Which Child Do You Love The Most?

I was looking through my memories on Facebook (I will honestly admit that the "On this day" feature is one of my favorite parts of Facebook) and I came across this comment I made on a friend's post about how first siblings are favored by parents. It was so good I decided that I needed to put it in a more permenant place.

My parents did a really great job of helping us feel loved and accepted in a lot of ways. They nurtured our individual talents and taught us each that we were special and had an important job to do as a member of our family and society. They expected great things of all of us. 

All of us have or are working on bachelors degrees, and have done well outside of school. 

I think the best thing that parents can do to help siblings bond is to help their children have common values and goals, and give their children shared experiences as a family. That means you all go camping together, or you go to a concert together, etc. 

We did EVERYTHING as a family, particularly when we were young. But even when we were older, my parents made sure that we supported our siblings together as a family. We all went to concerts of a sibling or sports games or awards nights, etc. One sibling's achievement has been a family achievement. 

I think having a strong sense of family rather than focusing too much on the individual children can prevent a lot of sibling rivalry. When the whole family celebrates each child for what they are good at, siblings learn that they are important to their family, and they learn that their siblings are important to them. 

My siblings have always been my very closest friends.

If you want to read more about happiness and unity in family life, check out this proclamation to the world from my Church about 15 years ago. 

The Family: A Proclamation to the Wor

How did you parents help create unity in your family? How are you creating unity in your own family?

Naptime Epiphany

Image Credit: peasap

(I found this draft languishing on my blog dashboard and felt it needed to see the light. I wrote this about a year ago)

My two year old has (normal) autonomy issues. He only wants to do what he wants to do, and does not want anyone telling him what to do. To illustrate this point, today I told him it was time to go read in the rocking chair. He had a full on meltdown complete with kicking and screaming.

"I know it's really hard to do things that you don't want to do. But it's time for us to sit quietly and read."

kick-scream-tantrum "Le-GO! Le-GO!"

"If I let you go it will be to put you in your crib so that you can fall asleep on your own. Should I put you in your crib?"

kick-scream-tantrum "Le-GO! Le-GO!"

"Okay" I put him in his crib. "I will be right here in the rocking chair ready to hold you when you want to sit quietly." I sat down on the rocking chair next to his crib and watched as he turned beet red and tried furiously to climb out of his crib. I could tell when he realized his attempts were futile, and used the moment to offer my help.

"Would you like me to help you?"

scream-scream-scream

"Would you like me to hold you?"

calm

"I could help you get out and I could hold you in the rocking chair."

Him: "Hold you?"

So I picked him up and he snuggled right down in my arms in the rocking chair, apparently convinced that snuggling with mom in the rocking chair was better than attempting to get out of his crib while turning red in the face and screaming.

Four verses of I am a Child of God later, and he was almost out. And I felt a little wiser, because I had an epiphany.

Just as I, as a mother, did not force anything on my sweet, innocent two year old, and I did not punish him for not wanting to take a nap, Heavenly Father does not force His will on us, and He does not punish us for not abiding by His will. At the same time, He does not shield us from the natural consequences of our stubbornness and pride. He sits quietly by and waits for us to realize that our way is not ideal, so that He can quietly say, "Would you like me to help you? Would you like me to hold you?"

He wants us to want His way. He wants us to decide, on our own, that His way is better than our way (even though He has told us before). But He doesn't force us, and He doesn't punish us. He just waits for us to come around, face our fears and give up our pride so that He can bless us and give us peace.

How often do you, like a toddler, scream red-faced trying to get out of your prison? How have you learned to accept God's will and want it for yourself?

I Didn't Have Time to Get Anything Done

When teacher in-service started a few weeks ago I felt a sudden panic. I had so much to do, and so little time. Between six kids and a husband working grave shift, I felt like there weren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. I started teaching school and every day I felt like I was just barely keeping my head above water.

One day, maybe during the second week of school, I was driving home from work, exhausted. I was feeling as if I didn't have enough prep time to get ready for each day, plus grade papers and get my classroom put together (which I hadn't finished doing before school started). I caught myself thinking, "I spend so much time teaching, I just don't have any time to get anything done!"

I couldn't help myself, I started laughing. All alone in my car on the way home from work I dissolved into side-splitting laughter.

I don't have time to get anything done because I am teaching all day... 

That got me thinking about all the things that we put on a "to do" list. What truly important things can we put on a to do list?

You might think that you can put important things on a to do list, like "read scriptures" and "pray". Maybe you could put those on a to do list and check them off.

But what about things like, "Love your children." "Teach your children." Can you ever check those off of a to do list?

At the end of a day full of teaching, what could I put on my "done" list? To me it feels like I did the same thing over and over again all day - I have six classes of seventh graders. But when I really ponder what I am doing each day, and I think back to the interactions I have had with individual students that day, I realize the impact that I am having on each of my students and suddenly it feels less repetitive. Sure, I might feel like a broken record, but to each of my students, sitting in my class is a brand new experience every day - I am creating a learning experience for each student, each day.

No longer am I going to feel like I couldn't get anything done because I was teaching. Teaching is the most important thing that I got "done" that day.

Intentional About Everything

You would probably never peg me as an "overprotective" mom. I don't keep my kids in a bubble, and I don't keep them out of trees or off the roofs of chicken coops.

But when it comes to my home, I am like a lioness at the gate. I am very particular about what does and does not come in my home. Don't get me wrong, my kids know about drugs, alcohol, child abuse, sex, and all sorts of other "worldly" things. I'm not raising them to be prudes, but believe you me I am protecting those innocent souls as much as I possibly can. Those things they know about because I intentionally taught my children about those things (in most situations before they learned about them elsewhere, but occasionally because they had learned about them somewhere else).

I have been thinking a lot lately about my tendency to be fiercely protective of the sanctity of my home. It might seem overboard to some people, but when you know Satan as intimately as I do, you know that he cannot be trusted. Not even a fraction of an inch. When the purity of my family is at stake, I take no chances.

President Julie B. Beck said it best:

We know that we are involved in God’s work every day, and that changes everything. It changes the way we think. It changes our decisions. It changes the way we dress. It changes the way we talk. It changes the way we live. We have the responsibility and the challenge from the prophet to believe deeply and actively in the family. We will need to do that in order to preserve our families. That means we have to be intentional about everything we do. Our life is not just happenstance. We know where we are going and what we have to do. 

It is my goal to be intentional about everything I do, especially motherhood. I leave nothing to chance.

An Eventful Year - Revelation and the Lord's Timing

I don't usually post "Year in Review" type blog posts. However, I was reading my New Years' post from 2012 in which I wrote that 2011 and been "the best of times and the worst of times". Perhaps that statement could sum up life in general, because 2013 definitely fits that same description.

I'm sure you have all been missing me, dear readers. And I just want to warn you that this is not me "coming back" really. I hope to be back eventually, and I imagine the summers will be better, but life has thrown me a few curve balls.

In 2013, I had five major life events: birth of a child, starting school, divorce, new job, and remarriage.

Birth of a Child

There are so many thoughts and feeling that are rushing around inside of me about the birth of my second son. His birth was amazing and spiritual and perfect and wonderful and everything I wanted it to be.Heather, from Women in the Scriptures, was my doula - and she was an amazing doula. She will deny it up and down, but I regard Heather as a spiritual giant. I feel like the labor and delivery went so well because she was there, with her faith and her knowledge and her testimony, I could just feel the power of God around me and with me. And if not from Heather, then from what she has taught me about the priesthood and womanhood and motherhood through the past several years, both on her blog and in personal conversations. She is an amazing woman.

Starting School

I felt inspired this year that I should go back to school to finish the few courses I need to qualify for a teaching license. Although I have a bachelor's degree in Math, I don't have a teaching license, and I had been feeling something nagging at me to get my license and teach. Because I was married to a soldier I didn't know how much time I would have in any one place, so I figured that I needed my education to be as portable as possible. So in May I applied to an online university to finish my teacher prep courses. Because of the next major life event, I am so grateful that I listened to the prompting to go back to school and prepare to be a teacher.

Getting a Divorce

This is probably the longest story, and I am not going to tell it all right here, right now (but you can read my emotions about a lot of it in my previous posts about my faith crumbling through adversity and trials). Suffice it to say that when I was scared to death (literally) of leaving my marriage, when I thought it would be better to be dead that divorced, when I argued with Heavenly Father, wondering why He would ask me to do something I knew was against His plan, when my faith seemed to be threadbare, something happened. I got strength from a place I had forgotten about, and somehow, I got out.

And there I was, hurting, broken, but feeling like I had burst out of a dark prison.

I felt like my life had crumbled around me, but God gave me a vision of what my new life could be if I would just cling to Him. And that is what I have been doing.

Starting a New Job

Due to the previous major life event, I needed to get a job so I could provide for my family. I submitted applications for a job on Monday in between filling out divorce papers. I filed for divorce on Tuesday, interviewed for a job on Friday, and was offered the job on Tuesday of the next week. A full time job teaching math at a middle school in a nice neighborhood about 10 minutes from my house. My good friend was looking for a job and is a fantastic mother and I asked and she offered to be our day care practically at the same moment. It was meant to be.

However, my first paycheck wasn't going to come until late September. Because I had started school I had just received some student loan funds. Between the student loans and my amazing ward I was able to make it to September with money to spare. Heavenly Father is watching out for me.

Getting Remarried
This story is probably longer than the divorce story, but I am pretty sure it can be summed up in two principles: receiving and understanding personal revelation (which I wrote about here) and the Lord's timing is not always our timing - which the Stake President mentioned in that blessing.

Did you know that "in due time" doesn't necessarily mean "in a loooong time"? That's what I thought when the Stake President promised me that I would experience the joy of marriage again and followed that promise up with "in due time" which he repeated! I was thinking "so, I'll get married again in a really really really long time. Imagine my surprise when I met my new husband and three days later Heavenly Father informed me that he would be my new husband. Come to find out "in due time" means "at the appropriate time" - which apparently is 3 months after a divorce (for me). Who knew? It didn't take my husband long to receive the same revelation, so then the only question was "when"? We prayed about it and I felt inspired that we should pick a date and take it to Heavenly Father for approval. We looked at my calendar (being a teacher I don't get a lot of time off work) and picked a date mid-January. After a few days I had a nagging feeling that it wasn't soon enough. So we thought "After Christmas would be great". Nope, wrong again. Finally we picked the day before Thanksgiving (which at this point was about a month away). Yep. It felt right. We talked to my bishop, we talked to my parents, we talked to his parents, we told our kids (six of them altogether!), and it happened! So yeah, it all boils down to receiving and understanding revelation and the Lord's timing is not always our timing.

So now you know where I have been for the last 6-12 months. Going through a painful divorce, starting school and a job, and getting remarried to a wonderful man who loves God with all of his heart, might, mind and strength, with me as a close second.

I hope to be able to write more often, but don't hold your breath. Of course, now that I have "come out" and you all know my little secrets, it will be easier for me to write. I always like being open and "real" on my blog, and I feel like I have been lying the past year or so because my marriage was so awful. So, comment on here and tell me you're still reading and I will try to post more often. If no one cares that I was gone I will probably just post whenever it happens (which might not be very often!).

What lessons did you learn last year?

Gospel Art by Little People

My five year old son is becoming quite the artist. His favorite medium is crayons (I think because of the range of colors). His favorite subject lately has been super heroes (specifically the Avengers). He also enjoys drawing planets and space ships and space wars, etc.

Today during sacrament meeting he blew me out of the water with this excellent depiction of Captain Moroni.


It melted my heart. This kid is a sweetheart. (I won't tell you what song he was humming while he drew this picture in the middle of sacrament meeting... It's a song I am ashamed to say he was exposed to at a friends' house. We've got to be a little more vigilant about keeping our kids safe from questionable movies and music *sigh* it can be so hard sometimes!)

When I picked him up from Primary, he had a new masterpiece to share! Joseph Smith in the sacred grove:


I think his teacher helped him with Joseph kneeling, and I was mildly disappointed that the picture didn't include the First Vision with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but honestly, the fact that my kid is drawing gospel art is just really touching.

Along the lines of the exposure discussion, he wouldn't be drawing pictures of scripture stories and scripture heroes if he hasn't been exposed to them. We try to expose them to gospel art a lot - from the posters on their bedroom walls to using the gospel art book for FHE to visiting the Church History museum and more.

It's always nice to see fruits from your labors.

Do you expose your children to gospel art and pictures of the scripture stories?How do you use gospel art in your daily life with your kids and in your study of the gospel?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

GCBC Week 23: “That the Lost May Be Found”

Just as the nausea recedes from my list of pregnancy symptoms, congestion begins in full force. I was thinking about the patience it takes to be pregnant for nine months and I thought, “What a great training ground for the patience it will take to raise a child.” If I can make it through nine months of pregnancy symptoms, then labor and delivery, I can take anything this child can dish out, right?

That the Lost May Be Found – by Elder M. Russell Ballard

I was struck by Elder Ballard’s observation about families -

Opposite of what many had thought, prosperity and education seem to be connected to a higher likelihood of having traditional families and values.

I admired him for bringing out the concern of causation vs correlation.

The real question, of course, is about cause and effect. Do some sectors of our society have stronger values and families because they are more educated and prosperous, or are they more educated and prosperous because they have values and strong families?

But of course we know that it is causation, and we know what the cause is – strong families.

…[S]ocieties at large are strengthened as families grow stronger. Commitments to family and values are the basic cause. Nearly everything else is effect. When couples marry and make commitments to each other, they greatly increase their chances of economic well-being. When children are born in wedlock and have both a mom and a dad, their opportunities and their likelihood of occupational success skyrocket. And when families work and play together, neighborhoods and communities flourish, economies improve, and less government and fewer costly safety nets are required.

What stood out to you from Elder Ballard’s talk?

Entertaining Angels Unawares

Note: This post was originally published on December 6, 2010. We went thought all the licensing work (classes, training, background checks, home studies, etc) but ended up housing others who needed a place to live - first a disabled vet and her kids for a few months, and then my sister and brother-in-law for a few weeks while they transitioned to the East coast, and then a young family who was also in transition - albeit a bit longer one. Our house is finally empty again, but we're expecting baby #3 in the spring and felt like we wouldn't be able to give our best parenting to a teen in foster care while we're adjusting to a new baby. We still have extra room, so we're applying to be a host family for international students at the local community college. We just can't help ourselves! We love to "entertain strangers" - and who knows, maybe we'll entertain some angels unawares.

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” (Heb. 13:2.)

My husband and I are applying for a license to provide foster care. We specifically want to foster children who will be available for adoption, although we know that it won’t always be the case.

I’ve been reading Gene R. Cook’s Raising Up a Family to the Lord, and then searched on lds.org for some articles about foster care. I read a few good stories from other saints who have cared for other children in their home, and the scripture above from Hebrews stuck out to me.

Since I was a young child myself, I have had a desire to be a mother – and not just a mother to my own children. I want to be a mother to any child who needs a good mother. In the case of foster care, it may not be permanent, but I know that if I will make myself available, the Lord will bless these children through my efforts, and will also bless me through these little angels.

Every child deserves a chance to see what a good, functional family unit looks like.

This is what I want to accomplish as a foster parent:

We may have these children in our lives for only a brief time before they go back to their own families. They may not return to ideal situations, but the children go home knowing a little more about how a family unit should function. Later, when they become adults and parents, examples from good foster parents can influence the choices they make in life.

If I can just be an example that will influence their lives, sending them back to their parents will be a joy for me, instead of a loss.

Do you have a desire to influence other children for good? What have you done lately to nurture a child other than your own?

Eve: The Mother of All Living

Note: This post was originally published on July 12, 2010. I'm still on vacation, but we'll be home today and I'll be back blogging tomorrow, hopefully. If I'm not too worn out from our vacation - you know you usually need a vacation from your vacation. I hope you've enjoyed reading and discussing some of my older posts. Make sure you stick around - we'll be having another giveaway soon!

I have felt inspired to study the mothers of the scriptures. I feel a sacred responsibility to be a good mother, and especially to be a mother to more than just my own biologically borne children. I don’t want to be just a half-rate mother, though – I want to be a great mother who has great compassion and charity and patience for children (and people in general) and who can teach with kindness and gentleness.

The first mother I want to study (and how appropriate) is Eve.

I want to name one of my daughters Eve. I love the name, and I especially love the symbolism – our first parents were Adam and Eve, and Adam called her Eve because she was the “mother of all living.”

In the Garden, when the Lord created Eve, he said, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be on flesh.” (Gen. 2:24) I think Eve was a great example of a mother’s first priority – her husband. The relationship between husband and wife is always a greater priority than the relationship between mother and children. I’m not trying to put down the relationship and role of mother, but I feel that if a woman is being a good wife, she will probably end up being a good mother. Not only does she have to practice patience and humility with her husband, but by cultivating the relationship with her spouse, she will also have a champion and helper when it comes to teaching and having patience with those children.

I know in my own life when I feel more like “one flesh” with my husband, and I am a better mother. When we are “one flesh,” our parenting styles do not clash – our methods actually compliment one another.

Our children are very young (3 and under), and we are only barely forming our parenting styles. Sometimes it is difficult, because we both were raised differently. But then when we’re talking about it, we realize that we both want the same things for our kids. The only place we differ is in how to get our kids there. But when we really think about it, and pray and fast about it, we realize that if we have the gospel of Jesus Christ at the heart of our parenting – if we parent with the atonement and the doctrine of salvation in our hearts – we end up parenting much the same way.

We do what feels right – we parent the way that feels confirmed by the Holy Spirit. And there is no way to feel that Holy Spirit – in any aspect of our family life – without being “one flesh.”

Being unified with my husband is the first step in becoming a good mother.

 

Eve Part II

In the Pearl of Great Price, it says “And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and daughters.” (Moses 5:12)

Eve taught her children everything. I think she focused on the principles of the gospel. She taught them everything she knew about God and Heaven and angels and the Savior. And I like that “she made all things known” unto them. It doesn’t say she sat over them while they read book after book after book and did worksheet after worksheet after worksheet. She simply “made all things known unto them.” I like to think that while they were out working in their gardens, tilling the earth, she talked with her children about how faith is like a little seed, and how when we study the words of the Lord and we pray, our faith can grow until it becomes a beautiful tree and bears fruit. That fruit is the works of our spirit, because faith without works is dead.

I like to imagine the conversations Eve had with her children while they were washing their clothes in the stream, when she told them about the Savior that would come and redeem mankind. She probably mentioned how the river washing their clothes was like repentance washing away their sins.

When they sacrificed the first born of their flocks at the alter, I imagine her gently whispering to her children how this was symbolic of the sacrifice the Savior would make to save us from our sins, and further symbolic of the sacrifice we would have of a broken heart and a contrite spirit for our sins.

I imagine that when Eve held her little ones in her lap as she rocked them to sleep, she told them about our Father in Heaven who loves them, and knows them by name, and is watching over them. I imagine that after she rocked them, she knelt with them in prayer, guiding their words to help them speak to our Father in Heaven.

I am going to study more about Eve this week, but I think I am going to focus on making “all things known unto [my] sons and [my] daughters.” I will tell them all about the gospel of Jesus Christ, because I want them to know what I know.

What things about being a mother have you learned from Eve? How to you make things known to your children (about the gospel, every day life, etc)? How do you and your husband deal with conflicting parenting styles?

Why We Write

Note: This post was originally published on September 17, 2010. I'm reposting it because I'm on vacation! And because it was one of the first posts I wrote on this blog, before people actually read this blog - by the way, shout out to my readers - you guys are awesome, and not just because you read my blog, but for the awesome insights you share. That's what I want this blog to be about anyway - about sharing our thoughts about the scriptures. I love to learn from others and hear/read their perspectives, especially about the scriptures. So please! Keep sharing! I love your thoughts!

One of my favorite scriptures lately has been 2 Nephi 25:26:

And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. (emphasis added)

As a mother I am always striving to find ways to teach my children the gospel. More than anything, I want my children to know “to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” Christ is our Savior, our Redeemer – He has taken upon Himself the sins of the world and has conquered death. It is to Him that we must teach our children to look.

We Talk of Christ

In General Conference back in April, Elder David A. Bednar of the quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:

Parents should be vigilant and spiritually attentive to spontaneously occurring opportunities to bear testimony to their children. Such occasions need not be programmed, scheduled, or scripted. In fact, the less regimented such testimony sharing is, the greater the likelihood for edification and lasting impact. “Neither take ye thought beforehand what ye shall say; but treasure up in your minds continually the words of life, and it shall be given you in the very hour that portion that shall be meted unto every man” (D&C 84:85).

Elder Bednar’s talk about “bearing testimony spontaneously” really hit home to me. Growing up my parents didn’t really talk about the gospel outside of family home evenings, and maybe when “special” events came up, such as when my oldest brother was endowed. But there were people in my life who did talk about the gospel outside of those times, and now I find that even more.

When we are in the car, I try to talk to my children about all the things Heavenly Father created, and bear testimony of His love for us, and His love of variety and good things. The world is such a manifestation of God’s love for us.

Now that my oldest is developing a more active imagination, I have the opportunity to bear testimony to him of the power of the Holy Ghost to bring comfort to us when we are scared. I also have the opportunity to bear testimony to him of the power of prayer, and that God hears and answer him – even a little child.

These moments are not scripted – I simply talk to him about how to calm his fears. “You know, V, if you are scared, you can pray to Heavenly Father and He will send the Holy Ghost to help you sleep and have good dreams.” Even though I didn’t start out with “I’d like to bear you my testimony...” that is my testimony – loud and clear.

We Rejoice in Christ

In order for me to have something about Christ to share with my children, I have to be having experiences with Christ myself. I need to be rejoicing in Christ every day, gaining a testimony that I can share with my children.

“When we are on the path our Savior has taught us to follow, additional gifts from our Lord will be manifest in our lives, both in blessings upon us and in the blessings that we share with others through service. Charity will motivate us, and we will have reason to rejoice in Christ, ... I have had opportunities to see this truth verified over and over, in many different areas of the Church.” (here)

And this:

“Rejoice in the power you have within you from Christ to be a nucleus of love, forgiveness, and compassion.” (here)

We can rejoice in Christ by having charity, being forgiving, serving others – there are so many ways to “rejoice in Christ” and receive that testimony.

We Preach of Christ

The definitions of preach in the Merriam-Webster dictionary are: 1. to deliver a sermon, 2. to urge acceptance or abandonment of an idea or course of action, 3. to set forth in a sermon, 4. to advocate earnestly, 5. to deliver (as a sermon) publicly, 6. to bring, put, or affect by preaching.

I made bold the definitions I like the best. Preaching of Christ, to me, is urging our children to accept Him as their Savior. As the Savior is our advocate with the Father, I imagine that we are something like His advocate with our children. There is a “public” feeling to the definitions of “preach” – whereas “talking of Christ” has a more private connotation. So not only should we be talking of Christ in our homes with our children, but we must preach of Christ – around us, to our friends, to our neighbors, to the world. As our children see us unabashedly declare the divinity and mission of our Savior Jesus Christ, they will come to understand that divinity and mission themselves.

We Prophesy of Christ

Joseph Smith wrote in the articles of faith that “We believe in the gift of ... prophecy.” Prophecy is not just limited to the President of the Church, President Thomas S. Monson, and Christ’s apostles. We can prophesy of Christ in our own lives. The dictionary says that to prophesy is “to utter by or as if by divine inspiration.”

In Revelations 10:10, we learn that “...the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.” So, if we have a testimony of Jesus, then we can prophecy of Him by bearing testimony.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said, “’We prophesy of Christ’ means that we express our testimony of Him by the power of the Spirit... As those who anciently prophesied of His first advent, we also confirm in word and deed the prophecies of His Second Coming.”

So we prophesy of Christ by echoing in testimony the prophesies of the Bible, of the Book of Mormon, and of Latter Day prophets.

We Write According to Our Prophecies

My children are young right now, almost four and almost two, and they do not understand (nor would they appreciate) some of the trials that I face in my life, and my testimony that guides my approach to these trials, and grows in the aftermath of the trials.

In order to preserve these experiences for my children, and for my posterity, I write in a journal, and I write on my blogs. Some day I will read to them from my journal, or allow them to read from my journal, and I as we publish our blogs into books, they will be able to read those at their leisure as well.

President Spencer W. Kimball said:

“What could you do better for your children and your children’s children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved? Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity.”

I am working on writing more of the “rich passages” that my posterity might quote, and talking about my “triumphs over adversity, [my] recovery after a fall, [my] progress when all seemed black, [and my] rejoicing when [I] had finally achieved.”

It doesn’t do to be negative or belittling of your life in your journal. “The truth should be told, but we should not emphasize the negative. Even a long life full of inspiring experiences can be brought to the dust by one ugly story.” (Pres. Kimball) It also doesn’t need to be made to seem more glamorous than it really is. “Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are ‘made up’ for a public performance.” (Pres. Kimball)

I don’t think I have a problem with painting a more glamorous picture of myself, but occasionally I do dwell on the negative, without talking about how I overcame the negative trial. My goal for my journal writing from now on will be recording those things President Kimball talked about – the triumphs, recoveries, progress, and rejoicing.

 

I testify that as we talk of Christ, preach of Christ, testify of Christ, prophesy of Christ, and write according to our prophesies, our children will come to know to “what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” I have seen it in my own life as I testify to my children, and I know you will see it in your life with your children.

In what ways to you bear spontanteous testimony, as Elder Bednar counseled? Do you keep a personal journal? What kinds of things do you write about? How do you rejoice in Christ? Have you seen your children look to Christ because of your living this scripture?

But why?

Note: This post was originally published on April 16, 2010. I'm reposting it this week because I am on vacation! And because it was an awesome post from the very beginning days of this blog, and deserves to be republished!

Little children love to ask questions.

Why? What is that? What are you doing?

A constant stream of inquiry comes from their precious lips, and behind that is a genuine interest and need to know.

My freshman year of college, my religion teacher taught us to ask questions as we read the scriptures. Each day before class we were supposed to write a one page paper on our reading assignment for that day. Our teacher never gave us guidelines on margins or font sizes. It was simply to be one page. There was one requirement though – that we ask, and answer, a question about the reading.

That semester was probably some of the most productive scripture study of my life. I felt myself digging into the scriptures, asking questions, wanting to know more – and most important were the answers that I received to those questions.

“Ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you…”

I haven’t been asking questions lately in my reading, but tonight, as I was studying Alma chapter 7, where Alma is teaching of the prophesies of Christ, and the events that will be His life, I found myself in a dialogue with the scriptures.

“And he will take upon him death…”

Why? My three year old knows this simple truth – that Jesus died for us. What does it meant that He died “for us”?

“…that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people;…”

Jesus died so that we can live again. His death was so significant because He had to die to be resurrected. He had to die so that He could live, and if He can live again, so can we. Thus, the bands of death are loosed.

“…he will take upon him their infirmities…”

Why? Why would He, in His glorious perfection, take up our burdens, our feelings of grief and pain and guilt because of our weaknesses?

“…that his bowels may be filled with mercy…that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:12)

So Jesus suffered for us so that He could know how to LOVE us better! Do I think of suffering for others in this way? When I take upon myself the burdens of others (as I covenanted to do at baptism) do I learn “how to succor” those people? Is that what I am learning? Do I complain about the pain, or do I rejoice in my increased ability to LOVE others?

I feel increased in my gospel understanding. I feel renewed in my commitment to live the gospel and be more Christ-like.

When I engage in dialogue with the scriptures, instead of simply reading, I feel as if God’s word has distilled “upon [my] soul as the dews from heaven.” (D&C 121:45)

Do you ask questions when you read the scriptures? Do you feel like you find the answers? Have you ever felt like you had a dialogue with the words in the scriptures?

Multiply and Replenish the Earth

Do you remember Elder Neil L. Andersen’s talk from October 2011 General Conference? I do. It hit me hard and was actually kind of a thorn in my side for a little while. During October 2008, I was pregnant with our second child, and our first was about 18 months old. I always imagined that we would just have kids one after another, but when October 2011 rolled around, and our second daughter was two and a half I couldn’t help but feel like we had missed something somewhere.

I believe in having children. I believe that is is a personal decision, to be made between a husband, his wife, and the Lord, but I believe in having children – and I don’t believe in postponing childbearing or ending childbearing for selfish reasons. I believe in having faith in following the commandments of God, and one of those commandments I believe in is bearing children.

“THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”

Bearing children is not something we do because we worked hard enough and because we got a good enough job and we have a nice house and we’ll be able to give our children all of the worldly comforts of this life. Bearing children is something we do to raise children to the Lord. It’s not about raising geniuses, raising star football players, raising world class musicians, or anything of the sort. Bearing children is about teaching our spirit brothers and sisters how to believe, have faith, and act so that they can return to live with Heavenly Father some day. How we do that, how they do that is an extremely personal matter, and I believe our Father will help us in that monumental responsibility. Parenting – bearing and raising children – is a sacrifice we make. A sacrifice we covenanted to make. We sacrifice worldly things for the opportunity to bring souls back to Heavenly Father. I’ve written before about the Mission-Motherhood Parallel – just as our young adult brothers and sisters sacrifice up to two years of their lives to bring souls back to Heavenly Father, our job as parents is to do the same thing – the sacrifice is longer, the work is harder, but the payoff is the same – souls are brought to Heavenly Father.

Back to my General Conference thorn (Elder Andersen’s talk). During General Conference I write down directives – things that the General Authorities specifically instruct us to do, and more personally, things I feel prompted to do by the Spirit. After Conference I go through my notes and make a list of those “directives”. This year I put a star next to each directive for each time it appeared in my notes. After “go to the temple” (which had about 5 stars) and “read my patriarchal blessing” and “study the Daughters in My Kingdom manual”, the only other thing I felt multiple times was “have more babies”.

Prior to General Conference I had mentioned having more children (in passing) to my husband. He seemed uncomfortable with the thought – his words, “I feel like I would be ungrateful if I wanted to have more kids, since Heavenly Father has already blessed me with these two perfect children.”

After conference I wrote about Elder Andersen’s talk, and I mentioned that the choice to have babies is not just between husband and the Lord, or the wife and the Lord – it’s a three way decision. That means that just because I felt like we needed to have more babies did not mean that we would have more babies right away. My husband had to feel the same way.

I prayed about having more babies, and I felt an urgency that was hard to ignore. I was hesitant to discuss my feelings with my husband, so I kept the feelings to myself, praying fervently that my husband would eventually feel the urgency that I felt. Weeks passed. Months passed. I couldn’t shake that feeling that we needed to have babies, but every time I mentioned having more kids I got the same response from my husband. Finally, he said, “Well, let me think about it for a while.” (for him that means “let me pray about it” – though he won’t always admit it). More weeks went by, and finally, he told me he was ready – he felt like we should have more kids.

I was so excited. Finally!

But there was one problem. He was gone every few weeks for a week or two at a time, and his timing was impeccable (in the bad way). Those few months were really hard for me, as each opportunity passed for me to get pregnant, and there was no way. When he was home for a few weeks at one point I had an emotional breakdown. Sobbing into his arms I said, “All I want is a house full of children!” When we were dating and engaged and newlywed, my husband used to say we were going to have a hundred children (and he wasn’t exaggerating!). He and I both had plans to foster, adopt, and birth our own children – a hundred of them – as many as we had room for – and we feel like we have room for as many as need a home.

I am a fertile woman, and the past few years since my daughter was about one I have felt guilty for not having more children. This might sound strange, but it was really hard for me to be physically able to bear children and not actually be able to get pregnant for reasons other than physical ability (or even temporal preparedness).

Often, we have endless compassion for women who want to have children but struggle with infertility. We understand that it’s not their choice not to have children. But what about women who would have dozens of children but can’t for other reasons (whatever those reasons may be)? Do we have as much compassion for women like me, who are completely fertile and in a great (temporal) position to have children (healthy, husband has a good job, great health insurance, roomy home to fill with children) but can’t for reasons other than infertility? I’ll tell you – before I had this experience I wouldn’t have had as much compassion for someone like me.

Elder Anderson said,

“We go forward in faith—realizing the decision of how many children to have and when to have them is between a husband and wife and the Lord. We should not judge one another on this matter.” (emphasis added)

I’ve been learning that the experiences in my life have been teaching me how to have compassion for people who I would have judged. Maybe I’m not as compassionate as I thought I am.

And now, if you haven’t already figured it out, I’m writing this post because we’re expecting baby #3! That’s why I’ve been a little MIA lately – morning sickness and fatigue have overcome me, and because I have been wanting this for so long, so I waited a little longer than normal to tell anyone besides close family and friends (I’m one of those tell-everyone-as-soon-as-the-test-is-positive people). I felt like keeping it to myself for a little while this time, enjoying the blessing that it is, and spending lots of time in prayer and thanksgiving for the patience and compassion I was taught in waiting for this.

Have you had to wait for something that you desperately wanted, but was out of your control? Have you had to experience waiting for children – whether because of infertility or any other reason that was beyond your control? Have you found yourself judging others because of what you may have thought was their choice, but you later discovered was out of their control?

Relief Society - catch the vision

One of my favorite quotes about Relief Society is from President Spencer W Kimball. He said,

"There is a power in this organization that has not yet been fully exercised to strengthen the homes of Zion and build the Kingdom of God - nor will it until both the sisters and the priesthood catch the vision of Relief Society."

I don't know about you, but most days I feel like I could use a little extra of God's power. I believe Satan is trying to keep us from fully experiencing all the power God has for us to use. He attacks women from every side. We think men have all the temptations - but women are not exempt from the attacks of Satan and his followers.

One of the ways that I believe we are attacked is by the voices who claim that lack of ordination to a priesthood office in some way diminishes a woman's significance and ability in God's plan. I frequently hear people talk about how blacks did not have the priesthood, and then came the revelation - and many are "waiting" (some more... actively... than others) for a similar revelation extending ordination to priesthood offices to women.

What those women (and men) fail to realize is that while black women and men were actually kept from obtaining all of the saving priesthood ordinances - for example, black men could not be endowed or sealed in the temple - women can receive every priesthood ordinance. In my mind there is no comparison between the two circumstances. Moreover, women are already eligible for every priesthood ordinance and power.

But I have written that post. I just feel like it needs to be said again. Satan keeps us from the power God would bestow upon us by distracting us with feelings of inferiority or indignation due to a perceived "lack". (I will add a disclaimer here to say that I believe men - and women - in the Church cause a lot of the misconceptions and bitter feelings about the priesthood - from women who are oppressed and don't care to men who exercise unrighteous dominion, there are those in the Church who misuse and misunderstand priesthood authority (which is different from priesthood power).)

If we can allow ourselves to get past the feelings of maltreatment and really focus on what the priesthood really is then I think we will see the power of the sisters in Relief Society grow in ways that will be surprising to all of us.

Another way Satan attacks is women is by attacking and diminishing motherhood.

If we thought of our Heavenly Mother as a co-creator with God and if we understood her divine role as nurturer of our eternal souls, would we not crave to be like her?

Society and the world would reduce motherhood down to the drudgery of changing diapers and doing laundry. But God's mothers have a divine, dignified role. We are not simply nannies or child care professionals. Our purpose is much higher. It is God's purpose - "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

We are preparing covenant keeping Saints who are ready and willing to enter the waters of baptism and the doors of the temple. This is no small task, nor is it menial or dreary (although some of the mortal aspects can seem that way). I have been getting a lot more enjoyment out of the drudgery as I have come to more fully understand the sanctity of motherhood and what it really means to be a woman.

I have felt overwhelmed and inadequate as I have come to better understand my responsibility and role as a mother. To be honest, I have been scared quite out of my mind.

And then I fall to my knees and beg for help with these precious spirits. The atonement covers all pain. Including the pain of motherhood, and it covers the gaps between the mother we should be and the mother we are.

These are the two major ways I see Satan attacking women and distracting us from "catch[ing] the vision of Relief Society". Men have p*rnography and work, women have priesthood-confusion and mother-demeaning. Satan will do whatever he can to destroy God's plan.

This talk I have been studying by President Julie B Beck about quorums and Relief Societies has been really great. I especially loved this quote about quorums and Relief Societies:

We are not in the entertainment business; we are in the salvation business.

I hope that we can all remember that we do have all the blessings and powers available through the priesthood, and that we can remember how sacred motherhood is and view it with the significance and importance it deserves, and not be caught up in the drudgery.

Have you caught the vision of Relief Society? What is the vision of Relief Society to you? In what ways do you see Satan distracting women from the vision of Relief Society?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Voices All Around

Yesterday I was talking with my friend about the increasingly secular views of the world. In particular, we were talking about homosexuality and how the response to people “coming out” is often “Cool!” or “Good for you!” Not only is homosexuality accepted in today’s world as normal – it is becoming increasingly viewed as “cool” or “good”.

A few nights ago I was reading my conference issue of the Ensign and I read this quote from a talk by Elder Paul B. Piper of the Seventy.

Today the struggle continues. Secular voices are growing in volume and intensity. They increasingly urge believers to abandon beliefs the world considers irrational and unreasonable. Because “we see through a glass, darkly” and “do not know the meaning of all things”, at times we may feel vulnerable and in need of greater spiritual assurances. The Lord told Oliver Cowdery:

“If you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

“Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?”.

The Lord reminded Oliver and us to rely on sacred personal witnesses already received when our faith is challenged. Like Moses’s, Alma’s and Joseph’s before, these divine encounters serve as spiritual anchors to keep us safe and on course in times of trial.

The sacred cannot be selectively surrendered. Those who choose to abandon even one sacred thing will have their minds darkened, and unless they repent, the light they have shall be taken from them. Unanchored by the sacred, they will find themselves morally adrift on a secular sea. In contrast, those who hold sacred things sacred receive promises: “That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day”.

I was struck by his statement that “Secular voices are growing in volume and intensity.” I definitely see this happening. I believe that it is our responsibility as disciples of Christ to make sure that our voices are growing in volume and intensity. Those of the world would stamp out, mute, and deny the voices of those who proclaim to follow Christ.

As if the one witness wasn’t enough, the very next talk was Elder Neil L. Andersen’s talk where he said

President Thomas S. Monson has described our day as moving away “from that which is spiritual … [with] the winds of change [swirling] around us and the moral fiber of society [continuing] to disintegrate before our very eyes.” It is a time of growing disbelief in and disregard for Christ and His teachings.

In this turbulent environment, we rejoice in being disciples of Jesus Christ. We see the Lord’s hand all around us. Our destination is beautifully set before us. “This is life eternal,” Jesus prayed, “that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” Being a disciple in these days of destiny will be a badge of honor throughout the eternities.

I am so grateful for the words of the prophets in General Conference, which Elder Andersen referred to as “guideposts from the Lord on our journey of discipleship.” If we will listen to these messengers of Christ and try our best to follow their counsel, we will be able to stand strong in the face of the “winds of change” as the secular voices grow louder in every direction.

My only fear is for my children. I have faith that my testimony will carry me, but I am sometimes so afraid that my children will not have the testimony that I have and they will not be able to stand strong. I worry that my children will grow up in this secular world and will be distracted from the sacred and focus instead on the secular.

As I have been struggling with his fear in the past several days, I have been trying to have faith and take my fears to the Lord in prayer. I have poured out my heart to Him, and I am learning to trust Him to teach me and help me teach my children.

And some days all I can do is cry out to the Savior in tears and say,
“Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”

Do you ever doubt your abilities as a mother to raise children who will have unwavering testimonies? How do you increase your faith? How do you feel better about the increasing secular world? How do you make it? How do you keep your children safe?

How Does it Feel?

The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation
is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life.
~ Sister Julie B. Beck May 2010 ~

My husband and I attend the Marriage and Family Sunday School class in our ward. Well, I should say we attended the class – today was the last day, and I have to say I am going to miss it. I am passionate about two things, really: the gospel, and parenting. And really, isn’t parenting the gospel anyway?

The Marriage and Family class is always my favorite. I enjoy talking with other parents about the principles of the gospel and how to align our lives with the teachings of the Savior. I guess I’ll have to start trying to have more gospel/parenting discussions at park day. I wonder if the other moms will mind.

Today in our class we talked a little bit about how the most important thing that we can teach our children is how to recognize the Spirit. As I sat in class and thought about it, the weight of the importance of teaching that principle settled on me in a way that it hadn’t previously, and I started thinking “Do I really know how to teach my children to recognize the Spirit? Am I doing a good enough job teaching them?”

Obviously our children will not be able to learn to recognize the Spirit without being exposed to situations and environments where the Spirit can be present. I think we do a pretty good job of providing those opportunities for our children, at home as well as at Church. But how do we teach them to recognize what they are feeling in those situations?

We need to teach them how to recognize when a thought or impression comes from the Spirit. For example, when my daughter notices that her brother really wants to play with the toy she has, and she shares it with him without prompting on my part I can say to her, “You saw that he wanted to play with that toy, and you felt like you would like to share with him. That was an inspired thought from the Holy Ghost!”

We must also teach them to recognize how the Spirit makes them feel, physically. In a Church News article, Julie Eddington said, “I have learned that [recognizing the Spirit] is something that needs to be taught…” and she will say something like, “Do you feel that? My arms are tingling. My heart is beating extra fast.” She describes the actual physical feeling she has when she is feeling the Spirit. Sister Eddington went on to say, “Children need to be taught what that feeling is. I think that sometimes they have the Spirit witness to them, but they don’t recognize it as the Spirit.”

I have been reading Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child and one of the major principles in “emotional intelligence” is to help children recognize, name, and accept their emotions. I think that this principle can be used to teach children how to recognize the Spirit (which has a lot to do with our emotions).

My goal this week is to help my children recognize and understand the spirit. I will help them name the thoughts, ideas, emotions, and physical feelings they experience as they feel the Spirit. I hope that I can have the Spirit with me as I strive to be a better parent this week and as I strive

How do you teach your children to recognize the Spirit?

GCBC Week 4: “He Truly Loves Us” & “Faith, Fortitude, Fulfillment: A Message to Single Parents”

Welcome to GCBC Week 4! I have an apology to make – last week I was going to pair Sis. Esplin’s talk with Elder Baxter’s talk (this week’s talk – the message to single parents). For some reason (probably because I was thinking only about going chronologically) I paired her talk with Elder Hallstrom’s instead. That’s why the pairing seemed to be kind of random…

I’ll be getting my reading glasses this week so hopefully that will prevent me from being completely clueless in the future… improving your eyesight improves your brain function, too, right?

He Truly Loves Us – by Elder Paul E. Koelliker

“How can we help each individual develop a desire to know more about Heavenly Father? How do we help them feel His Spirit? How can we help them know that we love them?”

Closely tied to helping others remember is the way we personally live the gospel and apply it in our lives. When we actually live the gospel in the pattern taught by the Lord Jesus Christ, our ability to help others increases.

I really appreciated Elder Koelliker’s talk for this point that he made about helping others develop a desire to know more about Heavenly Father. As a parent, my greatest desire is to help my children desire to know Heavenly Father. I felt like Elder Koelliker’s talk gave some great instruction on how to do that.

Faith, Fortitude, Fulfillment: A Message to Single Parents – by Elder David S. Baxter

Please never feel that you are in some kind of second-tier subcategory of Church membership, somehow less entitled to the Lord’s blessings than others. In the kingdom of God there are no second-class citizens.

Members and leaders, is there more that you could do to support single-parent families without passing judgment or casting aspersions? Might you mentor young people in these families, especially providing for young men examples of what good men do and how good men live? In the absence of fathers, are you providing role models worthy of emulation?

We have a good friend who is divorced. She has two boys, and her ex-husband is not a very good example to his children of Priesthood leadership. I admire my husband a lot as he has developed a relationship with these boys when we have the opportunity to spend time with them. I am grateful that my husband is willing to be an example to any boy who needs one to follow.

What are your thoughts after studying these talks? Please share in the comments, and come back throughout the week to engage in the conversation!

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To anyone who is checking out GCBC for the first time, the goal is to read one General Conference talk a week and discuss it together as an on-line “book club.”  If you want more information about how it works, go here.  And then join us.

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Also, I have teamed up with Dave from Downright Dave to coordinate our GCBC schedule with his Weekly #ldsconf Chat. It happens on Twitter on Wednesdays from 8-9pm MST. So if you are itching for some more “real time” discussion format, I encourage you to head over to Twitter. Not sure how to participate in a “chat” on Twitter? Head over to this post from Dave’s website for more information. He gives some pretty good instructions after the schedule.

GCBC Week 3: “Teaching Our Children to Understand” & “Converted to His Gospel through His Church”

This week we are going to study two talks – both amazing talks – even though these two aren’t completely related. We’re doing this so we can fit in some talks from Priesthood and the YW broadcast. You could always read one in the next few days, and then study the other one later in the week, since they are both shorter talks.

Also, be sure to read the bottom of this post for information about how to engage in a General Conference chat in “real time”.

"Teaching our Children to Understand" - Sister Cheryl A. Esplin

 

“This divine privilege of raising our children is a much greater responsibility than we can do alone, without the Lord’s help. He knows exactly what our children need to know, what they need to do, and what they need to be to come back into His presence. He gives mothers and fathers specific instruction and guidance through the scriptures, His prophets, and the Holy Ghost…

Our role as parents is to do all we can to create an atmosphere where our children can feel the influence of the Spirit and then help them recognize what they are feeling.”

Sister Esplin’s talk was a great parenting mini-class. A lot of her thoughts were reminiscent of Elder David A. Bednar’s conference talk in April 2010: Watching with All Perserverence. He talked about bearing testimony spontaneously, and being aware of daily teaching moments to help invite the Spirit.

If there was one way I would sum up this talk it would be this: “The Spirit is the true teacher. Help your children feel the Spirit so that you and they can be instructed together by the Spirit.”

"Converted to His Gospel through His Church" - Elder Donald L. Hallstrom

“Some have come to think of activity in the Church as the ultimate goal. Therein lies a danger. It is possible to be active in the Church and less active in the gospel. Let me stress: activity in the Church is a highly desirable goal; however, it is insufficient.”

I think Elder Hallstrom’s talk was one of the most popular talks from General Conference. I loved the distinction he helped us make between the gospel and the Church – while noting emphatically that we, indeed, need both.

As I reread the talk I was reminded of the purpose of the Church as pointed out in the Church Handbook of Instructions (I think I have shared this before – probably multiple times):

“The Church provides the organization and means for teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to all of God’s children. It provides the priesthood authority to administer the ordinances of salvation and exaltation to all who are worthy and willing to accept them.”

One part of Elder Hallstrom’s talk that I remembered from Twitter Stake, but did not remember it came from this talk was when he said, “Many of us are not being regularly changed by [the sacrament’s] cleansing power because of our lack of reverence for this holy ordinance.” I remember people tweeting about having more reverence for the sacrament, but I didn’t remember that it came from Elder Hallstrom’s talk. I had a personal experience about the cleansing and changing power of the sacrament last week. “How meaningful are the ordinances in our lives? How focused are we on our covenants?” I wish I could say that every week was a good as last week, but it isn’t always. I, for one, need to be more deeply converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

What are your thoughts after studying these talks? Please share in the comments, and come back throughout the week to engage in the conversation!

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To anyone who is checking out GCBC for the first time, the goal is to read one General Conference talk a week and discuss it together as an on-line “book club.”  If you want more information about how it works, go here.  And then join us.

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I have been forgetting to mention – I have teamed up with Dave from Downright Dave to coordinate our GCBC schedule with his Weekly #ldsconf Chat. Basically between 8-9pm MST each Wednesday, folks are getting on Twitter to “chat” about the talks from General Conference, and Dave and I have coordinated so that the talks each week are the same. That is, the talk I announce on Sunday will be the talks that they discuss on the Twitter chat on Wednesdays. So if you are itching for some more “real time” discussion format, I encourage you to head over to Twitter. Not sure how to participate in a “chat” on Twitter? Head over to this post from Dave’s website for more information. He gives some pretty good instructions after the schedule.