Where Two or Three are Gathered

A few weeks ago my 12 year old step daughter said to my husband and me, "What if I like my mom's church more than our church?"

I tried not to freak out too much. This was coming from a wonderful young woman who, I thought, had a rock solid testimony of the gospel.

So rather than freak out, I asked questions. I asked what she liked about her mom's church, what she felt like there, and some other questions to help me figure out just what she was saying.

We ended up talking for several hours about the gospel, about what it means to be Christian, and about what makes the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Jesus Christ's restored church on the earth.

At some point in the conversation a scripture popped into my mind where the Savior had said (this is the paraphrased version that popped into my head), "Where two or three are gathered in my name, the Spirit will be there." (the actual text is in Matthew 18:20 and says, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.") I shared this scripture with my step daughter, hoping that it would help her see that you can feel the spirit in a lot of different places, not just on Sundays in sacrament meeting, or not just when you are reading the Book of Mormon or listening to General Conference.

This conversation with my daughter got me really thinking about what makes the Church true. I believe that there are many many good Christians and some fantastic churches that do a lot of good in the world. So what does the LDS Church have that is different?

My answer? The priesthood authority of Jesus Christ to act in His name and do what He would do if He were on the earth (and everything that comes through that authority - prophets, apostles, temples, etc).

I am glad my children are asking these kinds of questions and I hope and pray that I can guide them through their soul searching. I worry every day that I will say or do something wrong or miss an opportunity to guide them or influence them.

But then I remember that the atonement is infinite, and I try to remember that no matter what I do, Christ is more powerful than I and His atonement will cover everything I can't do.

Change Your Life

There are a lot of things I don't know yet. And it seems the more I study, the more I realize I don't know. But I am trying to learn and study and grow. For the past several years I have done a lot of gospel studying. Mostly I have been studying about womanhood and what it means to be a woman and what my place and my responsibilities are as a mother.

But then a few weeks ago I was asked to give a talk on Easter Sunday (today) on the atonement. I put a lot of my other studies on hold to do an in depth study of the atonement and what I found was remarkable. My life changed. My attitudes, actions, my ability to receive revelation, everything changed. I was given more strength to do the impossible (and with a full time job, a husband, and six kids twelve and under it seems like every day is impossible!). It took me a while to figure out what had changed, but then I was writing my talk and I realized that studying the atonement of Jesus Christ is the single most important thing that changed my life.

From now on in my study of gospel topics I am looking for the connections to the atonement. What does the atonement teach me about my purpose as a woman?

There is a power that comes from studying the atonement, and I hope that putting the atonement at the center of my other studies will help me better understand those other studies.

(by the way, Elder Callister's book is a fantastic place to start your study of the atonement!)

Do you notice a change in your life when you study the atonement? How does the atonement help you understand other gospel topics that you study?

Patience and Healing

As part of my therapy I am studying the concept of patience. A lot of my anxiety and frustration comes from a lack of patience.

I have always thought of myself as a relatively patient person - people don't easily annoy me, even children's "annoyances" don't usually bother me (you know, kids kicking the back of your seat in the car type annoyances). I patiently endured a lot of adversity in my marriage, hoping and hoping things would get better.

But when it comes to myself - my progression, mistakes I make, and my life goals and plans, I have little patience. I feel like I should work harder and faster and if only I would work a little harder I could progress faster.

Healing from my past experiences has been one of these things. I want the healing, and I want it now. It's not that I want a magic wand to wave and make everything perfect. I just wish that there was a way I could do something to fix things right away.

I have been looking up scriptures about patience and stumbled across this one today:




Okay, okay, I get the point. My pride is what makes me want to fix everything on my own, as fast as possible. Sometimes God wants to teach us something and mold us, and we just have to wait for that healing and change to take place.

I have realized that rather than relying on the atonement to cover my sins, I want to pay for them myself. Who does that?! Wouldn't most people jump at the chance to have someone else suffer for them? I think my problem is that I would rather suffer all at once and have it be done. But that isn't the way repentance works. We don't get to be beat with a few stripes (or even a dozen or a hundred or a thousand) and be forgiven. We can't suffer for our own sins and allow the Savior to heal us with the atonement. It's one or the other.

And allowing the Savior to heal us takes humility. And patience. And I am learning to do that.

Slowly. But I am learning.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Divorce and Family

I love learning about motherhood and the family, and my testimony of eternal families and the importance and benefit of a strong nuclear family unit is one of the reasons divorce was such a hard decision for me.

In October 2013
General Conference, Elder D Todd Christofferson (quickly becoming one of my favorite general authorities - if having favorites is allowed) said,

A woman's moral influence is nowhere more powerfully felt or more beneficially employed than in the home. There is no better setting for rearing the rising generation than the traditional family, where a father and a mother work in harmony to provide for, teach, and nurture their children.

This would have been lemon juice in a paper cut if it wasn't for the next statement:

Where this ideal does not exist, people strive to duplicate it's benefits as best they can in their particular circumstances.

Yes! I can strive to duplicate the benefits of a traditional family! However, in order to do that, I need to know what the benefits are, and how to duplicate them. So that is my quest as a mother of a blended family - to create the benefits of a traditional family for my non-traditional family.




The most influential doctrine that will make this quest possible is the atonement of Jesus Christ. His eternal and universal atonement can and will cover all the gaps between what should be, and what is.

Isn't that what we expect the atonement to do in our personal lives? Then why not in the lives of our children? Can the atonement help my children experience the benefits of a traditional family, even though the family they are a part of now doesn't meet that ideal?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

An Eventful Year - Revelation and the Lord's Timing

I don't usually post "Year in Review" type blog posts. However, I was reading my New Years' post from 2012 in which I wrote that 2011 and been "the best of times and the worst of times". Perhaps that statement could sum up life in general, because 2013 definitely fits that same description.

I'm sure you have all been missing me, dear readers. And I just want to warn you that this is not me "coming back" really. I hope to be back eventually, and I imagine the summers will be better, but life has thrown me a few curve balls.

In 2013, I had five major life events: birth of a child, starting school, divorce, new job, and remarriage.

Birth of a Child

There are so many thoughts and feeling that are rushing around inside of me about the birth of my second son. His birth was amazing and spiritual and perfect and wonderful and everything I wanted it to be.Heather, from Women in the Scriptures, was my doula - and she was an amazing doula. She will deny it up and down, but I regard Heather as a spiritual giant. I feel like the labor and delivery went so well because she was there, with her faith and her knowledge and her testimony, I could just feel the power of God around me and with me. And if not from Heather, then from what she has taught me about the priesthood and womanhood and motherhood through the past several years, both on her blog and in personal conversations. She is an amazing woman.

Starting School

I felt inspired this year that I should go back to school to finish the few courses I need to qualify for a teaching license. Although I have a bachelor's degree in Math, I don't have a teaching license, and I had been feeling something nagging at me to get my license and teach. Because I was married to a soldier I didn't know how much time I would have in any one place, so I figured that I needed my education to be as portable as possible. So in May I applied to an online university to finish my teacher prep courses. Because of the next major life event, I am so grateful that I listened to the prompting to go back to school and prepare to be a teacher.

Getting a Divorce

This is probably the longest story, and I am not going to tell it all right here, right now (but you can read my emotions about a lot of it in my previous posts about my faith crumbling through adversity and trials). Suffice it to say that when I was scared to death (literally) of leaving my marriage, when I thought it would be better to be dead that divorced, when I argued with Heavenly Father, wondering why He would ask me to do something I knew was against His plan, when my faith seemed to be threadbare, something happened. I got strength from a place I had forgotten about, and somehow, I got out.

And there I was, hurting, broken, but feeling like I had burst out of a dark prison.

I felt like my life had crumbled around me, but God gave me a vision of what my new life could be if I would just cling to Him. And that is what I have been doing.

Starting a New Job

Due to the previous major life event, I needed to get a job so I could provide for my family. I submitted applications for a job on Monday in between filling out divorce papers. I filed for divorce on Tuesday, interviewed for a job on Friday, and was offered the job on Tuesday of the next week. A full time job teaching math at a middle school in a nice neighborhood about 10 minutes from my house. My good friend was looking for a job and is a fantastic mother and I asked and she offered to be our day care practically at the same moment. It was meant to be.

However, my first paycheck wasn't going to come until late September. Because I had started school I had just received some student loan funds. Between the student loans and my amazing ward I was able to make it to September with money to spare. Heavenly Father is watching out for me.

Getting Remarried
This story is probably longer than the divorce story, but I am pretty sure it can be summed up in two principles: receiving and understanding personal revelation (which I wrote about here) and the Lord's timing is not always our timing - which the Stake President mentioned in that blessing.

Did you know that "in due time" doesn't necessarily mean "in a loooong time"? That's what I thought when the Stake President promised me that I would experience the joy of marriage again and followed that promise up with "in due time" which he repeated! I was thinking "so, I'll get married again in a really really really long time. Imagine my surprise when I met my new husband and three days later Heavenly Father informed me that he would be my new husband. Come to find out "in due time" means "at the appropriate time" - which apparently is 3 months after a divorce (for me). Who knew? It didn't take my husband long to receive the same revelation, so then the only question was "when"? We prayed about it and I felt inspired that we should pick a date and take it to Heavenly Father for approval. We looked at my calendar (being a teacher I don't get a lot of time off work) and picked a date mid-January. After a few days I had a nagging feeling that it wasn't soon enough. So we thought "After Christmas would be great". Nope, wrong again. Finally we picked the day before Thanksgiving (which at this point was about a month away). Yep. It felt right. We talked to my bishop, we talked to my parents, we talked to his parents, we told our kids (six of them altogether!), and it happened! So yeah, it all boils down to receiving and understanding revelation and the Lord's timing is not always our timing.

So now you know where I have been for the last 6-12 months. Going through a painful divorce, starting school and a job, and getting remarried to a wonderful man who loves God with all of his heart, might, mind and strength, with me as a close second.

I hope to be able to write more often, but don't hold your breath. Of course, now that I have "come out" and you all know my little secrets, it will be easier for me to write. I always like being open and "real" on my blog, and I feel like I have been lying the past year or so because my marriage was so awful. So, comment on here and tell me you're still reading and I will try to post more often. If no one cares that I was gone I will probably just post whenever it happens (which might not be very often!).

What lessons did you learn last year?

When I Am Baptized Clarinet/Flute/Violin Obligato

A clarinet obbligato I arranged for our ward primary program. Please feel free to use at will for personal or church us. Please do not remove my name from the arrangement, and don't sell my arrangement.

Below you will find links to PDF copies of sheet music for both the clarinet version and the flute/violin/other C instrument version.

Update 1/3/2014: Sorry for the delay in getting the PDFs up! They are up and accessible now!

When I Am Baptized - C Instrument Obligato (for flute or violin)

When I Am Baptized - Clarinet Obligato (for Bb Clarinet)

Other instruments available upon request.

Can Ye Feel So Now?

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of personal inspiration for me. After going through a time in my life when I felt cut off from God, when I wondered where He was hiding from me (and why) this has felt a little like the spring snow melt rushing down the rivers from the mountains, cleansing the rivers from the stagnant waters of the summer and winter months.

It started a few weeks ago when I started attending an institute class. The title of the class is "Receiving and Understanding Personal Revelation. I am going to admit that I didn't get much out of the first class. I felt like a zombie during the class - I hadn't slept at all the two nights before that, and had just started teaching school two days before. But the second week I was more rested, and ready to learn - and what I learned changed my life. Very quickly.

Brother Casaday, our instructor, led a fantastic discussion about the different parts of testimony. We read Doctrine and Covenants section 8 verse 2 which talks about how the Holy Ghost affects us in our minds and in our hearts and came up with three aspects of testimony - KNOW, FEEL, DO.

As I sat in class, pondering this concept, I thought about my own status in each of the aspects.

Do I know the Church is true? Absolutely. Always have, probably always will. I just know. I think it is one of my spiritual gifts. ("To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world." D&C 46:13) I definitely claim it as a gift, because I don't think that I did anything to deserve this knowledge, and I don't think I have been more pious than others who perhaps don't have this knowledge. I simply know. Like I know I exist. It's that clear to me, and no one could ever convince me that it isn't true.

Do I DO? Do I live the gospel? Yes! Not perfectly, but I consider myself someone who actively lives the gospel - I serve others, I keep my covenants, I rely on the atonement for repentance when I mess up, and to heal me when I am wounded. And when I fall short (because I do) I understand that tomorrow is a new day and I can try again. I consider that living the gospel.

Do I feel the Holy Ghost? Rather than being discouraged that the answer was "No" I actually almost jumped out of my chair. I figured it out! The reason I have been feeling so separated from God is because I don't feel it anymore! I know the gospel is true and I live it, but for some reason I couldn't feel it anymore.

But then came the hard part. How do I feel again? I shared my dilemma with a few friends who know what my personal situation has been for the past several years. Sometimes you just need outside eyes to tell you something that might be hard to see from the inside. One friend said:

When you've experienced a lot of spiritual trauma, there is a period of time needed for your spirit to heal. I liken it to the period of recovery time needed after every long run you take in preparation for a marathon.

My sense from what I know of you and what you've shown of your testimony is that what you've been dealing with the past few years has stretched and broken you down and that you're now in that "recovery" period where you are rebuilding your spiritual and emotional muscles again, stronger than they were before.

As I read this friend's words I realized what she was saying was absolutely true. In the past few years of spiritual trauma I have been working so hard to shut down my emotions and feelings to protect myself form a lot of hurt I experienced. I unintentionally made myself numb not only to the pain, but also to the joy of the gospel.

And so I figured I should start on a journey to feel again.

I started praying more fervently, studying the Book of Mormon more purposefully, and trying to figure out how to un-numb myself. I figured it was going to be a long process, and I didn't expect to be fully back to feeling for months, maybe even years.

Then last week a call came from my bishop, saying the Stake President would like to meet with me. I was a little surprised, I wasn't aware he knew my situation, although thinking about it now it's obvious that the bishop would have informed him. But mostly I was excited and a little nervous. But when President Edwards and one of the counselors in our bishopric walked into my home that Wednesday evening (four days ago now) I just felt peace. After a brief visit, President Edwards said he felt prompted to ask me when the last time was that I had a priesthood blessing. I couldn't even tell him when the last time had been. I told him I would love for him to give me a blessing, and he did. There was a lot in that blessing, but the part that is relevant to this post was the feeling of warmth that washed over me and seemed to melt the block of ice I had placed around my heart. The sensation of emotion coming back to me was immediate and overwhelming, and I couldn't stop the sobs that came from my body. For the first time in years, the sobbing was not from pain or hurt or anguish, but rather from joy and peace and comfort.

Since that night my life has been different. My spirit is rejuvenated, my testimony is strong, I feel peace and joy and hope every day - feel it, not just know it!

I know not everyone who perhaps struggles with a loss of feeling will have the same experience I had - perhaps for you it will be more gradual. But it is possible to have that feeling back - I believe it. I know it. The atonement of Jesus Christ covers all pain.

If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now? (Alma 5:26)

I Was One of Them - Ephraim's Rescue

I just got back from a screening of Ephraim's Rescue. I tell you what - wow. I don't remember a movie that was so well made and so touching since Legacy and The Testaments. Honestly, I was a little skeptical because I had watched 17 Miracles a few weeks ago and I didn't have the best experience. That's not to say the stories weren't incredible (my husband's ancestor, Ann Jewel, was in the film), but the film was hard to follow because of all the individual stories with no real common thread tying them all together. I wondered if Ephraim's Rescue would be similar.

I was pleasantly surprised with the film. I laughed, cried, pondered, believed. The music was fantastic, and the script was clever. There are two separate story lines, but they end up converging at the end in a glorious finish.

My favorite thing about this film is that it shows how two ordinary men with great human weaknesses become great tools in the hand of the Lord. Of course, He has told us that he will "show forth [his] wisdom through the weak things of the earth." The story of Ephraim Hanks is an amazing example of that promise from the Lord.

There is a line at the end of the movie where Ephraim comments that there were many on those plains that needed rescuing, and, he says, "I was one of them."

Today, after watching that movie, I felt like I was one of them, too.

Indeed, I think I was rescued, too.

The film comes out in theaters on May 31. It's definitely worth seeing. The people who worked on the film are great people and media like this definitely deserves our support.

Heavenly Mother at Real Intent

Anath sepulchral stela, Encyclopaedia Britannica

Have you ever wondered about Heavenly Mother?

Well, head on over to my post today at Real Intent and join our discussion about her. It's been lively so far, and very enlightening.

Truth Eternal Tells Me I've a Mother There

If you have questions about how to separate culture and doctrine submit a question here or over at Real Intent and we'll try to do a little research to get you started finding answers.

GCBC Week 6: "This is my Work and my Glory"

Image Credit: NASA Goddard Photo and Video

A lot of thoughts came to me as I read through Elder Ballard's talk. I love talks about the Priesthood power. That power is very significant in my life and my spirituality. I have a lot of thoughts tossing around now, but I think they deserve a little more thought and study and then their own blog post. I am also excited to watch and study the new worldwide leadership training video Elder Ballard referenced in his talk (you can view or download it here)

What were your thoughts about Elder Ballard's talk?

“This Is My Work and Glory” - Elder M. Russell Ballard

If you are new to General Conference Book Club, click here to find out more. The basic idea is to study one General Conference talk each week between April conference and October conference, and to chat about the talk here in the comment section. You can also link up (using the linky tool below) to your own blog post about this talk. The link up will be open until I post the next week's talk, but if you study this talk later and missed the link up, feel free to post your link in the comment section.

Delighting in Film

Image Credit: gailf548

Earlier this week I posted about the launch event for T.C. Christensen's new movie, Eprhaim's Rescue (in theaters May 31). The first person who spoke to us was Authur Van Wagenen, the product director for Excel Entertainment and Deseret Book. He said something I found really interesting. He talked about movies and movie theater, and the way we connect with other people in a movie theater. He also said something about the movie theater being the most sacred place for his family, after the temple and the chapel.

While the thought of wasting two hours of my life watching a movie usually makes me create a laundry list in my head of all the things I go do in two hours, I do love a good movie. I'm very picky about the movies I watch - if I am going to spend two hours of my precious time watching a movie it has to be a lot of things. First of all, it must be meaningful. I have to come away from the moving wanting to be a better person, wanting to change something in myself and the world in a very real way. But a movie can't just be meaningful for me - ideally it will also be a well made movie, with good acting, a great script (that should usually have at least a little bit of comic relief, if it is a more serious film), enjoyable cinematography, and hopefully poignant music that helps the viewer connect with the images on the screen.

Some movies and documentaries that fit this bill for me are Fireproof, Courageous, Slumdog Millionaire, Waiting for Superman, Admission, and Rise of the Guardians, just to name a few I have seen recently.

At the Ephraim's Rescue launch event, I was given a copy of 17 Miracles (which I hadn't seen). The movie was definitely inspiring - in fact, it made me want to tell pioneer stories to my children. My mother used to tell us stories of our pioneer ancestors all the time. One of the stories in 17 Miracles is actually of my husband's great-great grandmother, Ann Jewel Rowley. The story of the hard sea biscuits that she prayer over and turned into enough food to feed their family that night. The experiences of the Saints who traveled the plains were truly miracles.

In complete honesty, 17 Miracles was not the best movie I had seen. The story line seemed a little fragmented and sometimes I had a hard time following who were were talking about, but because T.C. was trying to tell all 17 stories as accurately as possible. Rather than creating a fictional family to whom all the miracles happen (which would be a pretty unbelievable story) we had to jump around to the different families who were experiencing these things. But the music was excellent, and the script was pretty well written, and the acting was really superb. So in all, the movie was great.

Which gives me high expectations for Ephraim's Rescue.

What films have you found meaningful, or have inspired you?

"Life doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a mother."

For those of you don't really care for Mothers Day, I offer this post by Cheryl at Real Intent: Learning to be Okay with (and Maybe Love) Mothers Day

Mothers' day was always a great day when I was growing up. I loved waking up early with my dad to make my mom breakfast in bed. I loved working with my siblings to make or buy my mom the perfect gift.

My mom is a great lady. I think the thing that impresses me the most about my mom now is how much she keeps learning. My mom is always learning something new. I remember when she asked me once how to copy and paste on our new computer (no more F keys - remember those old IBMs and Word Perfect on a blue screen?). Now my mom is a pretty proficient web designer. She knows how to build a website, which is crazy awesome. To give you a little taste of what my mom has been up to, you can check out our family history website that she has done an amazing job with: http://smithharper.org/

Now that I am a mother, Mothers' Day has a little more meaning for me. Unfortunately, my husband was out of the country last year on Mothers' Day, and he is gone this Mothers' Day, too. But he makes every day feel like Mothers' Day for me. He is always appreciating the job that I do as a mother, and that helps me feel good about the job I am doing.

And it is a tough job.

These videos have been floating around on the internet for the past few days, and I thought I would share them here if you haven't seen them yet.

So, happy Mothers' Day to all of you Mothers out there. And every woman is a mother, in my opinion.
How are you appreciating the mothers in your life this year?

Rescued

Today I attended a launch event at Deseret Book for a new film, Ephraim's Rescue. It is the true story of Ephraim Hanks, one of the first on the scene to rescue the Martin and Willie handcart companies.

I just got back from grocery shopping after a ridiculously long day, so I won't write a whole lot about it right now. But I will share the trailer, because this movie is awesome. I do have lots to say about the event and the movie, and all the people involved, I'm just too tired to do much tonight.

Without further ado, I give you the trailer for Ephraim's Rescue, coming May 31! Watch for it at a theater near you!

GCBC Week 5: "The Savior Wants to Forgive"

I am grateful that the Savior wants to forgive. I am also grateful for the knowledge we have of a merciful, forgiving God. Isn't that a much better thought than someone who wants to make us pay for every sin we have committed? Isn't is a beautiful thought that a man loved us so much that He gave himself as an offering for our sins? He offered himself to satisfy the demands of justice, allowing God to be merciful and forgive us.

Can we even imagine the love He must feel for us?

What were your thoughts about Elder Cardon's talk?

The Savior Wants to Forgive - Elder Craig A. Cardon

If you are new to General Conference Book Club, click here to find out more. The basic idea is to study one General Conference talk each week between April conference and October conference, and to chat about the talk here in the comment section. You can also link up (using the linky tool below) to your own blog post about this talk. The link up will be open until I post the next week's talk, but if you study this talk later and missed the link up, feel free to post your link in the comment section.

GCBC Week 4: "We Are Daughters of our Heavenly Father"

This is a picture of me and my sister, Christy, when we were young (5 and 7?) When I turned twelve and entered the Young Women program at Church I couldn't wait for my sister to join me. I remember helping her memorize the Young Women theme and the excitement I felt that she was going to learn all the things I had been learning - which obviously wasn't much in just two years.

I knew of my divinity as a daughter of God long before I entered the Young Women program, but the fellowship of the other young women in the ward and my leaders helped solidify that knowledge.

I know a lot of young women were sad to see Sister Dalton go - probably similarly to when Sister Beck was released last year. I'm not sure how Sister Dalton got through her talk, knowing she would be released in the next session.

What were your thoughts about Sister Dalton's talk?

We are Daughters of our Heavenly Father - Sister Elaine S. Dalton

If you are new to General Conference Book Club, click here to find out more. The basic idea is to study one General Conference talk each week between April conference and October conference, and to chat about the talk here in the comment section. You can also link up (using the linky tool below) to your own blog post about this talk. The link up will be open until I post the next week's talk, but if you study this talk later and missed the link up, feel free to post your link in the comment section.

I Never Would Have Known

I have written before about feminist topics, and it's no secret that while I feel compassion for the women who have suffered because of the ignorance of men (and women) in the Church, I have been completely unimpressed and sometimes annoyed by the Mormon feminist movement.

Today, my feelings changed.

I have never been particularly concerned about what it meant to be a woman. I loved the Young Women's organization but was excited to be a member of the Relief Society where I could mingle with woman of all ages and learn from their wisdom. I knew that I had a lot to learn from such amazing women, women I wanted to be like - but if you had asked me what it meant to be a woman I wouldn't have been able to tell you. I may have said something involving service and motherhood and Relief Society, but I doubt I would have said anything about the priesthood, and I probably wouldn't have said anything about Heavenly Mother (although I was firmly convinced of her existence and love for me - as a lover of the hymns, my favorite lines of "O, My Father" are the ones that mention her - "Truth is reason, truth, eternal, tells me I've a mother there" and "Father, Mother, may I meet you in your royal courts on high?").

Then the Relief Society published the book Daughters in My Kingdom. At first I didn't read it. In fact, I  only briefly leafed through the pages. I was a busy mother of small children, and reading a book about the Relief Society didn't really interest me at the time.

But then something stirred in me.

Image Credit: epSos.de

I think it was around the time of the General Relief Society broadcast in September 2011, although my heart was being prepared during perhaps the year before that as I talked to my sister about starting a blog for LDS women, with authors in all walks of life - young women, young wives with children, young wives without children, those who had adopted, those who were infertile, older women, working moms, stay at home moms, retired mom, older women who had never married or had children. I envisioned a Zion for women.

Then I started searching for blogs for LDS Women. I eventually found and fell in love with Heather's blog, Women in the Scriptures, among others, but in my searching I also stumbled across some not-quite-what-I-was-looking for blogs. Like Feminist Mormon Housewives, and Mormon Mommy Wars, to name a few. As I read what other women were writing I realized that there were women who didn't understand what it meant to be a woman in the Church, and I found myself wondering if I really knew what it meant.

That was when something stirred in me.

I wanted to know, really know, what it meant to be a woman, a daughter of God. I knew what it meant to be a mother - I had been preparing for that my entire life. But I wasn't sure I knew what it meant to be a woman.

About the same time I was going through this quest for an understanding of womanhood, the Mormon feminist movement gained momentum. I am pretty sure a large part of that was fueled by questions about Mormonism surrounding the United States presidential primaries, since one of the most likely candidates was a Mormon. But every time I turned around, people were talking to women like Joanna Brooks - disillusioned, non-practicing Mormon women who had been hurt and oppressed by unrighteous men in their lives, and were taking out their frustration and anger on the Church. I became increasingly frustrated and annoyed with their presence in the media and their criticism of Church leaders. Where were the women like me?

Over the past few years I have learned a lot about what it means to be a woman. Most of my new understand has come, ironically, through discussion and articles prompted by the Mormon feminist movement. Today I realized that most of the things that I have learned and the perspectives I have gained I can attribute directly to the Mormon feminist movement - either because something they said prompted my own fierce studying of a topic, or because of the responses of other women who understand what it means to be a woman.

So, in hindsight, I am grateful for all the feminist commotion because of the things I never would have known.

Have you learned things because of something that originally annoyed or frustrated you? Has someone else's questions or concerns about the gospel prompted you to study the gospel more fervently, and resulted in a greater understanding?

GCBC Week 3: "A Sure Foundation"

I have never been in an earthquake - minor or major - and don't wish to ever have that experience. But I have seen my fair share of spiritual and emotional earthquakes, and I can testify that I have endured them much better when my foundation has been strong.

An earthquake can definitely help you realize when you are missing something.

What were your thoughts about Bishop Davies' talk?

A Sure Foundation - Bishop Dean M. Davies

If you are new to General Conference Book Club, click here to find out more. The basic idea is to study one General Conference talk each week between April conference and October conference, and to chat about the talk here in the comment section. You can also link up (using the linky tool below) to your own blog post about this talk. The link up will be open until I post the next week's talk, but if you study this talk later and missed the link up, feel free to post your link in the comment section.

Pra Ech Da (Pray Each Day)

My six year old son has a great testimony of prayer. He is not afraid to ask Heavenly Father for the things he wants and needs. The personal nature of my son's prayers never cease to amaze me (and sometimes make me chuckle - like the other day when he said, "Please bless that we will get another Xbox controller tomorrow." That kid). His faith is incredible.

Yesterday during the sacrament I had him write down the ways he will keep his baptismal covenants.

Now I realize that my six year old hasn't actually made covenants, but it is never to early to teach them how to keep the covenants that he will one day have the opportunity to make.

Here is what he wrote:


"I will pra(pray) ech(each) da(day).

"I will doo(do) va(the) Lods(Lord's) kame(commandments)."

I admit I had to ask him about the second sentence. I didn't prompt him what to write, I simply asked the question about keeping promises we make when we take the sacrament. I was touched by his awesome understanding of the gospel - at the tender age of six years old.

Of course, this was after he complained about going to Church, this morning "If I go to Church I am just staying in the car!" I tell you this so you know that even my kids sometimes protest going to Church. I don't believe in forcing our children to believe, but I also don't believe in letting my six year old stay home alone for 4+ hours. So I told him that when he is eight he can decide to stay home. I figure if I am going to let my eight year old decide whether or not to be baptized he can certainly decide whether or not to go to church. Hopefully by then he will have had enough meaningful experiences at church that he will want to go.

Like today he had a meaningful experience - he bore his testimony in sacrament meeting, which he hasn't done for a while. Probably because I haven't either. I almost fixed that today, especially when he asked me to go with him, but I was just not feeling it.

Later in the evening we were visiting with my in-laws and my sister-in-law mentioned that her two year old doesn't like church very much and my six year old asked why and she explained that he doesn't really understand why he has to sit still in sacrament meeting. I quipped that my son didn't really like church today either, and he turned to me, "Except, now I do! I liked church today!" I have a feeling that it had something to do with the way he felt when he bore his testimony.

The kid looked like a sunbeam when he came down from the stand.

GCBC Week 2: "These Things I Know"

This is the first week of General Conference Book Club! I am excited to get started. I listened to this talk after conference because I wasn't able to watch the Saturday morning session. I really enjoyed hearing all the updated versions of his poem.

Also, Stephanie has created a General Conference Mastery for April 2013 General Conference to fit in with studying a conference talk each week. I think it is a fabulous idea, because I like quotes and I like memorizing things. This week's GC Mastery that she came up with was this quote:

We are free to choose what we will and to pick and choose our acts, but we are not free to choose the consequences.

I was mentioning to my sister the other day that it seems like each Apostle has his favorite thing to talk about. Agency seems to be a topic President Packer likes to preach about.

Did any quotes stick out to you in President Packer's talk? 

These Things I Know - by President Boyd K. Packer

If you are new to General Conference Book Club, click here to find out more. The basic idea is to study one General Conference talk each week between April conference and October conference, and to chat about the talk here in the comment section. You can also link up (using the linky tool below) to your own blog post about this talk. The link up will be open until I post the next week's talk, but if you study this talk later and missed the link up, feel free to post your link in the comment section.

Mine Angels Will Encircle Thee

Some days are First Vision days, and some days are Liberty Jail days.

Today was more like a Liberty Jail day. You know, where you wonder where God is hiding, and you just want Him to come and save you.

Thankfully I live in an awesome ward, and several wonderful ladies came to my aid - came to save me.

And the awesome truth is that God will never hide from us.

"So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest,
Fear not man,
for he Cannot hurt thee."

If you need a reminder (like I did) this song is a great one:

What are your favorite reminders that God is never hiding?