I have always thought of myself as a relatively patient person - people don't easily annoy me, even children's "annoyances" don't usually bother me (you know, kids kicking the back of your seat in the car type annoyances). I patiently endured a lot of adversity in my marriage, hoping and hoping things would get better.
But when it comes to myself - my progression, mistakes I make, and my life goals and plans, I have little patience. I feel like I should work harder and faster and if only I would work a little harder I could progress faster.
Healing from my past experiences has been one of these things. I want the healing, and I want it now. It's not that I want a magic wand to wave and make everything perfect. I just wish that there was a way I could do something to fix things right away.
I have been looking up scriptures about patience and stumbled across this one today:
Okay, okay, I get the point. My pride is what makes me want to fix everything on my own, as fast as possible. Sometimes God wants to teach us something and mold us, and we just have to wait for that healing and change to take place.
I have realized that rather than relying on the atonement to cover my sins, I want to pay for them myself. Who does that?! Wouldn't most people jump at the chance to have someone else suffer for them? I think my problem is that I would rather suffer all at once and have it be done. But that isn't the way repentance works. We don't get to be beat with a few stripes (or even a dozen or a hundred or a thousand) and be forgiven. We can't suffer for our own sins and allow the Savior to heal us with the atonement. It's one or the other.
And allowing the Savior to heal us takes humility. And patience. And I am learning to do that.
Slowly. But I am learning.
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Can you share which scripture that is? If its on there I just can't seem to see it...
ReplyDeleteIt looks like Ecclesiastes 7:8? Yep, that's it.
DeleteSo, I have had a question on my mind lately, which is, that I know for repentance, there is a specific formula that we follow to have the atonement apply. And I remember going through the repentance processes (because it happens more than once if we are working the system properly :-) and wondering 'when will I know it is over, that I am forgiven...' But my question has been, is there a process for allowing the atonement to apply for healing us from grief, sorrow, other people's behavior, etc...? How do we know that the atonement has done what it needs to do and we are healed? There are still things in my life that I am sad about, like my parent's divorce. So how do I know? Am I always going to be sad? It doesn't stand in my way of service or growth. I don't think about it all the time. But I am still sad. It just seems like if the atonement applied, and I was healed, I wouldn't be sad.
ReplyDeleteSo I pondered a lot about that question. I found my answer the other day as I was reading 3rd Nephi 11. Somewhere in there, the Savior says, "Come unto me, that I may heal you." (Not taking the time to look it up right now.) As I pondered, I realized, the answer to being healed, is to COME unto Christ. Living life, and applying the gospel to my life is healing me in the process of time. It isn't magic and there isn't a magic wand. It takes time. And there is no magic formula because each of us is unique and respond to hurt and sorrow differently, so the healing has to be uniquely tailored to each of us, individually. (Regardless of the sin, our behavior follows a similar pattern...so there is a formula to fix it.)
I was just so grateful for the information and to understand that regardless of the part of the atonement that I need to learn how to apply, it is all done in time. Repentance has no time limit, because people are willing to be obedient or change their hearts at different times and in different ways. Where one person may take a couple of weeks to repent, another may take decades, because repentance is a matter of the individual heart. Healing is the same. It is a matter of the individual heart, the depth of the sorrow, the willingness to forgive and let go and serve and move on. And even when most of those things are in place, it doesn't mean the sorrow is just gone. But just because there is still sadness, it doesn't mean that healing isn't happening either.
Anyway, my friend Becca....I just thought I'd share my ramblings :-) Hope you are feeling stronger with each passing day. The healing will come and has probably already started.....
I loved what you said, "And allowing the Savior to heal us takes humility. And patience. And I am learning to do that." So very true :-)....so am I.
So I went back to 3rd Nephi 11 and I can't find it now. Now I will have to keep looking :-)
DeleteOK...I found it...it's in 3rd Nephi 9: 13 & 14...which actually says, "....return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you....."
DeleteI needed to hear that scripture, Becca! Thank you so much for posting. I have loved reading your new posts. You have been missed.
ReplyDeleteYou've been in my thoughts more than once the last several months. I'm sorry for the painful road you have been on, but so glad to hear how things have really come together for you! God is good. :) Thinking of you, and wishing you much love. ♥