being perfect – because God already knows it. And then President Uchtdorf followed up with, “God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.” How often have I looked at a family and thought they were “perfect”! The irony of comparing ourselves to others is that we almost always end up playing to one or the other of the extremes President Uchtdorf spoke about in his talk about the paradox of man – we are either comparing our weaknesses to the strengths of others (thus downplaying our own worth), or we are comparing our strengths to the weaknesses of others (thus convincing ourselves that we are somehow worth more). This reminds me again of that quote from the article on refinement I posted a while ago. Talking about ourselves and talking about others are both ways to be prideful. But talking about ideas, doctrine, books, etc are the things that will inspire us to be more like the Savior.

I feel this way a lot, “Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.”

I wrote about good and foolish sacrifices a few weeks ago when I got back from a Ragnar Relay. If you haven’t read that post, I would ask that you do. It was a really significant learning experience for me. But as a disclaimer, I want to add this bit from President Uchtdorf’s talk: “Every person and situation is different, and a good sacrifice in one instance might be a foolish sacrifice in another.” Although I can’t for the life of me figure out when running a race like that would be a good sacrifice, maybe someone can help me see.

I am usually pretty good at being happy now – I am rarely waiting for my “golden ticket” – in fact, I wouldn’t even know what my “golden ticket” is! I enjoy my life in the moment so much that I have to continuously remind myself not to “temper [my] goals.” I am usually striving for the righteous desires of my heart, but I think that in my complacency and happiness with my life how it is, I sometimes slow down when I could be stepping up the pace a little. I am working hard to find that balance between enjoying what I have now, and working toward something better. My husband is usually the one waiting for his golden ticket, but I am the one who is sometimes too content with one bar of chocolate that I don’t even worry about buying more chocolate in an attempt to get a golden ticket.

“My dear sisters, the gospel of Jesus Christ is not an obligation.” When President Uchtdorf mentioned this principle, I immediately thought of people who say things like “I can’t do that, I’m Mormon.” or “I have to serve a mission, because I’m a Mormon guy.” I am working on writing down a statement that describes “why [I] committed to making [the gospel] a foundational part of [my life]” I think that if I can come up with a good “why” statement, the gospel will “[cease] to become a burden and, instead, [become] a joy and a delight.” I would love to say that it is a joy and a delight, and that it is precious and sweet – but I know that it can become more precious to me, if I will really focus on the why.

In the Mormon Messages above, go straight to 1:24 and listen to what he says about serving a mission. That is what President Uchtdorf is talking about.

“No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.”

I wish everyone could really understand that quote – God loves you with an infinite love. He knows you! He made you! Of course He would love you. But it’s harder to really internalize than it sounds. I have had a strong testimony that the Lord loves me from the time I was very young. It has been a great blessing in my life, and it is something that my heart yearns to share with every person on this earth.

Do you know that the Lord loves you? Do you sometimes fall into one of the traps of the adversary in drawing us to the extremes of the paradox of man? How are you able to find a peaceful place where you understand both doctrines? In what ways do you try to be patient with yourself? How do you recognize foolish and good sacrifices? Are you happy with your life now? Why have you made the gospel such a fundamental part of your life? Do you know that Heavenly Father loves you?

Find more insight on this talk over at
Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club

Things as They Really Are

(find the talk here)

After watching the Mormon Messages video about the Young Woman’s purse (from a talk I really enjoyed), I clicked on this video: Things As They Really Are. There were a few moments during the video when I almost cried. By now you should know that I am a softy and I cry at just about anything. Seriously, sometimes watching my kids play can make me cry. Watching home videos of my kids when they were babies? Tears. Home videos of my childhood? Tears. I’m just saying, it’s not very significant that I cried during this video, because just about anything can make me cry.

Back to the point – you should watch it. Everyone should watch it.

Here are the two questions Elder Bednar gave for us to study:

I offer two questions for consideration in your personal pondering and prayerful studying:

1. Does the use of various technologies and media invite or impede the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost in your life?

2. Does the time you spend using various technologies and media enlarge or restrict your capacity to live, to love, and to serve in meaningful ways?

You will receive answers, inspiration, and instruction from the Holy Ghost suited to your individual circumstances and needs.

Because I liked the video so much I decided to go read the talk the excerpts came from. The excerpts in the video were taken from a CES Fireside given by Elder David A. Bednar which was subsequently published in the June 2010 Ensign. I knew that it was familiar, because I had read it in the Ensign.

The talk is rich. Powerful. Packed with truth and declarations from a prophet of God. I won’t go through the whole thing, because a lot of the good stuff is in the video, but there were a few things that stuck with me from the talk.

At the beginning of his talk, Elder Bednar stated that the topics he was going to discuss had “both immediate and eternal implications.” Usually we know that our actions have eternal implications, and a lot of times our actions will have earthly implications – but usually down the road. This made me perk up – these topics have immediate implications.

In the talk, Elder Bednar really stressed the doctrine of having a physical body. Having a physical body is very important for our eternal progression, and one of the reasons Satan tries so hard to ruin that is because his eternal progression was stopped when he was denied a body due to rebellion against God. I recently read the account of the Savior casting out devils and the spirits going into the swine and running into the sea to be killed. Elder Bednar pointed out, “when cast out by the Savior he asked to go into the herd of swine,showing that he would prefer a swine’s body to having none.”

Teaching us about the importance of our physical bodies, Elder Bednar said, “Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal estate.”

The first attack by the adversary Elder Bednar pointed out was that of addictive substances and behaviors, as well as preoccupation with body image. I have always been well aware of this attack, and have thankfully never dealt too much with any of these attacks in my own life. I had good parents who taught me to stay healthy, and who taught me that “healthy” is better than “skinny” – or whatever the world thinks is the best body image. I have also been able to stay free of harmful addictive substances (also thanks to my good parents).

The next attack Elder Bednar speaks of is thrill seeking, doing things that put our bodies at risk so that we can get an “adrenaline rush.” He said, “putting at risk the very instrument God has given us to receive the learning experiences of mortality—merely to pursue a thrill or some supposed fun, to bolster ego, or to gain acceptance—truly minimizes the importance of our physical bodies.” Thankfully I hate adrenaline rushes, and I get plenty being a mother (“Don’t touch that!” “Don’t lean so far over the edge of the deck!” “Don’t climb that!” “What is that coming out of your nose!” “What’s wrong with your eye?!” … need I go on?) and I have never had any desire to put my physical body at risk for anything. This has at times prevented me from experiencing some really fun and not dangerous things, but my husband who is somewhat of an adrenaline junkie is helping me experience more things that I wouldn’t originally have experienced without him – because I put them in this “high risk” category and they aren’t really – like riding dirt bikes and jet skis and motorcycles.

The last attack is one that I sometimes fall prey to. Do I sometimes “neglect eternal relationships for digital distractions, diversions, and detours that have no lasting value”? I can tell you that I have frequently idled away time on the computer – purposely wasting time because I want the day to end, or because I am depressed about something, or because I can’t think of anything better to do (i.e. I am lazy). I am ashamed to admit it, but it is true.

Most of the time I spend on the computer is usually writing in this blog (studying the scriptures and writing about it), writing in our family blog (preserving our family history), working on family history, writing family members. But I spend far too much time on “virtual relationships” – even if they are good relationships. I enjoy reading a few blogs written by LDS women – women who seem to be like me – they enjoy the gospel, they enjoy writing about the gospel, and they enjoy being mothers. Elder Bednar stressed that “things [should be] experienced as they really are through the instrument of our physical body”, even, no especially, “the sincerity in the eyes of another person as testimony is shared”.  All this time I have been feeling like my time spent communicating on LDS women’s blog has been justified because I am sharing my testimony with them, and they are sharing their testimony with me – but there is something to be said about experience that testimony sharing in person, face-to-face, experiencing it through our physical bodies rather than simply our mind. I was so grateful to be able to spend time a few weeks ago (in person, with my physical body) with one of the women I look up to a lot on the blogosphere.

Because we have moved so much in the past few years, I have been keeping in contact with my friends from all the places I have lived through this virtual world. This has been good for me, but I think that I have neglected making new real friends where I am now because I am able to still connect with my old friends. I know that this has been stifling my growth – it’s just different when you have a best friend who sees you in person “as you really are.” They have a different perspective of you and they can see what you need to change and can help you with the things you really need help with.

After re-reading this talk I have decided that I am going to make a better commitment to make true, real friends in my neighborhood and in the real world so that I can experience those relationships that are so necessary for this life and for our mortal experience.

The last thought I wanted to share with you was about fidelity in virtual worlds. Elder Bednar talked about two scenarios. The first - high fidelity with a good purpose (such as flight simulators, surgical simulators, computer software that helps build safe buildings, etc) - “Such a simulation can be constructive if the fidelity is high and the purposes are good—for example, providing experience that saves lives or improves the quality of life.” Then he showed these two pictures. The one on the left is a virtual simulation of a sealing room in a temple. The picture on the right is an actual picture of that room after it was built and furnished.

The next scenario he described was high fidelity with a bad purpose – such as video games or online social networking where you start to forget “the importance of your physical body and miss the richness of person-to-person communication.” This kind of simulation “can lead to spiritual impairment and danger if the fidelity is high and the purposes are bad—such as experimenting with actions contrary to God’s commandments or enticing us to think or do things we would not otherwise think or do ‘because it is only a game.’” I have to think about that – how often do I justify behaviors or experiences because “it is only a game” or “it is only a TV show” or “it is only a movie”?

Elder Bednar also stressed the importance of personal fidelity – that is, being the same person online and offline. I have tried to be diligent in being the same person online as I am offline, but sometimes I feel like I am a better person online than offline – I mean, in my online world I know that I speak less harshly (it’s easier to control my words when I have to type them – and I can see how they come out), and I know that I am more tolerant of others in an online world than in the world around me.

Fortunately, that means I know that I am capable of being tolerant and of measuring my words – I just need to work on being that way in the real world. It isn’t enough to be that way online. I have to learn to actually be that way, which means conquering the natural man – something that is a real experience, and not a virtual one.

How has the digital world affected you and your family? How has technology blessed and enriched your life? How has it been a challenge for you? Do you remember that your body is essential for eternal progression? How do you make sure you are having real experiences? Are you working on learning how to use your body in a real way?

Refined Speech

Thought I would share this quote from one of my favorite Ensign articles about refinement. By Douglas L. Callister of the Seventy titled Our Refined Heavenly Home.

Their Mother

One of my favorite articles of all time is titled Washing, Weeding, and Worshipping. It is more or less a tribute to a mother who “wove gospel teachings into everyday activities.”

As I re-read this article a few months ago (the first time I read it it was before I had children of my own – I think it was even before I was married or even engaged) I thought “This is how I want my children to think of me when they are older.” And that got me thinking about the kinds of things I want my children to say about me when they are grown. I decided that I would write down a “tribute” to myself written from the eyes of my grown children. I know that sounds a little self-absorbed, but I think of it as writing down a goal of what I want to be. If I can imagine what my children will say about me when they are grown, I will have something to live up to – expectations to live up to.

This past General Conference, as Sister Barbara Thompson spoke about cleaving to covenants, I was gently reminded by the Spirit about this idea to write down what I want my grown children to say about me.

And so here I write what I want my children to say about me when they are grown. This is not a description how I see myself right now – but it is how I would like to be…

Mother
what I want my children to say about me when they are grown

All through my life there have been a few things I know for sure. One of those things is that my mother loves me, and another is that she has a testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

When I would make a mistake, or go down a wrong path, my mother would gently show me the way to go, and hold my hand until I got back on the right path. She taught me how to repent, and she taught me that repentance is not scary, but the joyful way we come back to the Lord when we have made a mistake. I watched her repent. When she would make a mistake, she would admit it, and I could tell that her heart would break a little. But then I would watch her pray to Heavenly Father and I could see her trying to do better afterwards, and the joy you could see on her face was indescribable. She had a way of teaching by example.

She taught me to be a missionary, and to share my testimony. She was always posting videos from the Church on her social networking pages, and always blogging about the gospel and the scriptures. She was fearless in declaring her beliefs, but was respectful of the beliefs of others at the same time. She studied the gospel every day and memorized scriptures. She would always be quoting some scripture or other that applied to our life circumstances at the moment. She truly sought first to obtain the word.

She also had a song for every occasion. More often than not, those songs came from the hymns or from the Children’s Songbook. She was always singing. We loved to sit with her around the piano and sing the hymns. She never pressured us to live the gospel – only invited us. And she made it look like so much fun that we couldn’t help accepting her invitation!

She adored our father. She was always doing nice things for him, and always had something nice to say about him to her friends. She never spoke negatively about father, and as far as we could tell, never though negatively about him either. He was her first priority. Our interjections of “Mamãe!” we frequently met with “I’m talking to your father right now, you’ll have to wait.” She enjoyed being with him and would drop whatever she was doing to greet him when he came in the room, or to listen to what he had to say.

She made life fun. She always had something for us to do, and it was always something fun – even if it was a “chore” – she made it fun for us. She always praised us for a job well done, even if we hadn’t done the job perfectly. She rarely criticized our actions, and was rarely disappointed in us. Whenever we fell short of her expectations for us, she would simply spend more time teaching us, walking beside us, and caring for us as we tried to live the gospel as she taught us.

She taught us how to love others. We learned from her that everyone is a child of God. She wouldn’t let us speak ill of any person, and she herself never spoke ill of anyone. She always found a positive light for every person, every situation, and every action. She taught us not to judge people for their actions, because we can never completely know their heart. She taught us how to serve and take care of those in need. Our home was open to anyone who needed a warm bed, a hearty meal, or simply a family to love them. My mother especially loved children. Any child was as precious as us to her, and she would do anything in her power to help every child have the opportunity to succeed.

She taught us to obey the commandments. Especially the law of the Sabbath and the law of the tithe. But instead of seeing commandments as a chore, mother made them seem exciting to live. We loved finding new ways to worship the Lord each Sunday, and mother let us help choose ways to worship.

Mother taught us to “seek ... out of the best books wisdom.” She always made sure we had books, and would read to us consistently. We loved to gather around mother as she would read to us from the scriptures and from other good books. When we left home, we each had our own collection of good books to take with us. Mother made sure of it.

Mother taught us to be like the Savior because she was like the Savior.

What kinds of things do you want your children to say about you when they are grown? Will they know the Savior better because they saw Him in you? Will they “not doubt their mothers knew” the gospel was true?

Woman at the Well

This weekend has been one of spiritual nourishment for me.

There comes a point after each General Conference where I find myself eagerly awaiting the next conference. The past few weeks have been like that for me. I have read, studied, pondered, and acted on the April General Conference talks, and I was just itching to receive more light and knowledge.

That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.
                                                  Doctrine & Covenants 50:24

I really loved what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said in April about General Conference, “If we teach by the Spirit and you listen by the Spirit, some one of us will touch on your circumstance, sending a personal prophetic epistle just to you.”

I received so many personal prophet epistles I hardly know where to begin! When I was a youth, an inspired instructor told us “When the Spirit moves you, write down what you are going to do!” And it was when I took Teachings of the Living Prophets at Brigham Young University that my instructor taught us to look for instruction at General Conference. That semester she had us write down at least ten things that we were going to do because of what we heard in General Conference, and I have kind of kept up that habit. When I am writing notes during any talk or lesson, I write down the things I am going to do with a little arrow in front of them like this –> Then I can find them easily when I go through my notebook.

How do you record what you got out of General Conference? Do you listen for your own “personal prophetic epistle[s]”?

The Sabbath Part II – Staying Unspotted

(This is Part II of a five part series on The Sabbath)

To Keep Ourselves Unspotted from the World

In President Kimball’s article, he gave several examples of communities which kept the Sabbath, and communities that broke the Sabbath. He spoke of communities where the hay balers stood idle in the field and the businesses were all closed. He spoke of other communities where people were lined up at the theater, or heading off for the hunt on the Sabbath. The Lord expects us to avoid recreation and business transactions on the Sabbath. Elder Perry called these “worldly distractions.”

President Kimball clarified the problem with recreation and business on the Sabbath. “There is no criticism of legitimate recreation—sports, picnics, plays, and motion pictures… But there is a proper time and place for all worthwhile things—a time for work, a time for play,a time for worship.” It is good to have one day where we remove ourselves completely from the world and simply worship. He went on to say, “Sometimes Sabbath observance is characterized as a matter of sacrifice and self-denial, but it is not so. It is merely a matter of shifting times and choosing seasons. There is time enough, particularly in our era of the world’s history, during the six days of the week in which to do our work and play. Much can be done to organize and encourage weekday activities, avoiding the Sabbath.” There is a time and a season for all things, and with careful planning, we can do all our work and play in the other six days of the week, and save the Sabbath for worshipping the Lord. As I have been working on preparing for the Sabbath each Saturday (all the while singing in my head the song “Saturday is a special day, it’s the day we get ready for Sunday.”) I have discovered this counsel from President Kimball to be true.

There is some work that must be done on the Sabbath. People don’t stop getting sick on the Sabbath, no matter how healthy we all try to be (although there are probably people who would go to the hospital on the Sabbath instead of waiting for Monday when they really could wait), people don’t stop breaking the law on the Sabbath, and accidents and tragedies don’t rest on the Sabbath, unfortunately. So there is a place for those jobs that never sleep. However, President Kimball pointed out, “Many industries have processes which, it is said, cannot be interrupted for the Sabbath—in those industries the workers ‘have to work’ on Sunday.This may be true. But ‘necessity is the mother of invention,’ and I have often wondered how long it would take to invent new methods of production, which would not require Sunday work, if everyone in a particular industry simply decided to keep the Sabbath day holy.” There are certainly industries where I think this is true, but there are also industries (such as the ones I mentioned) that truly do have a need on the Sabbath.

There are some “jobs” that we must do on the Sabbath that may actually be good to do on the Sabbath. President Kimball said, “some of the work that is truly necessary—caring for the sick, for example—may actually serve to hallow the Sabbath.” Because caring for the sick, and offering that service to the feeble is something that we may do to keep the Sabbath even if it isn’t our paid job, working that job can be an experience that brings us closer to Heavenly Father, and helps us honor Him. President Kimball, however, cautioned, “in such activities our motives are a most important consideration.”

“When men and women are willing to work on the Sabbath to increase their wealth, they are breaking the commandments.” To me, this would be like a nurse taking on Sunday shifts at the hospital because she wants to earn more money to buy a car or a house. On the other hand, I’ll share an experience my sister had. She works in a hospital lab. She normally works a week day shift, but a few weeks ago, when they were working out the winter holiday schedule at work, a mother who usually works the Sunday shift asked if someone would take her shift on Christmas day (since Christmas day this year is a Sunday). My sister doesn’t have any children of her own, and she offered to take the shift – not because she wants to work on the Sabbath, but because she knew that this woman would be able to spend Christmas (and the Sabbath) with her children if my sister took her shift. My sister was also more than willing to switch a shift with this woman. My sister’s motivations were pure – she wanted her colleague to be able to spend Christmas with her children. Her heart was not set on the extra money she would earn from the shift, but helping the other woman’s family. If we work on the Sabbath, we would be wise to carefully consider our motives, as well as the need – is it really necessary?

Sometimes, even if we do not work on the Sabbath, the ox may fall in the mire, and we are not condemned if we pull out our ox to save it. However, President Kimball pointed out that “no one deliberately puts the ox in the mire every week, or lets him get in the mire with no effort to keep him out.” I like both parts of this – we should not deliberately put the ox in the mire (that is, we shouldn’t try to make there be situations where we must break the Sabbath) and we should try to keep the ox out of the mire. An example of deliberately putting the ox in the mire would be choosing to cook a meal on the Sabbath that requires an ingredient you don’t have, therefore “requiring” that you go to the store to obtain the necessary ingredient. An example of taking no steps to keep the ox out of the mire would be letting your car run empty on Saturday evening and thus you must purchase gas on the Sabbath in order to get to your Church meetings. I think most of us would not deliberately put ourselves in a situation in which we must pull the ox out of the mire, but I know that I have sometimes neglected to take the necessary precautions to keep the ox out of the mire.

Elder Perry also explained that the way we dress on the Sabbath has something to do with keeping ourselves unspotted from the world. “We know that when Sunday dress deteriorates to everyday attire, attitudes and actions follow…by the clothing we encourage [our children] to wear and the activities we plan, we help them prepare for the sacrament and enjoy its blessings throughout the day.” I think this is important. And at the same time, I worry that sometimes the Saints judge each other because of their Sunday dress, perhaps thinking that Sister So-and-so isn’t as righteous because she brings her children to church in sneakers and a t-shirt. The greatest thing I ever learned about the term “Sunday best” is that “best” is relative to the other things in your closet, not the other things in someone else’s closet. The reason I don’t put my children in sneakers for church on Sunday is because I have dress shoes and a suit for my son, and I have nice dresses for my daughter. The reason I don’t wear flip-flops to Church is because I own dress shoes. We should wear our Sunday best, but we should also be careful not to judge others whose Sunday best might be more casual than our Sunday best.

How do you keep yourself and your family “unspotted from the world” on the Sabbath? If you work on the Sabbath, what is your motivation? What steps do you take to keep the ox out of the mire? How do you organize your week so that you can devote the Sabbath to the Lord? What does “Sunday best” mean to you?

Part I            Part III

The Eternal Blessings of Marriage

Remember to enter my 100th blog post Giveaway!

(find the talk here)

I loved Elder Richard G. Scott’s talk when I heard it in Conference, and I have loved it each of the 10+ times I have read or listened to it since. The love that he expresses for his wife was really touching, and made me crave to have that in my own marriage.

“Two of the vital pillars that sustain Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness are marriage and the family.” Marriage and family are under attack by Satan, because he wants to do everything he can to destroy God’s plan for us. We need to fight back with strong, righteous families and rock-solid temple marriages.

I struggle sometimes with the words of the prophets on marriage, because they are usually speaking to the men about how to treat their wives, or to both partners about how to have a strong marriage, but the prophets don’t usually speak about how to be a good wife. I have been married for six years, and I still feel like I’m just doing the best I can, but that I don’t have a clue how to be a good wife.

“Marriage provides an ideal setting for overcoming any tendency to be selfish or self-centered.” I am a very stubborn person, so I think that marriage has helped me to become less stubborn. It also helps me to look outside of myself and serve others. I can serve my husband and my children. “I think one of the reasons that we are counseled to get married early in life is to avoid developing inappropriate character traits that are hard to change.” Hopefully by being married early in my life I will be able to avoid developing inappropriate character traits! I feel myself softening as the years go by in my marriage. Marriage is hard, and I can feel my soul stretching and expanding as I try to be a righteous wife and mother. Sometimes the stretching hurts, but I am trying to be open minded and humble. I don’t always succeed (actually, most of the time I am still just stubborn – but I am trying!)

Finally, I want to be more like Elder Scott’s wife who, “in her morning prayer she would ask her Father in Heaven to lead her to someone she could help. That sincere supplication was answered time and again. The burdens of many were eased; their lives were brightened. She was blessed continually for being an instrument directed by the Lord.” Sometimes I feel like I am barely able to keep my own head above water, but I think that as I continue to look outside myself for ways to help God’s children He will give me strength to bear my own infirmities.

What blessings have you received from Eternal Marriage? Do you share sweet messages with your spouse, like Elder Scott described with his wife? Does marriage stretch you? If you are not married, are you actively seeking someone to spend eternity with?

Become as a Little Child

(find the talk here)

When I wrote about Elder Cook’s talk a few days ago, I mentioned that Heavenly Father has given me an indescribable love and profound regard for children. Sister Jean A. Stevens’ talk reminded me of that love.

I get emotional whenever I see, hear about, or read about children being children. My husband and I went through foster care training classes earlier this year and I cried through just about every class. When I think about or talk about children, I am overcome with a feeling of how precious and sacred little children are. I can barely get through singing the songs in the Children’s Songbook about children. One of my favorite songs is “How Dear To God are Little Children”

How dear to God are little children
With Him their spirit life began
So priceless their security, their innocence and purity
They are a part of His eternal plan.

To earthly parents God sends children
To guide and teach protect and love
Oh let us keep the sacred trust that He has placed with each of us
And help to guide them back to God above.

How dear to God are little children.

Sister Steven’s talk makes it clear exactly why little children are so dear to God. Their innocence and purity is a guide for us to learn from them. We have so much to learn from little children. Too often we think that it is our job to “make” our children “be good.” But Heavenly Father places us on earth as little children so that we can learn from the examples of their innocence and purity. “These precious children of God come to us with believing hearts. They are full of faith and receptive to feelings of the Spirit. They exemplify humility, obedience, and love. They are often the first to love and the first to forgive.”

One of the things I believe most strongly in is the innocence of children. Too often I see mothers who talk about how their children are “trying to make them mad” or “testing them” or their kids want to make life hard for them. What these mothers would do well to realize is that their children are actually perfect, innocent, and precious and it is our job to become like them. The other part of our job is to “guide them back to God above.” But I think that we learn to lead by following. As we learn to become like a child – meek, submissive, humble, and willing to submit to all things – we become better able to lead our children.

“Have some of life’s experiences taken from you the believing heart and childlike faith you once had? If so, look around at the children in your life. And then look again… If we have a heart to learn and a willingness to follow the example of children, their divine attributes can hold a key to unlocking our own spiritual growth.” If we could help children stay like children – if we could help them recognize their divine attributes of meekness, humility, and faith – we might be able to help them grow into much more faithful adults. And we might actually become more faithful adults ourselves.

How do you help children recognize their divine qualities? Do you see the divine in your children, or do you assign “adult” motives to their actions, rather than recognizing their innocence? Do you strive to become more like your children so that you can lead by following their Christ-like examples?

Find more great comments on Sister Stevens' talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity:

An Ensign to the Nations

(find the talk here)

I love listening to and reading Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s talks. I had the opportunity to take a class at Brigham Young University from one of his sons, Matthew Holland. Like father, like son. Professor Holland has a teaching style very similar to his father’s style, and is just as well spoken and blunt as his father is. Perhaps that is the thing I like the most about Elder Holland – he is well spoken, and yet very, very blunt. My husband and I say that he doesn’t mince words.

Elder Holland testified of what I have always loved about General Conference (and the gospel teaching method in general) – the Spirit teaches us. “If we teach by the Spirit, and you listen by the Spirit, some one of us will touch on your circumstance, sending a personal prophetic epistle just to you.” I have always felt that this is true – especially when talking to other people about General Conference. We both listened to the exact same talks, but we each took away different messages – messages that were specifically relevant in our separate lives.

I have always loved the quote from President Harold B. Lee who said that the gospel is “to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the [comfortable].” I have felt both comforted and afflicted during each General Conference – and often within the same talk! Elder Holland gives us a little guidance on this, “So if you are trying to do the best you can – if, for example, you keep trying to hold family home evening in spite of the bedlam that sometimes reigns in a houseful of little bedlamites – then give yourself high marks and, when we come to that subject, listen for another which addresses a topic where you may be lacking.” Since there are more topics where I am lacking than where I can give myself high marks, I find myself more afflicted than comforted during General Conference – but I don’t mind the afflicting. I know that it is simply for me to grow and learn, and I welcome opportunities to learn and grow.

I feel as if I am ascending the path of discipleship that Elder Holland speaks of - “Obviously as the path of discipleship ascends, that trail gets ever more narrow until we come to that knee-buckling pinnacle … ‘Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.’ What was gentle in the lowlands of initial loyalty becomes deeply strenuous and very demanding at the summit of true discipleship.” I am deeply grateful for the guidance and counsel of latter-day prophets to help us as we climb the path of discipleship. The path is narrow, and steep – and as we listen to the prophets’ counsel we can receive strength to reach the pinnacle and indeed become perfect, as our Father in heaven is perfect.

Have you felt comforted and afflicted during General Conference? Have you felt that “personal epistle” Elder Holland talks about?

  Find more great comments on Elder Holland’s talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity:

“Desire”

(find the talk here)

I have really been slacking lately, and I have no excuses, really. Just that I have been lazy and inattentive to the things that matter most, and I am repenting and trying to start fresh (it seems like this is a cycle with me – but better a cycle of trying to be better than giving up).

Which brings me perfectly to Elder Dallin H. Oaks’ talk from April General Conference (and I better get studying the rest of these talks – October is just around the corner!).

When I was dating my husband, my prayers each night and morning were so fervent – my greatest desire was to return to live with Heavenly Father, and the subject of my prayers was pleading with Heavenly Father to help me have the right desires and the right actions to live with Him again. I was studying the scriptures a lot, and studying the gospel a lot, and then I got engaged and I prepared to go to the temple. When I went through the temple for the first time, and then again after I was sealed to my husband for time and all eternity I thought to myself, “This is it – this is what I needed to do. Now I have what I need to get back to Heavenly Father.”

Of course, those temple ordinances aren’t free-rides to the Celestial Kingdom. It’s been over five years since I made those covenants in the temple, and I am realizing all too well that it is really easy to forget that desire that burned in me before I received those ordinances. I want to keep that desire burning.

Elder Oaks quoted Elder Neal A. Maxwell in his talk, who said, “…what we insistently desire, over time, is what we will eventually become and what we will receive in eternity.” I want to make sure that I am desiring the right things.

One of my favorite scriptures is in Alma 32 when Alma promises the people listening to him that if they “can no more than desire to believe” they can receive a testimony as well. It reminds me of the father who brought his crippled son to the Savior, and upon the Savior’s questioning of his faith, the Father said, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” This part of the gospel is one of the most hopeful to me, because I want to believe and do so many things that are so hard. But I know that if I can but desire to believe them and desire to to do them, then the Lord will help my unbelief and will help faith and a testimony develop and grown in my heart.

How do you keep your desires on the right things? Do you sometimes desire to believe things? Do you feel that desire working within you to grow to faith and testimony?

“To This End Was I Born”

(find the lesson here)

And here I thought writing about Gethsemane was going to be hard. This week’s lesson is on the crucifixion, and I’m sure I will do it even less justice than I did the first part of the atonement. But I do have a testimony of Christ’s atonement, so I will share what I have learned and what stood out to me, and then just bear my simple testimony – since that is just about all I can do.

I pointed this out last week, but I think it is important enough to point out again. Jesus Christ’s life was not taken, and the sins of the world were not put upon him. He, of Himself, took upon himself the sins of the world, and He, of Himself, gave His life. At any time during the life of Christ He could have stopped what was happening. He could have ascended into Heaven. He had the power to stop the Jews from taking Him. He had the power to save Himself from the cross. And yet, He didn’t. He gave His life for us.

In the Garden, when Peter wanted to fight the men who came to take the Savior, Christ said to Peter, “Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?” (here) Christ knew what had to be done, and He was willing. “Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?” The Savior testified of His own power by reminding Peter that He could save Himself if He wanted to. Jesus didn’t need Peter to fight for His life – for He was willing to give it.

When the Savior asked the priests what they wanted of Him, He asked them why they never took Him when He had been teaching in the temples. He reminded them that “in secret have I said nothing.” Christ was not trying to be sneaky. He wanted the whole world, and all the Jews, to hear His message and accept Him as Christ. He had been very visible.

When the Savior was taken from the garden of Gethsemane, His disciples “forsook him, and fled” – all but Peter and John who stayed with Him as the priests took Him to trial. Later, Peter denied Christ three times, which Christ had prophesied would happen. Because I can’t say it any better the President Hinckley did, and because I completely agree with President Hinckley, I will just include this quote from him:

“My heart goes out to Peter. So many of us are so much like him. We pledge our loyalty; we affirm our determination to be of good courage; we declare, sometimes even publicly, that come what may we will do the right thing, that we will stand for the right cause, that we will be true to ourselves and to others.

“Then the pressures begin to build. Sometimes these are social pressures. Sometimes they are personal appetites. Sometimes they are false ambitions. There is a weakening of the will. There is a softening of discipline. There is capitulation. And then there is remorse, followed by self-accusation and bitter tears of regret. …

“… If there be those throughout the Church who by word or act have denied the faith, I pray that you may draw comfort and resolution from the example of Peter, who, though he had walked daily with Jesus, in an hour of extremity momentarily denied the Lord and also the testimony which he carried in his own heart. But he rose above this and became a mighty defender and a powerful advocate. So, too, there is a way for any person to turn about and add his or her strength and faith to the strength and faith of others in building the kingdom of God” (“And Peter Went Out and Wept Bitterly,” Ensign, Mar. 1995, 2–4, 6).

Peter didn’t deny Christ and then run away. Peter denied Christ in a moment of extreme emotional and spiritual turmoil – for all of the disciples. But later, Peter repented and continued to defend Christ until his death. The key here is that he repented and so can we, because life is hard, and we won’t be perfect, even though we want to be. Which is why Christ atoned for us and was crucified for us – so that we can be perfect, because we can’t do it alone.

I discovered something interesting in the scriptures about Pilate. When Jesus was brought to Pilate, Pilate knew that the Jews “for envy they had delivered him.” (here) So Pilate knew that the Jews were just being ridiculous and that they didn’t really have anything to charge Jesus with. That was why Pilate suggested that the Jews release Barabbas. Because Barabbas was such a vile murderer, Pilate was sure the Jews would rather have Jesus back than Barabbas. But the Jews chose Barabbas.

I know that the Savior lived for us, that He died for us, and that He was resurrected – all so that we can live with Him and with our Father forever. I know that as we study His life and His teachings and His words that we will grow closer to Him and that we will be able to understand the atonement so that we can apply it in our lives.

I am forever grateful that the Lord laid down His life for us. That He gave up His life to save us.

“Finding Joy Through Loving Service”

(find the talk here)

Let me tell you a secret. The first part isn’t so much a secret – I like to run. I have been running consistently for several years now, and I really enjoy it. It gives me a chance to get out and be on my own for a little while, and when I am running outside (my very favorite place to run) I get to see the beautiful reflections of God’s love for us, evident in this wonderful world He created for us.

The secret part is that when you see me with my headphones on while I’m running, don’t assume I’m listening to some 80’s rock (my favorite running music). More often than not (unless I’m running a race) I’m probably listening to General Conference talks.

What’s interesting is that I just listened to Elder M. Russell Ballard’s talk during my recent run – and I don’t remember any of it, except the story of the gold prospector, and the part about how we need to serve others in our community to help spread the gospel throughout the world.

So I was excited to read it. And then I read it. And nothing stood out to me. Which is weird, because usually when I read the talks from General Conference I love them. Not this one. Of course, I knew it was all true, and I kind of got excited when Elder Ballard started talking about how charity begins at home. But he only spent a few sentences talking about that, and moved on. It felt like he briefly touched on many different small “nuggets” of truth, and didn’t really expound on any of them. At first, I was disappointed, because I love delving into the doctrine of the gospel, especially when my study is led by a prophet and apostle. But then as I read Elder Ballard’s testimony at the end of his talk, I realized how appropriate it was for him to touch on all these nuggets, especially in light of how he told the story of how the young man panning for gold was looking for nuggets, and was missing all the flecks of gold.

I am like that a lot. I look for the nuggets and miss the flecks. I want to know the “big things” that will make me a good person. Especially in mothering. I feel guilty because I don’t do huge activities with my kids every stinking day. Half the time I don’t even really play with them one-on-one. I feel like I’m failing them. But then when I add up all the small “flecks” of fun things I do with my children, even just acknowledging them and the things they say, and including them in my activities as I clean the house and do chores, I know those things are adding up for my kids and their lives are being filled with all the flecks of gold that I can give them.

Elder Ballard spoke directly to my perceived dilemma right from the start of his talk, “Against this beautiful backdrop of spring and its symbolism of hope, there is a world of uncertainty, complexity, and confusion. The demands of everyday life—education, jobs, raising children, Church administration and callings, worldly activities, and even the pain and sorrow of unexpected illness and tragedy—can wear us down.” (emphasis added) I have felt the “uncertainty, complexity, and confusion” of this world all too well in the past few months. Just when I think I have things figured out, something goes “wrong” and I feel my life spiraling out of control. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Elder Ballard said, “Brothers and sisters, the gospel of Jesus Christ is simple, no matter how much we try to make it complicated. We should strive to keep our lives similarly simple, unencumbered by extraneous influences, focused on those things that matter most.” (emphasis added) You’d think that after President Uchtdorf’s talk last fall, we would have ‘things that matter most’ down to an art. For some reason, I keep forgetting, and I need to be reminded at every General Conference.

Like I said, Elder Ballard’s talk was a collection of gold flakes, and taken together, you can see the importance of the principle he spoke about – love and charity for one another. My favorite flake was a quote from the Book of Mormon about how to receive this gift of love and charity. “…pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love…” I don’t know any other way to receive spiritual gifts. We can’t just read a self-help book and suddenly have spiritual gifts. Really, we can’t do anything of our own power. Everything we have, and everything we are, is through the Savior, Jesus Christ. Why should being able to express love and charity be any different? We have to pray for spiritual gifts. Patience and love for my children and my husband are probably the number one topics of my prayers to Heavenly Father. Mostly because I struggle with the patience part, but also because I know where patience comes from. I don’t just work hard at it and have it. Sure, I should work at it, but unless I am blessed with that gift from Heavenly Father, all my hard work won’t be enough.

How do you receive spiritual gifts? Do you pray for the gift of charity in your daily prayers? What flakes of spiritual gold did you find in Elder Ballard’s talk?

Find more great comments on Elder Ballard’s talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity: