Answers Come

In my last post I talked about not really knowing how to prioritize all that there is to do. 

I still don’t know all the answers, but this quote from President Oaks showed up on my news feed the other day and I felt as if it was an answer to my prayers. 

I have been trying to pray for that inspiration to know what things MUST be done, according to eternal principle. I am finding this inspiration harder to receive than I thought, but I did feel like I could at least name a few:

1.) scripture study (both individual and with my family)

2.) prayer (both individual and with my family)

Beyond this I haven’t been able to come up with much else that is required by eternal principles. When I try to add to my list I end up going down a rabbit hole of “Well, if that is important, than so is this.” And I start getting in debates with myself, “What makes this more important than the other thing? Could I choose between doing these two things?” Because that thought process gets so mangled and complicated I feel that it is safe to assume that anything beyond those first two priorities falls in the “pray for wisdom to exercise our preferences” category. 

I am still working on actually following these priorities. Having a clean house is incredibly important to me. But I wonder if it would become less important if I was studying the scriptures and praying more regularly on my own and with my children...? Teaching my children to work is important to me, but should it be more important than teaching them to study the scriptures and pray? I don’t think so. 

And so I continue working on prioritizing my time and I spend a lot of time in prayer and counsel with Heavenly Father, beggin Him for the inspiration I so desperately need!

How do you decide what is most important in your life? How do you discern what is required by eternal principles? How do you use wisdom to exercise your preferences for all the other things?

What Lack I Yet?

I have always identified with the young man who asked the Savior "What lack I yet?"

"And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth." (Mark 10:20)

Perhaps I have kept all of the "big" commandments, but we all have small things that we can change. My problems it not being unaware of my failings, but rather being hyper aware of all the things I can change or do differently. My struggle has always been figuring out what to prioritize.

As I re-read Elder Larry R. Lawrence's talk from 2015 General Conference I realized that I can ask Heavenly Father to guide me.

I am a planner, and I like having the next several minutes, hours, days, and months planned out. I am flexible and willing to make changes, but I like to have a "plan" as a starting place. Unfortunately, I think this tendency has hampered my ability to listen to and follow the spirit in quiet moments. I am so sure of my course that I have been relying on my own will, instead of listening to God's will.

As I sit here trying to make the commitment to seek and follow God's will in the small things, I am confronted with a few doubts:

1.) What if God wants me to figure things out on my own and He doesn't answer my pleas for "What should I do?"

2.) What if I am not worthy of receiving God's will and inspiration?

When I ponder these challenges I realize that these are the doubts I have been facing for years, if not decades. I don't know how to overcome these doubts just yet, but I will focus on overcoming them this week.

What doubts do you face when trying to make a new commitment? Do you sometimes feel unworthy to receive revelation? Do you struggle to know if God wants to you figure things out on your own or if He wants to give you direct revelation?

Mine Angels Will Encircle Thee

Some days are First Vision days, and some days are Liberty Jail days.

Today was more like a Liberty Jail day. You know, where you wonder where God is hiding, and you just want Him to come and save you.

Thankfully I live in an awesome ward, and several wonderful ladies came to my aid - came to save me.

And the awesome truth is that God will never hide from us.

"So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest,
Fear not man,
for he Cannot hurt thee."

If you need a reminder (like I did) this song is a great one:

What are your favorite reminders that God is never hiding?

Surrender

Letting myself be happy has turned out to be harder than I thought.

I’ve been thinking about the atonement for the past few days, after we had our Teachings for Our Times lesson on Sunday about President Uchtdorf’s message (which ironically was the General Conference Book Club talk for last week).

For some reason my testimony of the atonement and my understanding and conviction that it is the key to happiness and can help me bear pain and disappointment doesn’t seem to translate into something doable. I can’t figure out how to use the atonement to help assuage the pain.

Something I thought about on Sunday was how I healed (am healing) from the loss of my brother. For a while I didn’t heal – I was too busy to deal with the grief – but once I faced the grief head on, and allowed the atonement to work in me, I felt the healing. I still feel it every day (for that trial). The loss of my brother will always be a hole in my heart, but it is much less painful now than it was two years ago.  I feel like I was able to heal because nothing was ongoing. Once the initial shock was gone, there was not much left to do other than heal. There are always little moments when it’s harder – like when we’re taking family pictures, or on his birthday, or on the anniversary of his death, or when I watch someone else deal with the loss of a loved one. But in general, the pain is past. The trial is, for the most part, over.

This trial is different.

It may never be over. It may never end. Things may never, in this life, get better – at least not the way I want them to.

And I think accepting that is hard for me. Learning how to live with the situation how it is feels like giving up. It feels like being okay with things the way they are is failure. Accepting that I don’t have any power over this situation is like accepting defeat.

I guess I just don’t want to endure pain for the rest of my life. This is a spiritual and emotional pain, rather than a physical one – but I think the concept is the same. I can’t imagine living in chronic pain. I know there are people who do it. A good sister in my ward is in constant pain and confined to a wheelchair. There are actually two sisters in our ward in that condition. How do they stand it? How do they find happiness? It wasn’t their choice to be in that situation.

I think deep down I feel a little bit like this trial is my fault. I feel as if there is something I could have done. If only I had made this decision, or that decision, I wouldn’t be in this position.

Sometime in the past year I remember thinking to myself that Heavenly Father wanted me to be in this position. He knew before I did the pain I would be in. He knew it a long time ago, before I even saw it coming. He knew when He told me to make the decision I made that would lead me to this place. He knew this was the only way I would learn the things I needed to learn.

I read this quote from Orson F. Whitney earlier today in a General Conference talk by Elder Robert D. Hales,

No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God, … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.

I loved what Bonnie said about tanning leather on my most recent post at Real Intent:

You would think that the strongest leather comes from hides with lots of flesh left on them, nice and thick, that haven't been treated too badly. In fact, the strongest leather comes from well-scraped hides that have been acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun, then acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun, and acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun. Unworked leather cracks under pressure. Well-worked leather is soft and supple, water-proof and flexible. We don't grow strong by being left alone.

Tender. How do you tenderize something? Usually by beating it repeatedly. Ever seen a meat tenderizer? They come in different varieties, but almost always they have some kind of prongs or texturized surface. Ours is a very scary looking hammer. If you want to cook some really tender meat, you beat the meat repeatedly with the scary hammer. How do we become tender? By being beating, spiritually, emotionally, sometimes physically. By undergoing trials and adversity.

I once wrote about the three sources of trials and adversity in this life. Suffering is usually caused either by our own sins, the sins of others, or just by the natural conditions of this world. The suffering I experienced when my brother passed away was part of the natural conditions of this world. No one made him get cancer. His cancer wasn’t a result of some sin he committed. It just happened. It was tragic and painful, but it just happened. This trial is hard for me because I can’t help feeling like I am suffering it because of a sin I committed. I keep wanting to simply repent and make it better – but I can’t because it isn’t my sin to repent of.

Elder Hales said, “In this mortal life, each of us is going to experience pain in one form or another… It often comes as a result of our disobedience to the commandments of God, but it also comes to those who are doing all they can to keep their lives in line with the example of the Savior.” I have been spending all this time thinking that this kind of pain shouldn’t come to me because of the way I was living my life. I made good choices, so I shouldn’t have to experience this trial. But life doesn’t work that way. All the good choices I could ever make can’t stop others from making bad choices.

I really liked the last part of Elder Hales’ talk where he talked about how important caregivers are as we are experiencing pain. “There are times when, no matter how independent we may be, we must entrust others with our care. We must surrender ourselves to them. Our caregivers are those who assist in the healing process.”

If you know anything about me, you know that I am fiercely independent, strong willed, and incredibly head strong. In fact, earlier this year when my husband was gone on frequent business trips a member of our Relief Society presidency called me and asked if I needed anything. She commented that she wasn’t too worried about me because she could tell how independent I am, but she wanted me to know that they were there if I needed anything. I told her that she’s right, I can take care of everything, but it was nice to know they were thinking about me (and it was – it always helps me take care of myself when I know people are thinking of me).

So “surrendering” to outside help is something I would not consider doing. Last fall when I was having some emotional issues my husband made me see a therapist a few times. I would never have made the appointments on my own. A few months ago I finally broke down and talked to the bishop. It felt good to talk to him and get counsel, but I didn’t go back, thinking I could take care of it from there.

This week I am going to work on finding some caregivers. A person in chronic pain probably sees a doctor regularly. I think I should probably learn to surrender to some caregivers.

Surrendering to the ultimate Caregiver is probably going to be the hardest thing for me. Elder Hales said,

The Lord is our ultimate caregiver. We must surrender ourselves to the Lord. In doing so, we give up whatever is causing our pain and turn everything over to Him. “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee”. “And then may God grand unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son”. Through faith and trust in the Lord and obedience to His counsel, we make ourselves eligible to be partakers of the Atonement of Jesus Christ so that one day we may return to live with Him.

Giving up the thing that is causing me pain is going to feel like defeat. I don’t know how not to feel like it is. I don’t know how not to feel like I have somehow failed. I don’t know how to do it, and I am pretty sure that is the thing causing me the most pain.

Follow the Prophet

Note: This blog post was originally posted on our private family blog on October 18, 2010. I first reposted it on this blog on March 23, 2011 so that I could refer to it in another post. I am reposting it today because I want to get some more feedback on these thoughts. How do you sustain our prophets when others seem to attack them from every side - and sometimes might even seem to have rational arguments for doing so?

On Sunday, October 3, 2010, President Boyd K. Packer, whom members of the church sustain to be a “prophet, seer and revelator” gave this talk.

As a prophet, President Packer’s responsibility is to call the world to repentance – much like Noah did in his day as he built the ark, like Lehi in Jerusalem, and like many other prophets in the past.

Unfortunately, as they did with Noah and Lehi, the world has rejected the words of the prophets, and have even gone so far as to petition him to withdraw his statements. This is not a new thing. It has happened again and again throughout history, and God’s word has always remained unchanged. As President Packer so bluntly put it:

...there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of God’s laws and nature...There are both moral and physical laws “irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world” that cannot be changed...To legalize that which is basically wrong or evil will not prevent the pain and penalties that will follow as surely as night follows day.

I respect everyone’s right to an opinion. But I also believe in God’s word, and I firmly believe in God’s prophets who deliver His word to us – especially in these latter days.

Satan is stirring up the hearts of men. A war is waging. “Who’s on the Lord’s side, who? Now is the time to show...” This particular battle hits really close to home for me. I have had to make some really difficult decisions about some people who are very dear to me. All I can think about is how to “love one another” while still being devoted to righteousness, and not “look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.” This article, a Q&A with Elder Oaks and a member of the 70, has been particularly helpful. I also read something Joseph Smith said in one of the first Relief Society meetings. He said, "God does not look on sin with allowance, but when men have sin'd there must be allowance made for them." We still need to be caring and compassionate - no matter the circumstance.

In response to the petition I mentioned earlier, the brethren had this to say:

Much of this was not new, but there were a lot of really great things said. A few of my favorites:

“As a church, our doctrinal position is clear: any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, and we define marriage as between a man and a woman.”

“None of us is limited by our feelings or inclinations. Ultimately, we are free to act for ourselves.”

“The Church distinguishes between feelings or inclinations on the one hand and behavior on the other. It’s not a sin to have feelings, only in yielding to temptation.”

I believe that people have same-gender, or homosexual, attractions, and that they can sometimes be very strong. But those people are still just children of God to me. I believe that there is nothing fundamentally different between someone who struggles with same-gender attraction, and the rest of God’s children who struggle with something else. We are all children of God experiencing trials and struggles on this earth with Satan tempting us and trying us. We inhabit imperfect bodies with imperfect emotions and chemical make ups. We all face trials. (read more about that here)

God made man and woman. He created them specifically different – to fulfill different purposes. From The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

As I write this, I realize that I am not writing it to an audience of people who don’t believe in Christ and the atonement. I am writing it in hopes that someone who feels unsure about the word of God on this issue can maybe read my testimony and perhaps feel the spirit and have a little better understanding of God’s word.

It is not easy to stay true to the Savior. Especially in today’s social and political climate. There is so much of the Adversary’s influence in our societies that we can be easily confused by the arguments out there.

Sometimes I get very discouraged because the world is getting more and more wicked – good is called evil, and evil is called good. But I know that there is hope and happiness available to those who live the gospel – for those who earnestly call on God in the name of His Savior, Jesus Christ and ask for a confirmation of that which is true. The Spirit will guide us. I know that because I beg the Lord for His Spirit to be with me as I raise my children - often I feel like I don’t know anything.

If there is one thing I know is absolutely true, it is that God lives and loves us and has given us living prophets on the earth to help guide us when we become confused about how to live in the world and not be of the world.

And I hope and pray that you will try to get that testimony for yourself.

Recommended reading:

Cleansing the Inner Vessel by President Boyd K. Packer
The Q&A with Elder Oaks and Elder Wickman
The Response to the HRC Petition
Many of These Articles
This Proclamation
Another Good Article by Elder Oaks

The Myth of Equality in the Church

I read a great article today from the 2012 FAIR Conference this past weekend (I did not attend, and this was the only article I read). This particular presentation was given by Neylan McBaine, the founder of The Mormon Women Project. I first came across the presentation on a forum I participate in where the presentation was linked to with the following quote:

I don’t think gender tensions in Mormonism are due to inequality in the religion, but due to invisibility of that equality. The equality is embedded, inherent in Mormon theology, history, texts, structures. Gender equality is built into the blueprints of Mormonism, but obscured in the elaborations.

This was actually a quote from Maxine Hanks, a member of the September Six who was excommunicated in the 80s and re-baptized just last year. Ironically, the main argument of the presentation by Neylan McBaine actually supports the idea that there is not gender equality in the Church structure, or even in the doctrine. She says,

[I]n the outside world, when you say men and women have equal leadership opportunities, you mean — at least ideally — that men and women have the same cleared path to advance to the same positions of influence and authority…

Is there gender discrimination in the Church? If discrimination means separation according to gender, yes. If it means delineation of opportunities based solely on gender, yes. Many argue that different opportunities based on gender is unfair, adverse, and/or abusive by definition. The Church does not satisfy secular gender-related egalitarian ideals, period; and our institutional behavior fits that definition of gender discrimination in several inescapable ways. We shrink away from accurately representing how we work, thinking it condemns us as a church. And in the eyes of the world it might. But the Church does not, and should not, operate according to secular concepts of power, status, etc.; and if we attempt to justify ourselves in this paradigm we will not only fail, but betray our own ideals.

McBaine’s argument here seems to be that there is inherently not gender equality in the Church – not in the way the world would like to define it, anyway – and that the Church should not try to pretend it fits into the world’s definition of “equality”. I tend to agree. A few months ago I shared with you a lot of my thoughts about gender and equality, and how the whole argument seems to be a little messed up and misdirected. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I felt – I had only just recently started thinking seriously about gender roles and equality – and the doctrine we are taught about it. When I read McBaine’s presentation it finally made sense – there is not gender equality in the Church, the way the world defines it, and there shouldn’t be.

In society, the world calls that “separate but equal” – and so far it seems that the Church has tried to go along with that – which gets us into problems, because the last time “separate but equal” was used it ended up before the Supreme Court and eventually in the Senate, where judges and lawmakers in the United States ruled that separate is inherently not equal. Which is true. Separate is not equal. We shouldn’t pretend it is.

Equality Where it Matters

There are fundamental doctrines of equality in the gospel of Jesus Christ. All are invited to come unto Christ, and he denies none.

he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile. (2 Nephi 26:33)

We are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father, and as such have infinite worth.

we are the offspring of God (Acts 17:29)

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; (D&C 18:10)

The atonement of the Savior was for all men.

For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; (D&C 19:16)

Men and women are to work together as equal partners

In these sacred responsibilities, [men and women] are obligated to help one another as equal partners. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

It’s clear to see that there are definitely facets of equality in the gospel of Jesus Christ – and in my opinion, they occur where the equality needs to be. Women are not more valuable than men, neither are men more valuable than women. This doctrine is clearly illustrated in the highest ordinance possible in the gospel of Jesus Christ – the sealing ordinance. This ordinance can only be obtained by a man and a woman together. No woman can obtain exaltation alone, and no man can obtain it alone. We are “all alike unto God”.

Embracing ‘Inequality’

But what about the inequality? It certainly exists. Men are ordained to offices in the priesthood, and preside over the Church, and women preside over organizations in the Church, but will never preside over the Church itself. One interesting note to make (that doesn’t make it less unequal, but is important to understand that the equality of gender importance extends to these types of inequality) is that a man who is not married will never be ordained to the highest priesthood offices. Any man who serves in an authority position in the Church is married to a woman.

McBaine discussed a Washington Post article in which Michael Otterson, the Public Affairs director for the Church, had a hard time getting across what equality really looks like in the Church (which is to say, equality in the Church really looks like inequality). She said,

The prompt suggests women do not hold leadership positions, therefore women are inferior. I suggest we argue it is true that Mormon women do not hold an equal number of global leadership positions as men, but that is not because they are of lesser value. It is because we believe we are working in an eternal paradigm in which roles and responsibilities are divided up cooperatively rather than hierarchically. Mormonism is a lay church so the members are the ministers, and this is a completely different organizational structure than traditional Christian priesthood or ministry, which is defined as an exclusive or trained clergy…

The prompt’s logic doesn’t adequately leave room for our organization’s cooperative structure of service, where no one person is paid for his or her ministry or deemed of greater value than another and where each brings unique resources to his or her responsibilities…

[I]n a cooperative structure where people are rotating positions every few years and no one is materialistically rewarded over another person, that hierarchy is a flimsy currency on which to base one’s value.

Nowhere does the Lord intimate that various callings and responsibilities are intended to give one person power over another. In fact, the words “lead” and “leader” appear nowhere in this section, and similarly, the word “leader” appears no where in the Book of Mormon. Even that book’s most admirable leaders, like Captain Moroni, are described as “servant[s]” and “righteous follower[s] of Christ.” This emphasis on organizational stability, on the specific roles and responsibilities of various parties to act as facilitators within the larger community, is, we believe, of divine origin and eternal value.

Lastly, the world calculates in terms of top-down power; God’s calculations are exactly opposite. In the divine kingdom the servant holds the highest status, and in the Church every position is a service position. Given the obvious parallels between the Church’s administrative channels and a business organization, it’s easy to mistakenly assess the Church as a ladder-climbing corporation with God in a corner office at the top; but in this line of thinking we only reveal our shoddy human understanding of power.

I loved this break down of what power and authority really mean in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I think that McBaine explained it better than I have ever heard it put – and she was very concise. I feel that her explanation of what she calls a “cooperative paradigm” perfectly illustrates what our prophets and leaders have stressed for centuries – that men and women work as equal partners, that the sisters “provoke the brethren to good works in looking to the wants of the poor” (Joseph Smith in Minutes of Relief Society Meetings), and that presiding officers should ask for and seek out the council of sisters in the ward (here).

What Women Really Do in the Church

In a post I wrote about women the priesthood, I mentioned a BYU Devotional by Sister Julie B. Beck in which she discussed how Relief Societies are basically priesthood quorums for women. The devotional is very good, and I encourage an in depth study of her words to help you understand what it means to be a woman in the Church, and what the Relief Society is really about.

McBaine mentioned this in her presentation. She said,

An appendage is “a thing that is added or attached to something larger or more important.” Are not the offices of elder or bishop or teacher or deacon appendages to the priesthood, and not the priesthood itself? Are these so different from the female organizations, which we routinely call “auxiliaries”?

According to Sister Beck, our Relief Societies, or “auxiliaries” are indeed not very different from the “appendages” that are priesthood quorums. And as women, we need to understand that – and when we do understand that position of the Relief Society we will be able to fully unleash the power that President Kimball promised was available to us when he said, “There is a power in this organization that has not yet been fully exercised… nor will it until both the sisters and [the brethren] catch the vision of Relief Society.”

Embracing the Inequality

McBaine concluded her presentation with suggestions ward leaders could implement (which are in keeping with current policies of the Church) to help women catch that vision. Some of my favorites were having Young Women assigned as companions to Visiting Teachers, as Young Men are assigned as home teaching companions. Or at least encourage adult women to bring Young Women along with them on visiting teaching assignments. Having more visibility of women in ward and stake leadership positions. My personal favorite – addressing Presidents of organizations as such “President Johns” rather than “Sister Johns” for the Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary presidents (and I would add the Quorum presidents in the ward priesthood organization).

And for heaven’s sake, let’s teach our children the real doctrine about the priesthood and prophets. I was shocked at how McBaine seemed surprised to hear that her great-great-grandmother was referred to in her patriarchal blessing as a “prophetess and revelator”.

Can you imagine using such language of empowerment to describe the female leaders in your wards? If we grew accustomed to hearing our women leaders speak as authorities, as prophetesses and revelators, and referred to them that way ourselves, perhaps there would be fewer among us who feel the need for a soda or bathroom break when the female speaker comes on the screen during General Conference.

Why, yes I can, Sister McBaine. I have thought of my mother (and myself, and my aunts and my cousins, and the Relief Society and Young Women’s presidencies) as prophetesses since I knew what a prophet really was. It’s probably the reason why I don’t have a problem with men being ordained to priesthood offices. I’m sure it has something to do with the reason why I have always enjoyed hearing the General Young Women’s, Primary, and Relief Society presidencies speak. And I know it’s the reason why I am so confident that there is nothing in this gospel that I can’t have and a man can. The only things I can’t get on my own are things that a man can’t get on his own either.

Have you ever tried to “explain away” the inequality in the Church? How do you feel about embracing it? Do you believe that, in the ways of the world, there truly is an inherent inequality between men and women in the gospel of Jesus Christ? Is it really inequality in God’s plan? Do we need to abolish all differences between men and women in order to truly be “equal”?

GCBC Week 18: “Special Lessons” & “Having the Vision to Do”

I have been sick lately – the “good” kind of sick, thankfully – but hard nonetheless. I try not to complain too much because I know countless women who would gladly take my place for the opportunity to bear a child – and I am grateful for the opportunity that I have. But that doesn’t make the discomfort go away.

So GCBC is late (again!) but at least it’s here. And these are some great talks!

Special Lessons – by Elder Ronald A. Rasband

I really enjoyed reading Elder Rasband's talk. We have had a few discussions with a close friend about why God allows suffering – and why He intervenes in some cases and not others. Why are some people healed while others are required to suffer throughout their mortal lives? Why are some people spared from the earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes, while others’ lives are spared? Our friend sees this as either an indicator that God is either not omnipotent, or not compassionate. I see it as an indicator that God knows us intimately, individually, and He knows exactly what we need in this life to thrive spiritually, and He does His best to give those things to us.

This reminds me of a song by Laura Story called “Blessings” in which she sings,

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life are Your blessings in disguise?

Elder Rasband seems to think so. He said, “Trusting in God’s will is central to our mortality. With faith in Him, we draw upon the power of Christ’s Atonement at those times when questions abound and answers are few.”

Suffering and trials in this life allow us to keep our baptismal covenants. If you don’t remember them, let me refresh your memory:

as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort (Mosiah 18:8-9)

Our sufferings and trials allow us to keep those covenants. If no one had any burdens, if no one mourned, if no one needed comforting, how could we keep those covenants?

Having the Vision to Do – By Elder O. Vincente Haleck

This quote in particular stuck out to be from Elder Haleck’s talk

We experience hard things in our lives that can sometimes diminish our vision and faith to do the things we should. We become so busy that we often feel overwhelmed and unable to do any more. While each of us is different, I humbly submit that we must focus our vision on the Savior and His teachings. What did He see in Peter, James, and John and the other Apostles that prompted Him to act to invite them to follow Him? Like His vision of them, the Savior has a great vision of who we can become. It will take the same faith and courage the first Apostles had in order for us to refocus on the things that matter most in bringing lasting happiness and great joy.

How did these talks inspire you?

Cognitive Dissonance and the Church

Image Credit: Mark Klotz

I became interested in this term, cognitive dissonance, when I read an article in Psychology Today that discussed the results of a study that showed parenting does not actually make people happier. Rather, parents simply convince themselves that they are happier/healthier/etc with children, when in fact they are not happier/healthier/etc.

Now, we could have a nice little debate about what criteria they used for “happiness” and the varying experiences that people will have, and that would be fine, but I want to delve a little deeper into what cognitive dissonance really means.

The Church, and its members, are often criticized by this theory of cognitive dissonance. Most recently I heard the term applied to Josh Weed, a gay Mormon man who is in a straight marriage (married to a woman). The comment was from a gay ex-Mormon who said he didn’t really want to read the piece because, “I'm worried that I won't be able to deal with reading about the cognitive dissonance required to be in this guy's head.”

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

It had been a while since I had heard the term used, and so I read a little more about cognitive dissonance. The Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance says that it is a “discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously.” First of all, this should mean that there wouldn’t have to be cognitive dissonance in Josh Weed’s life, because, to him, the cognitions are not “conflicting”. In fact, who is the judge of what cognitions are conflicting? Wouldn’t that be the person holding the cognitions? So I guess the only determiner of cognitive dissonance would be the person himself. If he is experiencing discomfort, and that discomfort is caused by what he believes to be conflicting cognitions, then that would be cognitive dissonance.

Later in the Wikipedia article we read, “Dissonance is aroused when people are confronted with information that is inconsistent with their beliefs. If the dissonance is not reduced by changing one’s belief, the dissonance can result in misperception or rejection or refutation of the information, seeking support from others who share the beliefs, and attempting to persuade others to restore consonance.”

This is the part that I want to talk about in an analysis of how cognitive dissonance plays a role in our lives as members of the Church.

Cognitive Dissonance for a More Perfect Understanding

Due to what I believe is an incomplete understanding of the gospel, members of the Church, when confronted with information that is inconsistent with our beliefs (i.e., Joseph Smith was sealed to women who were already married, blacks were denied the priesthood until 1978, etc) feel a discomfort, or a dissonance of sorts. I have at times felt that dissonance when confronted by something that I didn’t understand, or something that was inconsistent with my imperfect understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Wikipedia article suggests that in such a situation, when there is discomfort and dissonance, there are a few  things that may happen to reduce that dissonance:

1) change one’s beliefs
2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-15; emphasis added)

Ironically, the solution I have found to the problem of discomfort when something is inconsistent with my “beliefs” is to change my beliefs. That may sounds as if I am being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, but I was not born knowing everything. I was not born with (nor do I yet possess) a perfect knowledge of the gospel. My faith, my beliefs, have “not grown up to a perfect knowledge.” (see Alma 32:29) It is my goal to feed my faith, and to find the seeds that swell, sprout, and grow – the good seeds. And only after I have found out that it is a good seed will my knowledge be perfect “in that thing” and my faith will be dormant (in that thing). But will my knowledge of all things be perfect? No, I am still growing and learning, by the help of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers who are helping to perfect me until I come in the unity of the faith. It’s a process.

A more accurate description of this process, rather than describing it as changing my beliefs is, rather, changing my understanding of my beliefs. I claim the beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and more specifically, I claim the beliefs of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sometimes my understanding of those beliefs is not perfect, and so comes the cognitive dissonance as something is placed in my way that seems inconsistent with “my beliefs”. Rather than being inconsistent with my beliefs, that something is usually inconsistent with my understanding of my beliefs.

In the Wikipedia article about cognitive dissonance it references the cognitive developmental theory of Jean Piaget: “the inevitable conflicts a child experiences between current beliefs and new information will lead to disequilibrium, which in turn motivates the child’s progress through the various stages of development.” As we are all children in the gospel of Jesus Christ, I believe that this dissonance between our understanding of our belief system and what is reality plays a similar role. The disequilibrium that is experienced by us in our journey in gospel learning motivates us through the various stages of development of our testimonies.

Cognitive Dissonance and a Retreat from the World or a Retreat into the World

I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. (John 17:15-16)

Going back to the options for resolving cognitive dissonance, I wanted to look at the last three options:

2) misperceive, reject, or refute the information
3) seek support from others who share beliefs
4) attempt to persuade others

Option #2 happens all the time in the Church. This is the one where people say “Oh, there’s no way Joseph Smith had all those wives.” “The Church would never do ___.” “Joseph Smith never married women who were already married, that’s just a story some anti-Mormon made up to discredit him.” These are examples of rejecting, misperceiving, or refuting information that sounds inconsistent with one’s beliefs.

Option #3 happens just as frequently. This is where members who don’t believe that unsavory things ever happened in the Church stick together and stay away from all the “heretics” who accept that there are unsavory aspects about every person and every organization. (Let me add here that unsavory aspects of our character make us human, not evil).

Option #4 is a little more subtle. I think this method of decreasing cognitive dissonance is found when members of the Church criticize those who are asking questions with the intent of gaining a better understanding of their beliefs (option #1). Members who are using option #4 will claim those using option #1 to gain a deeper understanding of their beliefs are headed down a “slippery slope”. There are those who will, in using option #1, rather than coming to a better understanding of their beliefs will abandon their misunderstood beliefs altogether, in effect becoming apostate, but not all members who ask questions in the face of cognitive dissonance are on slippery territory.

I frequently question my understanding of a belief, for example, the doctrine of gender identity is a doctrine I struggle with immensely – due to cognitive dissonance. However, I take the approach of “true until proven false” with gospel teachings, and what I usually find is that my understanding may be proven false, but the truth, or the doctrine, stands firm. It is a kind of refiners fire, where my imperfect, human perspective and understanding is burned off through these “hard” questions until only the pure doctrine remains.

Cognitive Dissonance – Hard Things and Joy

Going back to the article about parental love being merely cognitive dissonance takes me back to option #1 – changing our beliefs, or rather, having a more clear understanding of our beliefs.

The article may seem to contradict what the prophets have taught us – that families are important and that families bring us joy.

The truth of the matter is, things that bring us the greatest joy are often the hardest things to do. Ask anyone who has run a marathon, or climbed Mt. Everest, or walked again after a stroke. They won’t beat around the bush and say, “Oh yeah, those 26.2 miles, they were awesome!” or “My favorite part was the last mile to the peak. It was cake! I practically sailed up that mountain!” or “My legs felt light as feathers! I just stood up and I could walk!” More likely you will hear, “When I crossed that finish line felt like I had done something really amazing!” or “The view from the peak was breathtaking. Totally worth the climb!” or “Running in the yard with my grandkids again made me feel like a million bucks!”

When presented with the less pleasant, physically and emotionally draining, costly tasks associated with raising parents, this may seems to be inconsistent with our belief that children and families bring us joy.

The answer isn’t to refute the claims that parenting is hard (it is), or hang out more with other people who think parenting is all roses and candy (it isn’t), or attempt to convince other people that parenting really is fun all the time (it definitely isn’t) we can just deepen our understand of what joy really means.

Joy is s a feeling that we experience intermittently in parenting (when we see our children becoming kind, independent, functional human beings), and also in our gospel lives (when we have a glimpse of God in our lives). It’s that feeling you get at the finish line where you just know that you have done something really amazing.

How has cognitive dissonance played a role in the formation (or destruction) of your testimony? How do you respond to cognitive dissonance?

Seasons of Womanhood

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

Ecclesiastes 3:1-7

I was originally going to title this post "seasons of motherhood" but then I realized that since all women are (or at least can be) mothers, even if they do not bear their own children biologically, the title I chose is more descriptive of this post - especially because women experience more seasons than just the seasons of motherhood.

A friend of mine is staying with us with her two children (ages 3 years and 5 months) while her husband is out of the country. My husband is also back and forth, in the country, out of the country, for the next several months, which was part of the reason we offered our home to her and her kids - so that we can provide companionship for one another while our husbands are away. It's been working out really well - she and I are very similar, and we are both really easy going. We get to have a lot of great gospel discussions, and we talk constantly about raising our kids and our struggles as mothers.

Recently my friend was chatting with her husband online and she was telling him about all the things that I do - I am pretty involved in the community with my children and I get to do a lot of things for "me" as well. My kids are 5 and 3. After my friend finished telling her husband about all the things I do he asked, "What do you do all day?" When she related this story to me, at the time where she quoted her husband's question I said emphatically, "You take care of a baby - that is a full time job in an of itself. My kids are older, they can take care of themselves." And then I commented, "When I have another baby, I am going to have to scale back dramatically."

As I said it, the full weight of that statement seemed to fall on me. I am going to have to scale back dramatically. If you know me, you know that this is not easy for me. Probably the hardest part about motherhood for me is the newborn stage when I do almost nothing other than keeping up on the necessary laundry and dishes and nurse and nap and change diapers.

I will admit it, I am one of those peoples who thinks naps (in general) are a waste of time.

Image Credit: fdecomite

As I was thinking about how I would need to scale back when another baby comes, I was reminded of Stephanie at Diapers and Divinity who recently asked me to host her General Conference Book Club while she added another ball to her juggling act - she handed me one of her many balls so that she could keep juggling all the other balls - especially the most important ball: her family. I am grateful for her example.

Several years ago, when I was pregnant with my second child, I attended a Relief Society retreat in the mountains in Utah. Our key note speaker at the retreat was Janice Kapp Perry, a notable LDS songwriter who has written many of the most well-loved songs in the children's songbook (A Child's Prayer, I Love to See the Temple, I'm Trying to Be like Jesus, Love is Spoken Here, We'll Bring the World His Truth, as well as As Sisters in Zion from the LDS Hymnbook). Sister Perry talked to us about times in her life when she had small children, but felt disappointed because she didn't have the time to write music and perform music like she wanted to. Then she was reminded that there would be a time in her life, a season, for writing and performing music, but the season she was in at that moment was a season of motherhood to small children. When she realized that the season of having small children would not last forever, it was easier for her to enjoy that season.

I have tried to apply this principle in my own life - there are seasons for me to spend most of my time at home, cuddling a newborn, and there are seasons in my life when I can take my kids and show them the world (or at least our community). There are seasons in my life during which I will be making all sorts of new friends and meeting new people, and there are seasons in my life that will be spent enjoying old friends, and basking in the simplicity of life.

Just like the seasons of our earth - Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter - we may have our "favorite" season of our lives. My favorite season of the earth is Spring - when all the flowers are blooming and there are new things in my garden every day. I get out of the house almost every day, work in the yard, play outside with the kids, and just enjoy the earth. For me, this season would be the season of young children. They are so inquisitive and so eager to do things, and they are learning so much every day. We can be involved in many things in our community, learning new things and meeting new people nearly every day. We learn together about the world around us. I love basically everything about this time period, and the only thing that puts a damper on my mood is the occasional rainy day.

My least favorite season of the year is Summer. It is so hot it's almost unbearable. I end up staying inside too much and I get a little stir crazy. But my favorite part about summer is plunging into a nice cold swimming pool. For me, this would be like the newborn season of womanhood. Taking care of a newborn is really stressful, and like the heat of summer, it can be unbearable at times. I end up staying inside too much, and I get stir crazy. But my favorite part about taking care of a newborn is the rush I feel when a baby coos or smiles at me, or when my baby snuggles me. That is like that rush you get when you plunge into a cold pool, and the heat of the summer seems worth it, at least for a little while.

And my favorite seasons will probably change as I experience more seasons. I haven't yet experienced the season of teen children, or grown children, or grandchildren.

As I have been thinking about how my life will change when I have another baby, I have been preparing myself to enjoy that time when a baby comes, rather than lament the changes I will have to make in my lifestyle. The season I will be in will just be a different season - but there are beautiful things in every season. We just have to remember to look for them - and enjoy them.

How have you experienced seasons in your life? Have you struggled with some seasons more than others? What is your favorite season that you have experienced in your life? How do you adjust to new seasons?

True Science. True Religion.

I was reading over at Fred’s Spiritual Corner the other day about science and religion, and it got me thinking…

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I studied mathematics and physics at the university level. I obtained a bachelor’s degree in mathematics, and a minor in physics. I love math. I love physics. I am a lover of science, and a lover of religion.

I am not all that unusual. There are lots of Mormons (Latter-day Saints) who love science. In fact, President Ezra Taft Benson once said, “Religion and science have sometimes appeared in conflict. Yet, the conflict can only be apparent, not real, for science seeks truth, and true religion is truth. There can never be conflict between revealed religion and true science. Truth is truth, whether labeled science or religion. All truth is consistent.”

In 1973, President N. Eldon Tanner wrote, “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has always taught that the glory of God is intelligence and that a man can be saved no faster than he gains knowledge.” Not only are many members of the Church well educated and lovers of science, but the gospel even teaches us to be lovers of science.

(image credit: euthman)

President Tanner went on to say, “Scientists who acknowledge God as a personal God and who accept the scriptures as the word of God may enjoy all scientific principles and scholastic training and progress as rapidly and as far as any other scientist.” We do not need to disregard religion in order to understand science. Nor is it necessary to separate the two.

The Lord has taught us that we should teach each other and learn “words of wisdom” out of the best books (not necessarily just scripture) by study – but also by faith.

It’s important that we don’t disregard our faith while we are studying. The most influential principle in my course of study in physics and mathematics has been learning that “by the power of the Holy Ghost [I can] know the truth of all things.” (Moroni 10:5; emphasis added) Notice the quantifier used here – all. The lack of any other descriptive term in this promise gives us a clue that Moroni doesn’t mean “all spiritual things” or “all things pertaining to the gospel of Jesus Christ”, but truly that by the power of the Holy Ghost we can know the truth of all things – even “secular” things. I have also come to realize that what President Benson said is true  - that “truth is truth, whether labeled science or religion.” There can be no truth that is not religious, because all truth leads us to our Father in Heaven.

We also need to be careful that we do not neglect to prioritize our study of the gospel. Surely we are encouraged to gain a knowledge of the way things work in this world, but these will do us no good if we don’t have a deep understanding of the most important things – things like our relationship with God and Jesus Christ, and our responsibilities in the plan of salvation.

President Tanner concluded his article with this statement, “Anyone who, with an open mind and a prayerful heart, will give as much attention to the teachings of Jesus Christ as to scientific and academic studies will keep his faith.” And, I would add, their understanding of those scientific and academic things will be multiplied.

There has been a lot of debate in the public eye recently about religion and it is very interesting to see how those who are not religious accuse those who are religious of being close minded. But how are those who ridicule religion not being close minded themselves? President Tanner said of these people, “They say one should keep an open mind and learn all the truth one can, yet they close their minds when it comes to the subject of religion.” It is also interesting that those experts in fields of science should feel bold enough to comment on religion, when if a religious expert comments on science they are ridiculed and mocked. Just because I lack an understanding of the principles of chemistry or biology does not mean those principles are not true. Similarly, a lack of understanding of religion does not make religion false or any more preposterous than the principles of evolution.

(image credit: NASA Goddard Photo and Video)

It is interesting to observe how the “truths” of science have changed over time. As we discover “new” truths in science they frequently over turn other “truths” we thought we knew for sure. The whole method of science is that you can never prove something isn’t you can only prove that it is – or, in the absence of a convincing conclusion, you can say there isn’t enough evidence to prove that it is – but just because you can’t prove it is true doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Why would we not extend this method of thinking to religion? And yet people devote a lot of their time and energy to proving that God does not exist, or that one religion or another is not true when in fact, we should be simply dedicating our energies to finding out what is true.

The same scientific method that is used to prove countless scientific principles can be used with religion. The only difference is that the “measurement” can only be found in your own heart and soul. Only you can measure the results from your experiment (although the “fruits” of your experiments may be seen by others – Matt 7:20) President Harold B. Lee quoted Dr. Henry Eyring who said, “I have often met this question: ‘Dr. Eyring, as a scientist, how can you accept revealed religion?’ The answer is simple. The Gospel commits us only to the truth. The same pragmatic tests that apply in science apply to religion. Try it. Does it work?”

I testify that I have tried it. I have tried the gospel. I know that it works. I have also studied science. I know that many of the principles science has discovered are true. I believe that understanding the principles of science can bring us closer to God. I know that we can believe in true science and true religion – and indeed, that is our purpose as Latter-day Saints – to come to understand all truth.

How do you view science and religion? How did you decide that God is real? Did you experiment, just as you would have experimented on an scientific principle?

For more reading on knowledge, science, and religion, see these books/articles:

Find the Answers in the Scriptures – President Harold B. Lee, Dec 1972 First Presidency Message
Right Answers – President N. Eldon Tanner, Oct 1973 First Presidency Message
Your Charge: To Increase in Wisdom and Favor with God and Man – President Ezra Taft Benson, Sept 1979 New Era
Chapter 27: Learning by Study and by Faith – Brigham Young; Teachings of the Presidents of the Church 1997

Nephi's "can do" Attitude

All my life I have had a "can do" attitude. When I want to do something, I just figure out how to do it, and then I do it. I used to attribute this attitude to my parents - but last night at Family Home Evening, we read the scripture in 1 Nephi 3:7 where Nephi testified that the Lord will provide a way to accomplish the things He wants us to accomplish.


And tonight I read this part in 1 Nephi 17:50-51

If God commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command that I should say into the water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done. And now, it the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?

You could easily fill in that last part with any "impossible" task you are facing - "how is it that he cannot help me be a mother", or "teach me how to fulfill my calling" - or whatever we need to do?

I still attribute my can-do attitude to my parents, but it makes me appreciate them even more, because they taught me about Nephi's can-do attitude. That's where it comes from. A "can-do" attitude is a gospel principles.

I like the attitude of "If God wants me to do something, He will make it happen." We don't have to fret about it.

Do you sometimes fret when should just have faith? Do you share Nephi's "can-do" attitude? Do you believe that if God wants you to do something, He will show you the way to do it?


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The Opportunity and the Treasure

(find the talks here – Missionaries are a Treasure of the Church – and here – The Opportunity of a Lifetime)

Over at Diapers and Divinity, we’re winding down General Conference Book Club (GCBC) – finishing up the last few talks in time for April General Conference! Who’s excited?! I am so ready for General Conference again. I think I get this way just before General Conference. It’s kind of the same feeling I get a few weeks before my birthday or Christmas. That excitement in the pit of my stomach that fills me up and makes it hard to think about anything else.

Okay, I know – I’m a Conference nerd. I know it.

Well, one thing I kind of miss when I’m participating in Steph’s GCBC is studying the talks from the Priesthood session as well as from the Relief Society and Young Women General Sessions. So when I noticed the talk for this week was Missionaries are a Treasure of the Church it reminded me of a talk I have been listening to from the Priesthood session called The Opportunity of a Lifetime (which has been on my mind lately anyway). So I decided to study both for this week, and I am glad that I did.

Your Mission – the Best Two Years For Your Life

While I liked Elder Kazuhiko Yamashita’s talk, it wasn’t one of those “Wow, this is amazing!” talks for me. However, Elder W. Christopher Waddell’s? Like candy. Especially because around the time leading up to October General Conference I had kind of got on to my husband for saying things like “On my mission I studied the gospel all the time.” “On my mission I was such a good time manager.” etc etc. Finally I told him, “Well, you know, you were supposed to be learning those things on your mission so you could do them for the rest of your life. For instance… when you became a husband and father.”

Elder Waddell talked about how to apply your mission to the rest of your life. I loved how Elder Matthew Richardson said it was “the best two years for [his] life.” Elder Waddell echoed that sentiment in his talk. He likened missionary service to the sacrifice of the unspotted lamb of the Passover, but how simply sacrificing the animal wasn’t good enough – the blood had to be applied to the door posts. This is where my husband has been struggling to apply his mission to his life now. Elder Waddell said “the ongoing blessings associated with missionary service require application after the sacrifice.” One way he encouraged his missionaries to “apply” the sacrifice of their mission to their lives was to have them “take time to consider the lessons and gifts provided to them by a generous Father in Heaven. They were asked to prayerfully list and consider how to best apply those lessons in a post-mission life”. However, Elder Waddell went on to say that, “there is no returned missionary for whom it is too late to consider the lessons obtained through faithful service and to apply them more diligently.”

The Lord Knows Where He Wants You To Serve

In Elder Waddell’s talk he mentioned that “Prophets, seers, and revelators assign missionaries under the direction and influence of the Holy Ghost.” If you have ever wondered exactly how this happens, I encourage you to read a talk give in the Priesthood Session of April 2010 General Conference given by Elder Ronald A. Rasband called “The Divine Call of a Missionary” – you won’t be disappointed. It is a really touching talk, and if you received a mission call and didn’t think it was where you should go, his talk will definitely remedy that emotion!

If you ever served a mission in a “hard” area with not many baptisms, or felt like you didn’t make a difference in your mission, please read Elder Waddell’s talk. His story of Elder Misiego is poignant and powerful and it is definitely a testimony that “the Lord knows where He wants each missionary to serve.”

I wrote a bunch more about these talks and how they applied to motherhood, but then the post started getting too long, and I am trying not to have overwhelmingly long posts, so I decided to post them separately, and I will probably post the motherhood one later this week.

Did you serve a mission? Did you feel like it was the best two years for your life? Did you feel like the Lord had called you to your specific mission purposefully? How did you prepare for your mission?

I do not know the meaning of all things

I commented the other day on a post over at That Good Part and I think I mentioned in a previous post how I have felt stagnant in my personal growth - which was easy to live with because my "level of righteousness", so-to-speak, was relatively good. I am far from perfect, but I have meaningful prayers, meaningful scripture study, and I do a pretty good job with my relationships, and loving others. Not perfect.



In fact, I have a long way to go. And that truth about if you're not moving toward the Savior, you're moving away from Him always hits me at this point in my thought process.

I have been trying to be really mindful of the things I don't know, and the many areas of my life that can use improvement.

I echo Nephi, who said, "I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."

I have a sure, strong testimony of the gospel, of Jesus Christ, and His atonement, of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith, and of God's love for us. But I do not know the meaning of everything. Honestly, I don't know the meaning of a lot of things, really.

One of the areas in my life that needs improvement is faith. Which may sound silly because I have such a strong testimony - but I think that my testimony has been more knowledge than faith.

Alma said, "And now, behold, because ye have tried the experiment, and planted the seed, and it swelleth and sprouteth, and beginners to grow, ye must needs know that the seed is good. And now, behold, is your knowledge perfect? Yea, your knowledge is perfect in that thing, and your faith is dormant". (Alma 32:33-34)

Because of my great parents and leaders when I was young, I think that my faith has been dormant in a lot of things, and because it has been dormant for so long, I have almost forgotten how to exercise faith!

Along with working this year on learning God's will for me, I think that I need to practice having more faith. Which kind of go hand in hand anyway.

How do you find the things you don't know? What do you do about it when you realize you don't know something? Is your faith dormant in some gospel principles because you have already received a perfect knowledge of that principle?

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Perfect Love Casteth Out All Fear

(find the talk here)

I love to share the gospel. I enjoy posting links to Mormon Messages and “I’m a Mormon” ads on my personal Facebook page. I love to talk to people about Christ, and the scriptures.

Maybe it’s because I was raised in the Evangelical south, maybe it’s because my father is a convert, maybe it’s because I am not a very private person and I really like to talk. Whatever the reason, I have rarely experienced fear in talking about the gospel.

I was really grateful for Elder L. Tom Perry’s talk at General Conference. He seemed to lay out – in no uncertain terms – how we should be sharing the gospel.

“First, we must be bold in our declaration of Jesus Christ.”

Growing up I had a lot of really close friends who were very religious Christians, and I think that it was their example of testifying of Christ that I follow in being “bold” in my declaration of Jesus Christ. My Evangelical Christian friends were always proclaiming Christ (both with their actions and with their words). I specifically remember in high school participating in “See You at the Pole” where a group of students came early to school and joined hands around the flagpole in front of our public school and took turns praying, whether in our hearts or out loud. It was a really interesting experience for me, since I was one of only six LDS students at my school (my younger sister being another of the six). I was so impressed that so many students were unashamed to be there, praying in front of the school. Certainly I am sure there were students there who were maybe there to “be seen” – but I knew several of the students there personally, and I knew that they had great faith in Christ, and believed in God.

“We declare our belief in Jesus Christ and accept Him as our Savior. He willbless us and guide us in all of our efforts. As we labor here in mortality,He will strengthen us and bring us peace in time of trials. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints walk by faith in Him whose Church it is.”

“Second, be righteous examples to others.”

Again, growing up, I was able to join with the righteous example of my fellow Christians, even though they were of other faiths. My friends used clean language, they kept themselves morally pure, they were quick to help and serve, they were honest, trustworthy, responsible teenagers. They lived the gospel of Jesus Christ. They truly acted as Jesus would have them act.

I have noticed the scripture from 1 Timothy 4:12 has been quoted several times in the last two or three conferences. “But be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we need to let our lives be proof of our faith in Jesus Christ.

My sister and I babysat a lot when we were younger. Usually we would tend for the same families – whoever was available would take the job. We mostly worked for families in the ward. One summer, however, I had a daily job tending for one of my dad’s coworkers, and my sister occasionally helped out. They also had a friend who we would occasionally sit for. This friend emailed my dad one day and said, “Those girls are so happy and cheerful, and so responsible! What’s their secret?” or something (I’m paraphrasing). We were able to share with that family that we are so happy because of our knowledge of the gospel. We were also able to share with them the doctrine of eternal families. They had an older daughter who had passed away several years before we met them, and we gave them pamphlets and the video “The Road Home.”

Jocelyn blogged about this exact thing the other day - "Why Mormons Smile So Much”. If we have a testimony of Christ and have really received the Spirit, we can’t help but smile! The gospel is a “plan of happiness” – hence the smiling.

“Next, speak up about the Church.”

I was blessed to be able to speak freely about religion with my friends. They didn’t fully understand the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, and I was probably not very good at explaining things for them. However, our conversations were usually “two way” – as Elder Perry has suggested they be, “When our professional and personal associates inquire about our religious beliefs, they are inviting us to share who we are and what we believe…Your associates are not inviting you to teach, preach, expound, or exhort. Engage them in a two-way conversation—share something about your religious beliefs but also ask them about their beliefs. Gauge the level of interest by the questions they ask. If they are asking a lot of questions, focus the conversation on answering those questions. Always remember that it is better for them to ask than for you to tell.”

I think that many people are uncomfortable talking to Mormons about their religion because they are worried that we’re going to go all “missionary” on them. If we would simply answer their questions and even ask questions about their faith, we would be able to be much more effective in sharing the gospel. I had a recent experience where I was able to ask question about Job’s Daughters, a program sponsored by the Free Masons that is similar to Boy Scouts. It was a really great opportunity to get to know more about what my friend was involved in, spiritually. We never talked much about the Church, since I was the one asking questions about a program she participated in, but showing interest in the beliefs of another person can build bridges that they may feel comfortable crossing in the future. This friend happens to know more about the Church than your average person, but perhaps now she will come to me when she has questions about the Church, and I can answer them for her.

If you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and you haven’t already, I encourage you to go to Mormon.org and create your profile (you will need your membership number which is on your temple recommend, or you can get it from your ward membership clerk). If you aren’t a member, I encourage you to go to Mormon.org and browse through the profiles of other members there, and the answers to FAQs posted on the site by members of the Church.

I recommend Elder Perry’s talk as required reading material for every member of the Church – especially those who are either afraid to share the gospel, or those who scare people off when they are trying to share the gospel.

How do you share the gospel with your friends? Do you have a two-way conversation about faith and religion? Do you ask your friends questions about their faith? Are you an “example of the believers”? How do you declare Jesus Christ?

Find more insight on this talk (and others) over at
Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club