When to Give and When to Take

I had a conversation with my teenage daughter about the law of consecration and the United Order.

Before I describe the conversation to you I feel like you need a little bit of background on me.

I am something of a minimalist. I try to live by Sarah Lazarovi's "Buyerarchy of Needs" (a play off of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs).

This, along with the quote "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful" from William Morris are the guided principles of my consumerism.

My daughter was not familiar with the United Order, so I described it to her, definitely oversimplifying things, with this statement, "Basically you gave everything you had to the church, and then they would give you back anything you needed." I followed up with, "That didn't mean no one had nice things - but for example, if you needed a ball gown for a fancy dance, you got one. If you didn't need it, someone else got it."

My daughter's response: "That sounds like something you would love."

You have no idea how much I would love it. So so much.

This essay is about sacrifice. I think minimalism and the law of consecration are very much tied to the law of sacrifice. But sacrifice is so tricky.

Young mothers tend to sacrifice so much that they don't get enough to eat, enough sleep, or enough mental health support. This leads to devastating outcomes like postpartum depression, and suicide.

Spouses of abusive partners tend to sacrifice so much that they stay in abusive relationships, which leads to depression, suicidal thoughts, and in some instances murder or suicide. When children are involved, the heartbreaking outcomes can be devastating for these kids.

Members of the church who make covenants to obey and live the laws of consecration and sacrifice often give so much of themselves that they become disillusioned with at least the church, and in extreme cases even deny the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The problem with sacrifice and the law of consecration is pride. Pride is a barrier.

Being a survivor of abuse I have found some bitterness in my heart toward the law of sacrifice. I sometimes find myself saying in my head "But I sacrificed everything, and it got me into an abusive relationship where I felt robbed of my very being, where my children's quality of life was diminished, where my safety and the safety of my children was not guaranteed. Why should I sacrifice? People will just take advantage of me." In my mind, living the laws of sacrifice and consecration were the gates to abuse. Indeed, very often they are. It is easy to be taken advantage of if you sacrifice and give. So how do we protect ourselves from abuse when we are living the law of sacrifice?

Here is the not-so-easy answer I have come up with: we don't.

Oh, I believe in boundaries, definitely. But we have to be careful that our boundaries come from a place of Doctrine & Covenants 121:43 - "when moved upon by the Holy Ghost" - rather than from a place of pride.

The past several years I have been recovering mentally and spiritually from an abusive relationship. I have learned a lot about boundaries, and at the same time I have developed a lot of pride.

Ironically, pondering the law of sacrifice as I have been doing the past several months seemed to increase my feelings of pride. The elusive balance between sacrifice and boundaries was something I couldn't quite grasp until a month or so ago when I had this inspired thought:

The Savior gave everything. Not just His time and His talents and His love. He gave His very life. His life. And who appreciated him? Very few people. What happened to him? He was abused. In fact, in the words of my beloved Isaiah, "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not."

That thought was humbling, and I try to use it whenever I want to withhold something - time, money, love, compassion, my talents, whatever it is. I try to come back to that thought. He gave everything - He sacrificed everything and He didn't stop when people abused Him.

Now, am I saying that you should find ways to be abused and taken advantage of? No way. Remember that the Holy Ghost might prompt you not to give - but you have to be very very in tune with that and make sure it isn't pride motivating your stinginess.

I am saying that when you find yourself in a position to give of your time, talents, energy, compassion, love, etc and you want to withhold because you are worried about being taken advantage of, or you start feeling those begrudging feelings of "But who is going to take care of my needs?", remember the Savior and give anyway.

And then take.

Take the Savior's yoke. Take and take and take from the Savior. That is the place to take. No spouse, no friend, no child, no church leader, no human being will ever be able to give you everything you want and need (remember that thing about pride?). So you have to take it from the Person who is immune to Satan's tricks and lies. The only human who has no pride. Not one drop. The only person capable of giving you absolutely everything you need.

And sometimes the only thing you can get from Him is the assurance that some day you will be able to enter into His rest.

Surrender by Reflections of Christ

A friend of mine once said that she imagines our reunion with the Father will consist of us falling, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted into his arms, and He, with tears streaming down his face, will say, "That was hard, wasn't it? I am so glad you are safe at home with me now."

How do you find a balance between sacrifice and mental health? How do you keep pride out of the picture? Have you learned to rely on the power of the Savior?

Separating Culture from Doctrine: The Lesson Handout

This is the first post in a new series called “Separating Culture from Doctrine”, where we talk about places where culture has been mistaken as doctrine among the members of the Church. I wanted to start with the dress code myth, but I decided to let that issue cool off a bit before I tackled it again. So I’m starting with something a little less controversial (I hope!) and somewhat lighthearted, but I would like to eventually tackle some things that are harder to separate. Do you know of a part of Mormon culture that many members of the Church mistake as doctrine? Have you heard of something in the Church that people make out to be doctrinal, and you’re not sure if it is? Let me know in the comments, or drop me an email or a post on Facebook (see “Subscribe and Connect” on the sidebar for links) and I will do the research and find out how much is doctrine, and how much is culture.

When I was in the Young Women program (the Church’s youth program for 12-18 year old girls) I kept a binder with a bunch of pages inside of sheet protectors. Whenever I would get a handout in Young Women or Sunday School I would glue it to one of the pages in this binder. I kept the for years, but I never used it, and eventually I scanned all the pages into my computer (which I haven’t look at since – until today when I was writing this post and wanted to include a picture of one of the pages).

Obviously those handouts had a huge impact on my life. Or not.

In fact, I don’t even remember the lessons they went to (not specifically). The lessons did make an impact in my life, and in the building of my testimony, but I don’t associate the handouts with those lessons. In fact, I remember every one of my YW and Sunday School teachers from my time as a youth, but I couldn’t tell you what any of them taught me. What I could tell you is that each one of them was an amazing example to me and the fire of their testimonies lit a fire in me.

They didn’t need the handouts to do that.

And neither do you.

Mormon Myth #1 – Handouts are an integral, and even necessary, part of a lesson. They help the class members remember the lesson, and are part of your calling as a teacher.

Truth: Preparing handouts can take precious time away from study and prayer that is an integral and necessary part of a lesson. The Holy Ghost teaches class members, and the Holy Ghost helps class members remember the lesson – not you, and not your handouts. As a teacher your focus should be on prayerfully studying the lesson material and listening for inspiration to know what questions will elicit the most beneficial discussion for your class members.

Our Church Web site now provides access to all of the general conference addresses and other contents of Church magazines for the past 30 years. Teachers can download bales of information on any subject. When highly focused, a handout can enrich. But a bale of handouts can detract from our attempt to teach gospel principles with clarity and testimony. Stacks of supplementary material can impoverish rather than enrich, because they can blur students’ focus on the assigned principles and draw them away from prayerfully seeking to apply those principles in their own lives. (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Focus and Priorities, April 2001 General Conference)

I hear women say that their callings are wearing them out or that they don’t have time to serve. But magnifying our callings does not mean staying up all night preparing handouts and elaborate table decorations. It does not mean that each time we do our visiting teaching we have to take something to our sisters. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Let’s simplify. The message of a good lesson comes through spiritual preparation. Let’s put our focus on the principles of the gospel and on the material in our study guides. Let’s prepare to create an interesting exchange of ideas through discussion, not through extra, invented work that makes us so weary we come to resent the time we spend in fulfilling our callings. (Sister Kathleen H. Hughes, Out of Small Things, October 2004 General Conference)

Dedicating some of our time to studying the scriptures or preparing to teach a lesson is a good sacrifice. Spending many hours stitching the title of the lesson into homemade pot holders for each member of your class perhaps may not be. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Forget Me Not, 2011 General Relief Society Broadcast)

Mother was a great teacher who was diligent and thorough in her preparation. I have distinct memories of the days preceding her lessons. The dining room table would be covered with reference materials and the notes she was preparing for her lesson. There was so much material prepared that I’m sure only a small portion of it was ever used during the class, but I’m just as sure that none of her preparation was ever wasted. …What she didn’t use in her class she used to teach her children. (Elder L. Tom Perry, Mothers Teaching Children in the Home, April 2010 General Conference)

I’m sure no one’s soul was damaged in the preparation of the handouts my teachers made for me in Young Women and Sunday School, and I am not passing judgment on them and neither should you. This isn’t about judging people. It’s about talking about what is culture, and what is doctrine.

The Mormon culture encourages us to spend a little time on the praying and studying part, and then a lot of time on the handout part. This same principle can be applied to Young Women and Relief Society programs that get so involved the spirit is missed, and the only thing people remember are the cute decorations and handouts. They don’t remember the spirit they felt (if they felt the spirit at all) and they don’t remember the lesson taught.

We should be so careful to focus on what really matters.

I want to tell you about our Ward Christmas dinner. The dinner was fantastic, homecooked, gourmet food, and the decorations were intricate and handmade. The cultural hall felt like a winter wonderland. The atmosphere was lovely, the music was touching, and the company was wonderful, as usual. If I didn’t know the sister who was in charge I may have been tempted to think it was a little over done. But I know this sister and I know that she took great pleasure and joy in creating a beautiful environment for us to enjoy a delicious meal. She was very good at it, and I know that she didn’t stress out about it at all. In fact, I bet planning and preparing for that ward party was the most relaxing thing she has done in a while.

I related this story so that you can know that we should not be judgmental of sisters who make elaborate handouts for Relief Society lessons. Nor should we be judgmental of sisters who don’t make elaborate handouts for lessons.

(as a side note – if you give me a non-edible handout in Relief Society I will probably dispose of it in my recycling bin as soon as I get home – I do not like paper, and I despise clutter – handouts, in my opinion, are frequently clutter – and I do not want your little decoration you made for me. It probably doesn’t fit into my décor. These are things to think about as well when you are thinking about preparing a handout. If the handout is edible I will most definitely eat it.)

Let us please keep in mind that the Spirit is the real teacher when we “teach” a class. The handouts are cute, but most of them end up in the trash anyway. Save a tree – use the Spirit.

For more instruction on teaching the gospel, see the Church’s handbook, Teaching, No Greater Call. There are no handouts – just in case you were wondering.

How do you use the Spirit to teach your class? Do you use handouts? Have you ever spent too much time on the handout and not enough time on your lesson? Can you think of ways when a handout might be appropriate?

Secret Combinations

Note: This post was originally published on May 2, 2011. I thought it would be appropriate to share again on the anniversary of the September 11 attacks on the United States by terrorist groups. My thoughts are turned to the victims - both those who survived and those who did not - and their families. It is heartbreaking that our country had to endure such tragedy, but I am hopeful that we can remember the unity that we experienced after those attacks and work at unifying our country again - especially as we come together in a few months to choose a president for this country. I hope that we will keep in mind that unity, and not be so divided by all the partisanship and the backbiting and the arguing. United we conquer, divided we fall. Let us be united in this great country.

Yesterday, the President of the United States announced that Osama bin Laden, the mastermind behind the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centers in New York, the Pentagon, and (presumably) the White House, has been killed in Pakistan.

What does this have to do with a scripture blog? Plenty.

The Book of Mormon is rampant with examples of “secret combinations.” What is a secret combination? Examples in the Book of Mormon talk about secret combinations that “plan to murder, rob, get power” (Hel. 2:8), “secret combinations murder to get kingdom” (Hel 6:15, 18-19, Ether 14:8-10), “government is destroyed by secret combinations” (3 Ne. 7:6,9), “secret combinations are had among all people” (Ether 8:20), “nations that uphold secret combinations shall be destroyed” (Ether 8:22-23), “many are slain by sword of secret combination” (Ether 13:18).

But secret combinations “had their origins long before Lehi left Jerusalem, long before the Jaredites colonized the Western Hemisphere.” (here) In Moses 5, we can read of secret combinations of Cain – the son of our first father, Adam. Secret combinations want to gain power and influence by violence and fear. If al-Qaeda is not a secret combination, I don’t know what is.

“Great civilizations of the past have fallen because of the influence of Cain’s combination. As it happened in the past, it could happen again.” When we look at the horrible political, social, and military conditions of countries in the middle east, where al-Qaeda, and other terrorist groups, run rampant, we see the truthfulness of this. Any country that gives support to these secret combinations will not be great. They will be ravaged and torn.

While most of the country, and probably the world, celebrates this recent military victory for the United States, I am reminded of the death of Kishkumen in the Book of Mormon. In Helaman 2:8, we read that the servant of Helaman (the chief judge) tricks Kishkumen into coming with him to the judgment seat, but slays Kishkumen instead, Gadianton and his little band of robbers flee into hiding so that they can’t be found. Just because our military found and killed bin Laden doesn’t mean that the rest of al-Qaeda will be easy to catch.

We can hope for the best, like what happened shortly before Christ’s death and visit to the Nephites. In 3 Nephi 5 we find out that all the members of the secret combinations were taken into prison – and my favorite part? They “did cause the word of God to be preached unto them; and as many as would repent of their sins and enter into a covenant that they would murder no more were set at liberty.” Of course, God’s law required mercy. I wonder if our countries would do this if by some miracle they were able to round up every member of al-Qaeda and other terrorist groups. Would they allow the gospel to be preached to these murderers?

Unfortunately, it didn’t really turn out so well for the Nephites. The scriptures don’t say if it was the same people who had “made covenants” and were set “at liberty,” but a few chapters later, in 3 Nephi 7, we read about the secret combinations that developed in the actual government, and the eventual collapse of the government. Why, after they were able to overthrow the secret combinations, and they were able to grant such mercy to those members of the combinations who would repent, did they fall so hard and so fast? They had prospered because of their righteousness, and “some were lifted up unto pride and boastings because of their exceedingly great riches, yea, even unto great persecutions".

In the United States, the stock market rose slightly to the news of bin Laden’s death, and oil prices dropped slightly. Some suggest that if this success is effective long-term against the terrorism groups, our economy might grow substantially. I doubt it will take long for us to fall back into wickedness. After the September 11 attacks, we were united as a country, people were more religious – they prayed more, they went to Church. And our country prospered. Then we started to talk about gay rights, we started to talk about same-sex marriage, we started buying more than we could afford, we stopped going to church, we started consuming more than we needed, and the economy dropped like a rock. And now, we have worked again together to uproot secret combinations from our world – which is really very small these days – and we will probably see our economy rise again. I wish that I could say I think we might last a little longer this time, but we probably won’t. In 3 Nephi, shortly after the government fell, Christ came to the Nephites.

I can’t make any predictions about when Christ will come again, but I can feel that it will be soon. (But remember Lehi and all those other Book of Mormon prophets who said “the time is near at hand” – 600 years or so before Christ’s birth – so when I say “soon” I don’t mean in the next few years – but I can believe within the next hundred years or so).

On our family blog, I have this scripture written (it’s kind of my personal theme for our family), and it is no more true then than it is now:

For behold,
this life is the time
for men to prepare to meet God;
Alma 34:32

We Are All BORN BRAVE {CD Giveaway!!}

The last time I did a giveaway on this blog was almost a year ago(!) in celebration of me writing the 100th blog post for this blog. Since then I have written nearly 200 more posts and the readership of the blog has grown at about the same rate! I’d say it’s definitely time for a giveaway, and thanks to YourLDSRadio.com, I’ve got a couple of great CDs to give away this month.
YourLDSRadio is an online streaming radio station that provides constant uplifting music, mostly from LDS composers and artists, although I was just listening and they played I Hope You Dance by LeAnn Womack, so it looks like they throw in some other stuff every now and then. If you’re looking for some nice background music you know is safe to listen to with the kids around, this would probably be it.

If there’s one thing you should know about me it is that I love music. Now, I am not your average music lover. I love music. I get emotional when I am listening to music – just about any music. Seriously, The Itsy Bitsy Spider can get me choked up. I don’t know what it is, but music speaks to me in a way that nothing else ever has or probably ever will. It may be the reason why I end up being the choir director in every ward I attend. I am passionate about music. I believe that music is a very spiritual thing – and can be used to uplift, or to tear down.

When YourLDSRadio contacted me and asked if I would like to review a few CDs for them, and give a few away on the blog, I jumped at the chance.



The first CD I listened to was Katherine Nelson’s new CD, Born Brave. I popped it into my CD player and pressed play. At first I almost cringed. Country? I’m not a huge country fan. A few of my favorite songs these days are a little more country, but I’m still not all about the country music. But it didn’t take long for the catchy tunes, pick-me-up beat, and uplifting words of Katherine’s songs to get me moving. Her album is officially my first country album, and it’s probably my favorite album (of all of them).
The feel of Katherine’s music reminds me a little bit of Kelly Clarkson’s the “girl power” songs. But much less angry. Each song I listen to on this album makes me feel more empowered. I feel like she really gets what it means to be a woman – and that there are so many different faces of women who need to feel empowered.


You know how you listen to an album and you usually have one or two favorites from the album? Not so with Katherine. I love every single one of her songs. The ones that move me the most (remember, I cry when I hear music) are “Good for Me” and “What’s Mine is Yours”.

The lyrics for the chorus of “Good for Me” are especially poignant for me. I studied math and physics in college. I always thought I would be an engineer. Or maybe an accountant or businesswoman. Some days I thought about going to law school after my undergraduate studies. I would have been a “courageous woman out there in shiny shoes and business suits.” But there was something else I needed to do – which doesn’t mean that there aren’t women out there who should be out there in the world. Good for them. But there is a significant work to be done in homes, and if people think that a woman who “gives up” a career in order to raise a family is “doing it all wrong”, my house isn’t a place to do it – I’m doing it all right. And good for me.

“Here’s to courageous women out there in shiny shoes and business suits
Good for you
But hats off to the women in the kitchen who run the world
Raising boys and girls.”

The story behind, and in, “What’s Mine is Yours” is about infertility, pregnancy and infant loss, and giving up children for adoption. I’ve never personally been in that situation, and I honestly don’t know if I would be able to survive such a trial. My heart feels like breaking when I hear of the heartache of others who lose children, and I just can’t imagine going through it myself. I am positive I would die of a broken heart.
However, the chorus of this song seems to go beyond that for me. It is about giving up what we think we want for what God really wants for us.

“What’s mine is yours
It’s always been
What slips through my hands has your fingerprints on it
I’m letting go
Remembering
Though Heaven’s doors feel shut they’re wide open
What’s mine is yours”

I think about Emma Smith and how everything she had she gave to the Lord – what’s hers was his, and she understood that. I want to have faith to be able to truly say to God “What’s mine is yours”. That is definitely a brave thing to do.

Speaking of Emma Smith, one of the songs on this album is about Emma, who was probably the bravest woman who ever lived, except maybe Mary, the mother of Christ. I had actually heard this song on The Nashville Tribute Band’s CD “Joseph: A Nashville Tribute to the Prophet” that I won in a giveaway last summer, and it quickly became my favorite song – especially because I was going through a particularly hard time in my life when I felt like I “couldn’t let the world see [me] cry”, and “Every time your life turned a page, It seemed like your heart might break.” Now I don’t want to compare my trials to those of Emma, but we all have times in our lives when that is true – when each turn of life’s pages seems like it brings more heartache and sorrow, and we wonder, when will be our joy?
The line of Emma’s song that really does a number on me says, “And I’m sure your heart breaks When some people still say Somewhere down the line you lost your faith.”

It’s a really powerful song, and is one I’ll listen to on repeat for hours (okay, maybe not that long, but you get the idea). I actually like the Nashville Tribute version better, sung by Mindy Gledhill, but perhaps that’s just because it was the first one I heard. I think it has more to do with the instrumentals than with the vocals (the Nashville Tribute’s instrumentals are more robust than Katherine’s). But the song is just as powerful – and almost more powerful because it’s coupled with all the other songs on this amazing CD.

(random interesting tidbit – I wanted to listen to Katherine’s CD while I wrote this review, so I typed in “Katherine Nelson” on iTunes so it would bring up her album. Who would’ve known, she also sang two of my very favorite EFY songs from my EFY days! I love it when I find out amazing people wrote or sang my favorite songs.)

Want a chance to win this amazing CD? Well, here’s your chance, thanks to Your LDS Radio. I’ve got one copy of Katherine’s new CD to give away – so you can rock out to some uplifting “girl power” music!

To enter the giveaway, leave a comment on this post telling me about a time when you or another woman you know showed that they were BORN BRAVE.

The giveaway will end on Monday August 13, 2012 at 11:59pm. The winner will be chosen by a random number generator at random.org. I will post the winner on Tuesday, August 14 so check back then to see if you have won!

This giveaway is closed.

Nephi and the Law of Moses

I have been intrigued recently by the fact that Nephi and his descendants obeyed the law of Moses, even when it is apparent that they understood the fullness of Christ's gospel.

Nephi's understanding of the plan of salvation is impressive, given that he lived six hundred years before the coming of Christ, and he lived in Jerusalem in a time when the Jews did not even understand the Law of Moses.

And, notwithstanding we believe in Christ, we keep the law of Moses, and look forward with steadfastness unto Christ, until the law shall be fulfilled. For, for this end was the law given; wherefore the law hath become dead unto us, and we are made alive in Christ because of our faith; yet we keep the law because of the commandments.

It is significant that Nephi said the law of Moses was dead to them because they knew that it was only a type of Christ, a reminder of what was really important.

I believe this is one of the reasons Lehi and his family were led to the promised land. They understood that the law of Moses wasn't the important part of the gospel. The important part was faith in Christ and his atonement and sacrifice.


Nephi understood that the law of Moses would be fulfilled.

Wherefore, we speak concerning the law that our children may know the deadness of the law; and they, by knowing the deadness of the law, may look forward unto that life which is in Christ, and know for what end the law was given. And after the law is fulfilled in Christ, that they need not harden their hearts against him when the law ought to be done away.

Nephi and his brethren took care to teach their children that the law of Moses was only a type of Christ, and a way to be reminded of His coming. It was important to them to teach their children tha the law of Moses is "dead" and that life is found only in and through the Savior, Jesus Christ. They wanted to make sure that when Christ finally came their children would be willing to accept Christ's fulfillment of the law of Moses, rather than harden their hearts toward the Savior, as the Jews in Jerusalem would do when he came.

Why do you think it is significant that Nephi described the law of Moses as being "dead"? Why did they continue living the law of Moses when they knew of the fullness of the gospel?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

GCBC Week 8: “Coming to Ourselves”

This was one of those talks for me where the principles are ones I don’t struggle with. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t an important talk – after all, President Holland reminded last year that at General Conference,

“we understand not everyone is viewing pornography or shirking marriage or having illicit sexual relationships. We know not everyone is violating the Sabbath or bearing false witness or abusing a spouse. We know that most in our audience are not guilty of such things, but we are under a solemn charge to issue warning calls to those who are—wherever they may be in the world. So if you are trying to do the best you can—if, for example, you keep trying to hold family home evening in spite of the bedlam that sometimes reigns in a houseful of little bedlamites—then give yourself high marks and, when we come to that subject, listen for another which addresses a topic where you may be lacking. If we teach by the Spirit and you listen by the Spirit, some one of us will touch on your circumstance, sending a personal prophetic epistle just to you.”

So this talk hasn’t had a big impact on me, but I am anxious to hear what impact is has had on your life and your spirituality.

“Coming to Ourselves: The Sacrament, the Temple, and Sacrifice in Service”
by Elder Rober D. Hales

Throughout our lives, whether in times of darkness, challenge, sorrow, or sin, we may feel the Holy Ghost reminding us that we are truly sons and daughters of a caring Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we may hunger for the sacred blessings that only He can provide.

…

We become converted and spiritually self-reliant as we prayerfully live our covenants—through worthily partaking of the sacrament, being worthy of a temple recommend, and sacrificing to serve others.

How did this talk touch your life?

If you are new to General Conference Book Club, find out more here.

GCBC Week 5: “Sacrifice”

Sorry I have been MIA this week on the blog. My husband got home from a three week long assignment overseas (which he left for a few days after he came home from a two week assignment… so we’ve been apart for just about 5 weeks!). His parents took our kids for a few days, so we “escaped” into the land of reconnected couples. It was absolutely wonderful. We stayed in Salt Lake City and went to the temple and went shooting and went out to eat and basically just had a great time being a couple again. Because it was kind of last minute I didn’t have much set up for the blog, but I’ll try to be better this week – he’s going back to his regular 9-5 schedule, so I won’t have anything to do during the day… except take care of my two kiddos. Ha ha. Like that is “nothing”.

Without further rambling from your host, here is GCBC Week 5:

Sacrifice – by Elder Dallin H. Oaks

I will speak of these mortal sacrifices our Savior asks us to make. This will not include sacrifices we are compelled to make or actions that may be motivated by personal advantage rather than service or sacrifice.

I appreciated that Elder Oaks differentiated between the two types of sacrifices, because I think that I frequently think I have sacrificed more because of the sacrifices that I am compelled to make, or those sacrifices I make that are motivated by personal advantage.

This talk also reminded me of President Uchtdorf’s talk (Forget Me Not) when he spoke about the difference between good and foolish sacrifices. If you haven’t had a chance to read that talk, I recommend it – especially that part about sacrifices.

What parts of Elder Oaks’ talk stood out to you? How has the principle of sacrifice played a role in your life?

Children–the worst heartache and the greatest joy

The other day I read this post by Emily at Lioness at the Gate about motherhood and bearing children. I loved all of her thoughts, but her final thought really stuck with me. She said, “Imagine if we valued women for their abilities to reproduce and also valued children for their ability to help out and be productive, not to be a drain.”

In the past few years I have read a few articles/seen a few videos about having children and their effect on our happiness, and one article suggested that people who have kids psych themselves out, or convince themselves that they are happier than they really are (apparently psychologist call this a “focusing illusion”). In effect, the article was arguing that people who have children aren’t really happier than people who don’t have children, they simply convince themselves that they are.

There was also that French advertisement for protection that seemed to have the same message – avoid all the trouble of children by not getting pregnant in the first place.

Children truly do bring happiness. They also bring a lot of heartache. Parents probably know more stress, fatigue, and heartache than anyone. However, they also know love, compassion, happiness, and joy more fully than anyone. And this is a gospel principle – opposition in all things. How can we think to really know what it means to be happy if we never truly know sorrow?

The scriptures teach that if Adam and Eve had stayed in the garden, and not transgressed and partaken of the forbidden fruit, “they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing good, for they knew no sin.” (2 Nephi 2:23; emphasis added) So true happiness and joy comes from knowing true misery and sorrow. Having children is the ultimate way the Father could teach us about grief and sorrow and heartache, and also the ultimate way He could teach us about love and joy and happiness.

After all, the Father gave His only begotten Son to atone for the sins of the world and die for man on the cross. We want to be like our Father (see Matt 5:48) and if we are to be like Him, we need to try to understand the emotions that He feels in being a parent. I think of my parents, who buried a son, and I wonder if my parents don’t know now the character of God a little more than most – because of the grief and sorrow they have experienced. And yet, how much more sweet is their joy because they have tasted the bitterness of grief?

I hope that we can see children as a blessing, and that we can value women for their ability to bear children, and not seek to minimize that significant and important role that women have.

Do you value women for their ability to bear children? Do you value children for their ability to teach you heartache and sorrow, but also love and joy?

The Opportunity and the Treasure

(find the talks here – Missionaries are a Treasure of the Church – and here – The Opportunity of a Lifetime)

Over at Diapers and Divinity, we’re winding down General Conference Book Club (GCBC) – finishing up the last few talks in time for April General Conference! Who’s excited?! I am so ready for General Conference again. I think I get this way just before General Conference. It’s kind of the same feeling I get a few weeks before my birthday or Christmas. That excitement in the pit of my stomach that fills me up and makes it hard to think about anything else.

Okay, I know – I’m a Conference nerd. I know it.

Well, one thing I kind of miss when I’m participating in Steph’s GCBC is studying the talks from the Priesthood session as well as from the Relief Society and Young Women General Sessions. So when I noticed the talk for this week was Missionaries are a Treasure of the Church it reminded me of a talk I have been listening to from the Priesthood session called The Opportunity of a Lifetime (which has been on my mind lately anyway). So I decided to study both for this week, and I am glad that I did.

Your Mission – the Best Two Years For Your Life

While I liked Elder Kazuhiko Yamashita’s talk, it wasn’t one of those “Wow, this is amazing!” talks for me. However, Elder W. Christopher Waddell’s? Like candy. Especially because around the time leading up to October General Conference I had kind of got on to my husband for saying things like “On my mission I studied the gospel all the time.” “On my mission I was such a good time manager.” etc etc. Finally I told him, “Well, you know, you were supposed to be learning those things on your mission so you could do them for the rest of your life. For instance… when you became a husband and father.”

Elder Waddell talked about how to apply your mission to the rest of your life. I loved how Elder Matthew Richardson said it was “the best two years for [his] life.” Elder Waddell echoed that sentiment in his talk. He likened missionary service to the sacrifice of the unspotted lamb of the Passover, but how simply sacrificing the animal wasn’t good enough – the blood had to be applied to the door posts. This is where my husband has been struggling to apply his mission to his life now. Elder Waddell said “the ongoing blessings associated with missionary service require application after the sacrifice.” One way he encouraged his missionaries to “apply” the sacrifice of their mission to their lives was to have them “take time to consider the lessons and gifts provided to them by a generous Father in Heaven. They were asked to prayerfully list and consider how to best apply those lessons in a post-mission life”. However, Elder Waddell went on to say that, “there is no returned missionary for whom it is too late to consider the lessons obtained through faithful service and to apply them more diligently.”

The Lord Knows Where He Wants You To Serve

In Elder Waddell’s talk he mentioned that “Prophets, seers, and revelators assign missionaries under the direction and influence of the Holy Ghost.” If you have ever wondered exactly how this happens, I encourage you to read a talk give in the Priesthood Session of April 2010 General Conference given by Elder Ronald A. Rasband called “The Divine Call of a Missionary” – you won’t be disappointed. It is a really touching talk, and if you received a mission call and didn’t think it was where you should go, his talk will definitely remedy that emotion!

If you ever served a mission in a “hard” area with not many baptisms, or felt like you didn’t make a difference in your mission, please read Elder Waddell’s talk. His story of Elder Misiego is poignant and powerful and it is definitely a testimony that “the Lord knows where He wants each missionary to serve.”

I wrote a bunch more about these talks and how they applied to motherhood, but then the post started getting too long, and I am trying not to have overwhelmingly long posts, so I decided to post them separately, and I will probably post the motherhood one later this week.

Did you serve a mission? Did you feel like it was the best two years for your life? Did you feel like the Lord had called you to your specific mission purposefully? How did you prepare for your mission?

Children

(find the talk here)

“In the most beloved story of a baby’s birth,
there was no decorated nursery or designer crib –
only a manger for the Savior of the world.”

I have been thinking a lot about Elder Neil L. Andersen’s talk since General Conference. When I was a teenager, I thought a lot about being a mother. It was really all I wanted to be. I dreamed of having a house full of kids. Mothering children has always been on my mind.

The thing about having children (in God’s way, at least) is that it isn’t a one-person decision. I don’t get to just decide to have kids, or not to have kids – it is a decision I have to make with my husband, “with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith.”

There are many women in today’s world who want to have children and raise them as a single mother. They don’t see anything wrong with that. I see a lot wrong with that.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” When single women decide to bear and raise children by themselves, they are teaching those children the complete opposite. Sure, it’s hard to be married, and it is hard to compromise and maybe not do things exactly the way you want to, or the way you think is right. But that is where children belong – with a mother and a father who are trying to work together, to be unified. They may not always be perfect, but children are entitled to being raised with a father and a mother who are trying to make things work.

Unity in marriage is another post entirely, but there needs to be unity in marriage for the decision of bearing children – obviously, since neither a man nor a woman can biologically have children without the other. Which means that the choice to have children rests with both the husband and the wife.

Just as the world has succumbed to Satan’s lie that it’s okay for single, unmarried women to raise children on their own (I’m not talking about women who get pregnant from a dumb decision, or a mistake – I’m talking about women who purposefully get pregnant while they are single because they don’t want to get married, yet they want to have children. I am also not talking about women who would get married in a heart beat, but want to raise children and so they adopt or foster as a single woman – those women are to be praised for their courage), Elder Andersen says, “Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of having children or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family.” I have thought of this a lot – if there is no reason you shouldn’t have more children (you don’t have a job, your health won’t permit bearing children, you are physically unable to bear children, etc – and even in some of these cases, people will bear children), then why shouldn’t you bear children? The world will tell you ___ number of children is enough. I have a boy and a girl, and I can’t tell you how many times the world has told me, “Oh, you have a boy and a girl, that’s perfect, you can be ‘done’ having kids!” What a horrible lie. Sure, I enjoy my boy and my girl, but I have never once thought that I was going to be “done” after two children – regardless of their genders! What a crazy lie the world would have us believe.

I love when the prophets and apostles quote other good Christians at General Conference. Frequently quoted are C.S. Lewis, Charles Dickens (best of times, worst of times), and William Wordsworth, but Elder Andersen actually quoted a contemporary Christian blogger, Rachel Jankovic. I almost fell over backwards when I heard him quote her, and then after conference I had to go look her up. Of course, her quote is now being spread around the internet attributed to Elder Andersen (if you spread her quote, please give her credit). The entire blog post she wrote was very powerful. The part Elder Andersen quoted was this

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."

Part of me wonders what Rachel thinks of being quoted from the pulpit at LDS General Conference. I took the time to read her entire post that this quote was taken from, and it was excellent. I decided today to go buy her book, Loving the Little Years. That sentiment reminds me of a quote from President Monson in General Conference of October 2008 where he said, “If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.”

The other day I came in to my bedroom where I had laid our two and a half year old to sleep on our bed. She was asleep – next to my journal and my economy Book of Mormon. When I opened up my journal, I noticed she had scribbled on a few pages and on the inside covers. I expected to get upset (my journal is very precious to me) and then I thought about reading through that journal when my little J is grown up and independent and doesn’t need me to snuggle her and put her down for naps anymore. And I thought what a beautiful reminder that scribble in my journal will be of the innocence of her childhood, and the precious child that grew up under my care.

I enjoyed the story Elder Andersen told about Elder Mason’s talk with President Spencer W. Kimball. President Kimball asked Elder Mason “Where is your faith?” When I first heard that story, and that question, I thought differently about it than I do right now. At first I thought that I didn’t have enough faith and that is why we aren’t expecting a third child yet. But now I am realizing that the Lord wants me to have faith that all my righteous desires will be realized. I need to have faith that I will have all those children my heart desires to have. And I don’t need to be bitter because I won’t have what I want right now.

I was particularly pleased that Elder Andersen reminded us not once, but twice “we should not judge one another on this matter… we should not be judgmental with one another in this sacred and private responsibility.” I think that goes both ways – we should not judge people who do not have children yet, and we should not judge people who choose to have many children, even though it may seem that they have “too many” children. It is a very personal decision, and one made between a couple and the Lord.

How have you had to have faith when it comes to bearing children? Do you think there are things that you need to do before you have children? Are children highest on your list of priorities? Do you cherish each child the Lord places into your family?

Find more insight on this talk over at
Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club

Forget Not – You Matter to Him

(find the talk here – Forget Me Not)
(find the talk here – You Matter to Him)

In President Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s talk, You Matter to Him, he spoke of a great paradox of man: “compared to God, we are nothing; yet we are everything to God.” To me these have always been some of the most beautiful principles of His gospel – that He knows and loves even me – one little person in a sea of faces and people and lives. And He doesn’t just know who I am, He loves me and cares for me deeply. Deeply enough that He gave His only begotten Son for me!

(image credit: wonderferret)

When I went to EFY (Especially for Youth) as a teenager just finishing high school, during one class with our session director (who just happened to be Matthew Richardson – now a member of the General Sunday School Presidency who gave a talk in October General Conference), he put a rubber glove over his head, covering everything except his mouth and blew it up. He said, “This is one kind of pride – the puffed up kind.” President Uchtdorf talked about this as one of the ways that Satan “appeal[s] to the extremes of the paradox of man.”

Then, Bro Richardson deflated the rubber glove and said, “This is the other kind of pride – the ‘I’m not worth anything’ kind of pride.” President Uchtdorf described this by saying, “[The adversary] attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God.”

Bro Richardson concluded by saying that neither having the rubber glove puffed up, nor having it deflated was going to be good for us. The solution was to completely remove the rubber glove from our head.

“How much larger your life would be
if your self were smaller in it.”
                                 ~G. K. Chesterton

I think that quote by G. K. Chesterton sums it up quite perfectly. President Uchtdorf said, “What matter[s]to [Heavenly Father is] that [we are] doing the best [we can], that [our] heart [is] inclined toward Him, and that [we are] willing to help those around [us].”

In President Uchtdorf’s talk from the General Relief Society Broadcast gave us a few things that if we will remember, will help us avoid having a rubber glove on our head.

When I heard the things that President Uchtdorf spoke about in his Relief Society talk, I couldn’t help but think what a timely message it was. I have been noticing a general despair among women in the Church these days (and I have by no means been exempt) and it touched me deeply that a prophet of God would know exactly what we needed to hear, and say it so perfectly.

You can read the whole talk on your own, and I highly recommend you do, so I won’t worry about quoting everything – but I will share the parts that meant the most to me.

I loved that he started by saying, “God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.” Which I took to mean that we can stop beating ourselves up for not being perfect – because God already knows it. And then President Uchtdorf followed up with, “God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.” How often have I looked at a family and thought they were “perfect”! The irony of comparing ourselves to others is that we almost always end up playing to one or the other of the extremes President Uchtdorf spoke about in his talk about the paradox of man – we are either comparing our weaknesses to the strengths of others (thus downplaying our own worth), or we are comparing our strengths to the weaknesses of others (thus convincing ourselves that we are somehow worth more). This reminds me again of that quote from the article on refinement I posted a while ago. Talking about ourselves and talking about others are both ways to be prideful. But talking about ideas, doctrine, books, etc are the things that will inspire us to be more like the Savior.

I feel this way a lot, “Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.”

I wrote about good and foolish sacrifices a few weeks ago when I got back from a Ragnar Relay. If you haven’t read that post, I would ask that you do. It was a really significant learning experience for me. But as a disclaimer, I want to add this bit from President Uchtdorf’s talk: “Every person and situation is different, and a good sacrifice in one instance might be a foolish sacrifice in another.” Although I can’t for the life of me figure out when running a race like that would be a good sacrifice, maybe someone can help me see.

I am usually pretty good at being happy now – I am rarely waiting for my “golden ticket” – in fact, I wouldn’t even know what my “golden ticket” is! I enjoy my life in the moment so much that I have to continuously remind myself not to “temper [my] goals.” I am usually striving for the righteous desires of my heart, but I think that in my complacency and happiness with my life how it is, I sometimes slow down when I could be stepping up the pace a little. I am working hard to find that balance between enjoying what I have now, and working toward something better. My husband is usually the one waiting for his golden ticket, but I am the one who is sometimes too content with one bar of chocolate that I don’t even worry about buying more chocolate in an attempt to get a golden ticket.

“My dear sisters, the gospel of Jesus Christ is not an obligation.” When President Uchtdorf mentioned this principle, I immediately thought of people who say things like “I can’t do that, I’m Mormon.” or “I have to serve a mission, because I’m a Mormon guy.” I am working on writing down a statement that describes “why [I] committed to making [the gospel] a foundational part of [my life]” I think that if I can come up with a good “why” statement, the gospel will “[cease] to become a burden and, instead, [become] a joy and a delight.” I would love to say that it is a joy and a delight, and that it is precious and sweet – but I know that it can become more precious to me, if I will really focus on the why.

In the Mormon Messages above, go straight to 1:24 and listen to what he says about serving a mission. That is what President Uchtdorf is talking about.

“No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.”

I wish everyone could really understand that quote – God loves you with an infinite love. He knows you! He made you! Of course He would love you. But it’s harder to really internalize than it sounds. I have had a strong testimony that the Lord loves me from the time I was very young. It has been a great blessing in my life, and it is something that my heart yearns to share with every person on this earth.

Do you know that the Lord loves you? Do you sometimes fall into one of the traps of the adversary in drawing us to the extremes of the paradox of man? How are you able to find a peaceful place where you understand both doctrines? In what ways do you try to be patient with yourself? How do you recognize foolish and good sacrifices? Are you happy with your life now? Why have you made the gospel such a fundamental part of your life? Do you know that Heavenly Father loves you?

Find more insight on this talk over at
Diapers and Divinity’s General Conference Book Club

My Yoke Is Easy

This morning I read Matthew chapters 11 and 12 and while I was reading them I was trying to answer this question, “What do I learn about the character of Christ from these chapters?”

To be honest, it was kind of a hard task this morning. The Savior did a lot of teaching in these two chapters, but a lot of it was hard words to the Pharisees and others who were hard of heart. But then when I read Matthew 11:8-30 I thought about our baptismal covenants, and the Savior’s promise to us, and how we can use His promise as an example of how to keep our baptismal covenants.

In Matthew the Lord promises us:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

In Mosiah in the Book of Mormon, we learn about our baptismal covenants:

and now as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort…

Because we take Christ’s name upon us in baptism, we must learn to become like Him and do the things that He does.

Christ is “meek and lowly in heart” and bears our burdens. When we are baptized, we covenant to do the same for others – bear their burdens to make them feel light.

What does it mean to be meek and lowly in heart? A definition for “meek”  in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is “easily imposed on.” The Savior is easily imposed on – we don’t have to plead and argue with Him for Him to agree to take our burdens. He just does it when we come to Him and ask. And we barely even have to ask, because He already knows that we have a burden.

In our lives, there are always people around us with burdens to be born. There are those who mourn, and those who need comfort. We do not need to wait for them to plead with us to take their burdens – the Savior is easily imposed on for comfort, and we should be the same way.

Sometimes we may feel that we can only bear our own burdens, but I know that we can bring both our burdens, and the burdens of others which we bear for them, to the Lord, and He will lighten our load. In Elder Alonso’s talk from General Conference, he said, “When we serve our neighbor, we help those who are in need. In the process we may find solutions to our own difficulties.” So as we bear the burdens of others, often we can find that our burdens are lightened as well.

What things have you learned about the character of Christ from the scriptures? How do you keep your baptismal covenant to bear one another’s burdens? How do you feel your burdens being lightened by the Savior?

Things as They Really Are

(find the talk here)

After watching the Mormon Messages video about the Young Woman’s purse (from a talk I really enjoyed), I clicked on this video: Things As They Really Are. There were a few moments during the video when I almost cried. By now you should know that I am a softy and I cry at just about anything. Seriously, sometimes watching my kids play can make me cry. Watching home videos of my kids when they were babies? Tears. Home videos of my childhood? Tears. I’m just saying, it’s not very significant that I cried during this video, because just about anything can make me cry.

Back to the point – you should watch it. Everyone should watch it.

Here are the two questions Elder Bednar gave for us to study:

I offer two questions for consideration in your personal pondering and prayerful studying:

1. Does the use of various technologies and media invite or impede the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost in your life?

2. Does the time you spend using various technologies and media enlarge or restrict your capacity to live, to love, and to serve in meaningful ways?

You will receive answers, inspiration, and instruction from the Holy Ghost suited to your individual circumstances and needs.

Because I liked the video so much I decided to go read the talk the excerpts came from. The excerpts in the video were taken from a CES Fireside given by Elder David A. Bednar which was subsequently published in the June 2010 Ensign. I knew that it was familiar, because I had read it in the Ensign.

The talk is rich. Powerful. Packed with truth and declarations from a prophet of God. I won’t go through the whole thing, because a lot of the good stuff is in the video, but there were a few things that stuck with me from the talk.

At the beginning of his talk, Elder Bednar stated that the topics he was going to discuss had “both immediate and eternal implications.” Usually we know that our actions have eternal implications, and a lot of times our actions will have earthly implications – but usually down the road. This made me perk up – these topics have immediate implications.

In the talk, Elder Bednar really stressed the doctrine of having a physical body. Having a physical body is very important for our eternal progression, and one of the reasons Satan tries so hard to ruin that is because his eternal progression was stopped when he was denied a body due to rebellion against God. I recently read the account of the Savior casting out devils and the spirits going into the swine and running into the sea to be killed. Elder Bednar pointed out, “when cast out by the Savior he asked to go into the herd of swine,showing that he would prefer a swine’s body to having none.”

Teaching us about the importance of our physical bodies, Elder Bednar said, “Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal estate.”

The first attack by the adversary Elder Bednar pointed out was that of addictive substances and behaviors, as well as preoccupation with body image. I have always been well aware of this attack, and have thankfully never dealt too much with any of these attacks in my own life. I had good parents who taught me to stay healthy, and who taught me that “healthy” is better than “skinny” – or whatever the world thinks is the best body image. I have also been able to stay free of harmful addictive substances (also thanks to my good parents).

The next attack Elder Bednar speaks of is thrill seeking, doing things that put our bodies at risk so that we can get an “adrenaline rush.” He said, “putting at risk the very instrument God has given us to receive the learning experiences of mortality—merely to pursue a thrill or some supposed fun, to bolster ego, or to gain acceptance—truly minimizes the importance of our physical bodies.” Thankfully I hate adrenaline rushes, and I get plenty being a mother (“Don’t touch that!” “Don’t lean so far over the edge of the deck!” “Don’t climb that!” “What is that coming out of your nose!” “What’s wrong with your eye?!” … need I go on?) and I have never had any desire to put my physical body at risk for anything. This has at times prevented me from experiencing some really fun and not dangerous things, but my husband who is somewhat of an adrenaline junkie is helping me experience more things that I wouldn’t originally have experienced without him – because I put them in this “high risk” category and they aren’t really – like riding dirt bikes and jet skis and motorcycles.

The last attack is one that I sometimes fall prey to. Do I sometimes “neglect eternal relationships for digital distractions, diversions, and detours that have no lasting value”? I can tell you that I have frequently idled away time on the computer – purposely wasting time because I want the day to end, or because I am depressed about something, or because I can’t think of anything better to do (i.e. I am lazy). I am ashamed to admit it, but it is true.

Most of the time I spend on the computer is usually writing in this blog (studying the scriptures and writing about it), writing in our family blog (preserving our family history), working on family history, writing family members. But I spend far too much time on “virtual relationships” – even if they are good relationships. I enjoy reading a few blogs written by LDS women – women who seem to be like me – they enjoy the gospel, they enjoy writing about the gospel, and they enjoy being mothers. Elder Bednar stressed that “things [should be] experienced as they really are through the instrument of our physical body”, even, no especially, “the sincerity in the eyes of another person as testimony is shared”.  All this time I have been feeling like my time spent communicating on LDS women’s blog has been justified because I am sharing my testimony with them, and they are sharing their testimony with me – but there is something to be said about experience that testimony sharing in person, face-to-face, experiencing it through our physical bodies rather than simply our mind. I was so grateful to be able to spend time a few weeks ago (in person, with my physical body) with one of the women I look up to a lot on the blogosphere.

Because we have moved so much in the past few years, I have been keeping in contact with my friends from all the places I have lived through this virtual world. This has been good for me, but I think that I have neglected making new real friends where I am now because I am able to still connect with my old friends. I know that this has been stifling my growth – it’s just different when you have a best friend who sees you in person “as you really are.” They have a different perspective of you and they can see what you need to change and can help you with the things you really need help with.

After re-reading this talk I have decided that I am going to make a better commitment to make true, real friends in my neighborhood and in the real world so that I can experience those relationships that are so necessary for this life and for our mortal experience.

The last thought I wanted to share with you was about fidelity in virtual worlds. Elder Bednar talked about two scenarios. The first - high fidelity with a good purpose (such as flight simulators, surgical simulators, computer software that helps build safe buildings, etc) - “Such a simulation can be constructive if the fidelity is high and the purposes are good—for example, providing experience that saves lives or improves the quality of life.” Then he showed these two pictures. The one on the left is a virtual simulation of a sealing room in a temple. The picture on the right is an actual picture of that room after it was built and furnished.

The next scenario he described was high fidelity with a bad purpose – such as video games or online social networking where you start to forget “the importance of your physical body and miss the richness of person-to-person communication.” This kind of simulation “can lead to spiritual impairment and danger if the fidelity is high and the purposes are bad—such as experimenting with actions contrary to God’s commandments or enticing us to think or do things we would not otherwise think or do ‘because it is only a game.’” I have to think about that – how often do I justify behaviors or experiences because “it is only a game” or “it is only a TV show” or “it is only a movie”?

Elder Bednar also stressed the importance of personal fidelity – that is, being the same person online and offline. I have tried to be diligent in being the same person online as I am offline, but sometimes I feel like I am a better person online than offline – I mean, in my online world I know that I speak less harshly (it’s easier to control my words when I have to type them – and I can see how they come out), and I know that I am more tolerant of others in an online world than in the world around me.

Fortunately, that means I know that I am capable of being tolerant and of measuring my words – I just need to work on being that way in the real world. It isn’t enough to be that way online. I have to learn to actually be that way, which means conquering the natural man – something that is a real experience, and not a virtual one.

How has the digital world affected you and your family? How has technology blessed and enriched your life? How has it been a challenge for you? Do you remember that your body is essential for eternal progression? How do you make sure you are having real experiences? Are you working on learning how to use your body in a real way?

Sacrifices and Things that Matter

This past weekend I did something crazy, insane, and kind of awesome. I ran a Ragnar Relay. If you don’t know much about that – you take a team of twelve people and you run, eat, sleep, and then do it all over again, 3 times. Here is what my weekend looked like: Thursday evening, drive to Las Vegas; Friday morning at 3:30am, wake up, don my running clothes, drive with 5 of my teammates to Lake Meade; Friday 6:30am, cheer off our first runner at the start, then drive and support her and the other two runners; Friday 9:00am, run my first leg, 7.3 miles; Friday (10am-7pm, drive along the route, supporting runners, spending a few hours sleeping on the lawn at a resort outside of Henderson, then drive some more – meanwhile, eat bagels, bananas, peanut butter, and other protein/carb snacks); Friday 7pm, run my second leg, 3.1 miles; Friday 8pm-Saturday 5am, drive, support, drive, sleep in the parking lot at a hotel in Primm, eat, support some more runners; Saturday 6am, start my third leg, 6.8 miles along a dirt road; Saturday 7:30am-10am, support the rest of the runners in my van; Saturday 11am, head to our teammate’s parents’ house in Las Vegas for showers, sandwiches, and some sleep – wait for other van to finish running so we can run through the finish line together.

Sounds crazy, right? It was. And fun.

Despite the fun and craziness, there were a few significant things that I learned from this weekend.

First, nothing is as important as keeping the Sabbath day holy. When we left for the race, I thought that because our team would be finishing on Saturday afternoon, we would leave straight from the race and head home. On the way to Las Vegas on Thursday, our team captain informed me that we would be coming home on Sunday. I was practically in shock. If I had known this I probably wouldn’t have even agreed to the race. I was sure she had told me previous to me joining the team – but I couldn’t be sure. I called my husband and we decided to buy me a plane ticket home after I finished running so that I wouldn’t have to drive home on Sunday. I made it home and we went to our Regional Stake Conference on Sunday where we listened to Elder Bednar. The first thing out of his mouth was a story about how his son chose not to play in a football tournament that was going to be on Sunday. And then how his sons gave up attending a college basketball game they wanted to attend – because it was going to be on a Sunday. Can I tell you how relieved I felt that I wasn’t driving up from Las Vegas during his talk? I don’t even know what those stories had to do with the rest of his talk (wrestling a four year old and two year old during conference might have had something to do with that) so I almost felt like his words were so that I would feel as if the Lord noticed my decision and approved of it.

And of course, as usual on Sunday, we end up talking to our kids about what appropriate activities are for the Sabbath – can you imagine if we were trying to teach our kids what appropriate Sabbath day activities are after I got home from a long drive on the Sabbath? And of course, they wouldn’t understand that I only drove on the Sabbath – they would probably think the whole race happened on Sunday. Actions speak louder than words.

Second, there are bad sacrifices, and there are good sacrifices. Was this a good one or a bad one? I listened to General Conference on my two longer legs. One my first leg, the last talk I listened to was President Uchtdorf’s talk from the General Relief Society Broadcast, and I didn’t quite finish it, so I listened to the rest of it at the beginning of my last leg. I don’t remember if it was at the beginning of the second leg, or at the end of the first leg when he talked about the good sacrifices and foolish sacrifices.

An acceptable sacrifice is when we give up something good for something of far greater worth…

How can we tell the difference for our own situation? We can ask ourselves, “Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?”

This hit me like a brick when I was running. What was I doing? I was sacrificing sleep and general health to run a race. Four out of the six women in our car had mild-moderate stomach issues this past weekend. One had serious knee issues, and our team captain didn’t sleep once the whole weekend. For what? When I thought about what we accomplished on this relay, I figured that we accomplished two things: 1.) built good friendships, and 2.) demonstrated physical fitness by reaching a goal. Then I thought “Did we have to sacrifice what we did for these things?” I thought about the friendships I have built at Young Women camps, at Relief Society retreats, and during girls’ nights out to the movies. Did I need to spend three days not eating or sleeping in order to build those friendships? No. I am sure there are better ways to build friendships that don’t require such a sacrifice. Then I thought about the physical fitness aspect. I ran 17.2 miles total over the weekend. A marathon is 26.2 miles. My leg was one of the longer ones, with the longest leg being around 22 miles. None of us even ran as far as a marathon, which is definitely an accepted demonstration of physical fitness, and we sacrificed our health to do it. It reminded me of this example President Uchtdorf gave, “Giving up a little sleep to help a child who is having a nightmare is a good sacrifice. We all know this. Staying up all night, jeopardizing our own health, to make the perfect accessory for a daughter’s Sunday outfit may not be such a good sacrifice.”

Third, I must be really strange for not listening to inappropriate songs when I run – and listening to conference instead. While we were driving between our legs, we mostly just had the radio on. There was a particular song that came on frequently (we probably heard it 5-6 times this weekend). The words of this song are obscene and mostly talk about sex. The first time it came on I voiced my distaste for the song, and all the other girls were like, “Really? I love this song.” “Yeah, it has a great beat for running.” I realized how strange I must be not to like a song simply because the lyrics are inappropriate. At the beginning of my first leg, I mentioned that I was going to be listening to the General Relief Society broadcast (which would be almost perfect length for my first run). My team was almost all LDS. I was surprised at the responses, “I heard it once, that’s good enough for me.” “I couldn’t run to General Conference, it would be too boring.” etc, etc. I’m not some saint – I don’t profess to be perfect (which, ironically, is why I listen to General Conference – because I’m not perfect and I would like to be, so listening to the words of our prophets and other inspired leaders sounds like the best way to learn how to be perfect) – in fact, I listened to a lot of great 80s dance music on my second leg (which was my shortest) so that I could keep up a fast pace.

In short, I feel like the sacrifices I made for this run this weekend were not worth the return. If I want to make friends, I am sure I can find something equally as team-building without sacrificing health. If I want to accomplish a physical test, I will train for and run a marathon – more miles, less health sacrificing. I don’t think I will be doing a relay like this ever again. It was fun and I really enjoyed myself – but I think (at least for me) it was a foolish sacrifice, and I don’t have time in this life to be making foolish sacrifices. I need to be making good sacrifices.

I hope that we can all evaluate the choices we make, and the sacrifices we make, and apply President Uchtdorf’s test, “Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?”

Am I?

Have you ever made a sacrifice and later realized that it wasn’t as good of a sacrifice as you thought it might be? Have you ever been “weird” – even among your friends of the same faith? How have you tried to keep the Sabbath day holy?

The Sabbath Part III – Offer Up Thy Sacraments

(This is Part III of a five part series on The Sabbath)

To Go to the House of Prayer and Offer Up Our Sacraments

Elder Perry said, “The Sabbath provides us with a precious opportunity to offer up these—our sacraments—to the Lord.” “Partaking of the sacrament is the center of our Sabbath day observance.” The partaking of the sacrament in our Church meetings should be the most significant event of our Sabbath observance. 

“The Sabbath is not a day for indolent lounging about the house or puttering around in the garden, but is a day for consistent attendance at meetings for the worship of the Lord, drinking at the fountain of knowledge and instruction, enjoying the family, and finding uplift in music and song.” You will see this quote again. I really like that President Kimball points out here that the Sabbath isn’t just a day for us to do nothing. I think it is like the Spirit world – we will still be working in the Spirit world, but we will be allowed to rest from care and sorrow. The Sabbath is kind of like that. We still work, but the work is a spiritual work, rather than a temporal work.

The Sabbath is a day for us to worship the Lord, attending meetings and teaching each other and receiving knowledge and instruction. We go to our Church meetings so that we can be instructed in the gospel and most importantly, so we can partake of the sacrament and renew the covenants that we made at baptism. From the Church news article about the three hour block of meetings, one member said, “We thrilled at the opportunity to come to our first meeting of the day (sacrament meeting) fresh, rested, and in a reverent spirit.” That is the kind of spirit we should be having as we come to sacrament meeting – fresh, rested, and reverent.

President Kimball had a few more words to say regarding attendance at Church meetings. “But we do not go to Sabbath meetings to be entertained or even solely to be instructed. We go to worship the Lord. It is an individual responsibility, and regardless of what is said from the pulpit, if one wishes to worship the Lord in spirit and in truth, he may do so by attending his meetings, partaking of the sacrament, and contemplating the beauties of the gospel. If the service is a failure to you, you have failed. No one can worship for you; you must do your own waiting upon the Lord.”

We have to prepare for our Sunday meetings by reading, studying, and praying, and most importantly by having the right attitude and spirit while we are at our Church meetings. It is not the speaker’s duty to educate, edify, and instruct us. If the speaker is engaging, or the topic particularly relevant to us, or the presentation pleasing, that is fine. But no matter the speaker’s abilities, we can and will receive instruction and edification from the Holy Spirit, who is the true teacher. “You must do your own waiting upon the Lord.”

Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught us how to prepare for sacrament meeting. He reminded us that we are to come to the sacrament table with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. “We are seated well before the meeting begins. ‘During that quiet interval, prelude music is subdued. This is not a time for conversation or transmission of messages but a period of prayerful meditation as leaders and members prepare spiritually for the sacrament.’” Our attitude toward and our behavior during the ordinance of the sacrament can set the tone for the rest of our Sabbath worship, both in our meetings and in our homes.

Elder Oaks also cautioned against being distracted during the ordinance of the sacrament. “During sacrament meeting—and especially during the sacrament service—we should concentrate on worship and refrain from all other activities, especially from behavior that could interfere with the worship of others… Sacrament meeting is not a time for reading books or magazines. Young people, it is not a time for whispered conversations on cell phones or for texting persons at other locations.” I would have addressed the last comment to “Brothers and Sisters” because the problem is not exclusive to our youth. I have seen members of my own family texting during sacrament meeting, even during the sacred ordinance of the sacrament.

“When we partake of the sacrament, we make a sacred covenant that we will always remember the Savior. How sad to see persons obviously violating that covenant in the very meeting where they are making it.” May we offer up our sacraments and be sincere and serious about the covenants we renew each week in sacrament meeting.

How do you prepare to offer your sacraments to the Lord? Do you find yourself struggling to get something out of sacrament meeting? Do you come to your meetings with an attitude to be taught by the spirit? Or do you rather come to be entertained?

Part II            Part IV