An Eventful Year - Revelation and the Lord's Timing

I don't usually post "Year in Review" type blog posts. However, I was reading my New Years' post from 2012 in which I wrote that 2011 and been "the best of times and the worst of times". Perhaps that statement could sum up life in general, because 2013 definitely fits that same description.

I'm sure you have all been missing me, dear readers. And I just want to warn you that this is not me "coming back" really. I hope to be back eventually, and I imagine the summers will be better, but life has thrown me a few curve balls.

In 2013, I had five major life events: birth of a child, starting school, divorce, new job, and remarriage.

Birth of a Child

There are so many thoughts and feeling that are rushing around inside of me about the birth of my second son. His birth was amazing and spiritual and perfect and wonderful and everything I wanted it to be.Heather, from Women in the Scriptures, was my doula - and she was an amazing doula. She will deny it up and down, but I regard Heather as a spiritual giant. I feel like the labor and delivery went so well because she was there, with her faith and her knowledge and her testimony, I could just feel the power of God around me and with me. And if not from Heather, then from what she has taught me about the priesthood and womanhood and motherhood through the past several years, both on her blog and in personal conversations. She is an amazing woman.

Starting School

I felt inspired this year that I should go back to school to finish the few courses I need to qualify for a teaching license. Although I have a bachelor's degree in Math, I don't have a teaching license, and I had been feeling something nagging at me to get my license and teach. Because I was married to a soldier I didn't know how much time I would have in any one place, so I figured that I needed my education to be as portable as possible. So in May I applied to an online university to finish my teacher prep courses. Because of the next major life event, I am so grateful that I listened to the prompting to go back to school and prepare to be a teacher.

Getting a Divorce

This is probably the longest story, and I am not going to tell it all right here, right now (but you can read my emotions about a lot of it in my previous posts about my faith crumbling through adversity and trials). Suffice it to say that when I was scared to death (literally) of leaving my marriage, when I thought it would be better to be dead that divorced, when I argued with Heavenly Father, wondering why He would ask me to do something I knew was against His plan, when my faith seemed to be threadbare, something happened. I got strength from a place I had forgotten about, and somehow, I got out.

And there I was, hurting, broken, but feeling like I had burst out of a dark prison.

I felt like my life had crumbled around me, but God gave me a vision of what my new life could be if I would just cling to Him. And that is what I have been doing.

Starting a New Job

Due to the previous major life event, I needed to get a job so I could provide for my family. I submitted applications for a job on Monday in between filling out divorce papers. I filed for divorce on Tuesday, interviewed for a job on Friday, and was offered the job on Tuesday of the next week. A full time job teaching math at a middle school in a nice neighborhood about 10 minutes from my house. My good friend was looking for a job and is a fantastic mother and I asked and she offered to be our day care practically at the same moment. It was meant to be.

However, my first paycheck wasn't going to come until late September. Because I had started school I had just received some student loan funds. Between the student loans and my amazing ward I was able to make it to September with money to spare. Heavenly Father is watching out for me.

Getting Remarried
This story is probably longer than the divorce story, but I am pretty sure it can be summed up in two principles: receiving and understanding personal revelation (which I wrote about here) and the Lord's timing is not always our timing - which the Stake President mentioned in that blessing.

Did you know that "in due time" doesn't necessarily mean "in a loooong time"? That's what I thought when the Stake President promised me that I would experience the joy of marriage again and followed that promise up with "in due time" which he repeated! I was thinking "so, I'll get married again in a really really really long time. Imagine my surprise when I met my new husband and three days later Heavenly Father informed me that he would be my new husband. Come to find out "in due time" means "at the appropriate time" - which apparently is 3 months after a divorce (for me). Who knew? It didn't take my husband long to receive the same revelation, so then the only question was "when"? We prayed about it and I felt inspired that we should pick a date and take it to Heavenly Father for approval. We looked at my calendar (being a teacher I don't get a lot of time off work) and picked a date mid-January. After a few days I had a nagging feeling that it wasn't soon enough. So we thought "After Christmas would be great". Nope, wrong again. Finally we picked the day before Thanksgiving (which at this point was about a month away). Yep. It felt right. We talked to my bishop, we talked to my parents, we talked to his parents, we told our kids (six of them altogether!), and it happened! So yeah, it all boils down to receiving and understanding revelation and the Lord's timing is not always our timing.

So now you know where I have been for the last 6-12 months. Going through a painful divorce, starting school and a job, and getting remarried to a wonderful man who loves God with all of his heart, might, mind and strength, with me as a close second.

I hope to be able to write more often, but don't hold your breath. Of course, now that I have "come out" and you all know my little secrets, it will be easier for me to write. I always like being open and "real" on my blog, and I feel like I have been lying the past year or so because my marriage was so awful. So, comment on here and tell me you're still reading and I will try to post more often. If no one cares that I was gone I will probably just post whenever it happens (which might not be very often!).

What lessons did you learn last year?

GCBC Week 3: "A Sure Foundation"

I have never been in an earthquake - minor or major - and don't wish to ever have that experience. But I have seen my fair share of spiritual and emotional earthquakes, and I can testify that I have endured them much better when my foundation has been strong.

An earthquake can definitely help you realize when you are missing something.

What were your thoughts about Bishop Davies' talk?

A Sure Foundation - Bishop Dean M. Davies

If you are new to General Conference Book Club, click here to find out more. The basic idea is to study one General Conference talk each week between April conference and October conference, and to chat about the talk here in the comment section. You can also link up (using the linky tool below) to your own blog post about this talk. The link up will be open until I post the next week's talk, but if you study this talk later and missed the link up, feel free to post your link in the comment section.

Pra Ech Da (Pray Each Day)

My six year old son has a great testimony of prayer. He is not afraid to ask Heavenly Father for the things he wants and needs. The personal nature of my son's prayers never cease to amaze me (and sometimes make me chuckle - like the other day when he said, "Please bless that we will get another Xbox controller tomorrow." That kid). His faith is incredible.

Yesterday during the sacrament I had him write down the ways he will keep his baptismal covenants.

Now I realize that my six year old hasn't actually made covenants, but it is never to early to teach them how to keep the covenants that he will one day have the opportunity to make.

Here is what he wrote:


"I will pra(pray) ech(each) da(day).

"I will doo(do) va(the) Lods(Lord's) kame(commandments)."

I admit I had to ask him about the second sentence. I didn't prompt him what to write, I simply asked the question about keeping promises we make when we take the sacrament. I was touched by his awesome understanding of the gospel - at the tender age of six years old.

Of course, this was after he complained about going to Church, this morning "If I go to Church I am just staying in the car!" I tell you this so you know that even my kids sometimes protest going to Church. I don't believe in forcing our children to believe, but I also don't believe in letting my six year old stay home alone for 4+ hours. So I told him that when he is eight he can decide to stay home. I figure if I am going to let my eight year old decide whether or not to be baptized he can certainly decide whether or not to go to church. Hopefully by then he will have had enough meaningful experiences at church that he will want to go.

Like today he had a meaningful experience - he bore his testimony in sacrament meeting, which he hasn't done for a while. Probably because I haven't either. I almost fixed that today, especially when he asked me to go with him, but I was just not feeling it.

Later in the evening we were visiting with my in-laws and my sister-in-law mentioned that her two year old doesn't like church very much and my six year old asked why and she explained that he doesn't really understand why he has to sit still in sacrament meeting. I quipped that my son didn't really like church today either, and he turned to me, "Except, now I do! I liked church today!" I have a feeling that it had something to do with the way he felt when he bore his testimony.

The kid looked like a sunbeam when he came down from the stand.

GCBC Week 18: “Special Lessons” & “Having the Vision to Do”

I have been sick lately – the “good” kind of sick, thankfully – but hard nonetheless. I try not to complain too much because I know countless women who would gladly take my place for the opportunity to bear a child – and I am grateful for the opportunity that I have. But that doesn’t make the discomfort go away.

So GCBC is late (again!) but at least it’s here. And these are some great talks!

Special Lessons – by Elder Ronald A. Rasband

I really enjoyed reading Elder Rasband's talk. We have had a few discussions with a close friend about why God allows suffering – and why He intervenes in some cases and not others. Why are some people healed while others are required to suffer throughout their mortal lives? Why are some people spared from the earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes, while others’ lives are spared? Our friend sees this as either an indicator that God is either not omnipotent, or not compassionate. I see it as an indicator that God knows us intimately, individually, and He knows exactly what we need in this life to thrive spiritually, and He does His best to give those things to us.

This reminds me of a song by Laura Story called “Blessings” in which she sings,

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life are Your blessings in disguise?

Elder Rasband seems to think so. He said, “Trusting in God’s will is central to our mortality. With faith in Him, we draw upon the power of Christ’s Atonement at those times when questions abound and answers are few.”

Suffering and trials in this life allow us to keep our baptismal covenants. If you don’t remember them, let me refresh your memory:

as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort (Mosiah 18:8-9)

Our sufferings and trials allow us to keep those covenants. If no one had any burdens, if no one mourned, if no one needed comforting, how could we keep those covenants?

Having the Vision to Do – By Elder O. Vincente Haleck

This quote in particular stuck out to be from Elder Haleck’s talk

We experience hard things in our lives that can sometimes diminish our vision and faith to do the things we should. We become so busy that we often feel overwhelmed and unable to do any more. While each of us is different, I humbly submit that we must focus our vision on the Savior and His teachings. What did He see in Peter, James, and John and the other Apostles that prompted Him to act to invite them to follow Him? Like His vision of them, the Savior has a great vision of who we can become. It will take the same faith and courage the first Apostles had in order for us to refocus on the things that matter most in bringing lasting happiness and great joy.

How did these talks inspire you?

Multiply and Replenish the Earth

Do you remember Elder Neil L. Andersen’s talk from October 2011 General Conference? I do. It hit me hard and was actually kind of a thorn in my side for a little while. During October 2008, I was pregnant with our second child, and our first was about 18 months old. I always imagined that we would just have kids one after another, but when October 2011 rolled around, and our second daughter was two and a half I couldn’t help but feel like we had missed something somewhere.

I believe in having children. I believe that is is a personal decision, to be made between a husband, his wife, and the Lord, but I believe in having children – and I don’t believe in postponing childbearing or ending childbearing for selfish reasons. I believe in having faith in following the commandments of God, and one of those commandments I believe in is bearing children.

“THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”

Bearing children is not something we do because we worked hard enough and because we got a good enough job and we have a nice house and we’ll be able to give our children all of the worldly comforts of this life. Bearing children is something we do to raise children to the Lord. It’s not about raising geniuses, raising star football players, raising world class musicians, or anything of the sort. Bearing children is about teaching our spirit brothers and sisters how to believe, have faith, and act so that they can return to live with Heavenly Father some day. How we do that, how they do that is an extremely personal matter, and I believe our Father will help us in that monumental responsibility. Parenting – bearing and raising children – is a sacrifice we make. A sacrifice we covenanted to make. We sacrifice worldly things for the opportunity to bring souls back to Heavenly Father. I’ve written before about the Mission-Motherhood Parallel – just as our young adult brothers and sisters sacrifice up to two years of their lives to bring souls back to Heavenly Father, our job as parents is to do the same thing – the sacrifice is longer, the work is harder, but the payoff is the same – souls are brought to Heavenly Father.

Back to my General Conference thorn (Elder Andersen’s talk). During General Conference I write down directives – things that the General Authorities specifically instruct us to do, and more personally, things I feel prompted to do by the Spirit. After Conference I go through my notes and make a list of those “directives”. This year I put a star next to each directive for each time it appeared in my notes. After “go to the temple” (which had about 5 stars) and “read my patriarchal blessing” and “study the Daughters in My Kingdom manual”, the only other thing I felt multiple times was “have more babies”.

Prior to General Conference I had mentioned having more children (in passing) to my husband. He seemed uncomfortable with the thought – his words, “I feel like I would be ungrateful if I wanted to have more kids, since Heavenly Father has already blessed me with these two perfect children.”

After conference I wrote about Elder Andersen’s talk, and I mentioned that the choice to have babies is not just between husband and the Lord, or the wife and the Lord – it’s a three way decision. That means that just because I felt like we needed to have more babies did not mean that we would have more babies right away. My husband had to feel the same way.

I prayed about having more babies, and I felt an urgency that was hard to ignore. I was hesitant to discuss my feelings with my husband, so I kept the feelings to myself, praying fervently that my husband would eventually feel the urgency that I felt. Weeks passed. Months passed. I couldn’t shake that feeling that we needed to have babies, but every time I mentioned having more kids I got the same response from my husband. Finally, he said, “Well, let me think about it for a while.” (for him that means “let me pray about it” – though he won’t always admit it). More weeks went by, and finally, he told me he was ready – he felt like we should have more kids.

I was so excited. Finally!

But there was one problem. He was gone every few weeks for a week or two at a time, and his timing was impeccable (in the bad way). Those few months were really hard for me, as each opportunity passed for me to get pregnant, and there was no way. When he was home for a few weeks at one point I had an emotional breakdown. Sobbing into his arms I said, “All I want is a house full of children!” When we were dating and engaged and newlywed, my husband used to say we were going to have a hundred children (and he wasn’t exaggerating!). He and I both had plans to foster, adopt, and birth our own children – a hundred of them – as many as we had room for – and we feel like we have room for as many as need a home.

I am a fertile woman, and the past few years since my daughter was about one I have felt guilty for not having more children. This might sound strange, but it was really hard for me to be physically able to bear children and not actually be able to get pregnant for reasons other than physical ability (or even temporal preparedness).

Often, we have endless compassion for women who want to have children but struggle with infertility. We understand that it’s not their choice not to have children. But what about women who would have dozens of children but can’t for other reasons (whatever those reasons may be)? Do we have as much compassion for women like me, who are completely fertile and in a great (temporal) position to have children (healthy, husband has a good job, great health insurance, roomy home to fill with children) but can’t for reasons other than infertility? I’ll tell you – before I had this experience I wouldn’t have had as much compassion for someone like me.

Elder Anderson said,

“We go forward in faith—realizing the decision of how many children to have and when to have them is between a husband and wife and the Lord. We should not judge one another on this matter.” (emphasis added)

I’ve been learning that the experiences in my life have been teaching me how to have compassion for people who I would have judged. Maybe I’m not as compassionate as I thought I am.

And now, if you haven’t already figured it out, I’m writing this post because we’re expecting baby #3! That’s why I’ve been a little MIA lately – morning sickness and fatigue have overcome me, and because I have been wanting this for so long, so I waited a little longer than normal to tell anyone besides close family and friends (I’m one of those tell-everyone-as-soon-as-the-test-is-positive people). I felt like keeping it to myself for a little while this time, enjoying the blessing that it is, and spending lots of time in prayer and thanksgiving for the patience and compassion I was taught in waiting for this.

Have you had to wait for something that you desperately wanted, but was out of your control? Have you had to experience waiting for children – whether because of infertility or any other reason that was beyond your control? Have you found yourself judging others because of what you may have thought was their choice, but you later discovered was out of their control?

GCBC Week 14: Families Under Covenant

We’re finishing up our antibiotics (we’ve all had strep, if you missed that from last week). Except for my 5 year old. He lasted a while without getting any really bad symptoms, but this weekend he started manifesting symptoms, so he’s just starting his while we’re all finishing up. Poor kid.

We’re over half way done with General Conference Book Club! That means that we’re halfway to October General Conference. I have really been enjoying this go around with GCBC. Hosting the book club keeps me more accountable, and so far I have studied all the talks.

As I was studying this talk I thought of the Sanctus Real song, Lead Me. It’s an excellent song about a man who wants to stand up and lead his family, being their support, their strength, and their spiritual leader – and understands that he needs God’s help in that role.

Families Under Covenant – by President Henry B. Eyring

There is nothing that has come or will come into your family as important as the sealing blessings. There is nothing more important than honoring the marriage and family covenants you have made or will make in the temples of God.

The way to do that is clear. The Holy Spirit of Promise, through our obedience and sacrifice, must seal our temple covenants in order to be realized in the world to come.

There is a lot in President Eyring’s talk about how to have your marriage and family sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise. This is a talk I would like to study with my husband.

How did President Eyring’s talk impact you?

GCBC Week 9: “Abide in the Lord’s Territory” & “To Hold Sacred”

Elder Ulisses Soares was my husband’s mission president in the Portugal Porto Mission (which has since been combined with the Portugal Lisbon Mission), so hearing him speak in General Conference is always a treat. My husband speaks very highly of him, and loves him like a father (as I imagine many missionaries view their mission presidents). I met him once at a mission reunion several years ago when we were newlyweds, and the talk he gave at the fireside has stuck with me ever since. Maybe I’ll write a blog post about it some day.

I was bummed that my husband didn’t get to hear President Soares speak (he was on a flight back from Paris), but I am grateful for the Ensign and the videos made available online so my husband can sort of have the chance to hear his president speak again.

Abide in the Lord’s Territory – By Elder Ulisses Soares

Jesus Christ established the perfect behavior pattern by which we can build upon our attitudes to be able to fulfill these sacred covenants. The Savior banished from His life any influence that might take His focus away from His divine mission, especially when He was tempted by the enemy or by his followers while He ministered here on earth. Although He never sinned, He had a broken heart and a contrite spirit, full of love for our Heavenly Father and for all men. He humbled Himself before our Father in Heaven, denying His own will to fulfill what the Father had asked of Him in all things until the end. Even at that moment of extreme physical and spiritual pain, carrying the burden of the sins of all mankind on His shoulders and shedding blood through His pores, He told the Father, “Nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt”

“You can’t be right by doing wrong; you can’t be wrong by doing right.”

I love this little saying Elder Soares quoted from President Monson. I am sure it has been made into many printables out there, and I’d even bet that several Relief Society sisters already have it in vinyl lettering on a tile or wood block. And they should. It is absolutely true.

To Hold Sacred – By Elder Paul B. Pieper

Today the struggle continues. Secular voices are growing in volume and intensity. They increasingly urge believers to abandon beliefs the world considers irrational and unreasonable.

…

The sacred cannot be selectively surrendered. Those who choose to abandon even one sacred thing will have their minds darkened, and unless they repent, the light they have shall be taken from them. Unanchored by the sacred, they will find themselves morally adrift on a secular sea.

Elder Paul B. Pieper’s talk really hit me, especially the last several paragraphs. I reread his talk one day after worrying about all the pulls of the secular world, and the discussion about “Mormonism Lite” (or “unorthodox” Mormonism) and all the people who are pulled apart by the secular voices all around us. His talk was very timely for me, and I am trying to hold sacred the truths that I have received, so that my mind won’t be darkened. What a scary thought!

What struck you in these talks?

Pleasing Unto God

My post yesterday was only the first part of a two part story.

I did struggle for a few days with that scripture - 2 Nephi 5:21. In fact, I kept rereading it every night for a few nights thinking that by really paying attention I might come to understand what was going on there. After a few nights I finally gave up, sort of.

I just pressed on.

It didn't get better, in fact it just got worse, talking about the Lamanites being a scourge to the Nephites (of course, that prophesy is fulfilled over and over again in the Book of Mormon).

But then, quite abruptly, the talk about the cursed Lamanites stops, and suddenly Nephi feels it is pertinent to include here that he is making this record by the commandment of God, and that he is trying to write things that are pleasing to Him.




Then Nephi writes, "And if my people are pleased with the things of God they will be pleased with mine engravings which are upon these plates."

And suddenly, that knot left in my stomach by 2 Nephi 5:21 unwound itself, and I felt peace.

Why?

Because I am pleased with the things of God (most of the time). And so, I can be pleased with (or my soul can delight in) that controversial verse in 2 Nephi chapter 5 in the Book of Mormon. Especially after writing out all my thoughts in the previous post (a post which I thought about writing when I first read the verse, but the thoughts weren't complete yet) I now feel comfortable, even happy, with that verse.

God doesn't make bad things happen, but He knows bad things will happen, and He also knows how to protect us from the potentially spiritually damaging side effects of those bad things - but we have to obey Him, and come unto Him, and be saved by the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ whom He sent.

What examples can you think of where the Lord has protected good people from the effects of wickedness? What about times when He has allowed wicked men to affect the wicked? How can we protect ourselves (and our families) from the wickedness in the world?


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Washed Clean

I was sitting in sacrament meeting at the organ - which meant that someone else had my kids and I could ponder during the sacrament. My thoughts drifted to the events of the previous day, Saturday.

One of the perks of playing the piano is being asked to play at baptisms. Saturday was one of those occasions for me. The member of the bishopric who was presiding told the young woman who was baptized that she had been washed clean and that it she would continue to repent and be worthy to partake of the sacrament she could be washed clean each Sunday as she partook of the sacrament.




I knew this doctrine before and I have always believed it, but that day as I took the tiny cup of water and felt the cool liquid wash down my throat, I actually felt clean. I felt as if in that moment I was as perfect and clean as I was after my baptism.

Recently I have been thinking (and writing) about repentance and the atonement, and I feel like as this has been a focus in my personal study, I have been applying the principles of repentance more effectively.




It is this application of the atonement that has made the difference. In order for the sacrament to cleanse us, we must be repentant.

I know that I am clean - perfectly clean - after repenting and partaking of the sacrament. I know that as I strive to live the gospel and repent when I fall short and rely on Christ, I can partake of the sacrament and be cleansed as if by the waters of baptism.

Do you feel clean when you take the sacrament? How do you feel as you apply the principles of the atonement in your life?


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Redemption and Repentance

(find the talks here – Redemption – and here – The Divine Gift of Repentance)

“The choice to repent is a choice
to burn bridges in every direction
[having determined] to follow forever only one way,
the one path that leads to eternal life.”

-Professor Noel Reynolds

I have a strong testimony of the principle of repentance and the gift of the atonement. I am not sure when I gained that testimony – I am sure it came gradually over the years as I grew up. I am also sure that the strength of that testimony is helped by the strength of my testimony that God loves all of His children. When you know that God loves His children, it is easy to understand that He would give them a way to get back to live with Him. A loving God would not shun us at the first hint of sin.

As strong as my testimony of repentance has been, I think that my understanding as been somewhat superficial. This quote from Elder D. Todd Christofferson struck me, “Attempts to create a list of specific steps of repentance may be helpful to some, but it may also lead to a mechanical,check-off-the-boxes approach with no real feeling or change.” I want to be sure that I am not approaching repentance with “no real feeling or change.” I want to change. That is the glory of repentance.

I can remember when the first spark of real understanding of the atonement happened for me. When I was a young woman, a young man in our ward bore his testimony one Fast Sunday about the atonement. He talked about how it is the atonement that allows us to do better each day. He didn’t talk about repenting from grievous sins, he was talking about the “little” things – learning and growing each day. That has always been the foundation of my testimony of the atonement – it is the power by which we progress each day. When I get impatient with my children, it is the atonement that allows me to try again the next day (or the next minute!) and erases all the mistakes I make as I learn how to be a mother.

That’s a pretty comforting knowledge – that my mistakes are not lasting. If I partake of the atonement each day – even in each minute of each day – my mistakes can be washed away!

Having this “daily repentance” understanding of the atonement has probably been the foundation of my understanding of repentance.

The underlying principle in repentance is change. Elder Christofferson said, “Perhaps as much as praying for mercy, we should pray for time and opportunity to work and strive and overcome.” How often do we pray for forgiveness without praying for the strength and opportunity to change and do things differently?
The ability we have to repent comes from the plan of redemption. Elder LeGrand R. Curtis Jr said, “‘To redeem’ is to buy or to buy back…if we repent, we can be forgiven of our sins, the price having been paid by our Redeemer.” This redemption is provided, whether or not we partake of it. As President Packer said, “There is a Redeemer, a Mediator, who stands both willing and able to appease the demands of justice and extend mercy to those who are penitent.”

Ironically, the most beautiful part of the atonement to me is that there is nothing we can do to repay the Savior. Elder Curtis said, “[T]he plan of redemption calls for our best efforts to fully repent and do the will of God.”

His statement reminded me of a BYU Devotional by Brad Wilcox, in which Brother Wilcox compared the atonement to a parent paying for piano lessons for their child.

Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher. How many know what I am talking about? Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice.

Elder Curtis quoted the hymn Savior, Redeemer of My Soul and I loved the line “Never can I repay thee, Lord, But I can love thee.”

How true! I hope that I can do my best to love the Lord and to repent daily of my weaknesses, making them strengths through His infinite atonement.

How do you partake of the atonement? What are your feelings about the plan of redemption? Are you sometimes discouraged when you have to repent over and over again? Do you recognize the growth that you have made in your repentance journey? What is the meaning of the atonement and repentance for you personally?

Find more insight on this talk over at

Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club

Covenant Keeper

I have been thinking a lot about covenants lately. It is good to do a little self-evaluation every now and then to see how well we are keeping our covenants. After October General Conference, I felt a great sense of urgency to evaluate how well I am keeping my covenants – and to be more diligent and faithful in keeping them.

Sister Barbara Thompson talked about keeping covenants at General Conference, and she talked about her mother’s example. She spoke about cleaning out her mother’s belongings after her mother passed away and that her mother’s belongings were evidence that her mother was a covenant keeper. Suddenly I was filled with a great desire to be a covenant keeper.

We make many many covenants. Most of the covenants we make with God are made in His sacred and holy temples.

President Boyd K. Packer reminds us that “we are a covenant people. We covenant to give of our resources in time and money and talent—all we are and all we possess—to the interest of the kingdom of God upon the earth. In simple terms, we covenant to do good. We are a covenant people,and the temple is the center of our covenants. It is the source of the covenant.”

Our Relief Society lesson last week was on the Millennium. We talked about Satan being bound and how the scriptures teach us that “And because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power”. After reading this scripture we talked a little bit about how we can bind Satan in our own lives by our righteousness. We can never completely escape from Satan’s influence in our lives today because not everyone will live righteously – but if we live righteously, that is, if we keep our covenants, and we surround ourselves with those who keep their covenants, then Satan will be effectually bound in our lives – at least for the most part.

There is so much protection in keeping covenants. Sister Thompson said, “’Lift up thy heart and rejoice, and cleave unto the covenants which thou hast made.’ Keeping covenants is true joy and happiness.This is comfort and peace. This is protection from the evils of the world. Keeping our covenants will help us in times of trial.”

What strength have you received as you “cleave unto covenants”? Think of the covenants you have made. Are you “cleaving” unto them?

We Do Not Doubt Our Mothers Knew It

At the Denver Temple in Littleton, CO

On Fast Sundays in Sacrament Meeting (our main worship service) congregation members are invited to get up and share their testimonies. Our four year old, V, always wants to get up. Because four year olds can be… loquacious… and sometimes say things that don’t make sense, I always grill him before he goes up (out of principle, I don’t “help” our kids with their testimonies when they are at the pulpit saying it – if I were to help them, it would be my testimony, and not theirs – if they are going to bear their testimony in front of people, they need to learn to have their own testimony. I’ll help them at home, or even in the pew, but once they get up there, it’s all on their own).

I’m glad I grilled V on Sunday because at first he was talking about Santa Claus hurting Jesus or something crazy like that (four year old imaginations are… active). Usually I tell him that he gets to go up and tell everyone the things he knows are true (and then I give him some ideas, like “I know Jesus is my Savior”  “I know Heavenly Father loves me.” “I know the scriptures are true.”)

On Sunday, his testimony (which he ran by me in the pew, and then bore powerfully – as powerfully as a four year old can – which believe me, it’s pretty powerful – at the pulpit) was this:

“Jesus died on the cross for us.
If we obey Him we can live with Him again forever.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last night before bed I was reading in a little book I found (probably at DI? I have no clue where this book came from. Maybe my husband’s stash of books we got last fall from his folks’ house after we finally bought our own place? Who knows) called What Latter-day Stripling Warriors Learn from their Mothers. I reached for that particular book last night because I came to Alma 53 in the Book of Mormon in my personal scripture reading before bed.

For those of you unfamiliar with Alma chapter 53, it is in this chapter where the Nephites (who have been doing a great job defending themselves against the Lamanites, and even took a bunch of Lamanites prisoner – thanks to Captain Moroni and Lehi) start getting beat down a little by the Lamanites again (“thus because of iniquity amongst themselves, yea, because of dissensions and intrigue among themselves”) and the people of Ammon (who had “taken an oath that they never would shed blood more”) were “moved with compassion and were desirous to take up arms in defence of their country.”

Well, turns out breaking covenants is frowned upon, and Helaman (another mighty Nephite military leaders) helped persuade them not to break their covenants.

But it turns out those men who had made covenants had sons who hadn’t made a covenant not to fight. So they rose up, took up arms, and “entered into a covenants to fight for the liberty of the Nephites, yea to protect the land unto the laying down of their lives; yea, even they covenanted that they would never give up their liberty, but they would fight in all cases to protect the Nephites and themselves from bondage.” I think it is interesting that we always talk about the Stripling warriors and how much their mothers taught them – but what about what their fathers taught them? Their fathers taught them about making and keeping covenants. Although the purpose of the covenant for the sons was different than the covenant of their fathers, those boys knew how to make and keep covenants because they watched their fathers make a keep covenants.

I love the story of the Stripling Warriors, and I had never really thought much about what they learned from their fathers either, but I thought it was really profound that they were willing to enter into such a covenant to protect the Nephites.

Back to the book I was reading. As I was reading I thought a lot about what the stripling warriors said to Helaman “We do not doubt our mothers knew it.” and I got to thinking, “Do my kids know that I know?” and “What did their mothers know? What do I need to know and make sure my kids don’t doubt that I know it?” I thought about the characteristics of these young boys as described in Alma 53:20-21 “they were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all – they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted. Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him.” Children model what they see, so if I want my children to be like the stripling warriors, I must be like them – courageous, strong, be active, be true, be sober. And I must teach them to keep the commandments of God (by keeping those commandments myself).

In Alma 56:47, Helaman describes what they learned from their mothers, “yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.” So their mothers taught them faith in God. And they “did not doubt [their] mothers knew it.”

I want my children to be able to say that about me – I want them to know that if they have faith, God will deliver them from whatever trial or tribulation they may face. And I want them to know that I have a testimony. How do I do that? I guess I share my testimony with them every day, and I live according to my testimony.

How can I show my children that I know the gospel is true? How can I show them that I have faith? What things do I need to know so that my children will be able to say “We do not doubt our mother knew it”?

My Yoke Is Easy

This morning I read Matthew chapters 11 and 12 and while I was reading them I was trying to answer this question, “What do I learn about the character of Christ from these chapters?”

To be honest, it was kind of a hard task this morning. The Savior did a lot of teaching in these two chapters, but a lot of it was hard words to the Pharisees and others who were hard of heart. But then when I read Matthew 11:8-30 I thought about our baptismal covenants, and the Savior’s promise to us, and how we can use His promise as an example of how to keep our baptismal covenants.

In Matthew the Lord promises us:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

In Mosiah in the Book of Mormon, we learn about our baptismal covenants:

and now as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort…

Because we take Christ’s name upon us in baptism, we must learn to become like Him and do the things that He does.

Christ is “meek and lowly in heart” and bears our burdens. When we are baptized, we covenant to do the same for others – bear their burdens to make them feel light.

What does it mean to be meek and lowly in heart? A definition for “meek”  in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is “easily imposed on.” The Savior is easily imposed on – we don’t have to plead and argue with Him for Him to agree to take our burdens. He just does it when we come to Him and ask. And we barely even have to ask, because He already knows that we have a burden.

In our lives, there are always people around us with burdens to be born. There are those who mourn, and those who need comfort. We do not need to wait for them to plead with us to take their burdens – the Savior is easily imposed on for comfort, and we should be the same way.

Sometimes we may feel that we can only bear our own burdens, but I know that we can bring both our burdens, and the burdens of others which we bear for them, to the Lord, and He will lighten our load. In Elder Alonso’s talk from General Conference, he said, “When we serve our neighbor, we help those who are in need. In the process we may find solutions to our own difficulties.” So as we bear the burdens of others, often we can find that our burdens are lightened as well.

What things have you learned about the character of Christ from the scriptures? How do you keep your baptismal covenant to bear one another’s burdens? How do you feel your burdens being lightened by the Savior?

The Sabbath Part III – Offer Up Thy Sacraments

(This is Part III of a five part series on The Sabbath)

To Go to the House of Prayer and Offer Up Our Sacraments

Elder Perry said, “The Sabbath provides us with a precious opportunity to offer up these—our sacraments—to the Lord.” “Partaking of the sacrament is the center of our Sabbath day observance.” The partaking of the sacrament in our Church meetings should be the most significant event of our Sabbath observance. 

“The Sabbath is not a day for indolent lounging about the house or puttering around in the garden, but is a day for consistent attendance at meetings for the worship of the Lord, drinking at the fountain of knowledge and instruction, enjoying the family, and finding uplift in music and song.” You will see this quote again. I really like that President Kimball points out here that the Sabbath isn’t just a day for us to do nothing. I think it is like the Spirit world – we will still be working in the Spirit world, but we will be allowed to rest from care and sorrow. The Sabbath is kind of like that. We still work, but the work is a spiritual work, rather than a temporal work.

The Sabbath is a day for us to worship the Lord, attending meetings and teaching each other and receiving knowledge and instruction. We go to our Church meetings so that we can be instructed in the gospel and most importantly, so we can partake of the sacrament and renew the covenants that we made at baptism. From the Church news article about the three hour block of meetings, one member said, “We thrilled at the opportunity to come to our first meeting of the day (sacrament meeting) fresh, rested, and in a reverent spirit.” That is the kind of spirit we should be having as we come to sacrament meeting – fresh, rested, and reverent.

President Kimball had a few more words to say regarding attendance at Church meetings. “But we do not go to Sabbath meetings to be entertained or even solely to be instructed. We go to worship the Lord. It is an individual responsibility, and regardless of what is said from the pulpit, if one wishes to worship the Lord in spirit and in truth, he may do so by attending his meetings, partaking of the sacrament, and contemplating the beauties of the gospel. If the service is a failure to you, you have failed. No one can worship for you; you must do your own waiting upon the Lord.”

We have to prepare for our Sunday meetings by reading, studying, and praying, and most importantly by having the right attitude and spirit while we are at our Church meetings. It is not the speaker’s duty to educate, edify, and instruct us. If the speaker is engaging, or the topic particularly relevant to us, or the presentation pleasing, that is fine. But no matter the speaker’s abilities, we can and will receive instruction and edification from the Holy Spirit, who is the true teacher. “You must do your own waiting upon the Lord.”

Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught us how to prepare for sacrament meeting. He reminded us that we are to come to the sacrament table with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. “We are seated well before the meeting begins. ‘During that quiet interval, prelude music is subdued. This is not a time for conversation or transmission of messages but a period of prayerful meditation as leaders and members prepare spiritually for the sacrament.’” Our attitude toward and our behavior during the ordinance of the sacrament can set the tone for the rest of our Sabbath worship, both in our meetings and in our homes.

Elder Oaks also cautioned against being distracted during the ordinance of the sacrament. “During sacrament meeting—and especially during the sacrament service—we should concentrate on worship and refrain from all other activities, especially from behavior that could interfere with the worship of others… Sacrament meeting is not a time for reading books or magazines. Young people, it is not a time for whispered conversations on cell phones or for texting persons at other locations.” I would have addressed the last comment to “Brothers and Sisters” because the problem is not exclusive to our youth. I have seen members of my own family texting during sacrament meeting, even during the sacred ordinance of the sacrament.

“When we partake of the sacrament, we make a sacred covenant that we will always remember the Savior. How sad to see persons obviously violating that covenant in the very meeting where they are making it.” May we offer up our sacraments and be sincere and serious about the covenants we renew each week in sacrament meeting.

How do you prepare to offer your sacraments to the Lord? Do you find yourself struggling to get something out of sacrament meeting? Do you come to your meetings with an attitude to be taught by the spirit? Or do you rather come to be entertained?

Part II            Part IV

The Eternal Blessings of Marriage

Remember to enter my 100th blog post Giveaway!

(find the talk here)

I loved Elder Richard G. Scott’s talk when I heard it in Conference, and I have loved it each of the 10+ times I have read or listened to it since. The love that he expresses for his wife was really touching, and made me crave to have that in my own marriage.

“Two of the vital pillars that sustain Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness are marriage and the family.” Marriage and family are under attack by Satan, because he wants to do everything he can to destroy God’s plan for us. We need to fight back with strong, righteous families and rock-solid temple marriages.

I struggle sometimes with the words of the prophets on marriage, because they are usually speaking to the men about how to treat their wives, or to both partners about how to have a strong marriage, but the prophets don’t usually speak about how to be a good wife. I have been married for six years, and I still feel like I’m just doing the best I can, but that I don’t have a clue how to be a good wife.

“Marriage provides an ideal setting for overcoming any tendency to be selfish or self-centered.” I am a very stubborn person, so I think that marriage has helped me to become less stubborn. It also helps me to look outside of myself and serve others. I can serve my husband and my children. “I think one of the reasons that we are counseled to get married early in life is to avoid developing inappropriate character traits that are hard to change.” Hopefully by being married early in my life I will be able to avoid developing inappropriate character traits! I feel myself softening as the years go by in my marriage. Marriage is hard, and I can feel my soul stretching and expanding as I try to be a righteous wife and mother. Sometimes the stretching hurts, but I am trying to be open minded and humble. I don’t always succeed (actually, most of the time I am still just stubborn – but I am trying!)

Finally, I want to be more like Elder Scott’s wife who, “in her morning prayer she would ask her Father in Heaven to lead her to someone she could help. That sincere supplication was answered time and again. The burdens of many were eased; their lives were brightened. She was blessed continually for being an instrument directed by the Lord.” Sometimes I feel like I am barely able to keep my own head above water, but I think that as I continue to look outside myself for ways to help God’s children He will give me strength to bear my own infirmities.

What blessings have you received from Eternal Marriage? Do you share sweet messages with your spouse, like Elder Scott described with his wife? Does marriage stretch you? If you are not married, are you actively seeking someone to spend eternity with?

“Being Mormon” - Priesthood Authority

I think that my Wednesday feature from the Church Handbook of Instruction, along with Saturday’s Gospel Principles feature, is going to be my “Being Mormon” section of this blog. Both the Gospel Principles book and the Church Handbook of Instruction can explain almost anything that a person could want to know about being Mormon.

(find the handbook here)

Perhaps one of the fundamental truths of the restored gospel is the priesthood. No part of the Church would exist without the priesthood power being restored. The key part of the actual gospel in the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, but the key part of the functioning of the gospel, and the administration of the gospel is the priesthood authority.

Christ Himself administered His Church in His time under the direction of God the Father. Before that, Christ’s people, the Israelites, administered His Church through the power of the priesthood. And now, in this day, the Latter-day Saints (Mormons) administer His Church through the restored power of the priesthood. “The priesthood is the power and authority of God. It has always existed and will continue to exist without end.”

The priesthood power is conferred by the Savior, Jesus Christ, but it is in fact the power of God. “Through the priesthood, God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power, He exalts His obedient children, bringing to pass ‘the immortality and eternal life of man’” The Father is the orchestrator of this life, the one preceding it, and the next life. Christ is His Son, just as we are His sons and daughters. So the power of the priesthood is the power and authority to act in God’s name. But since Jesus Christ and the Father are one, we sometimes talk of the priesthood as being able to do what Christ would do if he were here on the earth.

“The blessings of the priesthood are available to all who receive the gospel.” All who want the blessings of the priesthood have to accept the gospel. The gospel and the priesthood were both restored in these latter days by the prophet Joseph Smith. The blessings of the priesthood come through ordinances and covenants.

There are two parts to the Priesthood. The first is the preparatory, Aaronic Priesthood. “Those who hold the Aaronic Priesthood may be authorized to administer the ‘outward ordinances’ of baptism and the sacrament.” And the second is the greater, or Melchizedek Priesthood. “The Melchizedek Priesthood is the higher or greater priesthood. It is present and functional whenever the Church of Jesus Christ is upon the earth in its fullness.” “Through the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood, Church leaders guide the Church, direct the preaching of the gospel throughout the world, and administer all the spiritual work of the Church.”

Young men are ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood when they turn twelve. At that time they are ordained to the office of deacon. At fourteen, they receive the office of teacher, and at sixteen, the office of priest. When they are eighteen and preparing to leave to serve a mission, they receive the office of Elder and are ordained to the Melchizedek Priesthood. From there, the only other office of the Priesthood is High Priest. We’ll talk more about the offices of the Priesthood in a few months.

Priesthood Keys

What we call the “keys” of the priesthood are “the authority God has given to priesthood leaders to direct, control, and govern the use of His priesthood on earth.” How and when and who gets the priesthood is governed by those who hold Priesthood keys. All members of the Church who hold the priesthood have some keys. But most of the keys rest with the presidents of Quorums, including Bishops and the President of the Church. All other keys are given by delegation from one of these High Priests.

“Those who hold priesthood keys have the right to preside over and direct the Church within a jurisdiction.” This “jurisdiction” is very important and significant in the Church. It means that a bishop from Omaha has no priesthood jurisdiction over the member in South Africa. Bishops have jurisdiction over the people who live within their ward boundaries.

“Jesus Christ holds all the keys of the priesthood pertaining to His Church.” He has every key, and all the authority to govern in any jurisdiction. Which only makes sense, since He is the head of the Church anyway.

“The senior living Apostle, the President of the Church, is the only person on earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys.” The president of the Church also has jurisdiction over every part of the world. The problem with that is that the president is human and cannot be everywhere at once. So the president calls Area Authorities, members of the Quorum of the Seventy, to preside over different areas of the world. (you can learn more about the Seventy here – this link is the first of a three part series about the Seventy) “Seventies act by assignment and by the delegation of authority from the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.”

The President also delegates priesthood keys to others to perform ordinances and work that no one man could ever do alone. “Priesthood keys are bestowed on presidents of temples, missions, stakes, and districts; bishops; branch presidents; and quorum presidents. This presiding authority is valid only for the designated responsibilities and within the geographic jurisdiction of each leader’s calling. When priesthood leaders are released from their callings, they no longer hold the associated keys.”

Counselors in presidencies do not receive keys, and neither do presidents of Sunday School, Primary, Young Men, Young Women, etc. Those presidents and counselors act under the delegation of the Bishop, Branch President, or Stake President who called them.

Ordinances

“Priesthood authority is required to perform the ordinances of the gospel.” The purpose of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is to provide the organization and authority “to administer the ordinances of salvation and exaltation.” It is through the priesthood authority that these ordinances are performed. If you are unfamiliar with what “ordinance” means, “An ordinance is a sacred physical act with symbolic meaning.” Ordinances are accompanied by covenants. For example, the ordinance of baptism comes with a covenant that we will take upon ourselves the name of Christ and stand as a witness of Him “at all times, and in all things, and in all places” as well as bear each other’s burdens and comfort those who need comforting – basically, that we will help each other out and love each other.

Ordinances are symbolic, and “The symbolism helps the participants remember the Father’s love, the Son’s Atonement, and the Holy Ghost’s influence.” For example, the ordinance of baptism is symbolic of the death, burial, and resurrection of our Savior into a perfect being. When we are baptized, we are completely buried under the water, and when we are brought out of the water, we become spiritually “clean” – perfect, as our sins are washed away. Each week when we take the sacrament (which is symbolic of the atonement of our Savior – that He gave His body and His blood) our baptismal covenants are renewed.

“Some ordinances are required for exaltation in the celestial kingdom for all accountable persons. These ordinances include baptism, confirmation, Melchizedek Priesthood ordination (for men), the temple endowment, and temple sealing.”

Covenants

What exactly is a covenant? “A covenant is a sacred and enduring promise between God and His children. God gives the conditions for the covenant, and His children agree to comply with those conditions. God promises blessings that are conditional on the person faithfully fulfilling the covenant.”

As we make and keep these sacred covenants and receive the ordinances that are connected with the covenants, we will be “greatly blessed in mortality and become eligible for exaltation.”

I am so grateful for the restoration of the gospel, and for the priesthood power on the earth. Even though Christ does not walk the earth today, His power is still here, and can be found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Are you grateful for the priesthood power? What are your thoughts on ordinances and covenants?

PS – This is the 100th post on My Soul Delighteth, and in honor of this momentous occasion, I am going to be having a giveaway! It will begin this weekend, so check back on Saturday for information about my first giveaway ever!