But why?

Note: This post was originally published on April 16, 2010. I'm reposting it this week because I am on vacation! And because it was an awesome post from the very beginning days of this blog, and deserves to be republished!

Little children love to ask questions.

Why? What is that? What are you doing?

A constant stream of inquiry comes from their precious lips, and behind that is a genuine interest and need to know.

My freshman year of college, my religion teacher taught us to ask questions as we read the scriptures. Each day before class we were supposed to write a one page paper on our reading assignment for that day. Our teacher never gave us guidelines on margins or font sizes. It was simply to be one page. There was one requirement though – that we ask, and answer, a question about the reading.

That semester was probably some of the most productive scripture study of my life. I felt myself digging into the scriptures, asking questions, wanting to know more – and most important were the answers that I received to those questions.

“Ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you…”

I haven’t been asking questions lately in my reading, but tonight, as I was studying Alma chapter 7, where Alma is teaching of the prophesies of Christ, and the events that will be His life, I found myself in a dialogue with the scriptures.

“And he will take upon him death…”

Why? My three year old knows this simple truth – that Jesus died for us. What does it meant that He died “for us”?

“…that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people;…”

Jesus died so that we can live again. His death was so significant because He had to die to be resurrected. He had to die so that He could live, and if He can live again, so can we. Thus, the bands of death are loosed.

“…he will take upon him their infirmities…”

Why? Why would He, in His glorious perfection, take up our burdens, our feelings of grief and pain and guilt because of our weaknesses?

“…that his bowels may be filled with mercy…that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:12)

So Jesus suffered for us so that He could know how to LOVE us better! Do I think of suffering for others in this way? When I take upon myself the burdens of others (as I covenanted to do at baptism) do I learn “how to succor” those people? Is that what I am learning? Do I complain about the pain, or do I rejoice in my increased ability to LOVE others?

I feel increased in my gospel understanding. I feel renewed in my commitment to live the gospel and be more Christ-like.

When I engage in dialogue with the scriptures, instead of simply reading, I feel as if God’s word has distilled “upon [my] soul as the dews from heaven.” (D&C 121:45)

Do you ask questions when you read the scriptures? Do you feel like you find the answers? Have you ever felt like you had a dialogue with the words in the scriptures?

Search, Ponder, and Pray

I have been doing a lot of searching and pondering lately – but probably not as much praying as I should.

My mind has been full of thoughts in the past several weeks, which may be why I have postponed writing anything for the blog. I guess I just feel like there is too much to write, I don’t know where to begin. There is so much confusion in this world that I believe could be resolved with a clear understanding of the doctrines of Christ – an understanding it seems some very public members of the Church are lacking.

Ironically, one of the other problems with much of the public discussion I have found involves members of the Church either making claims of doctrinal issues with the Church when the actual doctrine says nothing of the sort, or making a statement about perceived attitudes and behaviors that “the members” of the Church or “the culture” of the Church produces. It just seems as if the most vocal members of the Church are those who are dissatisfied. And that is anyone is fully satisfied with the Church, they are considered to be “unintellectual” or somehow brainwashed, or chauvinistic, or otherwise criticized. But those who would criticize Church culture and speak negatively about Church doctrine, or suggest that the general membership of the Church does not understand Church doctrine are lauded as “intellectuals” and has somehow having a point.

I think there is significance in asking questions. After all, the pattern of revelation is that we ask questions. However, I feel that far too often the members in the public eye who are asking questions are not seeking revelation, but are rather seeking change in doctrine, or they simply want to complain about how wrong they thing the Church is… yet they still want to claim they are faithful members of the Church.

As I have been exposed to these influences (those who would criticize the Church while claiming to remain faithful to it) I have asked similar questions to the ones they have posed, yet in a spirit of seeking revelation and inspiration – and the beautiful thing is that I have received personal revelation about gospel principles. I feel as if my understanding has been enlarged in a substantial way in the past several months, and I am grateful for that opportunity.

At the same time, my soul is still in a little turmoil wondering how I can reach out to those who seem confused or those who lack faith. How do we encourage those who are not exercising faith to do so? When Elder Perry asked us to follow the spirit as we decide to add our voice to an online discussion, I didn’t think it would be so heartbreaking to refrain when required. I have added my voice to a few discussions in the online world where I have felt prompted to do so, yet even in doing so I remain in a state of turmoil, wondering what I can do to help those around me see what I see.

How do we help people see what we see? How do we help them have what we have? Can we ever do it?

I feel so blessed with the understanding of the gospel and testimony that I have, and my greatest desire is that others can have the same understand and testimony. I do not know everything, but I feel like what I have helps me understand even more complex principles of the gospel – which are all actually very basic, once you get over looking at them through a mortal lens.

I don’t really even know if this post made any sense beyond just me rambling – I just felt like I needed to get some of this out of me and on paper where it mattered (not that it really matters on this blog – but maybe someone will find this and read it and maybe they will be able to help me, or maybe this will help them, or maybe a comment one of you will make will help someone – who knows).

So I guess my point is that in all of these questions and issues that have been coming up in the public forum I have done a lot of searching (the scriptures, books, articles, websites, etc) and a lot of pondering on these subjects, and yet in spite of my feelings of testimony and understand I still feel disquieted.

And as I thought of a title for this post, I realized that the missing key is prayer. I have not prayed about all these things that have been a whirlwind in my mind. Perhaps as I take my turmoil to the Father in prayer He can help quiet my soul and put me at peace and help me find a way to express these thoughts that are laying deep inside me, waiting for something.

Being With God

We had the privilege of listening to Elder David A. Bednar at our Regional Conference on Sunday at the Conference Center in Salt Lake City. He spoke about a lot of things, but one of the things that stuck with me the most was his admonition to study the life and character of the Savior, because we need to receive His image in our countenance – and in order to become like the Savior, we need to know the Savior.

I thought it was interesting that Elder Bednar specifically mentioned studying the gospels and 3 Nephi, because during the Relief Society Broadcast I felt a distinct prompting to study those exact scriptures – to really study the life of the Savior so that I could become more like Him.

As I have been reading in Matthew (I have a goal to finish the book of Matthew by the end of October, but I’m only on chapter 5… I guess I have a lot of reading to do in the next few days!) I have been trying to be mindful of the footnotes, including the Joseph Smith Translation. Last week I got to Chapter 4 where Jesus fasts for forty days and Satan tempts him. The Joseph Smith Translation makes some really significant changes in our understanding of what happened.

“Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be with God.” The King James Version says that the spirit led the Savior up into the wilderness “to be tempted of the devil” which sounds really strange – because we know that it is foolish to put ourselves in the position of being tempted by Satan. He gets enough chances to tempt us as it is, so why would we give him more opportunity? And surely the Savior would want to stay as far away from Satan as possible. I don’t think He said “Let me go find Satan and let him tempt me so that I can show him how tough I am.” That the Savior went into the wilderness to be “with God” makes a lot more sense. It also teaches us about the character of Christ – He valued being away from the world for at least a time, so that He could commune with God.

As mothers, could our “wilderness” be escaping from our responsibilities as wives and mothers for a few moments? How often to we go “into the wilderness” (away from home) to be tempted of the devil? I can’t think of times when I have wanted to get away from home and my kids so that I can pursue worldly interests – maybe a career, maybe simply shopping. An example that comes to mind is the race I ran this weekend (more about that tomorrow). How often do we go “into the wilderness to be with God”? I can think of once when I left the kids at home with my husband so I could go to the temple. That one-on-one time with God was so healing for me, and so peaceful. When I came back home I was a much better mother. I need to spend more time in the “wilderness” with God rather than with other things. My wilderness comes in the mornings, usually, and sometimes it is hard to use those early morning hours for communing with God rather than reading news articles, “liking” Facebook posts, or  commenting on blogs, and before I know it, the children are awake and the opportunity is lost.

“And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, and had communed with God, he was afterward an hungered, and was left to be tempted of the devil.” It is significant to me that the Savior communed with the Lord before he was left to be tempted. He had been with God first, which I am sure gave Him strength for when Satan came around. Do we commune with God often enough that we have strength for when Satan comes around to tempt us?

When the King James Version says “then the devil taketh him up” to the different places, the Joseph Smith Translation clarifies that it was actually the Spirit taking the Savior to the different places. This makes sense, of course, because the devil has not power over Christ. It is almost as if the Spirit was taking Christ away from Satan, and Satan just kept tagging along like a lost puppy.

Elder Bednar pointed out the translation of verse 11: “Then the devil leaveth him, and now Jesus knew that John was cast into prison, and he sent angels, and behold they came and ministered unto him (John).” This translation is significantly different than the Savior having angels minister to Him. The Lord knew that John was in prison, and he had just been fasting for forty days and forty nights and had been dealing with the father of lies, and instead of worrying about himself, the Savior sent angels to minister to John.

I am so grateful for the scriptures and the opportunity I have to seek the Lord and find Him and learn about Him. President Uchtdorf has said, “The truth is, those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him.” I hope that as I seek the Lord I can diligently seek Him and eventually, come to know Him.

How do you diligently seek the Lord? Have you studied the life of Christ? Do you study His life frequently? Have you found that you are coming to know Him? What gems from the Joseph Smith Translation have you found that have helped clarify the character of Christ for you?

Woman at the Well

This weekend has been one of spiritual nourishment for me.

There comes a point after each General Conference where I find myself eagerly awaiting the next conference. The past few weeks have been like that for me. I have read, studied, pondered, and acted on the April General Conference talks, and I was just itching to receive more light and knowledge.

That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.
                                                  Doctrine & Covenants 50:24

I really loved what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said in April about General Conference, “If we teach by the Spirit and you listen by the Spirit, some one of us will touch on your circumstance, sending a personal prophetic epistle just to you.”

I received so many personal prophet epistles I hardly know where to begin! When I was a youth, an inspired instructor told us “When the Spirit moves you, write down what you are going to do!” And it was when I took Teachings of the Living Prophets at Brigham Young University that my instructor taught us to look for instruction at General Conference. That semester she had us write down at least ten things that we were going to do because of what we heard in General Conference, and I have kind of kept up that habit. When I am writing notes during any talk or lesson, I write down the things I am going to do with a little arrow in front of them like this –> Then I can find them easily when I go through my notebook.

How do you record what you got out of General Conference? Do you listen for your own “personal prophetic epistle[s]”?

Of Things That Matter Most

(find the talk here)

I loved this talk the first time I heard it, which was probably when I was running or cleaning or taking care of some other mundane task. I wasn’t able to listen to the Saturday session of General Conference, so I made it a point to listen to those talks first when the audio was available (which was practically the day of conference).

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf often uses analogies about planes in his talks, which is why his comments about trees and what they had to do with planes was so amusing.

I am often guilty of doing too much – over scheduling my life – and especially determining my self-worth by how frantic my pace is. President Uchtdorf says “Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list.” This becomes my problem occasionally – and I frequently am dealing with the consequences: “Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.”

Last week, my husband taught the “Teachings for our Times” lesson (the lesson on the 4th Sunday of the month in Priesthood and Relief Society meetings usually comes from the most recent General Conference addresses). The talk assigned was this talk. While reading the talk before Church, my husband mentioned to me “You need to read this talk.” At first I was offended, since I had been listening to the General Conference talks consistently for a while, and I knew that I had heard the talk probably two or three times, if not more. I knew that I had enjoyed the talk, and had been enlightened and felt its meaning for me personally. However, I did, indeed, need to read the talk.

Listening to the talks is a lot different for me than reading them. For instance, with President Uchtdorf’s talk, when I was listening to the talk, I got stuck on the introduction to his talk, when he speaks of slowing down and steadying the course in times of trial and tribulation. But as I actually read the talk, I realized that he was telling us that this life itself is a time of stress – meaning we need to be simplifying our lives and steadying the course because that is what will help us in this life. So instead of narrowly applying this talk to times of extra stress and tribulation in my life, I am now able to apply it to my life even in times of calm weather, such as now. I feel like our life is pretty calm, and I feel like I can put on the gas a little more. But President Uchtdorf’s words hold me steady. “There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.”

I have been reading a lot of minimalist and simple living blogs lately, trying to grasp this concept and apply it in my life. But all those blogs and writings, good as they are, pale in comparison to the inspiration of the Latter Day prophets, and the Spirit I feel when reading their words.

While President Uchtdorf does mention at one point that we should “proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances,” I think that we often overestimate the optimum speed for our circumstances, much like inexperienced pilots. We should do all “
things ... in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that [we] should run faster than [we have] strength. [But] it is expedient that [we] should be diligent, [and] thereby ... win the prize.” “That is why ‘we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, ... that [we] may know to what source [we] may look for a remission of [our] sins.’ In the complexity, confusion, and rush of modern living, this is the ‘more excellent way.’”

President Uchtdorf has a great heading for the next part of his talk, “So What Are the Basics?” – I love headings, and I especially  love ones that feel like they just asked my own question for me.

President Uchtdorf speaks of “the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves.”

“We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ, for ‘no man cometh unto the Father, but by [Christ].’” He then speaks of spending quality time alone with Heavenly Father. We need to be having daily personal prayer and scripture study and strive to be worthy of a temple recommend. I struggle in communing with Heavenly Father, and I really always have, as I confided once long ago to my sweet sister in law. She spoke of the difficulty being because we often talk and preach and rejoice in Christ, so it is somewhat easier to have a relationship with Christ – but because we only pray to Heavenly Father, and do not speak and preach of Him as often, that relationship often takes a back seat to our relationship with Christ. But if we can realize what our relationship with Christ is really all about – He is our advocate with the Father – then perhaps that will help us develop a more meaningful relationship with Heavenly Father.

“We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together.” I struggle with this one, because my husband and I define “fun” in different ways. For example, a lot of hard work, and some mundane tasks, even, become “fun” for me when the whole family is involved, when we’re spending time together doing them, and when we are all enjoying the process together. My husband finds mundane tasks distasteful, and enjoys being alone while doing them so he can simply get done with the task. He enjoys watching movies, playing out doors, and doing other less mundane activities. Occasionally I find myself viewing those things as a waste of time – after all, there are dishes to be done and clothes to be washed. This probably feeds into the “simplicity” thing – if we had less clothes, less dishes, less “things”, we would have fewer “mundane” tasks to accomplish. But, like I said, I actually enjoy the mundane tasks – when I am doing them with family. Perhaps we will address that in our family and see what kind of compromise we can come up with.

“We establish a divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer, gospel study, and Sunday worship.” Here we do pretty well. Our children are very young, so our “gospel study” together consists of lessons from the nursery manual - “I will share.” “I will be reverent.” “Heavenly Father loves me.” – you get the picture. But isn’t it ironic that even that goes back to President Uchtdorf’s counsel to focus on the basics? What is more basic than the doctrine taught in the nursery?

The one of of the key relationships that I feel I have a pretty good grasp on is that with my fellowman. “We build this relationship... by being sensitive to the needs of others, serving them, and giving of our time and talents.” In fact, I think that often the other three relationships suffer because I am too wrapped up in my relationship with my fellowmen, and not enough concerned with my relationship with Heavenly Father, my family, and myself.

President Uchtdorf says, “As we evaluate our own lives with a willing mind, we will see where we have drifted from the more excellent way.”

President Uchtdorf’s fourth relationship is with ourselves. He says some of us “criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves.” I don’t think I have progressed to “hating myself” – but I am very guilty of criticizing and belittling myself. He says to “take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally.” When the weather warms up a little, I will enjoy going for early morning runs (not so fun to run in 10 degree weather), and I am covetous of my early morning time by myself to study the gospel, as I am doing now. If one of the children wakes up before I have completed my gospel study, I often find myself becoming annoyed and frustrated. But if I truly want more time to myself, I’ll have to wake up earlier, which means retiring to bed earlier... which honestly never sounded better.

I’ll end with these three quotes:

“Let us joyfully partake of [the pure doctrinal waters of the restored gospel] in their simplicity and plainness.”

“Strength comes not from frantic activity by from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light.”

“Let us simplify our lives a little.”

What things do you focus on to “simplify your life” a little? How do you focus on the four key relationships that President Uchtdorf mentioned? Do you sometimes feel too frantic and rushed? How do you come back to peace and simplicity?

untitled thoughts

I don’t even know where to begin. I have been doing a lot of “soul searching” lately. I have been pleading with Heavenly Father to reveal His will to me, and I’ve been receiving a lot of inspiration. The unfortunate thing – it feels sometimes – is that most of the inspiration is just leads in certain directions. Specific areas of my life to address. Most of them are very very personal, so I won’t share them here. But I am weighed down with the significance of many of these facets of my life that need addressing.

I did, after all, ask for this inspiration. So I will be grateful and continue working through each problem. It is a lifetime process, thankfully, with no deadline – just steady progress each day.

I will continue to pray and study and ponder so that I can move forward in faith.

More Longing For Home

Yesterday our Stake President challenged us to be more pure and be better followers of Christ. The closing hymn for our Ward Conference was “More Holiness Give  Me”, which is one of my favorite hymns. One of my very favorite lines is “More longing for home…” There was a time when I prayed with all energy of heart to have Heavenly Father purify me and make me better than I am so that I could return to live with Him. There was nothing I wanted more than to be worthy of the Celestial Kingdom, and I was living my life that way. I was praying constantly, and as a result I felt the Lord’s hand in my life, and I felt His power helping me in everything I did. I felt more productive, more kind, more charitable, more loving.

I haven’t become a monster or anything, but I feel like I have lost focus and become too involved in the “here and now.” I don’t long for Home as much as I did, and I can see it affecting my life and my family.

I need to look beyond today – I need to focus on eternity and draw nearer to my Savior again so that my todays and tomorrows will be full and will help me reach my goal of eternal life, instead of just being a today and a tomorrow. Each day should be a step toward exaltation, not merely a step. I don’t want to be running in place, I want to be running toward my Heavenly Father. I will reach out to Him so that He can reach toward me and pull me toward Him.

Study and Meditation

Visions from God usually are given when the receiver has been studying scripture and pondering on the principles found therein. Meditation and study is one of the keys to receiving revelation. Those quiet moments can be hard to find, especially as a wife and mother, but they are even the most important to us. Women with responsibilities over children have some of the greatest need for constant direction and revelation from God. These precious sprits have been entrusted to us to guide and to raise up to the Lord. I need constant guidance from the Lord to know how to deal with my children and teach and guide them. I need to be taught and led myself in the correct way to govern my household. There is so much I don’t understand about teaching my children. I falter every day in leading them and guiding them in righteousness. I lose my temper, my patience, and my charity. I need to spend more time loving and teaching and less time scolding and lecturing.

As I study and pray, I know that the Lord will reveal to me the best ways to approach my family, but I must make time for that divine communion every day. I cannot let Satan in my home, and the best way to keep him out is to consistently commune with my Heavenly Father and beg for His help and guidance and especially for His spirit to grace our home.