Delighting in Film

Image Credit: gailf548

Earlier this week I posted about the launch event for T.C. Christensen's new movie, Eprhaim's Rescue (in theaters May 31). The first person who spoke to us was Authur Van Wagenen, the product director for Excel Entertainment and Deseret Book. He said something I found really interesting. He talked about movies and movie theater, and the way we connect with other people in a movie theater. He also said something about the movie theater being the most sacred place for his family, after the temple and the chapel.

While the thought of wasting two hours of my life watching a movie usually makes me create a laundry list in my head of all the things I go do in two hours, I do love a good movie. I'm very picky about the movies I watch - if I am going to spend two hours of my precious time watching a movie it has to be a lot of things. First of all, it must be meaningful. I have to come away from the moving wanting to be a better person, wanting to change something in myself and the world in a very real way. But a movie can't just be meaningful for me - ideally it will also be a well made movie, with good acting, a great script (that should usually have at least a little bit of comic relief, if it is a more serious film), enjoyable cinematography, and hopefully poignant music that helps the viewer connect with the images on the screen.

Some movies and documentaries that fit this bill for me are Fireproof, Courageous, Slumdog Millionaire, Waiting for Superman, Admission, and Rise of the Guardians, just to name a few I have seen recently.

At the Ephraim's Rescue launch event, I was given a copy of 17 Miracles (which I hadn't seen). The movie was definitely inspiring - in fact, it made me want to tell pioneer stories to my children. My mother used to tell us stories of our pioneer ancestors all the time. One of the stories in 17 Miracles is actually of my husband's great-great grandmother, Ann Jewel Rowley. The story of the hard sea biscuits that she prayer over and turned into enough food to feed their family that night. The experiences of the Saints who traveled the plains were truly miracles.

In complete honesty, 17 Miracles was not the best movie I had seen. The story line seemed a little fragmented and sometimes I had a hard time following who were were talking about, but because T.C. was trying to tell all 17 stories as accurately as possible. Rather than creating a fictional family to whom all the miracles happen (which would be a pretty unbelievable story) we had to jump around to the different families who were experiencing these things. But the music was excellent, and the script was pretty well written, and the acting was really superb. So in all, the movie was great.

Which gives me high expectations for Ephraim's Rescue.

What films have you found meaningful, or have inspired you?

Mine Angels Will Encircle Thee

Some days are First Vision days, and some days are Liberty Jail days.

Today was more like a Liberty Jail day. You know, where you wonder where God is hiding, and you just want Him to come and save you.

Thankfully I live in an awesome ward, and several wonderful ladies came to my aid - came to save me.

And the awesome truth is that God will never hide from us.

"So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest,
Fear not man,
for he Cannot hurt thee."

If you need a reminder (like I did) this song is a great one:

What are your favorite reminders that God is never hiding?

A Heavy Load

I met with the bishop last night. I will be back in a few weeks, and we set up a regular visit every few weeks to help me figure out how to be happy. I’m really grateful for such an amazing bishop. He’s a really good friend of ours as well, and I am confident that between his help and my efforts, if I can muster some motivation, I will be able to heal and work through all that is going on. Bishop said I am suffering from battle fatigue. I think that is a great way to put it.

This week I am going to work at being more motivated. More motivated to pray, study the gospel, take care of myself and the house and the kids.

I’m taking it a step at a time, and if all I can manage one day is feeling motivated enough to do the laundry and play with the kids, well, that’s better than vegging in front of the TV, right?

I prayed earnestly for the first time in a while last night.

It felt good.

I think I’m going to be okay.

Tiffany at an ensign, waving posted this video on her blog today for her 5 things for Friday post. She’s a wise woman. After listening to the acoustic version a few times on my phone I realized that I needed to own this song. This might be my theme song for the next several months. Or maybe just for the rest of my life.

If you had some heartache that made you cry a thousand tears
Then let me tell you now I know just how you feel
And that heavy weight of sorrow that you've carried for so long
Will soon be gone

'Cause I believe that there is something more than I can see
I believe that there is someone holding onto me
Sometimes I won't feel it, but that don't change a thing
'Cause it's by faith that I believe

Thanks, Tiffany – I needed that today.

Surrender

Letting myself be happy has turned out to be harder than I thought.

I’ve been thinking about the atonement for the past few days, after we had our Teachings for Our Times lesson on Sunday about President Uchtdorf’s message (which ironically was the General Conference Book Club talk for last week).

For some reason my testimony of the atonement and my understanding and conviction that it is the key to happiness and can help me bear pain and disappointment doesn’t seem to translate into something doable. I can’t figure out how to use the atonement to help assuage the pain.

Something I thought about on Sunday was how I healed (am healing) from the loss of my brother. For a while I didn’t heal – I was too busy to deal with the grief – but once I faced the grief head on, and allowed the atonement to work in me, I felt the healing. I still feel it every day (for that trial). The loss of my brother will always be a hole in my heart, but it is much less painful now than it was two years ago.  I feel like I was able to heal because nothing was ongoing. Once the initial shock was gone, there was not much left to do other than heal. There are always little moments when it’s harder – like when we’re taking family pictures, or on his birthday, or on the anniversary of his death, or when I watch someone else deal with the loss of a loved one. But in general, the pain is past. The trial is, for the most part, over.

This trial is different.

It may never be over. It may never end. Things may never, in this life, get better – at least not the way I want them to.

And I think accepting that is hard for me. Learning how to live with the situation how it is feels like giving up. It feels like being okay with things the way they are is failure. Accepting that I don’t have any power over this situation is like accepting defeat.

I guess I just don’t want to endure pain for the rest of my life. This is a spiritual and emotional pain, rather than a physical one – but I think the concept is the same. I can’t imagine living in chronic pain. I know there are people who do it. A good sister in my ward is in constant pain and confined to a wheelchair. There are actually two sisters in our ward in that condition. How do they stand it? How do they find happiness? It wasn’t their choice to be in that situation.

I think deep down I feel a little bit like this trial is my fault. I feel as if there is something I could have done. If only I had made this decision, or that decision, I wouldn’t be in this position.

Sometime in the past year I remember thinking to myself that Heavenly Father wanted me to be in this position. He knew before I did the pain I would be in. He knew it a long time ago, before I even saw it coming. He knew when He told me to make the decision I made that would lead me to this place. He knew this was the only way I would learn the things I needed to learn.

I read this quote from Orson F. Whitney earlier today in a General Conference talk by Elder Robert D. Hales,

No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God, … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.

I loved what Bonnie said about tanning leather on my most recent post at Real Intent:

You would think that the strongest leather comes from hides with lots of flesh left on them, nice and thick, that haven't been treated too badly. In fact, the strongest leather comes from well-scraped hides that have been acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun, then acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun, and acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun. Unworked leather cracks under pressure. Well-worked leather is soft and supple, water-proof and flexible. We don't grow strong by being left alone.

Tender. How do you tenderize something? Usually by beating it repeatedly. Ever seen a meat tenderizer? They come in different varieties, but almost always they have some kind of prongs or texturized surface. Ours is a very scary looking hammer. If you want to cook some really tender meat, you beat the meat repeatedly with the scary hammer. How do we become tender? By being beating, spiritually, emotionally, sometimes physically. By undergoing trials and adversity.

I once wrote about the three sources of trials and adversity in this life. Suffering is usually caused either by our own sins, the sins of others, or just by the natural conditions of this world. The suffering I experienced when my brother passed away was part of the natural conditions of this world. No one made him get cancer. His cancer wasn’t a result of some sin he committed. It just happened. It was tragic and painful, but it just happened. This trial is hard for me because I can’t help feeling like I am suffering it because of a sin I committed. I keep wanting to simply repent and make it better – but I can’t because it isn’t my sin to repent of.

Elder Hales said, “In this mortal life, each of us is going to experience pain in one form or another… It often comes as a result of our disobedience to the commandments of God, but it also comes to those who are doing all they can to keep their lives in line with the example of the Savior.” I have been spending all this time thinking that this kind of pain shouldn’t come to me because of the way I was living my life. I made good choices, so I shouldn’t have to experience this trial. But life doesn’t work that way. All the good choices I could ever make can’t stop others from making bad choices.

I really liked the last part of Elder Hales’ talk where he talked about how important caregivers are as we are experiencing pain. “There are times when, no matter how independent we may be, we must entrust others with our care. We must surrender ourselves to them. Our caregivers are those who assist in the healing process.”

If you know anything about me, you know that I am fiercely independent, strong willed, and incredibly head strong. In fact, earlier this year when my husband was gone on frequent business trips a member of our Relief Society presidency called me and asked if I needed anything. She commented that she wasn’t too worried about me because she could tell how independent I am, but she wanted me to know that they were there if I needed anything. I told her that she’s right, I can take care of everything, but it was nice to know they were thinking about me (and it was – it always helps me take care of myself when I know people are thinking of me).

So “surrendering” to outside help is something I would not consider doing. Last fall when I was having some emotional issues my husband made me see a therapist a few times. I would never have made the appointments on my own. A few months ago I finally broke down and talked to the bishop. It felt good to talk to him and get counsel, but I didn’t go back, thinking I could take care of it from there.

This week I am going to work on finding some caregivers. A person in chronic pain probably sees a doctor regularly. I think I should probably learn to surrender to some caregivers.

Surrendering to the ultimate Caregiver is probably going to be the hardest thing for me. Elder Hales said,

The Lord is our ultimate caregiver. We must surrender ourselves to the Lord. In doing so, we give up whatever is causing our pain and turn everything over to Him. “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee”. “And then may God grand unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son”. Through faith and trust in the Lord and obedience to His counsel, we make ourselves eligible to be partakers of the Atonement of Jesus Christ so that one day we may return to live with Him.

Giving up the thing that is causing me pain is going to feel like defeat. I don’t know how not to feel like it is. I don’t know how not to feel like I have somehow failed. I don’t know how to do it, and I am pretty sure that is the thing causing me the most pain.

Letting Myself Be Happy

(Of Regrets and Resolutions – by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

I haven’t been participating in General Conference Book Club so far, although before conference I had every intention of doing so. Then disaster (or Satan) struck and I was left with not much desire for spiritual things. But I am learning a little more about patience and endurance, and although I don’t feel completely back to “normal”, or fully engaged spiritually, I do feel as if some healing as been going on, and I’m ready to jump back in – especially when there is a conference talk that speaks so much to my predicament.

As I wrote a few weeks ago, “I thought that living the gospel was supposed to make me happy. But for the past several years a sustained happiness has been elusive.”

I walked on the treadmill this morning to President Uchtdorf’s words of wisdom speaking to me from my desktop computer. He so wisely said,

So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

Ask my husband and he will tell you that I am constantly getting onto him for saying things like, “Well, when I’m done with my undergraduate degree I will be happier.” Or “When I’m only going to school and not working and going to school, I will be happier.” Or “When I get promoted I will be happier.” Or “When we are living in another country I will be happier.” I tell him all the time, “If you’re not happy now, you won’t be then!”

So this wasn’t completely new advice to me – I’ve been spouting it at my husband for years. But when President Uchtdorf added “the end of a challenging trial” my jaw dropped just a little bit.

Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it.

…

So isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for,rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition?

This can be a very hard thing to do, especially when the negative is literally a huge rain cloud covering us. I have tried to find the good things in each day, but the challenges and trials have seemed to outweigh even all the good I could find in the world.

But I am learning that the good doesn’t make the bad go away.

Just because there are beautiful things in life – new babies, rainbows, kind people, the gospel – it doesn’t mean that there aren’t bad things. People are still murdering and robbing and there are still tornadoes and floods and earthquakes.

So being happy isn’t so much about life being all sunshine and roses. It’s not about not feeling pain. It’s about deciding to be happy regardless of the pain. I guess I am still learning exactly how to do that.

I think a lot of my recent emotional roller coaster is due to pregnancy hormones. I am definitely aware that chemical imbalances can keep a person from choosing to be happy, and I think that in the past few months that has definitely been a contributing factor. But I am still not quite sure that is all. I am certain that there are things that I am supposed to be learning from this trial. Maybe focusing on those lessons and learning to be grateful for them will help me find happiness.

How do you let yourself be happy? Have you ever had times in your life when you didn’t feel able to make that choice? What was helpful for you?

GCBC Week 18: “Special Lessons” & “Having the Vision to Do”

I have been sick lately – the “good” kind of sick, thankfully – but hard nonetheless. I try not to complain too much because I know countless women who would gladly take my place for the opportunity to bear a child – and I am grateful for the opportunity that I have. But that doesn’t make the discomfort go away.

So GCBC is late (again!) but at least it’s here. And these are some great talks!

Special Lessons – by Elder Ronald A. Rasband

I really enjoyed reading Elder Rasband's talk. We have had a few discussions with a close friend about why God allows suffering – and why He intervenes in some cases and not others. Why are some people healed while others are required to suffer throughout their mortal lives? Why are some people spared from the earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes, while others’ lives are spared? Our friend sees this as either an indicator that God is either not omnipotent, or not compassionate. I see it as an indicator that God knows us intimately, individually, and He knows exactly what we need in this life to thrive spiritually, and He does His best to give those things to us.

This reminds me of a song by Laura Story called “Blessings” in which she sings,

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life are Your blessings in disguise?

Elder Rasband seems to think so. He said, “Trusting in God’s will is central to our mortality. With faith in Him, we draw upon the power of Christ’s Atonement at those times when questions abound and answers are few.”

Suffering and trials in this life allow us to keep our baptismal covenants. If you don’t remember them, let me refresh your memory:

as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort (Mosiah 18:8-9)

Our sufferings and trials allow us to keep those covenants. If no one had any burdens, if no one mourned, if no one needed comforting, how could we keep those covenants?

Having the Vision to Do – By Elder O. Vincente Haleck

This quote in particular stuck out to be from Elder Haleck’s talk

We experience hard things in our lives that can sometimes diminish our vision and faith to do the things we should. We become so busy that we often feel overwhelmed and unable to do any more. While each of us is different, I humbly submit that we must focus our vision on the Savior and His teachings. What did He see in Peter, James, and John and the other Apostles that prompted Him to act to invite them to follow Him? Like His vision of them, the Savior has a great vision of who we can become. It will take the same faith and courage the first Apostles had in order for us to refocus on the things that matter most in bringing lasting happiness and great joy.

How did these talks inspire you?

365 Days in my Journal

Last fall I made a goal to write 365 days in a row in my journal (I made it to 69 days). I am an avid journaler, and have been since about 1997 when my Aunt gave me my first real journal ever, with this message inside the front cover:


It reads:

To Rebecca - Writing Journal -
I've learned if you want to be a writer, you need to write everyday or at least every other day.
Happy Writing
Love
Aunt Wilma

When I was a child I dreamed of being a writer. I wrote short stories, children's books, and poetry almost obsessively since I was about 6 or 7. I still remember writing my first "real" story on Word Perfect '95 on an old IBM computer with a blue screen and F keys. Before that I would write stories on our Macintosh that had a program that would read aloud what you had written in this horrible computerized man's voice.

I have since grown out of writing stories (mostly). Although up until probably college I would write the first 15-20 pages of countless stories. Some of them were pretty good. I would also write by hand in my notebooks at school. In high school I continued to write poetry and was even published in my high school's literary magazine, which I helped edit. It wasn't anything amazing, but I really enjoyed creative writing.

Now I mostly write for my blog, and in my journal. I'm not a great writer - I think I just have a lot to say (if you know me in person you know that I will talk your ear off, given the chance). But I believe in writing.

At this point I have begun to ramble, and honestly I am not entirely sure why I starting writing this post in the first place.

I guess to just share with you my love of writing. For some reason I feel uninhibited when I write. I don't feel like I have to put up a facade or pretend I am not really who I am. I don't have to worry (too much) about tact or political correctness. I can just open up and share my thoughts. It's like ultimate access to the real me.

Honestly, that is probably the reason why I don't tell people who actually know me (i.e., my ward, my friends, my family) about my blog. In person I am able to gauge the response I get from others and mold and shift what I say and how I say it, and carefully choose the topics of conversation, so that no one feels threatened, so that no one feels uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that can also end up being kind of boring.

This ended up being a lot more personal than I intended, but I think it feels good to get it out there.

Here is a picture of my four journals:




The red and black journal spans from my first entry in December 1997 (when I received the journal) to June 2004 shortly after my graduation from high school.

The blue fairy/ballerina bunny journal was the next one I wrote in - I received it from a close friend for our high school graduation. I am still not sure why I used it... It was really not my style, as you can tell. I probably used it because I love that particular friend. That one spans from June 2004 to July 1, 2005. The black spiral journal is July 2005 to March 2010 and represents the fullest period of my life so far - that one contains my courtship, engagement, wedding, two pregnancies and births, and about 6 moves. It includes my husband joining the military, months and months of separation due to military training, and a lot of stress and anxiety. In fact, I think the 5 years in that journal were probably some of the most anxious years of my life.

The fat black leather journal on the far right is my current journal. From March 2010 until today, July 2012, and I am about half way through (the pages are pretty thick - probably 4 times as thick as the red and black journal).

My current journal is a journal of healing, a record of finding peace, understanding the refiner's fire, and growing so fast it hurt. I am hoping that the next several years can fill this journal with more peace, with joy, love, and strength.

I am going to start the 365 day challenge over again today. I was much more sane when I was writing every day. I dare you to join me!

Do you keep a journal? How often do you write? When did you start keeping a journal?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Cognitive Dissonance and the Church

Image Credit: Mark Klotz

I became interested in this term, cognitive dissonance, when I read an article in Psychology Today that discussed the results of a study that showed parenting does not actually make people happier. Rather, parents simply convince themselves that they are happier/healthier/etc with children, when in fact they are not happier/healthier/etc.

Now, we could have a nice little debate about what criteria they used for “happiness” and the varying experiences that people will have, and that would be fine, but I want to delve a little deeper into what cognitive dissonance really means.

The Church, and its members, are often criticized by this theory of cognitive dissonance. Most recently I heard the term applied to Josh Weed, a gay Mormon man who is in a straight marriage (married to a woman). The comment was from a gay ex-Mormon who said he didn’t really want to read the piece because, “I'm worried that I won't be able to deal with reading about the cognitive dissonance required to be in this guy's head.”

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

It had been a while since I had heard the term used, and so I read a little more about cognitive dissonance. The Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance says that it is a “discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously.” First of all, this should mean that there wouldn’t have to be cognitive dissonance in Josh Weed’s life, because, to him, the cognitions are not “conflicting”. In fact, who is the judge of what cognitions are conflicting? Wouldn’t that be the person holding the cognitions? So I guess the only determiner of cognitive dissonance would be the person himself. If he is experiencing discomfort, and that discomfort is caused by what he believes to be conflicting cognitions, then that would be cognitive dissonance.

Later in the Wikipedia article we read, “Dissonance is aroused when people are confronted with information that is inconsistent with their beliefs. If the dissonance is not reduced by changing one’s belief, the dissonance can result in misperception or rejection or refutation of the information, seeking support from others who share the beliefs, and attempting to persuade others to restore consonance.”

This is the part that I want to talk about in an analysis of how cognitive dissonance plays a role in our lives as members of the Church.

Cognitive Dissonance for a More Perfect Understanding

Due to what I believe is an incomplete understanding of the gospel, members of the Church, when confronted with information that is inconsistent with our beliefs (i.e., Joseph Smith was sealed to women who were already married, blacks were denied the priesthood until 1978, etc) feel a discomfort, or a dissonance of sorts. I have at times felt that dissonance when confronted by something that I didn’t understand, or something that was inconsistent with my imperfect understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Wikipedia article suggests that in such a situation, when there is discomfort and dissonance, there are a few  things that may happen to reduce that dissonance:

1) change one’s beliefs
2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-15; emphasis added)

Ironically, the solution I have found to the problem of discomfort when something is inconsistent with my “beliefs” is to change my beliefs. That may sounds as if I am being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, but I was not born knowing everything. I was not born with (nor do I yet possess) a perfect knowledge of the gospel. My faith, my beliefs, have “not grown up to a perfect knowledge.” (see Alma 32:29) It is my goal to feed my faith, and to find the seeds that swell, sprout, and grow – the good seeds. And only after I have found out that it is a good seed will my knowledge be perfect “in that thing” and my faith will be dormant (in that thing). But will my knowledge of all things be perfect? No, I am still growing and learning, by the help of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers who are helping to perfect me until I come in the unity of the faith. It’s a process.

A more accurate description of this process, rather than describing it as changing my beliefs is, rather, changing my understanding of my beliefs. I claim the beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and more specifically, I claim the beliefs of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sometimes my understanding of those beliefs is not perfect, and so comes the cognitive dissonance as something is placed in my way that seems inconsistent with “my beliefs”. Rather than being inconsistent with my beliefs, that something is usually inconsistent with my understanding of my beliefs.

In the Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance it references the cognitive developmental theory of Jean Piaget: “the inevitable conflicts a child experiences between current beliefs and new information will lead to disequilibrium, which in turn motivates the child’s progress through the various stages of development.” As we are all children in the gospel of Jesus Christ, I believe that this dissonance between our understanding of our belief system and what is reality plays a similar role. The disequilibrium that is experienced by us in our journey in gospel learning motivates us through the various stages of development of our testimonies.

Cognitive Dissonance and a Retreat from the World or a Retreat into the World

I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. (John 17:15-16)

Going back to the options for resolving cognitive dissonance, I wanted to look at the last three options:

2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

Option #2 happens all the time in the Church. This is the one where people say “Oh, there’s no way Joseph Smith had all those wives.” “The Church would never do ___.” “Joseph Smith never married women who were already married, that’s just a story some anti-Mormon made up to discredit him.” These are examples of rejecting, misperceiving, or refuting information that sounds inconsistent with one’s beliefs.

Option #3 happens just as frequently. This is where members who don’t believe that unsavory things ever happened in the Church stick together and stay away from all the “heretics” who accept that there are unsavory aspects about every person and every organization. (Let me add here that unsavory aspects of our character make us human, not evil).

Option #4 is a little more subtle. I think this method of decreasing cognitive dissonance is found when members of the Church criticize those who are asking questions with the intent of gaining a better understanding of their beliefs (option #1). Members who are using option #4 will claim those using option #1 to gain a deeper understanding of their beliefs are headed down a “slippery slope”. There are those who will, in using option #1, rather than coming to a better understanding of their beliefs will abandon their misunderstood beliefs altogether, in effect becoming apostate, but not all members who ask questions in the face of cognitive dissonance are on slippery territory.

I frequently question my understanding of a belief, for example, the doctrine of gender identity is a doctrine I struggle with immensely – due to cognitive dissonance. However, I take the approach of “true until proven false” with gospel teachings, and what I usually find is that my understanding may be proven false, but the truth, or the doctrine, stands firm. It is a kind of refiners fire, where my imperfect, human perspective and understanding is burned off through these “hard” questions until only the pure doctrine remains.

Cognitive Dissonance – Hard Things and Joy

Going back to the article about parental love being merely cognitive dissonance takes me back to option #1 – changing our beliefs, or rather, having a more clear understanding of our beliefs.

The article may seem to contradict what the prophets have taught us – that families are important and that families bring us joy.

The truth of the matter is, things that bring us the greatest joy are often the hardest things to do. Ask anyone who has run a marathon, or climbed Mt. Everest, or walked again after a stroke. They won’t beat around the bush and say, “Oh yeah, those 26.2 miles, they were awesome!” or “My favorite part was the last mile to the peak. It was cake! I practically sailed up that mountain!” or “My legs felt light as feathers! I just stood up and I could walk!” More likely you will hear, “When I crossed that finish line felt like I had done something really amazing!” or “The view from the peak was breathtaking. Totally worth the climb!” or “Running in the yard with my grandkids again made me feel like a million bucks!”

When presented with the less pleasant, physically and emotionally draining, costly tasks associated with raising parents, this may seems to be inconsistent with our belief that children and families bring us joy.

The answer isn’t to refute the claims that parenting is hard (it is), or hang out more with other people who think parenting is all roses and candy (it isn’t), or attempt to convince other people that parenting really is fun all the time (it definitely isn’t) we can just deepen our understand of what joy really means.

Joy is s a feeling that we experience intermittently in parenting (when we see our children becoming kind, independent, functional human beings), and also in our gospel lives (when we have a glimpse of God in our lives). It’s that feeling you get at the finish line where you just know that you have done something really amazing.

How has cognitive dissonance played a role in the formation (or destruction) of your testimony? How do you respond to cognitive dissonance?

Strength Through Adversity

Book of  Mormon Papers - a series of posts 

containing papers I wrote for a 

BYU Religion class my freshman year of college.

(Note: This is the first paper I wrote in my freshman Book of Mormon class at BYU in the fall of 2004. I have learned a lot since I took that class - I have learned a lot about repentance, forgiveness, and trials. I will admit I was - and probably still am - a naive, inexperienced young woman. The things that stand out to me about what I wrote here are Nephi's "frank forgiveness" of his brethren - charity anyone? - and the reminder that faith produces miracles, not the other way around. As I was reading this paper, I was a little surprised at the ... finality of my conclusion. It is important to understand that what Alma said about the blood of the innocent crying out in judgement against with wicked is true - however, in the past year or so, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that God will give us every opportunity to change - up until judgement day. And if we do repent and partake in the atonement, we can and will be forgiven of all of our sins - even the ones that seem very serious.)

While Lehi and his family journeyed in the wilderness, Nephi was often ridiculed by his older brothers Laman and Lemuel.  At one point, his brothers even beat Nephi and their other brother Sam with rods.  Why when Nephi was so righteous, blessed, and even “chosen” did the Lord allow his brothers to bind him and beat him at various occasions?  Not only did all of his trials help to strengthen Nephi, but they also allowed his brothers to witness on several occasions the power of God, making their punishment for sinning against the Almighty even more serious.

            The Lord has said that “where much is given, much is required.” (D&C 82:3)  Nephi was blessed, as he himself stated, with “goodly parents” (1 Nephi 1:1) and with many other blessings he describes throughout the section.  Because Nephi was given so many great blessings, he was required to endure more than others may be required to endure.  Countless times Nephi records statements from the Lord to himself saying “Blessed art thou, Nephi” (1 Nephi 2:19) and “thou shalt be made a ruler and a teacher over thy brethren” (1 Nephi 2:22).  Nephi was truly chosen of the Lord who only gave him trial after trial to prove him and strengthen him.  Nephi grew in patience and in love toward his brothers as he “frankly [forgave] them all that they had done.” (1 Nephi 7:21).  That kind of frank forgiveness can only come from one who has accepted the challenges of the Lord and looks at those challenges in a spiritually positive light.

            Every time Laman and Lemuel were involved in mocking, abusing, or ridiculing their younger brother, the power of God was made manifest to them.  When Nephi and his brothers returned to Jerusalem to obtain the plates of brass, Laman and Lemuel beat Nephi and Sam and stopped only with the appearance of an angel (1 Nephi 3:29).  Later when Laman and Lemuel bound Nephi in the wilderness and left him for dead, by the power of God, Nephi broke the bonds with which he was bound (1 Nephi 7:17-18).  Unfortunately, even these miracles of God did not convert Nephi’s brethren because they had no faith.  “Miracles do not produce faith... faith comes by righteousness” (BD Faith).  The Lord said to Nephi, “…inasmuch as they brethren shall rebel against thee, they shall be cut off from the presence of the Lord.” (1 Nephi2:21).  Not only does the Lord allow bad things to happen to good people for the growth and development of the righteous, but also so that “the blood of the innocent shall stand as a witness against [the wicked], yea, and cry mightily against them at the last day” (Alma14:11). 

            The Lord allowed Nephi to be bruised and afflicted by his brethren for Nephi’s own personal growth regarding his brothers and others.  Laman and Lemuel’s judgment was also sealed by their actions toward Nephi and the other righteous members of Lehi’s family.


What lessons have you learned from Nephi and his family in the Book of Mormon?

Come, Let Us Anew

I have started writing this post a few times in the past week… but things have been crazy, and I didn’t think I could just jump back into blogging without explaining my absence, or at least incorporating my reasons into a post.

Remember this talk by President Uchtdorf a few years ago? He talked about slowing down when life gets crazy and focusing on the most important things. I love this blog – I love studying the gospel in depth and writing about the things I am learning. However, over the Christmas holiday we had 10 extra people in our house (including 3 extra children) and most days there were between 2 and 4 extra dogs. We have a relatively roomy home, but with that many people it was all I could do to keep up with my own chores/family and spend time with my parents, brothers and sisters and their children and dogs.

So basically, the blog went on hold, and I spent some much needed quality time with my mom and dad and siblings. We haven’t all been together since my brother passed away last summer. And my other older brother was able to be sealed to his wife’s twins from her first marriage. It was a really great time, and I had to fight the urge to spend time blogging – it would have made me frustrated and stressed (as if there wasn’t enough stress from having so many people to cook for and clean up after.)

I had to remind myself to follow President Uchtdorf’s advice about slowing down through turbulence.

My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most.

The optimum speed for my circumstances over Christmas and New Year were reading my Book of Mormon as much as I could (even though I didn’t end up finishing before the new year) and writing as often as possible in my journal, attending Church meetings, spending time with my family playing games and eating, and doing what chores I could afterwards.

My husband left for a TDY assignment last Monday, and the rest of my family left the next day, so after a full house for nearly two weeks, it’s now just me and the kids for a few weeks.

I am left musing over the new year and resolutions and the atonement and basically feeling a suddenly drop in pressure.

Basically, let me just sum up my thoughts about the New Year:

1.) the atonement is a daily-use principle, and allows us to make “resolutions” each day, as if it were a new year every day of the year
2.) I usually make long-term goals at General Conference time each year – April and October – so there’s my excuse for not making any New Year’s resolutions.
3.) my husband and I talked about having a family theme for each year (we never have before, but we think we should start). More about that when he gets back.

Looking back, I would say 2011 was “the best of times, and the worst of times” for me. Between 2010 and 2011… well, let’s just say life has not been what I expected it to be. That’s the thing about life and relationships. You don’t know what is in store, and you cannot predict the behavior of other people. Period. I am trying to learn how to live my life the right way, and it is hard. The Lord has counseled me to stay in close contact with Him so I can know His will for me, and I think that is going to be my personal theme this year.

This year, 2012, will be the year I figure out how to live my life the way Heavenly Father wants me to live it. Not the way I think I should live it, or the way I think He wants me to live it – rather, I will seek personal revelation and inspiration so that I can actually live my life the way He wants me to. So that every thought, word, and deed is what He wants for me.

So, “come, let us anew our journey pursue”!

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? Do you use the atonement daily? What are your thoughts on the new year?

Look Up When You Can’t Sing

(find the talks here – It Is Better to Look Up - and here – The Songs They Could Not Sing)

Elder Quentin L. Cook pointed out that one of the questions General Authorities hear the most is “Why does Heavenly Father allow bad things to happen to good people?”

My husband and I have talked about this principle a lot. It is also spoken about in General Conference pretty frequently. There are three sources of suffering that we may experience in this mortal life.

1.) suffering caused by our own sins/disobedience to God’s commandments
2.) suffering caused by the sins of others/their disobedience to God’s commandments
3.) suffering caused by the mortality and imperfection of this world and our bodies – disease, natural disasters, etc

Elder Quentin L. Cook made a really good point when he said, “Adverse results in this mortal life are not evidence of lack of faith or of an imperfection in our Father in Heaven’s overall plan.” First of all – of course it is not evidence of an imperfection in Heavenly Father’s plan! His plan is perfect, and His plan and purpose for each of us is beautiful and perfect and will ultimately bless our lives in ways we never thought possible if we will have faith and turn to Him. I think that we are quick to judge both ourselves and others when we encounter adversity. It is easy to think that someone “brought upon themselves” their trials. But remember those three sources of suffering? Only one of them has anything to do with our own choices.

“The refiner’s fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God.” Lately I have been enduring some trials that have been caused by source #2. I have found myself staring at the floor, wondering what is wrong with me and why this his happening to me, and trying to figure out what I did to deserve this (that is, I was thinking that I was enduring these trials because of source #1). Elder Carl B. Cook asked, “Why is it a challenge to consistently look up in our lives? Perhaps we lack the faith that such a simple act can solve our problems.” I did not have the faith that looking up would solve my problems. My problems were being caused by the agency of another person. How could anything I could do change anything? I wasn’t the one making poor choices – I can’t make choices for other people. That was when I read Corine’s post on charity and I realized that even though the suffering was caused by another’s choices, I could choose how to deal with the trial.

Elder Carl B. Cook said, “As I thought of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ’s power, my heart found the comfort I had sought in vain from the floor of that descending elevator.” Notice that Elder Cook’s problems didn’t go away – but he did find comfort. He went on to say that if we “exercise our faith and look to God for help, we will not be overwhelmed with the burdens of life. We will not feel incapable of doing what we are called to do or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy.” I have really been experiencing a refiner’s fire lately, and as I have been turning to the Lord for strength, and practicing charity, I have been learning that these trials are the Lord’s way of perfecting me and purifying me. For what? Maybe nothing other than to live with Him again someday. But as I look to the Lord for strength in my trials, and as I learn to forgive and love, I am feeling myself grow and develop in ways I didn’t even know I needed to grow.

When Elder Quentin L. Cook spoke about songs that will not be sung, it reminded me of my older brother. My oldest brother passed away a little over a year ago. There were so many songs he didn’t get to sing – and yet, there were so many things he was able to do in his life. Elder Cook pointed out “A unique challenge for those who have lost loved ones is to avoid dwelling on the lost opportunities in this life.” For me, this lost opportunity would be the opportunity to encourage my brother to come back to the Church.

The prophet Joseph Smith said “The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.” The glorious part about loosing my brother is that he is not gone forever. He is in the Spirit world (which is all around us) and he can still learn and progress, and I feel like he may come back to the Church. I know at least that he is with our family – our grandparents and aunts and uncles, and they are looking after him and teaching him and testifying to him.

What did you learn about adversity and trial from these talks? Do you look up when you are feeling discouraged or when trials are in your way? Have you felt like you were in a refiner’s fire? Did you feel yourself growing? Did you see a more perfect version of yourself come out of the fire?

Find more insight on this talk over at
Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club

Children are hard - So don’t have any

A friend of mine shared a “funny” video the other day. If you want to watch it without having it spoiled, hurry and click on the link. If you don’t have a desire to watch it, read on.

The video opens with a young father and his son (probably 6 or 7?) at a grocery store. The young son takes some cereal off the shelf and puts it in the cart. The father picks it up and deliberately puts it back, and thus ensues a little “take it out, put it back” war between father and son. Suddenly, after the father puts it back again, the young boy starts throwing a tantrum, screaming, throwing things off the shelves, lying on the floor screaming and hitting the floor, all while the bystanders watch in displeasure and seem to give the young father one of “those” looks (if you’ve ever been in the grocery store with a screaming child, you know what I’m talking about). You notice (or maybe you don’t, but I did) that there are only adults (and most of them older – think 40s+) and none of them have children (of any age) with them. The commercial ends with a close up of the young father’s face and a message at the bottom: “Wear condoms.”

Now, while the irony of the video might be somewhat funny, I found the message to be in poor taste, and exactly what Elder Neil A. Andersen was illustrating in his talk from General Conference about children and how the world views them as a lower priority than anything. The message I observed in the video was this, “Children are hard work, so make sure you don’t have any.”

The video is in another language with subtitles (I think French?) and I thought that a commercial like this would probably not fly in the United States. Fortunately we have enough mothers who aggressively defend motherhood (like Rachel Jankovic) in the United States that I think there would be some really negative backlash to a commercial like this being aired in the United States. But in Europe, where families values have eroded so much that some countries are trying to get more men to be teachers so that children will have positive male role models (what happened to fathers?!) I thought this commercial was probably very well received.

I thought the message in the commercial might have been more “don’t have kids if you’re not ready to have kids” if there had been other, well-behaved children in the commercial. But in the commercial you will notice a blatant lack of children. So that leads me to believe that the marketers weren’t just targeting people who might not be emotionally, mentally, physically, or financially prepared to have children. Since the only child in the entire commercial was acting like a monster (while the father simply stands by and “lets” him throw the fit – a conversation for another day) – which even well-behaved children will do sometimes – there was no other conclusion to draw other than that the marketers view all children as trials and burdens which we should protect ourselves from  by wearing condoms (or using another form of birth control – don’t worry, I am not knocking birth control here – there is a time and place for that, too).

I know this sounds a little harsh, and maybe I am off – maybe the marketers really were saying “If you’re not ready to have kids, wait until you are.” What did you think?

PS – I included a few pictures of my two year old during some of her tantrums. (which happen quite frequently… because she is two) so you would know that I don’t think my children are always perfect. I wanted to be fair and include pictures of my four year old, but either he doesn’t throw tantrums as often as she does, or he just makes sure he isn’t throwing tantrums while we are taking pictures. Either way – parenting is hard, children are hard – mine throw tantrums all the time. But it is by far the most important thing we can ever do.

What message did you see in the commercial? Do you think the commercial illustrates, at least somewhat, the lower priority most people in the world give to having and raising successful children? Or do you think it is simply a harmless message?

Charity Never Faileth

You know when you hear about some gospel topic over and over again and it seems like Heavenly Father is really trying to get something through to you – and maybe He feels like you’re not going to get it the first time?

Well, on Saturday morning I woke up feeling… well, a little less than charitable. I was extremely ornery. I hopped on my computer to check the blogs I usually read, and the first thing on my blog reader was this post by Corine over at Joy in the Journey. I read this quote, and immediately knew it had to be printed and taped up on the wall in my bathroom.

I have read Moroni 7:44-45 (men is nothing with out charity, etc) and 1 Corinthians 13 (charity suffereth long, is not puffed up, not easily provoked, etc) countless times. I have listened to and studied talk after talk after talk after talk after talk at General Conference on charity, but for some reason (natural man, anyone?) it is so hard for me to remember, in all my actions, to have charity.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul says, “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” But the greatest is charity. So if you have faith and hope, fine, but if you don’t have charity, you are “nothing” as Paul so eloquently puts it.

Since Saturday I have been working really hard at being charitable. You’ll be happy to know that I haven’t woken up ornery at all since then, and I don’t plan to start being ornery again any time soon. I am being more patient with my children and my husband, and I am learning to endure difficult circumstances without feeling like a martyr. Not feeling like a martyr when I am suffering because of the actions of others is probably the very hardest thing for me – charity doesn’t come easy for me, especially when I feel like someone who shouldn’t be hurting me is hurting me. But thanks to Corine’s post, I am putting that away (that feeling like a martyr). It’s not fun, feeling like a martyr. It makes me cranky and ornery and stressed (and it makes me break out – and that is never a good thing). It makes me short tempered with my kids. Basically, when I lack charity in one area of my life, it causes my charity to vanish in all the other aspects.

So if I want to have charity with my children, I’ll have to have charity with everyone in my life – even those I don’t think deserve my charity. What?! Did I really just say that? Yes – that attitude is the very thing that has been keeping me from having charity. I was honestly believing that this person didn’t deserve my charity. Fortunately, the Savior commanded us to love everyone – not just people we think deserve our love.

Basically if I can just remember to do everything Elder Ashton describes in the quote above, I should be fine. I’ve been working on it, and I am getting better – I have been able to have so much more charity the past few days. And it feels better.

A lot better.

Do you ever notice yourself lacking charity? How do you remind yourself to have charity throughout the day? Do you post quotes up by your mirrors like I do? Do you carry around a token in your pocket? What do you do to remember to be charitable to everyone?

Covenant Keeper

I have been thinking a lot about covenants lately. It is good to do a little self-evaluation every now and then to see how well we are keeping our covenants. After October General Conference, I felt a great sense of urgency to evaluate how well I am keeping my covenants – and to be more diligent and faithful in keeping them.

Sister Barbara Thompson talked about keeping covenants at General Conference, and she talked about her mother’s example. She spoke about cleaning out her mother’s belongings after her mother passed away and that her mother’s belongings were evidence that her mother was a covenant keeper. Suddenly I was filled with a great desire to be a covenant keeper.

We make many many covenants. Most of the covenants we make with God are made in His sacred and holy temples.

President Boyd K. Packer reminds us that “we are a covenant people. We covenant to give of our resources in time and money and talent—all we are and all we possess—to the interest of the kingdom of God upon the earth. In simple terms, we covenant to do good. We are a covenant people,and the temple is the center of our covenants. It is the source of the covenant.”

Our Relief Society lesson last week was on the Millennium. We talked about Satan being bound and how the scriptures teach us that “And because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power”. After reading this scripture we talked a little bit about how we can bind Satan in our own lives by our righteousness. We can never completely escape from Satan’s influence in our lives today because not everyone will live righteously – but if we live righteously, that is, if we keep our covenants, and we surround ourselves with those who keep their covenants, then Satan will be effectually bound in our lives – at least for the most part.

There is so much protection in keeping covenants. Sister Thompson said, “’Lift up thy heart and rejoice, and cleave unto the covenants which thou hast made.’ Keeping covenants is true joy and happiness.This is comfort and peace. This is protection from the evils of the world. Keeping our covenants will help us in times of trial.”

What strength have you received as you “cleave unto covenants”? Think of the covenants you have made. Are you “cleaving” unto them?

My Yoke Is Easy

This morning I read Matthew chapters 11 and 12 and while I was reading them I was trying to answer this question, “What do I learn about the character of Christ from these chapters?”

To be honest, it was kind of a hard task this morning. The Savior did a lot of teaching in these two chapters, but a lot of it was hard words to the Pharisees and others who were hard of heart. But then when I read Matthew 11:8-30 I thought about our baptismal covenants, and the Savior’s promise to us, and how we can use His promise as an example of how to keep our baptismal covenants.

In Matthew the Lord promises us:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

In Mosiah in the Book of Mormon, we learn about our baptismal covenants:

and now as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort…

Because we take Christ’s name upon us in baptism, we must learn to become like Him and do the things that He does.

Christ is “meek and lowly in heart” and bears our burdens. When we are baptized, we covenant to do the same for others – bear their burdens to make them feel light.

What does it mean to be meek and lowly in heart? A definition for “meek”  in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is “easily imposed on.” The Savior is easily imposed on – we don’t have to plead and argue with Him for Him to agree to take our burdens. He just does it when we come to Him and ask. And we barely even have to ask, because He already knows that we have a burden.

In our lives, there are always people around us with burdens to be born. There are those who mourn, and those who need comfort. We do not need to wait for them to plead with us to take their burdens – the Savior is easily imposed on for comfort, and we should be the same way.

Sometimes we may feel that we can only bear our own burdens, but I know that we can bring both our burdens, and the burdens of others which we bear for them, to the Lord, and He will lighten our load. In Elder Alonso’s talk from General Conference, he said, “When we serve our neighbor, we help those who are in need. In the process we may find solutions to our own difficulties.” So as we bear the burdens of others, often we can find that our burdens are lightened as well.

What things have you learned about the character of Christ from the scriptures? How do you keep your baptismal covenant to bear one another’s burdens? How do you feel your burdens being lightened by the Savior?

Without Delay

(find the talk here – Doing the Right Thing at the Right Time, without Delay)

When Elder José L. Alonso spoke of losing his young son in Mexico city, my heart pounded and tears welled up in my eyes. I don’t know if it was just the mother in me, but hearing of any parent losing a child, whether temporarily, or for this life, evokes a lot of emotion in me. We lost site of our then three year old once in a big box department store, and I can still remember how my heart raced as we ran around the clothing department calling his name. I remember being grateful for the store employees who calmly communicated on their radios the situation, and our son was quickly located.

I appreciated Elder Alonso’s comment that they did not need a planning meeting to go to the rescue of their son. They “simply acted, going out in search of the one who had been lost.” I think that I am often guilty of waiting for instruction to go to the rescue. We recently started attending a new ward, and I want to serve and help people, but I haven’t received a visiting teaching assignment yet. That has been my (quite lame) excuse for not helping or serving more. Why am I waiting to be instructed to go to the rescue? I am sure that I am quite capable of searching out and helping those in need, and I know the Lord will help me in that effort if I actually step forward and go to work. Elder Alonso reminded us that “Each day we have the opportunity to give help and service—doing the right thing at the right time, without delay.” Why do I delay when the opportunities are all around me?

Elder Alson began his talk with this statement, “In our day many people are living in the midst of sadness and great confusion. They are not finding answers to their questions and are unable to meet their needs.” This made me think about times in my life when I have been in the “midst of sadness and great confusion,” feeling lost, and not finding answers to my questions. Thankfully, I have frequently been rescued by the help of wise parents, loving teachers, good friends, and righteous priesthood leaders. In those times, though, feelings of despair often threatened to overcome me. The rescue that I found was not necessarily those good people in themselves – they rescued me by reminding me of the Savior, sharing their testimonies and urging me to rely on Him. Indeed, “true happiness is found in following the example and teachings of Christ.”

Have you been rescued at times in your life? How do you go to the rescue of others? Do you need to be instructed before you go to the rescue? Or do you search and rescue when it is needed, “without delay”?

Find more insight on this talk over at
Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club

Being With God

We had the privilege of listening to Elder David A. Bednar at our Regional Conference on Sunday at the Conference Center in Salt Lake City. He spoke about a lot of things, but one of the things that stuck with me the most was his admonition to study the life and character of the Savior, because we need to receive His image in our countenance – and in order to become like the Savior, we need to know the Savior.

I thought it was interesting that Elder Bednar specifically mentioned studying the gospels and 3 Nephi, because during the Relief Society Broadcast I felt a distinct prompting to study those exact scriptures – to really study the life of the Savior so that I could become more like Him.

As I have been reading in Matthew (I have a goal to finish the book of Matthew by the end of October, but I’m only on chapter 5… I guess I have a lot of reading to do in the next few days!) I have been trying to be mindful of the footnotes, including the Joseph Smith Translation. Last week I got to Chapter 4 where Jesus fasts for forty days and Satan tempts him. The Joseph Smith Translation makes some really significant changes in our understanding of what happened.

“Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be with God.” The King James Version says that the spirit led the Savior up into the wilderness “to be tempted of the devil” which sounds really strange – because we know that it is foolish to put ourselves in the position of being tempted by Satan. He gets enough chances to tempt us as it is, so why would we give him more opportunity? And surely the Savior would want to stay as far away from Satan as possible. I don’t think He said “Let me go find Satan and let him tempt me so that I can show him how tough I am.” That the Savior went into the wilderness to be “with God” makes a lot more sense. It also teaches us about the character of Christ – He valued being away from the world for at least a time, so that He could commune with God.

As mothers, could our “wilderness” be escaping from our responsibilities as wives and mothers for a few moments? How often to we go “into the wilderness” (away from home) to be tempted of the devil? I can’t think of times when I have wanted to get away from home and my kids so that I can pursue worldly interests – maybe a career, maybe simply shopping. An example that comes to mind is the race I ran this weekend (more about that tomorrow). How often do we go “into the wilderness to be with God”? I can think of once when I left the kids at home with my husband so I could go to the temple. That one-on-one time with God was so healing for me, and so peaceful. When I came back home I was a much better mother. I need to spend more time in the “wilderness” with God rather than with other things. My wilderness comes in the mornings, usually, and sometimes it is hard to use those early morning hours for communing with God rather than reading news articles, “liking” Facebook posts, or  commenting on blogs, and before I know it, the children are awake and the opportunity is lost.

“And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, and had communed with God, he was afterward an hungered, and was left to be tempted of the devil.” It is significant to me that the Savior communed with the Lord before he was left to be tempted. He had been with God first, which I am sure gave Him strength for when Satan came around. Do we commune with God often enough that we have strength for when Satan comes around to tempt us?

When the King James Version says “then the devil taketh him up” to the different places, the Joseph Smith Translation clarifies that it was actually the Spirit taking the Savior to the different places. This makes sense, of course, because the devil has not power over Christ. It is almost as if the Spirit was taking Christ away from Satan, and Satan just kept tagging along like a lost puppy.

Elder Bednar pointed out the translation of verse 11: “Then the devil leaveth him, and now Jesus knew that John was cast into prison, and he sent angels, and behold they came and ministered unto him (John).” This translation is significantly different than the Savior having angels minister to Him. The Lord knew that John was in prison, and he had just been fasting for forty days and forty nights and had been dealing with the father of lies, and instead of worrying about himself, the Savior sent angels to minister to John.

I am so grateful for the scriptures and the opportunity I have to seek the Lord and find Him and learn about Him. President Uchtdorf has said, “The truth is, those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him.” I hope that as I seek the Lord I can diligently seek Him and eventually, come to know Him.

How do you diligently seek the Lord? Have you studied the life of Christ? Do you study His life frequently? Have you found that you are coming to know Him? What gems from the Joseph Smith Translation have you found that have helped clarify the character of Christ for you?

Follow the Prophet

Note: I originally wrote this post on October 18, 2010 on my family blog. I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and have decided to publish it on My Soul Delighteth. I think it belongs here.

On Sunday, October 3, 2010, President Boyd K. Packer, whom members of the church sustain to be a “prophet, seer and revelator” gave this talk.

As a prophet, President Packer’s responsibility is to call the world to repentance – much like Noah did in his day as he built the ark, like Lehi in Jerusalem, and like many other prophets in the past.

Unfortunately, as they did with Noah and Lehi, the world has rejected the words of the prophets, and have even gone so far as to petition him to withdraw his statements. This is not a new thing. It has happened again and again throughout history, and God’s word has always remained unchanged. As President Packer so bluntly put it:

...there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of God’s laws and nature...There are both moral and physical laws “irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world” that cannot be changed...To legalize that which is basically wrong or evil will not prevent the pain and penalties that will follow as surely as night follows day.

I respect everyone’s right to an opinion. But I also believe in God’s word, and I firmly believe in God’s prophets who deliver His word to us – especially in these latter days.

Satan is stirring up the hearts of men. A war is waging. “Who’s on the Lord’s side, who? Now is the time to show...” This particular battle hits really close to home for me. I have had to make some really difficult decisions about some people who are very dear to me. All I can think about is how to “love one another” while still being devoted to righteousness, and not “look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.” This article, a Q&A with Elder Oaks and a member of the 70, has been particularly helpful.

In response to the petition I mentioned earlier, the brethren had this to say:

Much of this was not new, but there were a lot of really great things said. A few of my favorites:

“As a church, our doctrinal position is clear: any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, and we define marriage as between a man and a woman.”
“None of us is limited by our feelings or inclinations. Ultimately, we are free to act for ourselves.”
“The Church distinguishes between feelings or inclinations on the one hand and behavior on the other. It’s not a sin to have feelings, only in yielding to temptation.”

I don’t believe that there is a different "type" of person that is homosexual or “gay” - to me, that would be like saying people with black skin are somehow "different" than people with whiter skin (if you've read The Help you might see where I am going with that). I know that people will disagree, and that is fine. I believe that people have same-gender, or homosexual, attractions, and that they can sometimes be very strong. But they are still just children of God to me. If they choose to participate in homosexual behaviors, or live a homosexual lifestyle, then that is what they are doing. I believe that there is nothing fundamentally different between someone who struggles with same-gender attraction, and the rest of God’s children who struggle with something else. We are all children of God experiencing trials and struggles on this earth with Satan tempting us and trying us. We inhabit imperfect bodies with imperfect emotions and chemical make ups. We all face trials. (read more about that here)

God made man and woman. He created them specifically different – to fulfill different purposes. From The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

As I write this, I realize that I am not writing it to an audience of people who don’t believe in Christ and the atonement. I am writing it in hopes that someone who feels unsure about the word of God on this issue can maybe read my testimony and perhaps feel the spirit and have a little better understanding of God’s word.

It is not easy to stay true to the Savior. Especially in today’s social and political climate. There is so much of the Adversary’s influence in our societies that we can be easily confused by the arguments out there.

Sometimes I get very discouraged because the world is getting more and more wicked – good is called evil, and evil is called good. But I know that there is hope and happiness available to those who live the gospel – for those who earnestly call on God in the name of His Son, our Savior Jesus Christ and ask for a confirmation of that which is true. The Spirit will guide us. I know that because I beg the Lord for His Spirit to be with me as I raise my children and feel like I don’t know anything. And he grants His spirit to me.

If there is one thing I know is absolutely true, it is that God lives and loves us and has given us living prophets on the earth to help guide us when we become confused about how to live in the world and not be of the world.

And I hope and pray that you will try to get that testimony for yourself.

Recommended reading:
Cleansing the Inner Vessel by President Boyd K. Packer
The Q&A with Elder Oaks and Elder Wickman
The Response to the HRC Petition
Many of These Articles
This Proclamation
Another Good Article by Elder Oaks