Surrender

Letting myself be happy has turned out to be harder than I thought.

I’ve been thinking about the atonement for the past few days, after we had our Teachings for Our Times lesson on Sunday about President Uchtdorf’s message (which ironically was the General Conference Book Club talk for last week).

For some reason my testimony of the atonement and my understanding and conviction that it is the key to happiness and can help me bear pain and disappointment doesn’t seem to translate into something doable. I can’t figure out how to use the atonement to help assuage the pain.

Something I thought about on Sunday was how I healed (am healing) from the loss of my brother. For a while I didn’t heal – I was too busy to deal with the grief – but once I faced the grief head on, and allowed the atonement to work in me, I felt the healing. I still feel it every day (for that trial). The loss of my brother will always be a hole in my heart, but it is much less painful now than it was two years ago.  I feel like I was able to heal because nothing was ongoing. Once the initial shock was gone, there was not much left to do other than heal. There are always little moments when it’s harder – like when we’re taking family pictures, or on his birthday, or on the anniversary of his death, or when I watch someone else deal with the loss of a loved one. But in general, the pain is past. The trial is, for the most part, over.

This trial is different.

It may never be over. It may never end. Things may never, in this life, get better – at least not the way I want them to.

And I think accepting that is hard for me. Learning how to live with the situation how it is feels like giving up. It feels like being okay with things the way they are is failure. Accepting that I don’t have any power over this situation is like accepting defeat.

I guess I just don’t want to endure pain for the rest of my life. This is a spiritual and emotional pain, rather than a physical one – but I think the concept is the same. I can’t imagine living in chronic pain. I know there are people who do it. A good sister in my ward is in constant pain and confined to a wheelchair. There are actually two sisters in our ward in that condition. How do they stand it? How do they find happiness? It wasn’t their choice to be in that situation.

I think deep down I feel a little bit like this trial is my fault. I feel as if there is something I could have done. If only I had made this decision, or that decision, I wouldn’t be in this position.

Sometime in the past year I remember thinking to myself that Heavenly Father wanted me to be in this position. He knew before I did the pain I would be in. He knew it a long time ago, before I even saw it coming. He knew when He told me to make the decision I made that would lead me to this place. He knew this was the only way I would learn the things I needed to learn.

I read this quote from Orson F. Whitney earlier today in a General Conference talk by Elder Robert D. Hales,

No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God, … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.

I loved what Bonnie said about tanning leather on my most recent post at Real Intent:

You would think that the strongest leather comes from hides with lots of flesh left on them, nice and thick, that haven't been treated too badly. In fact, the strongest leather comes from well-scraped hides that have been acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun, then acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun, and acid-soaked and worked and left in the sun. Unworked leather cracks under pressure. Well-worked leather is soft and supple, water-proof and flexible. We don't grow strong by being left alone.

Tender. How do you tenderize something? Usually by beating it repeatedly. Ever seen a meat tenderizer? They come in different varieties, but almost always they have some kind of prongs or texturized surface. Ours is a very scary looking hammer. If you want to cook some really tender meat, you beat the meat repeatedly with the scary hammer. How do we become tender? By being beating, spiritually, emotionally, sometimes physically. By undergoing trials and adversity.

I once wrote about the three sources of trials and adversity in this life. Suffering is usually caused either by our own sins, the sins of others, or just by the natural conditions of this world. The suffering I experienced when my brother passed away was part of the natural conditions of this world. No one made him get cancer. His cancer wasn’t a result of some sin he committed. It just happened. It was tragic and painful, but it just happened. This trial is hard for me because I can’t help feeling like I am suffering it because of a sin I committed. I keep wanting to simply repent and make it better – but I can’t because it isn’t my sin to repent of.

Elder Hales said, “In this mortal life, each of us is going to experience pain in one form or another… It often comes as a result of our disobedience to the commandments of God, but it also comes to those who are doing all they can to keep their lives in line with the example of the Savior.” I have been spending all this time thinking that this kind of pain shouldn’t come to me because of the way I was living my life. I made good choices, so I shouldn’t have to experience this trial. But life doesn’t work that way. All the good choices I could ever make can’t stop others from making bad choices.

I really liked the last part of Elder Hales’ talk where he talked about how important caregivers are as we are experiencing pain. “There are times when, no matter how independent we may be, we must entrust others with our care. We must surrender ourselves to them. Our caregivers are those who assist in the healing process.”

If you know anything about me, you know that I am fiercely independent, strong willed, and incredibly head strong. In fact, earlier this year when my husband was gone on frequent business trips a member of our Relief Society presidency called me and asked if I needed anything. She commented that she wasn’t too worried about me because she could tell how independent I am, but she wanted me to know that they were there if I needed anything. I told her that she’s right, I can take care of everything, but it was nice to know they were thinking about me (and it was – it always helps me take care of myself when I know people are thinking of me).

So “surrendering” to outside help is something I would not consider doing. Last fall when I was having some emotional issues my husband made me see a therapist a few times. I would never have made the appointments on my own. A few months ago I finally broke down and talked to the bishop. It felt good to talk to him and get counsel, but I didn’t go back, thinking I could take care of it from there.

This week I am going to work on finding some caregivers. A person in chronic pain probably sees a doctor regularly. I think I should probably learn to surrender to some caregivers.

Surrendering to the ultimate Caregiver is probably going to be the hardest thing for me. Elder Hales said,

The Lord is our ultimate caregiver. We must surrender ourselves to the Lord. In doing so, we give up whatever is causing our pain and turn everything over to Him. “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee”. “And then may God grand unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son”. Through faith and trust in the Lord and obedience to His counsel, we make ourselves eligible to be partakers of the Atonement of Jesus Christ so that one day we may return to live with Him.

Giving up the thing that is causing me pain is going to feel like defeat. I don’t know how not to feel like it is. I don’t know how not to feel like I have somehow failed. I don’t know how to do it, and I am pretty sure that is the thing causing me the most pain.

Secret Combinations

Note: This post was originally published on May 2, 2011. I thought it would be appropriate to share again on the anniversary of the September 11 attacks on the United States by terrorist groups. My thoughts are turned to the victims - both those who survived and those who did not - and their families. It is heartbreaking that our country had to endure such tragedy, but I am hopeful that we can remember the unity that we experienced after those attacks and work at unifying our country again - especially as we come together in a few months to choose a president for this country. I hope that we will keep in mind that unity, and not be so divided by all the partisanship and the backbiting and the arguing. United we conquer, divided we fall. Let us be united in this great country.

Yesterday, the President of the United States announced that Osama bin Laden, the mastermind behind the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centers in New York, the Pentagon, and (presumably) the White House, has been killed in Pakistan.

What does this have to do with a scripture blog? Plenty.

The Book of Mormon is rampant with examples of “secret combinations.” What is a secret combination? Examples in the Book of Mormon talk about secret combinations that “plan to murder, rob, get power” (Hel. 2:8), “secret combinations murder to get kingdom” (Hel 6:15, 18-19, Ether 14:8-10), “government is destroyed by secret combinations” (3 Ne. 7:6,9), “secret combinations are had among all people” (Ether 8:20), “nations that uphold secret combinations shall be destroyed” (Ether 8:22-23), “many are slain by sword of secret combination” (Ether 13:18).

But secret combinations “had their origins long before Lehi left Jerusalem, long before the Jaredites colonized the Western Hemisphere.” (here) In Moses 5, we can read of secret combinations of Cain – the son of our first father, Adam. Secret combinations want to gain power and influence by violence and fear. If al-Qaeda is not a secret combination, I don’t know what is.

“Great civilizations of the past have fallen because of the influence of Cain’s combination. As it happened in the past, it could happen again.” When we look at the horrible political, social, and military conditions of countries in the middle east, where al-Qaeda, and other terrorist groups, run rampant, we see the truthfulness of this. Any country that gives support to these secret combinations will not be great. They will be ravaged and torn.

While most of the country, and probably the world, celebrates this recent military victory for the United States, I am reminded of the death of Kishkumen in the Book of Mormon. In Helaman 2:8, we read that the servant of Helaman (the chief judge) tricks Kishkumen into coming with him to the judgment seat, but slays Kishkumen instead, Gadianton and his little band of robbers flee into hiding so that they can’t be found. Just because our military found and killed bin Laden doesn’t mean that the rest of al-Qaeda will be easy to catch.

We can hope for the best, like what happened shortly before Christ’s death and visit to the Nephites. In 3 Nephi 5 we find out that all the members of the secret combinations were taken into prison – and my favorite part? They “did cause the word of God to be preached unto them; and as many as would repent of their sins and enter into a covenant that they would murder no more were set at liberty.” Of course, God’s law required mercy. I wonder if our countries would do this if by some miracle they were able to round up every member of al-Qaeda and other terrorist groups. Would they allow the gospel to be preached to these murderers?

Unfortunately, it didn’t really turn out so well for the Nephites. The scriptures don’t say if it was the same people who had “made covenants” and were set “at liberty,” but a few chapters later, in 3 Nephi 7, we read about the secret combinations that developed in the actual government, and the eventual collapse of the government. Why, after they were able to overthrow the secret combinations, and they were able to grant such mercy to those members of the combinations who would repent, did they fall so hard and so fast? They had prospered because of their righteousness, and “some were lifted up unto pride and boastings because of their exceedingly great riches, yea, even unto great persecutions".

In the United States, the stock market rose slightly to the news of bin Laden’s death, and oil prices dropped slightly. Some suggest that if this success is effective long-term against the terrorism groups, our economy might grow substantially. I doubt it will take long for us to fall back into wickedness. After the September 11 attacks, we were united as a country, people were more religious – they prayed more, they went to Church. And our country prospered. Then we started to talk about gay rights, we started to talk about same-sex marriage, we started buying more than we could afford, we stopped going to church, we started consuming more than we needed, and the economy dropped like a rock. And now, we have worked again together to uproot secret combinations from our world – which is really very small these days – and we will probably see our economy rise again. I wish that I could say I think we might last a little longer this time, but we probably won’t. In 3 Nephi, shortly after the government fell, Christ came to the Nephites.

I can’t make any predictions about when Christ will come again, but I can feel that it will be soon. (But remember Lehi and all those other Book of Mormon prophets who said “the time is near at hand” – 600 years or so before Christ’s birth – so when I say “soon” I don’t mean in the next few years – but I can believe within the next hundred years or so).

On our family blog, I have this scripture written (it’s kind of my personal theme for our family), and it is no more true then than it is now:

For behold,
this life is the time
for men to prepare to meet God;
Alma 34:32

The Title of Liberty and the Anti-Nephi-Lehis

Note: This post was originally published on November 18, 2010. I was reminded of some thoughts I had in this post when Paul at A Latter-day Voice wrote about the Anti-Nephi-Lehis. I forgot that I had written about it on this blog until I was looking through some of my first posts on this blog and I found this one. I think the story of the ANL's is one worth discussing in depth, and I enjoyed Paul's insights. If you're itching to read something after you read this, head over and check out his post. It was very good.

I was reading in the Book of Mormon last night (and honestly I’ve been in the same chapter for about 5 nights, because I’ve been so tired it’s been all I could do to read just one verse). I’ve been reading about the Anti-Nephi-Lehies(ANLs) and last night I got to the part where the Lamanites came against the ANLs in war, and the ANLs “prostrated themselves before [the Lamanites] to the earth, and began to call on the name of the Lord...” A few verses later we read that “the people of God were joined that day by more than the number who had been slain; and those who had been slain were righteous people ... there was not a wicked man slain among them; but there were more than a thousand brought to the knowledge of the truth; thus we see that the Lord worketh in many ways to the salvation of his people.” We also learn that the people who were converted were “actual descendents of Laman and Lemuel” and not other “mixed breeds” of Lamanites (Amalekites or Amulonites or those after the order of the Nehors).

This time reading the story of the ANLs, I was impressed with the statement that more people joined the ranks of God than were slain, and the only people that were slain were righteous people.

Should we all just lay down our weapons of war and let the wicked kill us?

The first thing I thought of when that question popped into my mind was of Captain Moroni raising the title of liberty.

In the Book of Mormon, Moroni is described this way: “Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.”

He is the one who “rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it—In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children—and he fastened it upon the end of a pole.”

So obviously, Moroni was a righteous man. So righteous that if every man was like Moroni, Satan would have no power over our hearts. Now there’s righteousness if I ever saw it.

But I had just thought the same thing about the Anti-Nephi-Lehies! So how can both laying down your weapons of war and taking up your weapons of war be righteous actions? Doesn’t that seem contradictory? We should either lay down our weapons of war to be righteous or take them up to be righteous.

How do we decide whether to fight, or whether to lay down our lives?

My next thought was that perhaps it isn’t the fighting for your lives that is bad, but just that the ANLs had chosen their weapons of war, and bloodshed, to be their chosen sign for their covenant of conversion with Heavenly Father. What if instead they had chosen to never take the Lords name in vain again, or if they had covenanted that they would always pray two times a day? What if they hadn’t covenanted to lay down their weapons of war? Well, think of all the thousand people who were converted because the ANLs did lay down their weapons of war. Those people probably would have been killed in their wickedness (because the ANLs were pretty fierce warriors, it seems like). That makes me never want any LDS member of the military anywhere to fight and kill.

But didn’t Captain Moroni and his fellow captains and soldier kill many wicked men in their wickedness?

I guess I just want to know that the ANLs were doing what was right, letting the Lamanites attack and kill them, but also that Captain Moroni was right in fighting for his family and children. And what about Nephi killing Laban? Sometimes wicked people are spared, and sometimes they are killed.

In my search for truth I found a neat article about this subject by Eugene England, a Mormon scholar and former professor at BYU.

He says this: “Like Moroni, Mormon refused to let the long, desperate fighting lead him to bloodthirstiness; instead, as the Lord directed him, he resigned his command to stand by ‘as an idle witness’ when their wickedness led them to fight in a spirit of vengeance.”

Perhaps because the ANLs had been so bloodthirsty before their conversion (killing just for the sake of killing), they chose their weapons of war and bloodshed for the sign of their covenant with Heavenly Father. Kind of like a recovering alcoholic who never takes another drink – even a sip – for fear it will turn them back to their alcoholic ways.

This probably speaks about the righteousness of captain Moroni – that he didn’t let all the warfare and bloodshed make him bloodthirsty, and when his soldiers became wicked and fought for vengeance instead of for freedom,  he stood idly by instead of fighting with them. Perhaps the ANLs were worried that if they ever fought again for their own lives and the lives of their families, once that righteous desire was obtained, they would want to avenge the deaths of their brethren.

My husband and I talk about the seeming paradox between the commandment “Thou shalt not kill” and Nephi killing Laban, and captain Moroni leading his men into battle. However, there is no paradox. Commandments (especially Mosaic law) are God’s way of keeping us out of trouble. Because we should not kill people, but God may use us as instruments to save others, or in the case of Nephi, to save a nation. Even when God gave the commandment “thou shalt not kill,” he still later led His people into battle, or instructed them to wipe out entire peoples. I think God also wants us to understand the grave responsibility of taking another person’s life. Two of the three most abominable sins have to do with life – wrongfully using our power to create life, and wrongfully using our power to take life. Human life is so important to Heavenly Father.

So I think that as long as we have not made a covenant with God not to take up arms, and as long as we are not bloodthirsty, and are not killing for revenge (for “vengeance is mine, Saith the Lord”), it is absolutely righteous for us to take up arms and go to war “In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children”.

What do you think about the Anti-Nephi-Lehies and captain Moroni and other righteous people who waged war in defense of their families, freedoms, and religion? Do you think there is a hard and fast rule to when we should lay down our weapons and when we should take them up?

Teach the Plan

I realized the other day that it has been a while since I posted anything scripture related - and, well, since the title of this blog is "My Soul Delighteth in the scriptures" I thought I should probably write about the scriptures.



I feel like there has been a theme in the things I have been reading and studying and feeling over the past few weeks. It has not been a theme I picked out for myself, but I believe Heavenly Father needs me to learn something about this.

Julie commented on a post the other day saying she had been inspired to "Teach repentance." I have felt a similar prompting. It seems like every thing that I pick up to read or study has this theme - teach the atonement and repentance. I listened to the General Sunday School board testify of the importance of teaching the plan of redemption. I read about it in Teaching, No Greater Call. I was impressed to write a post about teaching our children about repentance and the atonement, and then tonight I sat down to read the Book of Mormon with the intent to find something in the scriptures to post about on this blog and I discovered that the next passage of scripture in my read-through of the Book of Mormon is 2 Nephi 2. If you aren't very familiar with that chapter I would suggest you go read it. It's one of the best sermons on the plan of salvation. Right up there with Alma 32 and Mosiah 4.

In verse 5 Lehi says that "men are instructed sufficiently that they may know good from evil" and then he testifies "how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth." In order to fully exercise our agency, we must be "instructed sufficiently" so that we can know good from evil.

Remember that post I wrote a while ago about the connection between knowledge and agency?

In order to choose eternal life, men must be instructed sufficiently to be able to discern right from wrong, and they must be aware of what the choices are. Freja wrote an excellent post on the same topic on Faithful Freja, and I recommend her post (and her blog).

How to you learn and teach repentance and the plan of salvation? Do you feel more free to choose as you learn about the Father's plan? How does having a knowledge and understanding of the plan of salvation help you properly use your agency?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday Fragments Vol 5

 

On Fast Sunday I was fasting for a particular thing (some answers to some very important questions). As I prayed at one point during our meetings, I had a very distinct stupor of thought during which I basically forgot about what I had been fasting for. After that stupor, I received some of the most beautiful revelation about a subject that was significantly more important at this moment in my life – revelation I wouldn’t have received if I had been occupied with getting answers I thought I needed.

Turns out Heavenly Father knows my needs better than I know them. Good thing.

My husband and I were talking last night about a woman he works with who’s husband, when her family was much younger, was always serving in bishoprics and stake presidencies. All but one of their seven children are no longer active in the Church, and in fact, want nothing to do with the Church because they see it as this horrible organization that took away their father and mother (their mother, for some reason, also had many leadership callings while their father was a bishop and their children were young). This broken-hearted woman told my husband that she thought the sacrifices they made for the Church were going to “save” her children in a sense.

Unfortunately, she didn’t understand that the Church’s role is to support the family, not the other way around. I suppose it is easy for people serving in time-intensive, leadership callings in the Church to say “Oh, I am sacrificing for the Lord’s kingdom – He will take care of my family” and proceed to virtually ignore his/her familial duties because they are so busy with their job and with their Church calling.

One important thing we discussed is that our children have agency, and even two of Lehi’s sons rebelled and chose to leave the Church – and their father was a prophet.

I commented to my husband about how President Monson was called to the apostleship at age 32, and his oldest child was nine, I believe. To the best of my knowledge (correct me if I’m wrong) all of his children are still active in the Church. I imagine that this has less to do with the Lord “taking care of it” and more to do with the fact that I am sure President Monson did his best to lead his family, even as he helped lead the Church. I am sure the Lord blessed his efforts – but that’s just it, I’m sure he made an effort to still be there for his young family.

It just something to think about, especially if you have young children and you are in leadership callings – as you sacrifice for the kingdom of God in leadership callings, don’t leave your family to chance. The Lord will bless your efforts, but you have to make an effort.
 

Ha, I guess the last one was a little more than a ‘fragment’ – I’ll make up for it here. After talking about making sure you are taking care of your family duties, I’ll tell you my husband spends a lot of time away from home (between military assignments and Church assignments, there were a few weeks this summer when we maybe saw him for a few days every few weeks). He’ll be gone this weekend, too. Anyone up for a girl’s night out tonight?
 

My Dad is Canadian, and although the use of poppies for Veteran’s Day (or Remembrance Day in Canada) is seen in the United States as well, I don’t think it is nearly as prolific here as in other countries. Sometimes I think that is because in the United States we don’t know exactly how to honor veterans. I have associated the red poppy with Veteran’s day my entire life.

May we remember those who have given everything for freedom.

Yesterday, the US Army’s Facebook Page wrote,

A Veteran - whether active duty, retired, National Guard or Reserve - is someone who, at one point in his or her life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to, and including my life."

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.

Follow the Prophet

Note: I originally wrote this post on October 18, 2010 on my family blog. I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and have decided to publish it on My Soul Delighteth. I think it belongs here.

On Sunday, October 3, 2010, President Boyd K. Packer, whom members of the church sustain to be a “prophet, seer and revelator” gave this talk.

As a prophet, President Packer’s responsibility is to call the world to repentance – much like Noah did in his day as he built the ark, like Lehi in Jerusalem, and like many other prophets in the past.

Unfortunately, as they did with Noah and Lehi, the world has rejected the words of the prophets, and have even gone so far as to petition him to withdraw his statements. This is not a new thing. It has happened again and again throughout history, and God’s word has always remained unchanged. As President Packer so bluntly put it:

...there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of God’s laws and nature...There are both moral and physical laws “irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world” that cannot be changed...To legalize that which is basically wrong or evil will not prevent the pain and penalties that will follow as surely as night follows day.

I respect everyone’s right to an opinion. But I also believe in God’s word, and I firmly believe in God’s prophets who deliver His word to us – especially in these latter days.

Satan is stirring up the hearts of men. A war is waging. “Who’s on the Lord’s side, who? Now is the time to show...” This particular battle hits really close to home for me. I have had to make some really difficult decisions about some people who are very dear to me. All I can think about is how to “love one another” while still being devoted to righteousness, and not “look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.” This article, a Q&A with Elder Oaks and a member of the 70, has been particularly helpful.

In response to the petition I mentioned earlier, the brethren had this to say:

Much of this was not new, but there were a lot of really great things said. A few of my favorites:

“As a church, our doctrinal position is clear: any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, and we define marriage as between a man and a woman.”
“None of us is limited by our feelings or inclinations. Ultimately, we are free to act for ourselves.”
“The Church distinguishes between feelings or inclinations on the one hand and behavior on the other. It’s not a sin to have feelings, only in yielding to temptation.”

I don’t believe that there is a different "type" of person that is homosexual or “gay” - to me, that would be like saying people with black skin are somehow "different" than people with whiter skin (if you've read The Help you might see where I am going with that). I know that people will disagree, and that is fine. I believe that people have same-gender, or homosexual, attractions, and that they can sometimes be very strong. But they are still just children of God to me. If they choose to participate in homosexual behaviors, or live a homosexual lifestyle, then that is what they are doing. I believe that there is nothing fundamentally different between someone who struggles with same-gender attraction, and the rest of God’s children who struggle with something else. We are all children of God experiencing trials and struggles on this earth with Satan tempting us and trying us. We inhabit imperfect bodies with imperfect emotions and chemical make ups. We all face trials. (read more about that here)

God made man and woman. He created them specifically different – to fulfill different purposes. From The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

As I write this, I realize that I am not writing it to an audience of people who don’t believe in Christ and the atonement. I am writing it in hopes that someone who feels unsure about the word of God on this issue can maybe read my testimony and perhaps feel the spirit and have a little better understanding of God’s word.

It is not easy to stay true to the Savior. Especially in today’s social and political climate. There is so much of the Adversary’s influence in our societies that we can be easily confused by the arguments out there.

Sometimes I get very discouraged because the world is getting more and more wicked – good is called evil, and evil is called good. But I know that there is hope and happiness available to those who live the gospel – for those who earnestly call on God in the name of His Son, our Savior Jesus Christ and ask for a confirmation of that which is true. The Spirit will guide us. I know that because I beg the Lord for His Spirit to be with me as I raise my children and feel like I don’t know anything. And he grants His spirit to me.

If there is one thing I know is absolutely true, it is that God lives and loves us and has given us living prophets on the earth to help guide us when we become confused about how to live in the world and not be of the world.

And I hope and pray that you will try to get that testimony for yourself.

Recommended reading:
Cleansing the Inner Vessel by President Boyd K. Packer
The Q&A with Elder Oaks and Elder Wickman
The Response to the HRC Petition
Many of These Articles
This Proclamation
Another Good Article by Elder Oaks

LDS Women Are Incredible!

(find the talk here)

Being a woman, of course I enjoyed this talk by Elder Quentin L. Cook! While he did spend a lot of time extolling the wonderful qualities of women, I was also impressed with how strongly Elder Cook testified of the divine role of women, and their significance in God’s kingdom.

“God placed within women divine qualities of strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children.” Sometimes I don’t feel very strong, virtuous, or loving, but I do have a persistent desire to raise generations of God’s spirit children. Since I was young I have wanted to have many children of my own, as well as help to teach and love any child I come in contact with. I was talking with my husband on Sunday about my profound regard for children, and my sincere belief in their innocence, and our sacred duty to help them return to Heavenly Father. It seems like the desire in me to love, teach, and protect children comes from a place beyond my own desires. Elder Cook says that God placed it inside me, and I believe that He has.

Elder Cook went on to talk about equality between men and women. I attended a class from Brother Richard Miller at BYU Campus Education Week about the Patriarchal Order and Equality in Marriage. It was very enlightening and gave me a completely new perspective on equality between a husband and wife, and the patriarchal order. The two doctrines sound contradictory, but when you fully understand them, they make complete sense and give the marriage relationship a completely different meaning.

I thought it was interesting when Elder Cook mentioned that “Women by divine nature have the greater gift and responsibility for home and children and nurturing there and in other settings” but instead of going on to talk about how women should stay home with their kids rather than work outside the home, he mentioned how amazing it was that faithful latter day saint women in the pioneer era would take their children and leave their homes and travel across the continent. It gave me a new understanding of my responsibility to nurture my children “in other settings.”

Going back to the patriarchal order and the Priesthood, I loved Elder Cook’s comment about the Priesthood and women working together, “it is a beautiful thing to see the priesthood and the Relief Society work in perfect harmony. Such a relationship is like a well-tuned orchestra, and the resulting symphony inspires all of us.”

Elder Cook did a good job of reminding me that even though my work in the home is not paid monetarily, and may have no economic compensation, the eternal blessings I receive from being a righteous mother are more significant. I frequently find myself wondering if my husband and I made the right decision to have children as early as we did. What if we had waited and I had started a career and been a career woman for a while? Sure it would have put us in a better financial position. But would it have been worth it, spiritually? We knew that our ultimate calling in this life is to raise children up to the Lord. Could we have postponed fulfilling that calling simply to have a little more money when we did? We are learning to live frugally, within our means, and we are raising beautiful children to the Lord. Elder Cook said, “no woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children.” Sometimes I feel like I could make a greater contribution to society outside the home, but Elder Cook testifies that my contribution to society inside the home is much more significant, both in this life and in the next.

It is really easy to judge women who choose to work out of the home, just as it is easy to judge women who choose not to work out of the home. One of the chief principles of the gospel is that of agency and accountability. “Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions.” This principle is repeated several times in the Church Handbook of Instructions when talking about Church policies. We make our own decisions, and we are accountable for our actions. We can never blame anyone but ourselves, and we must make sure that we carefully make choices – and try to make the righteous choice.

Do you find yourself discounting your contribution as a wife and mother? Do you sometimes find yourself judging women who make choices differently than you do? Do you feel the divine qualities of “strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children”?

Find more great comments on Elder Cook’s talk over at the General Conference Book Club on Diapers and Divinity:

Cleansing the Inner Vessel

(find the talk here)

Well.

I don’t want to say much about President Boyd K. Packer’s talk, because a lot of what I would say, I said back in October.

Sometimes, I am worried about the world and how wicked things seem to be getting. But then I see good people, repentant people, righteous people, and I remember that in the last days, the wicked will become wicked, and the righteous will become more righteous. I can definitely see that happening. And I hope that I am becoming more righteous.

Recently, I have been hearing this quote from President Packer’s talk constantly in my mind:

“And the Gods said: We will bless them. And … we will cause them to be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.”

This commandment has never been rescinded.

We are still commanded to be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth. I thought this was interesting, especially in today’s world of having 2.5 children.

Even more interesting was when I found this policy from the Church’s Handbook 2: Administering the Church:

21.4.15 Surgical Sterilization (Including Vasectomy)

The Church strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control. Surgical sterilization should be considered only if (1) medical conditions seriously jeopardize life or health or (2) birth defects or serious trauma have rendered a person mentally incompetent and not responsible for his or her actions. Such conditions must be determined by competent medical judgment and in accordance with law. Even then, the persons responsible for this decision should consult with each other and with their bishop and should receive divine confirmation of their decision through prayer.

Definitely if the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth still stands, then surgical sterilization would be strongly discouraged. Of course, as President Packer points out in his talk, “Lehi taught that men are free and must be ‘free … to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day.’ … our agency is more powerful than the adversary’s will. Agency is precious. We can foolishly, blindly give it away, but it cannot be forcible taken from us.” So, of course, it is given us to choose what we will do. But it behooves us to choose the path that follows the Lord’s will for us. “There is something very liberating when an individual determines of his or her own free will to be obedient to our Father and our God and expresses that willingness to Him in prayer.” My mind always goes back to the example of a kite being held by a kite string. When the kite is being held taught by the string, it can soar. If the string were to be cut, the kite would fall to the ground.

What can obedience do for us? It can help us break the chains of addiction and bad habits. “If one is obedient, the priesthood can show how to break a habit and even erase an addiction.” I have bad habits in my life – maybe not particularly heinous sins, but there are parts of my parenting, and parts of my actions towards others in general that have become habits, and I would like to change them. President Packer’s message is one of hope:

Every soul confined in a prison of sin, guilt, or perversion has a key to the gate. The key is labeled “repentance.” If you know how to use this key, the adversary cannot hold you. … If you are bound by a habit or an addiction that is unworthy, you must stop conduct that is harmful. Angels will coach you, and priesthood leaders will guide you through those difficult times.

I am so grateful for the power of the atonement, and the power of the priesthood to heal my life, and the lives of those around me. As a mother, I worry that some of my bad parenting will have a lasting a permanent effect on my children. But just when I feel that way, President Packer offers even more encouragement. “The priesthood has the power to unlock the influence of our habits …  however tight the grip. It can heal over the scars of past mistakes.” If I can change how I parent – if I can become more patience, more humble, and more charitable toward my children – then my past mistakes of impatience, scolding, and punishment will be healed by the Savior, and I will still be able to raise healthy, well-adjusted, righteous children.

What scars would you have Christ heal? Are you willing to be obedient to the laws of God? Are you willing to submit to our Father and be obedient so that He might heal you and your family?

“Come unto Me with Full Purpose of Heart, and I Shall Heal You”

(find the talk here)

Elder Patrick Kearon begins his talk by recounting a story from his childhood in which he disobeyed his parents – mostly out of laziness, but also a little rebellious – and suffered a sting from a scorpion because of it. He uses this metaphor as the underlying theme throughout his talk.

He says “disregarding what we know to be right, whether through laziness or rebelliousness, always brings undesirable and spiritually damaging consequences.” This is something I definitely know to be true. More than I like to admit, I find myself being disobedient to what I know to be right – mostly, for me, it is because I am lazy. However, I too have been a little rebellious at times. No matter the “reason” for my disobedience, it always brings “undesirable and spiritually damaging consequences.”

The problem with disobedience is that rarely do we disobey and then say “Oh, man, I feel less spiritual than I did before.” More often, we disobey and then rationalize our behavior, so that it is easy to say, “I am just as spiritual as I was before.” Elder Kearon says it this way:

We tell ourselves we’re not really doing anything that wrong, that it doesn’t really matter, and that nothing all that bad will result from letting go just a little from the iron rod. Perhaps we console ourselves with the thought that everyone else is doing it—or doing worse—and we won’t be negatively affected anyway. We somehow convince ourselves that we are the exception to the rule and therefore immune to the consequences of breaking it.

Elder Kearon stresses that “when it comes to how we live the gospel, we must not respond with laziness ore rebelliousness.”

The Lord’s invitation to come and be healed is somewhat conditional upon the intent of our heart, and our obedience. “If they harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they shall be converted and I will heal them.” The Lord requires our heart – our whole heart. When we give it to him – when we are truly obedient – He can heal us.

Elder Kearon reminds us of the Anti-Nephi-Lehies and how before their conversion they were rebellious, but after their conversion they laid down their weapons of war and became a righteous people.

We must lay down our weapons of rebellion (and we each know what they are). We must lay down our sin, vanity, and pride. We must give up our desires to follow the world and to be respected and lauded by the world. We must cease fighting against God and instead give our whole hearts to Him, holding nothing back. Then He can heal us. Then He can cleanse us from the venomous sting of sin.

Elder Kearon then quotes one of my favorite men of all time – President James E. Faust – who said, “When obedience becomes our goal, it is no longer an irritation; instead of a stumbling block, it becomes a building block. … Obedience leads to true freedom. The more we obey revealed truth, the more we become liberated.”

One of my favorite metaphors for the principle of obedience is a kite. Without a kite string, held taught, the kite will fall to the ground. However, if the string is held tight and let out ever so slowly, the kite soars into the atmosphere. When we are obedient to the commandments of the Lord, we are like a kite, held tightly by a string, and we are able to soar up and up, and ‘round and ‘round. If we disobey, and the string is let loose, we will come crashing to the ground.

My husband likes to say that “An airplane, though it flies, and we don’t, obeys the principle of gravity more perfectly than we do.” Because an airplane obeys the principles of gravity and thrust (which is an extension of the principle of gravity) it is able to fly through the air.

Obedience really does liberate us. I feel more restricted when I disobey – when I am lazy – than when I am obeying the principles of the gospel. If I am living the standards, I feel as if I can do anything I put my mind to. If I become lazy and a little rebellious, I often doubt myself and my ability to accomplish tasks.

Elder Keaton finishes his talk with this statement, “Deviating to the right or the left of the safe track ahead of us, whether because of laziness or rebelliousness, can prove fatal to our spiritual lives. There are no exceptions to this rule.” (emphasis added)

There are no exceptions to the consequences tied to disobedience. They are laws decreed before the world was, and when we disobey, no matter who we are – no matter our reasons, we will suffer consequences.

There are also no exceptions to the positive consequences – no matter who we are, God will bless us for our obedience, and we, like a kite held taught by a string, will soar into the healing light of Jesus Christ who will heal us.

“Have ye any that … are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them.”

Have you ever disobeyed – whether it be out of laziness or rebellion? Did you get stung? Do you feel the liberation and healing that comes from exact obedience to the laws of the gospel? Have you felt the healing power of the Saviors atonement as you come to him with “full purpose of hear”?

Let There Be Light!

(find the talk here)

The part of Elder Quentin L. Cook’s talk that struck out to me most forcefully when I have listened to it is this scripture:

“It is not common that the voice of the people desireth anything contrary to that which is right; but it is common for the lesser part of the people to desire that which is not right... If the time comes that the voice of the people doth choose iniquity, then is the time that the judgments of God will come.” (here)

I believe that this holds true in our country – the majority of the people of the United States want what is right and good. But there are minority groups that would convince us that we need to listen to their voices and do what they want, otherwise we are neglecting or abusing their “rights” – but that goes against democracy, and the teachings of the scriptures. The same scripture says “... therefore this shall ye observe and make it your law – to do your business by the voice of the people.” I believe that this scripture is why democracy works.

And this scripture is based on what Elder Cook spends his whole talk speaking about . That the Light of Christ is inherent to humanity – which should give us hope. “It is by the Light of Christ that all mankind ‘may know good from evil.’”

I believe that all men have the Light of Christ, and that gives me hope. I have always been a believer that there is good inside every person – even people who do bad things. Some yield to the natural man more than they yield to the Light of Christ – but that doesn’t mean the Light of Christ isn’t present in them.

Elder Cook points out a very valid question for believers of all faiths - “How under these circumstances [ones in which the power and authority of God questioned and denigrated] can we promote values in a way that will resonate with the nonbelievers and the apathetic...?” This is a question I struggle with daily, as I want to teach good principles to my children, and to other children (and adults) that I come in contact with, but many good moral values that are beneficial to society are rejected when presented in the context of religion. Many people hear “God” or “faith” or other religious concepts and turn off – even to the basic moral values that are highly beneficial to our entire communities.

But Elder Cook says “We ... find the majority of people are still respectful of basic moral values.” This is a little encouraging. However, he goes on to say, “There has always been  an ongoing battle between people of faith and those who would purge religion and God from public life.”

Elder Cook explains that the reason why “the majority of people aspire to be good and honorable”, even when they support no religious beliefs of their own, is because the “[Light of Christ] is given ‘for the sake of the whole world.’”

And that brings us back to the scripture that stuck out to me. I agree with Elder Cook when he says that religious faith “benefits society in a dramatic way” when religious people act the way God would want them to – “when ... they feel accountable to God.”

He goes on to demonstrate the social implications of honesty (a religious concept) and the view that all of God’s children are sisters and brothers (also a religious concept). He mentions that there are some who are “surprised at how critically important religion is to democracy... that in societies where citizens are taught from a young age to feel accountable to God for honesty and integrity, they will abide by rules and practices that, while unenforceable, promote democratic ideals.” Again – bringing us back to the scripture about the voice of the people.

Even our Founding Fathers knew that democracy only worked when the people were educated and morally decent.

“We should both participate ourselves and support people of character and integrity to help reestablish moral values that will bless the entire community... Neither religious nor secular voices should be silenced.”

How are you supporting people of character and integrity in your communities and in government in general? Do you believe that all men are blessed with the Light of Christ? Do you believe that most of our society (at least here in the United States) are good, decent people with consciences (i.e., the Light of Christ)? Do you think religious thought has a place in the public forum? How do you promote values that resonate with non believers and the apathetic?

Reflections on a Consecrated Life

(find the talk here)

I have actually listened to this particular talk maybe three or four times in the last several days. I listened to it really for the first time on Sunday, and listened to it twice on the way to pick up a friend from the airport.

One of the principles of the gospel that has always been concerning to me is that of the law of consecration. It seems like a simple thing, but in reality, I find it very complex and at times confusing.

I imagine that part of the confusion comes from not really knowing God’s will. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.” (here)

Elder D. Todd Christofferson says “True success in this life comes in consecrating our lives – that is, our time and choices – to God’s purposes.” So, first we have to actually understand God’s purposes, or His will, and then we have to do His will – dedicating our time and choices to His will.

“Consecration therefore means repentance. Stubbornness, rebellion, and rationalization must be abandoned, and their place submission, a desire for correction, and acceptance of all that the Lord may require.” It is hard for me to realize when I am being stubborn, rebellious, and rationalizing. Sometimes I just feel like I am being stalwart and firm in the faith. The only thing that can help me know the difference is the Holy Ghost – but sometimes when I am being stubborn, it’s hard for me to admit that the Holy Ghost might be telling me I am wrong.

The other appealing part of this talk for me was how Elder Christofferson spoke about work. “God has designed this mortal existence to require nearly constant exertion.” I have been struggling to understand the meaning of constant work in my life –especially with two small children at home. “A  consecrated life is filled with work, sometimes repetitive, sometimes menial, sometimes unappreciated but always work that improves, orders, sustains, lifts, ministers, aspires.” It’s good to know that the menial tasks of changing diapers and cleaning up mess after mess after mess are still parts of a consecrated life – sometimes I feel like I can’t consecrate my life to the Lord, because I’m too busy doing the menial things that “sustain” us. But doing those things right now is what a consecrated life means for me.

“Just as honest toil gives rest its sweetness, wholesome recreation is the friend and steadying companion of work.” To be honest, I am a harder worker than I am a “leisurer” – if that makes any sense. It is hard for me to relax and enjoy “wholesome recreation.”  Probably because “much of what passes for entertainment today is coarse, degrading, violent, mind-numbing, and time wasting.” I think I am so afraid of choosing wrong forms of recreation that I just keep “working.” I do enjoy working, and some of it doubles as recreation for me, but there are times, I think, when we need to just sit down, put up our feet, and enjoy something that is pure entertainment – something made mostly to make us laugh or smile.

The last thought I want to share from Elder Christofferson’s talk is this: “Those who quietly and thoughtfully go about doing good offer a model of consecration.” Then he speaks of President Monson, “He has cultivated a listening ear that can discern even the faintest whisper of the Spirit signaling the need of someone he can reach and help.”

How do you consecrate your life to the Lord? How do you understand and come to know the will of the Lord? How do you make sure that you are making wholesome choices in your recreation? Are you cultivating a listening ear for the Spirit’s whisper?

The Promised Land

1 Nephi 13

I was raised to love this country, America, the land of the free. As I have grown and come to learn and observe, I have often had my doubts about the destiny of this country. In my studies of history and politics, and as I read the news and hear the stories of vulgarity, crime, and violence, I wonder if this country really is the promised land.

And then I remember that in the 1820s a young boy by the name of Joseph Smith received a vision from God on American soil. There is no other place on this earth where the gospel could have been restored. I firmly believe that. If the state of this nation is less than perfect, if the leaders of our nation are corrupt and selfish, it does not change the fact that this nation was lifted up by the hand of God to be the place where He could restore His gospel and bestow His power once again to man.

Even in the current political climate, I feel a current of freedom running through the veins of this great country. There is still freedom here. There are still liberties which few people enjoy as fully as we do. Certainly there are problems, and weaknesses, but I prefer freedom in a weak country to captivity in a strong one.

I feel blessed to have been born into this great country, and I want to do my part to keep it strong. Our freedom is our greatest asset in this country. May we always cherish it.